Hello and welcome Emma :)

I totally sympathise with your gripe about gravity. I waited till I was halfway through my 50s to tell my gf about my crossdressing, and damn gravity and time every time I look in the mirror and struggle to do my eye makeup without the benefit of glasses!

Unfortunately or fortunately everyone has a different level of acceptance. This can be based on upbringing, life experience or just an unconscious way that things are processed for any particular person.

I think for Vikki she was lucky I had a mum who was very open about things and never shied away from those awkward questions you have when growing up. I’d also known someone who liked to dress in ladies underwear which as I was in my twenties I took in my stride.

Finding out or being told that your husband dresses is a big thing. When you are a wife you don’t want to find out that you have been lied to and the husband that you thought you knew is actually not that person. Head in the sand is sometimes the way they deal with these major revelation. Others deal with it by the head on approach and others don’t want to deal with it at all and it becomes the end of your marriage. I am not sure that this is totally the fault of the cross dressing and indicates to me that there were other problems in the marriage to start with.

For me I was not prepared to lose my marriage because my husband liked to put on a dress but saying that it still took me two years to fully get my head around it. There were certainly some bad patches for me.

Now we go to Pink Punters together and have been shopping we also talk openly about it. In fact I tease him sometimes about it and it makes him smile.

Has that answered the question? Probably not but maybe give you an insight on what I think as a wife.

I have to agree that everything about our dual identities is a balancing act. My partner has accepted my need to dress is more about my mental health and not just a perversion and that one day I would like to have friends from this life. Although like many she wishes to play no part. Which I think most of us would love our partners to be part of this ride but do understand its not who they ideally fell in love with. Something Davina said struck a note with me as I feel it was some of my softer side that I think made my wife fall in love with me. I know I'd treated/respected her better than any bloke before. So I hope both sides play a part in bringing our best out. The idea of writing our feelings down is a very good idea especially when getting it all off your chest/mind. My only caveat would be only you know your wife and maybe its just my fear that having all those feelings written down could come back to haunt you if passed on. Really not trying to be negative as I think it is a good idea, just really being devil's advocate. Like most still trying to sort this out and know its a slow process. Best of luck and let's keep talking. Take care Ally xx

For us the way forward is very difficult as my wife will not look at anything online, will not talk to anyone and finds it awkward to "get her head around" the fact that I dress. This morning we had a bit more of a talk, as last night when we went to bed it was a bit frosty! I explained my fears, that I was afraid one day she would decide enough is enough and she could not stand the thought of sharing a bed or a house with me, because of the crossdressing. She has assured me that is not the case, and we talked a bit more. She does not want to talk, preferring to ignore it and hope it will go away, but I think that is the wrong approach and said so, I explained there are very limited opportunities for me to dress, but I am content to dress at home (when there is none else around) and will not be venturing out! Her fear was that one day I will want to "come out" and dress 24/7, but that is not me! I would love more time as Sarah, but my male side is still very clearly there and I enjoy both sides, so I am not about to burn my boxers as it were! My aim is for us to at least be able to discuss things (my wife has excellent taste and I would love her input when dressing or buying clothes) even if for now she cannot see me dressed or does not fully understand, but it is baby steps at the moment!

The last time we spoke about it, it ended in bit of an argument and as w got through that, it was pretty clear she wasnt In a place to confront it. What I don’t know is how or when to Try and broach it again. I had said I would likely want to venture out, away from home, and it wasn’t a flat no I can’t but I know she doesn’t want me too. im sort of in the mindset of just doing it anyway and ask for forgivenes….but I also know it’s not the healthiest thing to do too. I’m generally up for talking over problems, but when you’re told you don’t want to discuss it, there doesnt seem much space for manoeuvre.

I know I’m the only one who knows my wife so solutions are impossible to give but would still be interested in hearing ideas- especially from wives.

Hi Emma, nice to meet you. Like many on here I was in the closet for many years (I am 50 plus VAT), and my wife found out about me by accident when she found some of my underwear and suspected I was having an affair. Since then we have talked, and despite her seeing photo's of me dressed has never seen me fully dressed in wig, make up and heels. Lately the urge to dress has had to be supressed (three teenage kids at home, and the opportunities I had before covid (work trips away) have gone. We are in a bit of a awkward place at the moment as she does not want to see me dressed, but also does not want me to dress outside the home, meaning that a hotel is out of the questions as well!

He reasoning is that I might go out and be attacked, or that someone we know will see me, again my reputation and professional standing is at stake. I will have to try and broach the subject again, the need to be Sarah for a while is nagging at me and like many I need the stress relief!

Welcome to the Why do men Crossdress forum Emma...

It's been a good place to network and debate all things crossdressing, wives, husbands etc and long may that continue.. Lots of topics and post here to cover most reasons why we dress so look forward to hearing more from you

I'm also 40-several and happily married with 2 teenage daughters who try our patience.. good kids but think we've spoilt them and we now need to prep them for the real world.

I didn't think my Crossdressing was important or frequent enough to tell my wife about before we got married in fact it had turned to a hand full of time if that per year... Mine has developed as i've got older and the urge to become Davina more frequent.

So again similar in that in my 40s I feel the urge and need to crossdress more than i did in my 20s and 30s .. Stress of work and life and a mental wellbeing thing for me maybe..

My wife was shocked by my photos "OK You really look like a woman but why?" was her response 15+ years ago..

My wife is also terrified of me being outed and the impact that could have on my career - which is also quite dependant on reputation i've earned over the years.

We sound very similar so look forward to more chats and forum posts.

Happy Easter

Davina

Thanks Stephanie

Can I ask do you venture out as Stephanie and if you do, do you tell your wife that you will be.

i told mine I was interested in going out - said I hadn’t left my hotel room dressed when actually I have - and she wasnt totally accepting of it but didn’t say I couldn’t. (That would have led to an argument if she had). She is worried about escalation.

Emma I am like you having told my wife many years ago and yearned, since, to share it with her but reluctantly accepted she wants no part of it. As difficult as it is, my advice would be to accept her understanding for what it is and enjoy what it allows you to do. Stephanie