For many of you reading you're in your closet.
You've not told anyone that you cross dress scared of the outcome, scared what people will say or do or how it will affect relationships even scared your cross dressing will end a relationship.
The pandemic must have been really hard in lockdown for a lot of tgirls / cross dressers with everyone home and no opportunity to dress especially those on furlough or working from home with spouses working from home and kids home schooling.
It was a relative 2 year period when a lot of us found we had no space or opportunity to cross dress and stress and anxiety levels were high and mental health affected for meant reasons.
Some I note revelled in it and dressed loads during lockdown, some came out to wives and set agreed limits to their dressing but for most it was on stop.
I've reflected a lot on this and on my future fortunate in my job for the last 5-6 years to be able to work from home and with that decide how to present each day.
But that is shortly coming to an end for me as my oldest sits GCSEs and will be home revising shortly and then finishes school and goes to college which is a 5 min walk from home..
My freedom to present how I like behind closed doors is about to go AWOL for the next 2 years followed by Uni again local and then my youngest following suit so I have at least 8 years ahead of me where my dressing will be very limited.
I worked from home today and after a bad weekend where I've had a stomach bug I'd decided sod it I'm dressing Monday and damn it maybe Tuesday, wednesday , Thursday and Friday too and I'm even thinking about Saturday night and how I can sort a baby sitter for the youngest to stay out so I can have a chilled night in.. I'm looking to make the most of this week before an 8 year purgatory.
I've come to realise how important my crossdreasing is for my mental health.. That sounds stupid doesn't it but its true and its so simple and non threat to anyone.
I worked from home today, Esme working upstairs. We discussed makeup this morning and how I apply it and if she let's her foundation set first etc.. Then I borrowed a dress of hers which I love on me (love on her too).. and spent 0900-1300 as Davina or rather crossdressed and it felt nice it felt relaxing and sexy and total escapism from male me and my wasted stomach bug weekend.
I didn't want to change back at 1300 but hey ho video meeting and kids time from school in that time too.
But I'm now stuck for ideas making the most of this week.. Next 2 half term so no hope..then exams upon us and life changes for a good while.
I suppose its reduced to when kids are sleeping out trying to get a night time alone, or even looking at booking a hotel for time to dress?? The cost!!
No idea how but before I gain freedom back to dress I'll be in my mid 50s..
As I said on another post answers on a postcard...
Davina
Yes I'm lucky Esme accepts my Crossdressing ..accepts "Davina"
I need to talk to her again and strategise how quality Davina time can be attained in the future.
It may seem hard now but at least Esme is supportive. The loss of the choice and the freedom to dress when you like must be hard to think about but I do hope it's not going to be quite as bad as you think. I'm in agreement with Cara, there is always light at the end of the tunnel.
Thanks @Cara I've decided with the next 2 weeks being half term to dress working from home 5 days this week.. Mon and Tues so far have enjoyed 0900-1400 as Davina before changing back ahead of the kids coming home.. I'm even planning as Esme is out sat night and my oldest away on the weekend getting the youngest to my parents and making it 6 days dressed on the bounce with sat night chilling at home as Davina.. Then trouble hits when I'll be stuck for how to dress so 6 days of relaxing escapism then on stop.. I'll find a way.
I so understand and sympathise @Davina , having had to suppress my need to dress for 17 years or so. As you rightly surmise, lockdown was very difficult for me, robbing me of the 'me time' that I had only recently been able to enjoy, resulting in me getting to the point where I felt I had to come out to my partner... with much better than hoped for results (as I've mentioned elsewhere).
I know it seems desperate, but at least you have the advantage that Esme knows and understands what Davina means to you; I'm sure she will support you and help provide opportunities to be yourself whenever possible. I know hotel stays are pricey, but if you have the option... ?
I think the thing to do is to try not to dwell upon being unable to dress before it has become an issue. Besides, your oldest will probably be spending more time out with her friends and when she gets to uni will have a much busier social life, and at some point no doubt want to live with friends. Or get her to apply to a university in Scotland! :)
I know it may seem bleak, but having been there, there's always a light at the end of the tunnel, no matter how long it may seem. :)