My thoughts on this article i bold and on Davinas

If you’re worried about cross-dressing, whether you or someone close to you is a transvestite, I’m glad you’ve got in touch.

You should join the Forum on Wix "Why do Men crossdress" and ignore agony aunts

Back in the 19th century a woman wearing trousers in the street would have been an outrage. Nowadays, who cares? But a man in a dress? That’s a different matter.

Emma - Agreed more should come here

I think it is getting better slowly more so for the more serious trans people but also think it's getting there with Crossdressing too but slowly.

Maybe one day it will be accepted for men to wear skirts and high heels but in general society is not there yet. Even so, crossdressing is more common than most people realise.

Emma- Agreed not so easy still for crossdressers

I think so it crops up in conversation quite a bit and you only have to chat on tvchix to see men from all walks of life and careers etc are into Crossdressing to different extents and for different reasons

I often hear from couples where the man loves to dress in female clothing.

Some are unable to respond sexually unless they can.

Emma - Crops up in womens conversations too

This doesn't cover me but seems some men want to be or need that extra thing dressing up to perform but most wives i assume don't want this so its a case of stuck in a rutt. The agony aunt doesn't mention it but speaking from chatting to others this is a cause of resentment for some the sex life issue and the loss of libido as a man but turned on when dressed and not a warning to wives in terms of don't dismiss having sex with him dressed that's entirely up to you but I've chatted to crossdressers who have used lack of sex and wanting sex dressed up as a reason to justify cheating with other women, men and other t girls and that's a side we don't chat about here often.

Contrary to popular assumption, most men who enjoy cross-dressing are heterosexual and have no desire to change sex .

Emma - sexual performance is psycological

I'm not sure about this I'd say most t girls are bisexual or become bisexual or enjoy the fantasy of sex dressed as a woman but do agree most don't want a sex change. I'm basing this on a probability when chatting to other t girls at least 50% will make a sexual comment or approach some fantasy some more.

Emma - I think you'r eright and you've chatted to more t girls than we have but most seem bisexual some keep that to themselves some are openly bisexual I've no idea how many here are bisexual and does it matter? If they dont practise it if they dont cheat? I'd want to know if mine thought he was bisexual not sure how i'd feel if he said yes but knowing me I'd press him on it and ask him to explain. Does it mean you want sex with a man? is it sex with another t girl? is it just the kinky idea of sex dressed with someone? is it pure fantasy?

What long-term cross-dressers seem to get by wearing women’s clothes is an escape from a traditional, rigid masculine role.

This for once is spot on long term like a lot of us here its not about sex or sexuality its abut escapism and relaxation and the fun of dressing up and feeling different for a bit.

Emma - I think mine is a Davina type crossdresser

Allowing a boy to be “a softie” in no way encourages him towards this sort of behaviour when older.

I certainly have never been viewed as a softie team captain alpha type but that's more likely i think to be the one looking for an escape and find a lot of men like me who i chat to as t girls are alpha types.

Emma - Mines not a softie either

Just the opposite, it appears - bringing a boy up along the lines of "big boys don't cry" and forcing him to hide the sensitive side of his nature makes him more likely to cross-dress when older - as a release from suppressing the gentler side of himself.

This is basically what i said above we suppress and hide feelings and desires and we need an outlet and we found crossdressing most at an early age.

Emma - I'm fine with this dressing for escapism and fun and i think this covers a lot of t girls on this site?

There are also men who get a more specifically sexual kick out of wearing women’s underwear – sometimes called fetishistic transvestism.

As i mentioned some feel sexy, some get themselves off, some fantasise and chat about sex and some go out meet and do it in the more fetishy side to this and you'll find their pie chart of why they dress having a big slice of the sexual side to one of the slices of pie.

Emma - Be good if you could put a survey here and set up a pie chart result for why members feel they crossdress

Some develop the preference when young and when a real girlfriend seems out of reach.

This is me ... I'd dress and fantasise when dressed about the girls in school, teachers and women i fancied when i was younger and of an age when teased about girls you'd denounce them as yuck but secretly have several crushes too shy to ask them out and also of an age its not the done thing mate and sport come first that was definitely me as a kid

Emma - Again seems a lot follow this

It's a masturbatory fantasy acted out and may just fade away when they develop relationships.

This comes in time too as I've mentioned i had my first erection crossdressed and wondered what the hell was wrong.. discovered touching it hard felt nice then self taught masturbation 🙈 and also cum for the first time crossdressed what the hell was wrong with me what happened ... sex education was not good back then but i then did it again and again remembering 2nd time to have something ready for the mess that came .. i didn't go blind and it didn't fall off.. Think most who dressed as kids also masturbated dressed and some still do.

But some carry on enjoying it and want their partner to enjoy it too.

Correct

Emma - Davina do you still masterbate dressed? My husband does.

Do other girls? Is this a new post Hannah could put lol

It's not that big a jump from relishing sexy undies on your partner's body to liking the feel of them on your own, and wanting your partner to share in the fun.

And here we are in a forum with wives, girlfriends and t girls why do men crossdress and how do we confess and move on to acceptance and what levels we'll all settle on and where we end up on the trans spectrum

But no matter how harmless transvestism is, it can be a terrible shock to a woman when her man suddenly tells her that he can only have sex with her if he's wearing stockings and suspenders, or that he wants to go out in the street wearing a wig and a skirt.

Emma - I think the trans spectrum thing is worth explaining to new wives finding out and show where you are could you draw one up Davina?

This is a three part thing and we've done all 3

"It can be a terrible shock to a woman" to find him crossdressed or have him confess hes a crossdresser.. that in itself is a huge shock to most women

The 2nd part sex dressed well some t girls don't want that at all believe it or not but think most would admit they do want to have sex dressed me included and have done but we can't expect this and shouldn't feel too dejected or rejected when a wife or gf says no chance i'm not a lesbian we're not having sex with you dressed.

Emma - I know this finding him dressed was a shock

Sex with him dressed is great

Going out is exciting

thirdly there's the going out dressed to a Trans event as some here have done or like me and Esme out in public for me a bucket list thing to do and chalked off and would do again in the right circumstances and wouldn't mind trying a trans event some time with Esme there. Why do we want to go out dressed? a whole new thread..

There’s no legal reason not to in these more tolerant days, though it makes sense for cross-dressers to be sensitive about issues like using female changing rooms in shops.

Agreed we discussed if i needed the loo she'd have to accompany and cover for me if i got busted

Some partners can happily accept cross-dressing, and enjoy helping choose clothes and advising on makeup.

This is utopia for a t girl its rare from the word go and quite rare for most of us unless we talk talk talk and work on this together and find a resolution and agree a way forward and level of acceptance

Emma - Its rare i think for a wife to say ok lets see you dressed i struggled at first.

However, some partners struggle.

Most i'd say although glad to say we've seen some success here with acceptance

If a woman finds it really upsetting, her partner can't force her to feel differently, no matter how tough that is for him.

Its all about talking and finding the right media to read and think we have the right level here for partners loving seeing Emma and Karen praising the forum and support here

Emma - Horay for this forum

He may have to accept that either he keeps that part of his behaviour private or their relationship will struggle - though counselling and understanding support can make a huge difference – see the section below giving details of organisations that provide expert help.

Stage 1 tell her you dress and try to explain

Stage 2 agree you will continue dressing alone

Stage 3 renegotiate etc etc and we got to about stage 8 me and Esme where she met me dressed stage 9 a girls night in and a makeover together stage 10 we went out in public as girls together when away.. lots of stages and a wife can stay stage 1 but please don't use it against a t girl / man that he is a crossdresser if you don't want to try to understand it at all as we feel so much guilt in the early stages of acceptance along that Kubler-Ross curve wanting to reassure its nothing dangerous or harmful.

She may find it easier to sympathise with his needs if she sees how common cross-dressing is and that other couples build it into their lifestyle.

This is the best thing you are not alone.. find forums like this and support groups and as this agony aunt says if you want find counselling although you may be lucky to find one with experience in crossdressing and you may not the same with agony aunts and some horrendous advice

Emma - We kind of followed this over a number of weeks key for me was

If a couple have children, it may be a good idea to talk to them about cross-dressing, especially if it is causing problems in the parents' relationship and the kids know something is wrong anyway.

This is easier said than done we haven't told our kids and as far as they're concerned they see alpha Dad who's Batman not Batgirl or Harley Quinn. This is huge and we can see if we follow Juliette Noir on you tube that you can tell your kids and it will be fine. Maybe Juliette if you're reading you can give us an update on how that's going.

Emma - I dont think kids need to know but if you can tell them and they accept it makes things a lot easier but think kids walking in on dad dressed as a woman would scar them for life.

Fears of telling kids i think is mainly they'll tell friends and before you know it your the weird guy who crossdresses and the steriotypical views on crossdressing are thrust your way.. gay pervert axe murdering silence of the lambs crossdresser

Emma - I dont think kids need to know but if you can tell them and they accept it

This is a huge decision but maybe better to tell them than for one to come home early and find Dad dressed as a woman worse id say than a wife coming home catching her husband dressed ecessarily be expected to accept seeing Dad dressed like a woman.

It can be disturbing for youngsters who are working out their own sexual identities to have a parent openly crossdressing and it could cause them a great deal of social anxiety too, because some of their friends may not understand.

I think it can work the right time and in the right way as Juliette Noir seems to have sussed

This may be hard for a cross-dressing dad to accept - in part because some cross-dressers can have an exhibitionist streak but also because it’s natural to want to feel accepted by your children for the person you are.

I don't think this is true i think we're very protective of our kids and although i thought about telling ours in pandemic lockdown it wasn't a realistic thought and Esme said no way.. I wouldn't have told them

However, they must consider the needs of others, particularly if they entered marriage or a lasting relationship without being open about their cross-dressing.

This is easier said than done ... when we got married crossdressing was next to nothing did i think id always crossdress when married not really i didn't give it that much thought my crossdressing returned with stress and other reasons the typical bought Esme lingerie lining the draw try it on myself and then it progressed after she asked to dress me as a woman and off i was again crossdressing but now to a higher level so Esme awoke Davina in a way and she was doing it for a laugh to see if her macho husband would let her dress him as a woman.

Women write to me who have been married or in a relationship for years before they're suddenly confronted by their man in a skirt.

Emma - Does Esme realise she triggered another step or level to you dressing?

My husband says and i have no idea what he means from another point of view. ie Darth Vader killed Anakin Skywalker (what?) from another point of view so you could have told Esme Crossdressing started when she dressed you up from a certain point of view. He is quoting he tells me Obewon kinobe. (weirdo)

This is a development thing some men will have crossdressed throughout and shame hides it some may stop and start again and some develop it after marriage.. I could have easily told Esme her dressing me as a woman sparked my first experience.. it certainly awakened my crossdressing that's the truth but id on and off crossdressed all my life to an extent.

It is a tremendous shock.

Emma- He agrees the shame hurts and you want us to feel ok about you dressing and not freaked out

Yes and we feel tremendous guilt and shame until we find assurance shes ok with it and satisfy oursleves and wives why we crossdress

It is possible to work beyond it but only usually if both are willing to compromise.

Emma - Guilt also he says

Compromise and talk talk talk get your heads round why crossdressing has become part of your relationship

At least there is plenty of understanding help available these days.

Emma - Talk and talk some more

This is true and if you're reading this you're on the best forum for tgirls and wives /girlfriends 😁

Emma Agreed this is a fab site

Emma (Wife)