Over the years I have read extensively about crossdressing and chatted / talked with many crossdressers and their wives / GFs, and have found that there is great diversity among crossdressers, especially in regard to the various reasons that crossdressers engage in crossdressing.

Why do men crossdress? lot of reasons different to degrees more so sexual for some not sexual at all for others.. Calmness and stress release.. that pie chart i talk about all the time of reasons and percentages against each reason which differes among the community.

There are so many different causes, motives, and end goals. And as I’ve written in other posts, it is hard to divide crossdressers into clear categories with clear labels because there is so much overlap among the different types.

Each individual has a different, and sometimes unique set of traits when it comes to their relationship with crossdressing.

Setting aside those with gender dysphoria (although sometimes i think we're capable of feeling a bit of this when we cannot enjoy our fem time), transsexuals, and those who perform drag, there is still quite a bit of diversity in the remaining group which may be called crossdressers or transvestites.

The addictive or compulsive aspect of crossdressing seems to be nearly universal in this group, (the feeling of not being able to live a happy life without it), but there are some who:

• crossdress for sexual pleasure

• crossdress in order to escape the stresses of life temporarily by escaping into fantasy

• crossdress to let out other emotions and aspects of personality that they usually hide or feel like are stifled because of being men

• crossdress to relax

• crossdress for emotional comfort

Again, there is a great deal of overlap and some crossdress for all of these reasons at once with a % against each one adding up to 100% maybe a good way for a wife or a GF to help understand.

But interestingly, there are those who strongly claim they do not crossdress for sexual reasons at all, and they wear panties under their suit to work, or throw on a dress when they get home from work, purely for the emotional comfort and peace and an escapism from male conformity.

It’s good to point out that research and testimony has shown that some crossdressers will say their crossdressing is not sexual, even if crossdressing gives them an erection.

t will subside but can always happen when initially dressing.

Lets think about two related motives for crossdressing which may end up being different descriptions of the same motive.

Those of us who are crossdressing in order to relax and those who are crossdressing in order to have emotional comfort and peace. As above this may end up being the same thing?

Some will mainly crossdress for sexual pleasure and for an escape into fantasy.

We've got posts on the site written extensively on crossdressing to let out certain aspects of your personality.

Of course, there are certainly many connections between these issues, so some parts of this post may be similar to what I’ve written before, and some of the other motives will still come up in this post.

I’m convinced that for me personally crossdressing was at least 90% about the escapism it gives me but when younger could have easily bee 90% sexual pleasure.

When I used to crossdress and then masturbate, the desire to crossdress was almost always fully gone after the sexual release. Then guilt.

I do think that some part of crossdressing is about emotional comfort for me and/or some gender dysphoria. I'll lean on what I have learned from books, forums, and discussions with many different crossdressers.

The Phenomenon

What is it that crossdressers of this type say they get out of crossdressing more specifically?

Well, some say it makes them feel more like themselves.

Some say it makes them feel relaxed, calm and peaceful, a way to rest and unwind. It certainly does for me inexplicably.

Some say it gives them emotional peace and a happy state of mind. Pure escapism.

Some say it comforts them and takes away their anxiety, depression, or stress. Again inexplicably most certainly does for me.

Some say crossdressing is a security blanket for them.

Some say it makes them feel pretty, beautiful, or valuable.

Let me quote some ex-crossdressers that I have talked to about this.

One said that it provided him with emotional comfort. To quote him:

“For me, perhaps I used it as a way to escape masculinity, a way to de-stress in the same way that having sex is a stress relief… It was a way to temporarily escape life into fantasy.”

Note Ex-crossdresser as some i chat to have stopped crossdressing.. so wives some tgirls will stop most wont.

Another said that he was drawn to crossdressing when he had a lot of anxiety. I certainly get this and there have been times i know becoming Davina would have helped me sleep, stop my mind whirling about male life troubles and anxiety.

In the past crossdressing would relieve some of the anxiety and give him a sense of calmness.

He is content being a man but he says that sometimes his social role as a man is difficult. This is where the phrase "Man up!" is no good when you're depressed and struggling with life for a bit.

His job requires heavy lifting and getting his hands dirty.

Crossdressing for him provided a sense of stress relief.

Another said quote: “That’s not to say that I never got anything sexual out of it. But that was not my primary motivation. Most of the time I didn’t have an erection. My grandmother started saying that I looked like a beautiful girl at the age of 2 and 3. She would hold me and rock me and say it over and over. When I started dressing at 2-3 years old, she very much approved. She lived with us, so this happened on a regular basis. All my life I had a warm, peaceful feeling when I would dress. The closer I could get to looking like a girl, the more peaceful I would feel. It had little to do with escaping masculinity. I liked and still do like being a man and even during the time that I was crossdressing the most, I never wanted to actually become a woman.”

I hope this for a wife is some solace as this is something engrained in this t-girl from very young by a family member and yet had/has no thought of becoming a woman or presenting female full time,

And another ex-crossdress said, “About 90% of the time was purely for relaxing and to unwind. Five percent of the time there was a sexual/masturbation attraction to it and the other five percent was something all together different.”

It's interesting interacting with lots of people on tvchix, some of these ex tgirls are now on there with male profiles just there to chat and i love asking them questions on why they dressed and how they stopped and why they think men crossdress?

Another said “I knew before the age of 18 (when my dressing became sexual) that I used to find extreme comfort in dressing. I was sexually and physically abused and grew up in a broken home, and was bullied and was super shy, so dressing for me became an escape that brought a lot of relief but also brought with it shame and it became compulsive.”

Another said he struggled with depression. When he used to crossdress he was able to manage his depression better, but when he stopped crossdressing, he felt like his depression was worse even while other aspects of his life improved.

Some of these still crossdress i thought it interesting to gain quotes from some ex tgirls who have stopped for wives benefits but again the majority will not stop.

For me becoming Davina does bring some form of comfort, but also productivity.. I get more work done more relaxed as Davina than i do as male me possibly.

Others have claimed that crossdressing at night has helped them to sleep much more peacefully and be better rested.

This is something i definately need as i struggle with sleep.

It’s not only the testimonies of crossdressers I know that attest to this motivation.

It is psychologists as well. To quote one who alludes that crossdressing that begins as a sexual fetish can mature and develop into a stress-reducing and anxiety reducing behavior. And this is pretty spot on as we age and mature and think back how sexual it was when much younger and now it's more about the escapism.

“Through cross dressing and adoption of the woman’s role, there is the experience of role-relief and reduced anxiety. In place of the earlier fetishism, this behavior becomes a stress management tactic. This is highly reinforcing. For unknown reasons, cross dressing and female role playing generate intense feelings of pleasure and delight unmatched by other sources of satisfaction. There is a gradual “erosion” of masculine identity, perhaps a weakening of the self-system, as cross-gender behavior is rehearsed and reinforced for many years. This process of self-destruction of the masculine identity is especially worthy of more intensive study. A parallel growth of cross-gender identity occurs. Gender reversals, even for short intervals, are associated with a sense of rebirth, self-renewal.”

How many crossdressers are like this?

I've done some informal research of my own mainly through chatting to other t girls, albeit in a very limited way.

I'd say around 75% said that they used crossdressing to bring out other elements of their personality that they had stifled and surpressed as society frown upon or calls a man weak for being sentimental etc.

About 80% said that they used crossdressing for relief from stress and to escape from life’s pressures temporarily.

40-50% said that crossdressing made them feel more relaxed, rather than more tense (tense as in sexual tension).

The Problem

I could like to argue that crossdressing for this reason is not healthy and actually can be harmful if we come to rely on crossdressing to escape and relax and de-stress becasue we cannot do this freely due to wives, family, friends and circumstances. So like myself falling into this trap of needing to become Davina to escape depression and stress but not being abloe to do it adds to this 10 fold with frustration and sometimes short temper.

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What is the problem? As one T-girl pointed out to me, using crossdressing for this purpose is self-defeating.

It is similar in some ways to an addiction.

You feel depressed or stressed and you use crossdressing to feel calm, peaceful, and to feel comforted or to escape from stress.

But the device you are using to bring comfort also can bring confusion and guilt and when you can't do it frustration..

We go back to the comfort device, in this case crossdressing, to get comfort again.

And the cycle keeps going.

Listen to how some ex-crossdressers describe this (some of the same guys as quoted in the former section above):

One says that he used crossdressing to de-stress and escape from masculinity, but that “crossdressing always ends up only adding lots of stress, shame, guilt, and lies.”

Another said crossdressing brings comfort but then you start to become very anxious about your appearance. You want to look more feminine, but you also want to be able to go back to looking like a man. You want both at once, and it drives you crazy. It takes more effort and a longer time to look feminine and then to try to cover up what you did to look more feminine. What you did for comfort ends up giving more anxiety.

Quoting him – “I have found that for a brief moment there seems to be a calm respite from the stresses of life, but that calm is like a wisp of air – here and gone. The prevailing and pervading emotion is one of unsettledness, regret, shame, dissatisfaction, insecurity, fear, disgust at my weakness and at seeking pleasure in something so not me and upsetting for my wife”

Another quoted “I had to allow lust into my life, with visualizing myself as a woman to escape problems of sibling verbal abuse from my sister. It worked. It helped but it opened up a hornets’ nest and it will for you too. The thought of acting out, with dressing as a woman more important than my marriage, more important than anything else in life. I can make it feel like the only way to heal myself if I allow it to.”

This is where i keep stating on our firum we need to keep it real and keep our crossdressing controlled and also forget the guilt we're not doing anything wrong!!

Another t girlsaid that crossdressing was a coping mechanism and this is the same for me im in that trap.

He said Crossdressing masks the real issues.

Crossdressing created more anxiety by the way it controlled his thoughts and actions. He would be consumed with thoughts like – when is my next “fix”, how am I going to keep hiding this from the ones I love, how can I transform my body, what should I eat to stay thin, when can I shop for a new outfit. He adds that it produces a shame cycle. He also views crossdressing as a very selfish behavior that robs from others around him, his spouse, children, and friends. He said he would justify his actions, because he believed he couldn’t go on without crossdressing in his life.

I'm pretty much the opposite i'm putting others before me denying myself opportunity to become Davina and thats frustrating.

Another has pointed out that while he looked to crossdressing for comfort, it sucked hours and hours of his life away. For something that was supposed to offer refuge and comfort, it was more of an all-consuming addiction. He was constantly needing the clothes and constantly needing the fiction online. For something that was supposed to give comfort, it didn’t do a great job. There was never getting enough of it. He says – “the comfort is sweet for a moment in your mind, but the aftertaste is anything but pleasurable and the burden ceaseless, demanding more and more submission and pursuit of a lie.”

I can dress and chill and enjoy it.. sometimes i'm ready to change back and sometimes i'm not or i get a messages someones popping to the house so the effort of makeup and dressing is cut short and that too can be frustrating having to change back too soon before the full effect of the fix that crossdressing gives us.. ALthought some of the t girls comments on the comfort and escapism is a little negative we need to control it and own it. By and large in my mind this escapism is good for my mental health. More positives than negatives.

If we combine these reflections together, what do we see?

The main problem is that crossdressing is a coping mechanism.

These guys, and people in general, have genuine problems and genuine anxieties which a lot of us have and face and try to deal with.. By and large we're in the trap of having to be the manly men "man up!!"

It’s important to deal with those pains and anxieties and to try to treat them., maybe try councelling and if brave enough mention crossdressing and get that out in the open and discussed.

As the guys above testify, crossdressing may temporarily give comfort or ease anxiety, but it’s only temporary, just like the relief drunkenness brings is only temporary. Crossdressing doesn’t address the root problem of whatever is causing that person anxiety.

The Solution?

The solution is to address the underlying depressions, anxieties, fears, or pains that led you to start using crossdressing as a coping mechanism in the first place. That is if you want to..

We're useless as men we're expected to be strong and not admit weakness especially that we crossdress to escape being manly stresshead men so what could we do?

1. Consider seeing a counselor or a psychologist. It is important to get some help and to talk about our problems and stresses especially if depressed. With a skilled counselor, you may be able to more fully understand the pain and stress you are trying to treat through crossdressing, and look for healthier ways together for you to deal with it.

2. Find other ways to relax and de-stress (I've not found the hobby for this yet, maybe being a perfectionist i'm never truly satisfied and throw myself into everythign at a high level) these hobbies should not add new problems and levels of stress. Spend time with your wife and children. Learn to play an instrument, play xbox or ps5.. find another escape more readily available even gof!! We have to be careful to do things in moderation. It’s possible to give up one addiction.

3. Find your emotional comfort, your sense of being valued and loved, and your identity. Maybe we need slowly peel back the toxic masculinity as we get older and let people see a softer side to us.

I fail on all 3..

This got quite heavy didnt it lol sat in bed tired but wanting to write and there it is..

I've chatted to quite a few people recently about all this and the escape has come up as being unhealthy.. but right now i would love the house to myself so i could dress and chill.. I do get what some have said in using crossdressing to cope with feeling meh it is something thats not readily available and can then cause more angst and frustration.. so we need to be careful if this is what crossdressing has become for us.

I also think this post may be useful to wifes and GFs to see how us men struggle with "being men" and whats expected of us. Telling a man to man up isnt really what we need to hear sometimes.

Sometimes it may be "you need to make some time to crossdress and chill out"

Davina