By: Davina

Subject: Re: Skype

I can and will answer your questions later and for me they are easy questions to answer as I've put a lot of thought into crossdressing over the years and since writing this blog.

You sound like my wife but she won't articulate as much on here but almost everything you've typed she will relate to so will get her to read your thoughts.

I'm also glad you find these chats therapeutic as I do also and that's kinda my point to my wife about setting up her side of the blog to put her thoughts down but I think she feels more private about it not wanting the world to read her thoughts and also not wanting to offend or upset me which would be hard to do.

I'll answer your questions later bit believe you have a lot of this spot on. :)

By: Sindy

Subject: Skype

Thanks for the well thought out response to my comments, Davina. I wasn't sure if I was just being annoying there lol. I'm not a horrible person, I promise. Just perplexed and this discussion is helping.

Anyway, I'd say my husband and you dress doe exactly the same reasons. He's stubborn and strong willed too, so therapy will be me dragging him there! That's okay, I'm also stubborn and strong willed. Tough when we need a compromise, I tell you.

Anyway, I'm glad your wife is on board with it all. I owe you an apology as I reacted as though I were in her shoes and didn't know the whole story. I've just read of so many other wives discovering their cross dressing partner chatting to others behind their back, I assumed you were the same. Your marriage sounds very solid. My husband is a loyal partner, too. My issue is not this. It's just a general erosion between us every time he needs to be his 'other self.' Truly, I don't really know why it's so hard to live with. Maybe I feel there's a weird threesome angle to it all?

And I guess the insulting part, if I were to think about it more and not just reflexively, is that most cross dressers don't dress in comfy jeans, tee shirt, a ponytail and rush off to shop for groceries. It's all long hair and nails and lipstick and heels...that's not a true representation of women. Look around. You know that's the truth. So I guess when you and my husband say you're dressing as women I say, no, you're dressing as men THINK women are. Or, as men WISH women were. There's a difference. I think the 'woman' part of crossdressing needs to be left out and you just tell everyone you're dressing as you. Seem fair?

Because, despite my confusion, I completely agree that men need more options. It's ridiculous that girls have such freedom and boys are penned into little uptight masculine boxes. For the record, you penned yourselves. Women didn't put you there, and if more men would stand up and break free, I think you'd have female support. I really do. And those who won't aren't worth your time anyway. Men and women should have equal choice in everything. I actually wonder though, if this were the case, would crossdressing still exist?

Also, out of curiosity, can you think what drove you to initially start dressing? I assume you were a kid like most. I ask because it seems most men can't remember, yet you seem more clear on it all. My husband can't remember specifics, only that he noticed stockings on a girl one day, and randomly went home and tried some on. Why? He has no clue. But that one incident started a lifelong cross dressing habit. As a mother raising a young son, I think I can almost explain it. Boys seem so much more sensitive physically and visually. This might seem a generalization but I don't think so. Too many mothers notice the same. There's almost a mismatch between how we raise boys and how boys are. When did we decide to keep all the interesting, pretty, sexy things for ourselves? Or did men decide they liked seeing these things on women and consequently lost them for themselves?

Ah, I've gone off on a tangent. I don't even think there's an answer to these questions. But I'd be interested in your thoughts on it all. Thanks again for letting me write here. It's almost therapeutic. I don't blame you or my husband or any man for crossdressing. I realize it's not something you choose but rather the other way around. I wish it wasn't so hard on a marriage, and so testing of our sexuality. After all, straight women are attracted to straight men so when your husband thinks he looks sexy (vanity is a big part as you admitted lol) as a woman my brain can't process it. Crossdressing is almost a biological screw up in that way, because it literally turns off the women you're attracted to. So yeah, it's hard. But hey, life's hard. None of us get a free pass there!

By: Catherine (wife)

Subject: Skype

Good discussion very interesting keep it going

will read the blog update now

Cath

By: Davina

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Skype sessions

Please continue

I've posted something in my blog area

I added something to a trans group forum to gauge trans people response to some of your points and have posted some of their feedback as bullet points and have written a reply to you also in the latest blog.

This is a good worthwhile discussion :)

Have a nice weekend

By: Sindy

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Skype sessions

And sorry, one more thing - (it's very hard to make clear points on a guest post page) - if your wife was on board with the Skype sessions as Davina then I apologize. I was reacting too emotionally. But it was the 'away on business/chatting with an accepting woman' part that offended me. I'd be hurt if my husband did this behind my back.

And I'll admit I do find men dressing as women for escapism as a little insulting. Only because it suggests we're all fluff and frills and lacking substance. Our lives are actually as stressful as yours. But I know you know this. My husband does too. It's just another enigma that is crossdressing.

Last post, I promise!

By: Sindy

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Skype sessions

And my post was directed to Davina, not Claire. Claire is clearly insulted by my opinion and that's fine. Again, I don't care for delicate flowers. The whole world doesn't have to like what you do, only you. If you're happy as you are, more power to you.

By: Sindy

Subject: Re: Re: Skype sessions

Thank you for not taking it as an insult like the person below did. Being a cross dresser shouldn't mean wives have to tiptoe around their anger and concerns. You are not delicate flowers. I'm allowed to say my opinion if you're allowing it, which it seems you are. So thank you.

And I'd rather not say where we are due to basic paranoia, but my husband is originally from your neck of the woods.

Would it be better if you Skyped as a man? If your wife doesn't mind, you could Skype as a banana. That's not the point. Your post mentioned chatting with an accepting wife being nice (I felt insulted on your wife's behalf) and swapping compliments and I felt uneasy with the whole vibe. It's a slippery slope when you seek acceptance elsewhere. That's all I'm saying.

And I stand by the therapy comment. I'd suggest it to anyone with an issue in life that complicates things. Especially one they don't understand. Harmless activities can become harmful when they impact others and communication is lacking. My marriage needs this but we're not there at this point. We're just too busy.

Crossdressing, the way you describe it, makes sense in many ways and doesn't upset me. It's all the little insults and jabs directed at wives like myself, who don't jump for joy about it (and why would we??) that needs addressing. Your own wife will pick up on this over time, and it will erode things. Cross dressers can't expect enthusiastic partners if they met and married their wives as heterosexual men. If you met your wife in a wig and frock, then the problem is hers. But you didn't. So the problem is yours. And my husbands. And all the men here who kept it a secret and were disappointed with the less than enthusiastic outcome. If you'd had therapy and accepted this part of yourself before a relationship, you'd be with an accepting partner today.

I enjoy reading you viewpoint. I hope you'll try and understand mine.

By: claire tgorl

Subject: Re: Re: Skype sessions

Very gracious Davina but what gives ANYONE the right to tell another human being how they have to dress, look and act?

What a derogatory out of.touch post by wife

Imitation is the greatest form.of flattery I've never met a real.woman when out as Claire who's taken my crossdressing as an insult.

Im straight, married, have a stressful job like you and what harm does it do to ANYONE if I chose to dress up and try to look female It's a pill free stress reliever it may seem weird to some but how hypocritical as I bet wife wears some form of male clothing from time to time.

I don't need therapy Davina in what I've read seems sane and on the level it sounds more.like.someone is insecure about her husbands crossdressing and if that's the Case therapy isn't the answer communication is.

By: Davina

Subject: Re: Skype sessions

Thanks for your valid input I wish more wives would add their thoughts.

Would you mind letting me know which part of the world you're from?

I don't agree with you but your mindset on this subject is valid and needs to be here and to be considered so thanks for posting.

If I was not crossdressed chatting to other women on skype as a man would that be ok?

I didn't elaborate on what we chatted about but it touched on a lot of every day subjects including politics and religion so does the fact I was crossdressed change that? really?

I happen to crossdress and I don't really know why but its not an insult to women that I crossdress .. I've described it as escapism and that's what it is for me a way of escaping my overtly masculine self for a while in a simple and harmless manner.

Women fought for their rights and rightly so but is that a one way street? Society deems how men and women should dress and look which is pretty repressive but isn't this a free world where we can express ourselves however we feel (in most countries anyway).

I don't need therapy I'm as sane, intelligent and open minded as a non crossdressing man.

Knowing the personal effects from crossdressing for me may not be a cure for stress but is very stress relieving which I don't expect you to understand, but again I thankyou for your perspective and view on crossdressing and look forward to more of your thoughts on crossdressing.

By: Sindy

Subject: Skype sessions

What does your wife think of the Skype sessions? I think they're out of line. This is the problem with crossdressing. Your mindset isn't the same as the rest of us. You see things differently, almost like a split personality. It's as though talking to other women while dressed as a woman makes it okay. Davina talks to other women therefore it's okay.

It's not. It's just weird. You're still a husband.

Why don't more of you get therapy? My husband won't either, but he needs it. Anyone who needs to play make believe as an adult needs therapy. Maybe you'd discover a new outlet for your stress? After all, every time you wear a wig and dress and feel 'calm' you're insulting half the population. Being female is not a cure for male stress!

Crossdressers really do push the sympathy of women to its absolute limit.

By: Davina

Subject: Re: Skype

Hi if you email me your skype ill add you

If you have questions fire away

If its timed right and I'm dressed I have no problem skyping and chatting but not sure about talking but typings ok..

Weird that isn't it but I'm confident I look ok but would seem weird talking and hearing my bloke voice and id feel silly trying to sound female lol

By: Sarah TG

Subject: Skype

Hi I see you have skyped with an RG as Davina.

Hope my wife and myself get an opportunity to skype with you as Davina or however you are comfortable.

She has many questions to ask you and your wife about crossdressing and what to expect as we find it hard to talk about similar to yourselves it seems its easier to talk to someone unrelated so to speak.

I will email you our skype details and you can take it from there.

Have a nice weekend

Sarah and Cath

By: Davina

Subject: Re: Re: Skype?

I chatted to a wife of a T-girl this evening as Davina and although I was nervous on Skype it was nice to get compliments and nice to chat so maybe we could chat but I'd have to be in disguise. lol Crossdressed or we can chat on Skype without video if you like.

Reply

By: Davina

Subject: Re: Skype?

Hi

Not sure I want to let out my secret identity over Skype to you the wife wouldn't want me to as she's a lil paranoid about people recognising me / us but correspondence over email is ok and of course on here.

Unless I skype in disguise or rather as "Davina" lol not sure my wife will do it tho.

Thanks for reading the blog makes me happy to know people have read it and its helped to some extent :)