To test this feature, visit your live site.

Wife found Out......What happens now?

So. I bought some girlie things from Ebay last week. Picked them up today and hid them in my work bag. Only small things so thought nothing of it. Get home tonight and the wife had spilt some pasta and made a right mess. Guess what, all over my bag. Discovers my things and immediately thinks I must be having an affair.....as if I could afford that 🤣🤣🤣.

I get home after taking my 17 year old daughter to Netball so now I get asked to be completely truthful with her and why do I have a woman's bag, top and glasses in my work bag? Cue me thinking shit......OK, might as well be honest then and and calm as anything say they are mine and I dress in womens clothes! Have done for years. Well before meeting her. She doesn't believe me!!!! How can she not believe me after that.....my long held secret of cross dressing is finally out.

Not how I imagined it but but there it is! She still thinks I'm having an affair!!

OK, I get my Reddit profile up and show her the recent posts and pictures. Still reasonably calm, small discussion about it's not normal, where I do it, I'm not gay, noone else knows, where my stuff is, my secret eBay account just for my crossdressing supplies etc etc. Get told 'don't do it in front of the kids' then off to bed she goes. No screaming, no shouting and I'm like.....Oh. OK!

WTAF happens now.....Guess I'll have to wait for the morning........wish me luck 🤞.

13 comments

13 Comments

Cara

Nov 05, 2022

Hi @Suzzanne, how is it going? Any resolutions?

Suzzanne

Nov 05, 2022

Replying to

Morning Cara. Tbh, it's very quiet. As I said before, it's seems to be 'ignored' as such. I don't mention it, she doesn't ask. Life carries on as normal. I've have thought about the why's and whatever of why I do dress but I like it and feel good about it (and I think I don't look that bad) when I do. Haven't thought of buying anything lately but I'm sure I'll get back on that train in a short while. It's not like I'm suddenly going to turn up fully dressed so I suppose we'll keep going as we are. She's obviously not interested at all so I'm leaving it 'parked'!

davinaukcd

Jan 02, 2023

Replying to

Quite similar response to my wife catching me albeit she saw me fully dressed and made up (will perhaps post about that separately) She freaked and was quite nasty in the way she talked to me for a few weeks - when she did that is. After a few weeks things kind of went back to normal and this incident confined to our past never to be spoken about it seems. Sadly Davina is totally back in the cupboard (that far back I’m in Narnia!) and any notion of me playing with her with me in her undies as we once did is out of the question.

Suzzanne

Oct 05, 2022

Well, about 6 days after having to confess my secret crossdressing habit, and the atmosphere at home is a little 'frosty' but other than that it's as though nothing has changed. To say I'm somewhat surprised is an understatement! We did have another, short, conversation in the car on Sunday as we went out to pick something up. A few tears, not on my part, how loads of things are going round in her head and how I had embarrassed her. She also said that she had joined 'loads of forums' and in every one, when the wife found out late in the marriage, it had always ended in divorce! I begged to differ but my wife does have a record of over exaggerating things so I'm doubting the comment on joining loads of forum's and I'll bear in mind the divorce comment. At the moment, everything is apparently being stiffly ignored so who knows. I'm fairly reticent about broaching the topic at the moment. I'm probably assuming that the less said, the better. She has never seen me dressed or found any of my clothes etc (except last Thursday evening) so yes, I can get that things may be strange for her. Im trying to let things lie at the moment, give her time to digest this revelation and maybe discuss things a bit later on. It does feel a bit wierd that I'm still on here and some Reddit groups now that she knows. I'm not going to suddenly start bringing things home and dressing in front of her but she will probably understand that if I have to stay away for any length of time, I'll probably find time to dress. That may feel strange, have to wait and see on that one! Anyway, things are not nuclear, solicitors are not involved and we're still getting on. I'm sure she may want more info later on but I'll let her decide when that time is right.

katcd1310

Sep 30, 2022

As far as I know my wife still does not know. I am not sure what the outcome would be if she discovered my secret. I dread being in your position and hope you can work things out between you.

Take care and will be thinking of you.

Suzzanne

Sep 30, 2022

Replying to

@Katcd. Thank you. I'm not treading on eggshells at the moment and normal daily business continues, to all intents and purposes, as if nothing had happened. NGL, it seems slightly weird but I'm beginning to feel more relaxed about things. Will she want to talk about it soon, who knows! As it stands, I'm wondering why I've put myself through all the years of stress if she's just gone '....OK, it's not normal to dress in women's clothes but at least he wasn't having an affair...' maybe that's fine and we'll never talk about it again! We'll have to see what we can work out. Only time will tell.

Unknown member

Sep 30, 2022

My own story is similar to yours! I have been with my wife for over 30 years and we have been married for 25. Some time back she found some things I had bought and had hidden in my wardrobe, and was convinced I was having an affair. She confronted me one night as we went to bed and I ended up confessing I was a TV. For all of our life together I had been certain that if she found out it would be the end, and I was ready to pack a bag and move out (where to I don't know as I have nowhere else to go). She was shocked and angry, more at the deception and the lies than anything else, and concerned that others might find out, a "what would the neighbours think " kind of reaction. Once we started talking we agreed I could dress in the house when the kids were at work (mostly nights) and I could dress in our room alone as she wanted no contact with me as Sarah. This only happened once or twice before the eldest came home from Uni to live here and my youngest had a baby so the house is never empty. We have discussed it briefly since then, she finds it difficult to accept, and even harder to talk about so I have to bring it up now and again in a roundabout way, rather than head on. I am away next week for 2 nights, a rare chance for me to dress, I doubt if she will want any involvement in me packing, choosing clothes etc, which I find very difficult. We are early days yet, but I hope as time goes on she will be a bit more accepting and open, but my advice would be take it slow and careful, try to let her understand that if you could you would stop, but it is something you cannot stop and does not mean your feelings for her are changed.

Suzzanne

Sep 30, 2022

Replying to

Sarah Thank you. Certainly sounds similar. I'm glad you seem to be coping with your situation, I suspect mine will be similar. I think there is too much 'history' between us, to coin a phrase, to have a marriage ended over what amounts to dressing in non-conformist clothing. I agree, the perceived deception and lack of trust could be an issue but I've never lied about anything; hard to really when she never knew about that side of me! I'll certainly take your advice and take things slowly. I was surprised how open I was last night, didn't try to deny or hide anything. As far as I'm concerned, that was easily the hardest part that I would have had to overcome.....the confession or revelation etc. All I can do now is answer any questions, if they come, in a similar truthful and open manner. ♥️

Cara

Sep 30, 2022

Blimey @Suzzanne, that must have been awful for you!

I'm sure we can all empathise with that awful gnawing dread after your stuff was discovered and you were waiting for the fallout. The positive way of looking at it is that you are no longer burdened by this secret... which can be a very heavy burden at times. Ahead of you there are several possible outcomes I suppose, but looking at the positive, at least it didn't immediately go nuclear. :)

I completely understand your fears - I went through them too when I told my partner after over 20 years together. Fortunately she completely floored me with her response and acceptance. People you think you know can often surprise us, something which our partners no doubt heartily concur! I really hope things all work out well for you too @Suzzanne

Suzzanne

Sep 30, 2022

Replying to

Cara Thanks for comment. Yep, bit of a shock to say the least. I had thought of putting the items in the car where they would have been safe, oh well, lesson learned! The upside, if you can call it that, is that now she does know the secret is out there and you're absolutely right, the weight has lifted somewhat off my shoulders and I do feel more at easy with everything. How that will affect everything going forward, who knows! At the moment, everything is peaceful. Not talked about it any more. I'm not overly sure I want to broach the subject at the moment tbh. It's quiet but quite cordial. If that's how it stays with her knowing and me doing what I did before, then so be it. I doubt I'll be dressing at home anytime soon and tbh, I can live with that. Certainly not going to push anything...

ally4322022

Sep 29, 2022

So sorry you have to deal with this and I hope you can work through this 🙏❤️

Suzzanne

Sep 29, 2022

Replying to

Ally. Thank you. I really appreciate the comment. I am where I am. If you boil it down it's probably my fault for not being honest and open when we got together over 25 years ago. Obvious;y I wasn't going to mention it then, different times as they say, so I don't really have anyone to blame but me. Could I have kept this secret for ever, probably not! Am I glad it's out, not overly given the total lack of planning and utter shock of how sudden this was, am I surprised I was so open and calm about telling her....totally! She might want to know more, who knows! I'm not assuming she will ever want to see me dressed (even just once) or allow me to dress at home and tbh, I'd be quite happy to carry on as I was, keeping it seperate. The only change would be that at least she would be aware of my dressing in future. She is obvious;y in shock. I've kept it from her for so long. She has no idea of the groups, communities and resources that are available to us now or how many of us love to dress. I'm a firm believer in what happens, happens so I'm just going to have to ride it out and see where the path takes me(us) ♥️.

ally4322022

Sep 29, 2022

Replying to

As basic as this sounds I am/we are here where we can to support you so feel free to vent. I can say from personal experience that I, like you didn't tell my wife when I first met her because I was head over heels in love with her (still am) and was scared stiff I might loose her. I tried to tell her after we married and that didn't go well so it stayed untalked about for the next decade or so. It took a new attempt a year or so ago that I was not in a good place so needed to vent and I think after the usual questions sort of was accepted. Accepted at least in that she could see no real problem in that they are only clothes although it was still difficult to go any further. I think the biggest issue in most cases is that partners obviously don't want to lose that person they first fell for. We are still getting there and I hope you can too. Take care x