By: Sindy
Subject: Over-thinking...
I was laughing reading Davina's blog post about women overthinking things and how a man finding his wife cross dressed might just join in. My husband has given me the same answer when I've quizzed him how he'd feel if I did what he did. Personally I don't think a crossdresser can give an objective answer to such a question, but it did make me think (thus proving Davina's initial point lol).
Anyway, I wondered, are we overthinking it or are you under-thinking? Isn't it healthy to wonder why we do certain things? Isn't self-reflection how we become whole people? In the past, when I was trying to become more knowledgeable about all this and made the mistake of perusing the very biased crossdressing forums, I noticed a common pattern where men would suddenly decide to tell their wife of their proclivity, and then in a dizzy joy decide she also must accept and participate in this brand new lifestyle (new to the wife!) and when she understandably freaked completely out and told him to either quit, do it without her or or leave, he pouted to his forum buddies about how uncompromising women can be.
And this lead me to think (there's that word again lol) WHY must women compromise for men's behavior? Why should any woman anywhere live with a behavior she doesn't like? Ever? It's almost ironic that I once read a female journalist observe that crossdressers by default are entirely non-feminine just by even asking their wives to live with the behavior. Women, stereotypically, are less concerned with their own happiness and tend to nurture the happiness of others. We wouldn't demand the same of our husbands, or anyone else.
So we overthink, but we also seem to compromise our own lives more than men. Sure, in the grand scheme, cross dressing is pretty harmless. But it's also not what women are typically attracted to so the compromise is very real. Even the Davina type crossdresser can affect how a wife feels. I'm sure most wives would rather you didn't do it. Anyway, just an observation, but maybe if men thought a little harder they would have an easier time in their marriages, and maybe they wouldn't have started the behavior in the first place. Let's face it, a well known boundary is crossed any time a young boy decides to try on his mother's or sister's underwear. A boundary little girls seems innately to know to avoid.
Hmmm....that might have to be my second post of the day. I'm on a roll, lol.
By: Katie
Subject: Re: Over-thinking...
I agree. I don't think that a crossdresser is the right person to ask to get an objective answer to the scenario that Davina posed.
I think that maybe there is an fine balance between overthinking and under thinking. If we under think then we are driven by gut instinct. In some instances this is the right thing to do as we have so many decisions to make everyday that we just can spend the time or brain capacity in thinking every decisions we must make. It's a survival strategy. If we took the time thinking over every decision we'd probably be dead and a lot of the split decisions we make are inherited and very primeval. The fight or flight response for one. If you're going to be eaten by a lion you don't spend time making a list of the possible consequences you run..
If you overthink then you can end up going round and round in circles looking for the answers. Maybe it becomes all consuming and takes up far too much of your time. An obsession. Again fine if it is important to you and something you need to do but not if it's inconsequential to your life.
I agree that women do seem to be the partner that compromises more often than not. It always seem the wife that is dragged along to some event feigning enjoyment but probably hating it. She'll spend most of the time worrying that the bathroom needs cleaning or that there is a huge pile of ironing waiting for when she gets back! Women do seem to priorities things in a different order to men and nurturing the family is a high priority which does bring with it these compromises. Sorry to stereotype but from experience I know that's what my wife thinks and I'ms sure she's not unique!
I agree that most wives would probably sooner we didn't crossdress. I'm not sure is you did an online search on a dating website you'd find too many looking for a partner to share 'my knickers draw'!
Marriage is, however, a compromise and there does need to be give and take to make it work. We need to accept each others faults and celebrate the positives. It's working as a team and backing each other up, being the shoulder to cry on and the support when times are difficult.
Lastly I'm not sure if young boys or girls understand the gender boundaries. Me and my sister were swopping clothes when we were younger and never really thought about it. t's only when you become more aware of gender that the feelings of guilt start to rise which is when it starts to become more sexualised. At that age there are plenty of things that can trigger a response - especially when you least want it!
By: Davina
Subject: Re: Over-thinking...
Keep the posts coming
And now I see your man under thinking and raise that women stop dressing sexy.
I will elaborate..
The old men v women who does what and how we think differently when I'm home.