By: Katie

Subject: Re: Re: Not complaining

Hi Em

We had nice weekend. Unfortunately didn't really have the opportunity to raise the subject. Kids were around the whole time which makes it difficult.

I did throw the letter away as it had been sitting on the dressing table in full sight for quite a few days. No mention was made that it had gone.

On reflection I think that maybe she doesn't want to give me 'permission' to crossdress which is maybe why she hasn't said anything. As Sindy said before maybe she just think 'for gods sake just get on with it, it your choice and your thing just don't bother bring me int it'.

I'm not going to do anything until the kids are back at school anyway so I'll bide my time. It's only a couple of weeks and I haven't dressed for the whole of the school holidays so it's not going to kill me.

By: Emma RG

Subject: Re: Not complaining

How did it go this weekend?

Have you and your wife talked?

By: Katie

Subject: Not complaining

I just wanted to make it clear that I'm not complaining about my wife's lack of communication, just a little baffled by it.

We had a nice evening yesterday. A walk along the seafront (hand in hand) and then took the kids for a waffle and milkshake.

She's busy making plans for weekends away etc so I guess I've got a green light. I'll just have wait of the school holidays to be over and the kids safely back at school lol.

By: Sindy

Subject: Re: Communication

And just wanted to send a cyber hug...xx

Reply

By: Davina

Subject: Re: Re: Communication

Cyber hugging on my blog ... Get a room lol

By: Sindy

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Communication

I think though, if someone is asked multiple times then they have been given more than enough chances to voice concerns. Trust me, silence isn't consent in my house...coz I can't be silent haha. So I really think there's no point Katie asking again but now if he says anything at all it should be to say that he will now be doing these things as he assumes she's okay with it.

If she still says nothing even after that, then he assumed right! If she's secretly livid and plotting his demise then they have bigger problems than laundry and lingerie lol.

By: Davina

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Communication

Exactly..

A) she doesn't give a toss and still wants nowt to do with it

B) she doesn't like it and wants nothing to do with it

C) she sees this as an escalation and wants nothing to do with it

You do need to find out which one tho for both peace of mind

By: Davina

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Communication

So now Sindys husband knows no answer is consent lol

By: Katie

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Communication

Thanks Sindy.

And a cyber hug back in return for all your help.

By: Sindy

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Communication

I think that's a sensible plan. If she has any objections to your requests you've given her ample chance to tell you. It's really sweet how much you're considering her feelings in all this and most crossdressers wives would be in awe.

But I also think if she keeps with the silence after your final push to talk on the weekend that you're well within right to do the things you said you would do. You really are. And do them guilt free as you have done all you can. You really have to assume after this that she's fine with you shaving and having items washed and arriving in the post and go and do these things. I mean, maybe she can't approve out loud or something. But if this were me and I hadn't told you I no after you've mentioned it a few times then I'd be expecting you to just do it.

So just do it, Katie! :-)

And this is coming from the negative wife, lol. I can't believe I'm encouraging crossdressing behavior. You're just so dang considerate and sweet about it all that I'm sure your wife is thinking 'silly guy, just put your lingerie in the basket already'.

By: Katie

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Communication

I haven't raised the subject before in a long time as she has previously made it clear that she's not interested and it's something I do.

I only wrote the letter because of her questions the week before and that I hadn't really given what I thought was a satisfactory answer. It also gave me the chance to get a couple of things off my chest that had been bugging me for a while.

I don't want to make a big issue of it with her and I definitely don't want to keep banging on about it. There are other things that I do that she's not interested in and I just don't keep going about them!

Maybe I'm just being a bit sensitive about it all and should just go ahead with what I want to do. There is nothing I've asked that is controversial (washing clothes and home deliveries) and if I did shave, well it can all grow back if she really didn't like it.

I think I'll give it to the weekend. Ask her if there's anything she want to talk about to do with the letter and then just get on with the decorating.

By: Sindy

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Communication

So I guess it's about finding a balance between mutual communication, which is important especially if your wife is confused (I'm thinking she's not), your need to share and her need to ignore.

It's a tough balancing act...let me know when you figure it out! We sure haven't yet.

By: Davina

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Communication

It's hard to judge what women are thinking in general let alone what they are thinking about when they know we crossdress.

Whenever I tried talking to my wife about it she'd say "I don't know what you want me to say" or if I showed I was feeling guilty or worrying about her because of my crossdressing she'd say "you think too much" she might as well have said I dont really care but you women don't like talking too blunt as you're afraid of upsetting us..

Communication lol it's good to talk.

By: Sindy

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Communication

I thought I'd also add, coz I have to be the non fluffy one lol, that constantly seeking to discuss something personal can come across as approval seeking or forced involvement rather than mutual communication.

I'm not saying you're seeking her approval or forcing her to participate, but my husband at the start would almost behave as though I had to comment on things and give permission like I was his mother. It wasn't cool. I wanted him to own the dressing so I could get on with the job of ignoring it. I didn't want to participate and he either couldn't accept that or felt guilty. Whatever It was, it was annoying. I already have kids to guide, I sure don't need to guide my husbands dressing habit!

I know thats not what you're doing as you just want to make sure you're on the same page which is what spouses SHOULD do. But thought I'd warn it can also come across as insecurity.

By: Davina

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Communication

We can't assume she's ok with the letter and all it contained.

It would be easy for her to say do what you like I'm not bothered.

The silence is more worrying I think and I'd say she's not happy about some of the letter.

Time will tell but we shouldnt assume as it makes an ass of u and me lol

By: Sindy

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Communication

Well, with this new info I'm shifting my sofa session back to one of my earlier posts - that crossdressing is boring unless you're a crossdresser. If she's really not phased by it then she probably can't see the point in talking about it as it's not very interesting for her and maybe she really doesn't care why or when or whatever. If she wanted to know these things I'm sure she would ask. Sounds like she's happy with how it is now and you just need to do what you do and assume she'll speak up when there's an issue.

By: Davina

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Communication

I'd give it all this week and maybe on Saturday mention the letter that's a week of digestion if she's read it and I bet she's putting it off as there is something in the letter which has set alarm bells ringing.

You've asked a few things.

Can you wash clothes - no brainer

The ordering things to the house may set things off she may be thinking why does he have to order things and what things.

I'd wait till ab opportune moment Saturday and say did you read that letter are you ok to discuss it? Is there anything you really don't like in it?

It can be frustrating when you've struggled to start co.s again and the response is well nothing.

It usually means avoidance and probably a bit of fear to talk about it.

I think our wives think were always at it when in reality its an urge driven escapism very occasionally.

Bide your tine But also dont let it go cold.

By: Katie

Subject: Re: Re: Communication

Hi Sindy

It's as if I hadn't given her the letter. Everything is exactly the same. I don't see her ever leaving because of my dressing - she's said it's not an issue - and I did say that being more open didn't include the kids.

I think what she meant about losing me was transition or dressing full time, something that I have no intention of doing which I did explain in the letter.

I just said I felt guilty about keeping everything hidden about my crossdressing. I said I'd continue that way if that's what she wanted. I really asked the 'is it OK question' to get a response which I haven't yet.

I guess I need to give her time. It's been just over 3 years since she found out and as I said before nothing has ever really been discussed. I still think she doesn't understand about why I crossdress which is what I tired to explain in the letter.

I told her she was my inspiration which she thought was funny!

Hopefully she'll start talking soon.

By: Sindy

Subject: Re: Communication

It sounds a frustrating situation, Katie, and I think that your wife is in a denial of her own making. She can't deal. When she says she's losing you, she means the mental idea she has of you. Your body hair isn't really the issue but what it represents. I think it's too soon to ask anything of her going by her reaction...but that's just my thoughts.

Are your kids still at home? This will play a big part in her worries if they are. I also think there's a mind fuck that happens to wives when we notice our crossdressing partner shaves body hair or whatever - it's this image of the self indulgent guy shaving and preening and spending hours on HIMSELF. I don't know about men, but I do know few women are attracted to the self involved guy. We call it narcissism. I sense men are less disturbed by these traits in women but for us, it can't be a deal breaker.

And also remember, this is only how we might PERCEIVE you. As you've seen with Emma, this can change. If your wife has time to adjust, to absorb, and to trust you with this, then she can lighten up about it. She could read here too if she's okay with nutters lol. But she might just need time, Katie, and you might need to give it to her if you want to stay together. I know you've had times when you didn't dress much, and I'd consider this another of those times. Surely she's worth it...