Not read this one just stuck out in a google search on crossdressing so as usual will add my comments as i go through as Davina -...

If you ask any crossdresser, the urge to crossdress is extremely powerful, not at all unlike a drug.

Davina - This is true but hard to explain the compulsion and meet to dress, the escapism it provides a man and the feelings it evokes and the fact we find it fun and relaxing.. Ladies reading this don't ask why it has this effect on us we don't fully know but read on..

The question: “Can the crossdresser simply stop?” is a very compelling and complex one.

Davina - Another question is does a Crossdresser WANT to stop? I don't.

The overwhelming belief is that, “Once a crossdresser, always a crossdresser.” But is this truly the case?

Davina - I think so yes .. once you've tasted the sensation of acting / feeling feminine dressing it's hard not to want to do it again. How do I explain what I mean by feeling or acting feminine.. Best statement on this i think is I supress all feminine traits as a bloke so this is an escapism, a pressure valve letting off steam.. "What?" I hear you cry.. "You think women have it easy and dressing like one blows off steam".. No but it works somehow.

Are crossdressers powerless to stop?

Davina - I'm very strong willed and I know i could stop if i wanted... but I don't want to stop.. I enjoy getting changed, putting on makeup and chilling dressed as a woman.. it helps me somehow unwind.

WHAT IS A CROSSDRESSER?

In the transgender world, labels are often hotly debated, so this question must be answered with some trepidation.

According to The American Heritage(r) Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition, “A crossdresser is one who engages in the act of wearing clothing commonly associated with another gender within a particular society.”

Crossdressers are often mistakenly thought of as homosexual, yet this is rarely the case.

Davina - I read this a lot and it's true .. Esme asked me when I convided in her I was a crossdresser if I was GAY "Hell No!" I love women but a better question may be are crossdressers Bi-sexual.. The answer may still be "Hell No!" but more chance of a t girl being Bisexual than Gay but most I chat to are straight then there's the weird thing of finding another T-Girl attractive.. That for me has happened I've chatted to on video and seen pics of T girls who look like genuine good looking women.. But thats more an appreciation of a feminine look not like I'm jumping into bed with another T girl as I admire how she looks. This is another thread .. Sexuality may spring to mind but it's not the big reason or anywhere close to the reason why men crossdress.

The overwhelming majority of crossdressers consider themselves to be straight.

Davina - YES!!

However, if the crossdresser is also gender dysphoric, meaning she feels as if she is trapped in the wrong body, then she may even consider herself lesbian.

Davina - Wait a minute No if you consider yourself trapped in the wrong body You're probably more than a crossdresser and yes I feel like a lesbian when I'm Davina if Esmes up for some fun lol. I jokes once we were being lesbians and she didnt like that at all..

Some crossdressers do not wish to dress 24/7, because for them, the act of crossdressing is fetishistic in nature, and not a lifestyle that they wish to embody.

Davina - Fetishtic? not always not for everyone.. just because a T girl doesnt want to dress 24/7 doesnt mean the dressing is a fetish. I'd sometimes love to spend 24 hours+ as Davina .. Maybe i would given the opportunity spend a whole weekend as Davina and not have to change back until i have to change back.. sometimes an hour will suffice and that's all i needed but doesn't make it a fetish.

Some crossdressers are indeed gay or bisexual and they may wish to dress full-time,

Davina - Being Gay or Bisexual and dressing full time are not related whatsoever!!

..as they are more likely to live in communities that support crossdressing.

Davina - What? .. this is nonsense but lets see what else they have to say on this...

There are many nuances and subtleties to crossdressing, and therefore, defining crossdressers in general, is very difficult to do.

Davina - Missed an opportunity to state many many crossdressers you'd never ever guess are crossdressers, high powerd or stressful jobs, married with kids, normal every day upstanding citizens .. and we crossdress.. Where's this covered in any article?

WHAT MOTIVATES THE CROSSDRESSER?

In order to determine if a certain behavior can be reigned in or eliminated altogether, it is important to know the causes of the behavior.

Davina - The behaviour.... Grrrrr

With that said, there are as many motivations for crossdressing as there are rhinestones in a tiara.

However, there are a few common motivators that are prevalent enough to note.

Davina - The pie chart I talk about whith reasons we think we crossdress given a percentage to make up 360 degrees.. many reasons split across the circle in the pie chart .. lets see what they think.

Some people crossdress because it is comfortable.

Davina - Some women would question this but yes I feel some womens clothing is more comfortable and nicer material.

Some people associate women’s clothing with women and female sexuality to such a degree that they wish to actually embody the object of their desire, and hence “become” a woman.

Davina - Ouch on behalf of women reading it written like that.. we may try to emulate women we don't become a woman, but we try our best to look passable and act feminine.

There is more and more evidence to suggest that perhaps there is a hormonal or chromosomal link between men and the desire to present as women.

Davina - This interests me as if there is could we also add genetics? Are there or have there been others in my gene pool who were crossdressers skipping generations where we've had daughters etc.. So hormonal.. I have no sign of an adams apple.. It's there but not obvious, long eye lashes which women have actually commented on being jealous about and i have long legs.. maybe something in the chromosomes.

Some suggest that young boys may be imprinted by circumstances during childhood that cause them to want to crossdress, such an older sister or babysitter dressing the boy for fun or punishment.

Davina - Never happened.. how often does this actually happen? There are many more reasons not covered here which i would have hoped to see such as a stress relief, liking the feel of womens clothing, liking how we look dressed, fascination with femininity, Autogyniphillia when dressed, appreciating women and womens fashon, some dress to wear and experiance clothing which they wish their wives would wear.. Sometimes a wife or GF has stopped wearing certain items like heels, lingerie or even makeup .. another topic covered somewhere in the forum on the unwritten rule where a wife or GF may be content and unknowlingly stops making so much of an effort to always look her best.. Many women will see this as an insult but us men see it and feel powerless to say or do anything about it.. Soe turn to crossdressing.

CROSSDRESSING AS A FETISH

Then there are the men, who are not gender dysphoric, who simply associate women’s articles of clothing with sexuality.

Davina - Sure for me it was hosiery and lingerie the start and it was a sexualised activity trying on these items getting aroused...

Often during puberty, when hormones are raging, they discover a slip, a bra or a pair of panties in the hamper.

Davina - Correct in terms of the timing for me hormones beginning to spark.. 1st erection crossdressed not knowing what was wrong with it then shortly after first orgasm dressed..

The fabric is sensual, the smell is intoxicating and the visual cues that the garment provides are clearly sexual. So the lingerie becomes a masturbation aid.

Davina - guilty of this as a kid and I'll be honest I sometimes still masterbate as Davina. but it's not the reason I crossdress .. it maybe a slice in my pie chart but not a big percentage added to "getting myself off" as Davina.. There's more to why I crossdress than an orgasm.

Once that early connection is formed between self-gratification and women’s apparel, it is an extremely difficult one to quash.

The taboo of wearing or using women’s clothing to gain sexual arousal and release can be very powerful for the person while he is engaged in the crossdressing behavior. However, once the individual reaches climax, he may become filled with shame, disgust, regret and self-loathing.

Davina - Yes this is true I used to orgasm and undress even taking makeup off but it doesnt take long to regret cumming and feeling guilty and wishig i was still made up and dressed .. I learnt to overcome this and force myself to remain dressed if i masterbated and had an orgasm..

He may even vow never to do it again.

Davina - Doubtful.

Yet the pull of women’s clothes proves too strong for him to deny and the cycle repeats itself, often again and again.

This urge appears to be strongest in young adulthood, however, once a man reaches his twenties, it may even diminish or cease for a period.

Davina - For some it may.. I'm way past my 20s and its still an activity i sometimes partake in when dressed as a woman.

Fast-forward a few years, to perhaps his thirties, when the young crossdresser now has a career, a wife, debt, a mortgage and children.

The desire to escape the pressures of life becomes insurmountable and the urge to return to the old crossdressing, stress-relieving behavior from his youth returns in full force.

Davina - Different age for me.. In my 20s .. early to late 20s it diminished my gf then became my wife she'd wear heels the occassional sexy lingerie sometimes even stockings and i recall maybe crossdressing once or twice per year.. But with stress of work and other things in our relationship i turned back to crossdressing last 20s and the urge has got stronger and stronger as some of the problems and stress are still there and one has repeated and caused me more stress and depression. Life is complicated and you can find yourself depressed through no fault of your own and crossdressing helps somehow with the escapism.. made worse when you can't crossdress.

BIOLOGICAL CAUSES FOR CROSSDRESSING

In a USA Today article entitled, Sex-identity Myths Dispelled, By Robert Sapolsky, the author suggests that typically the tapestry of one’s existence – genitalia, chromosomes, hormones, secondary sexual characteristics, gonads, upbringing, education and socio-economic status, all dictate what sex you are.

However, recent research regarding transsexuality is shedding light on that standard belief.

In fact, in his article, Mr. Sapolsky states:

“The new finding concerns one of those brain regions – called the BSTc – that has a large, reliable sex difference.

The BSTc is involved in emotions and bodily responses to them.

Human males average about twice as many neurons within the BSTc as do females.

During this study, done by Frank Kruijver and his colleagues in the Netherlands and published in The Journal of Clinical Endocrinology and Metabolism, a major publication in its field, researchers counted BSTc neurons during post-mortem examination of brains.

In both sexes, transsexuals didn’t have the neuron number typical of their gender.

Davina - I wonder where we are as Crossdressers in this hard to do a study on post mortems for tgirls unless a wife declares before the post mortem oh by the way he dressed as a woman.. How morbid.

Instead, the researchers discovered, they had the number typical of the sex they always believed they should be.”

Davina - FOr Transexuals this must be mind blowing "They were right!" This is the first I've ever heard of this and to the haters of Transexuals it would seem this biological fact would give them a jab to the gut short of the full upercut.

This research flies in the face of previously conceived notions as to what makes certain people prone to emulate the opposite sex.

The implication is that something as cut-and-dried and biological as the amount of neurons in a portion of your brain, may be conveying to your mind that you are indeed the opposite sex (on the inside).

Davina - I'm sure mine coveys to me I'm a bloke and need to be a bloke and protect my family first and foremost, but there must be something in me and all of us a little different in biological terms .. or nothing but social conditioning making us behave like "blokes" in the way we were brought up and acted to please our fathers, peers and so on.

Of course, it stands to reason that this level of cognitive dissonance would propel anyone to attempt to right the wrong, or, in the words of countless crossdressers, to have the outside match the inside.

SO, CROSSDRESSING MAY BE BIOLOGICALLY BOUND–DOES THIS MEAN I CAN’T STOP?

Not according to Carl Jung, the famous Swiss psychiatrist.

He espoused that little boys naturally exhibit certain feminine characteristics, which are intrinsic to all people, regardless of gender.

He called this feminine side our Anima. However, parents, in an attempt to successfully rear their boys into manly men, discourage all displays of the feminine in their sons.

Davina - As i said above.. our Dads want us to be rugby or football internationals.. They want us to be the hunter gatherers / alpha males.

These feminine behaviors may be extremely subtle, and the corresponding parental disapproval, perhaps even more so.

Davina - The other thing we had was role models.. Most probably 90% of men we knew as kids we're manly men especially if involved in sport as kids so thats all we saw.. but we also saw our mothers, female teachers and other friends mums and female relatives.. We would have (i certainly did) have crushes in teachers and friends mums etc and looked at how they dressed, makeup figures etc then theres the sexy women on TV we saw as kids and the clothing catalogues.. our first porn.. These days kids are taught about sex and sexuality and trans at a far earlier age .. not sure this is right or wrong or even encouraging fomr the LGBTQ... side .

Jung contends that children, in particular, are extremely receptive to cues of approval and disapproval.

So, perhaps a little boy exhibits even a look or a stance, which is perceived as feminine by his parents, and he receives in response, a raised eyebrow, or even a slight frown. This exchange may occur on such a sub-conscious level, that neither the boy, nor his parent, even realizes that it has taken place.

Davina - This will have happened to all of us..

However, the young boy registers that transaction in his forming mind, and thus begins the negative association with that natural, feminine part of him, his Anima.

Davina - This next part is really bad.. we make ourselves show no emotion or empathy and we ACT a certain way..

He makes sure that he represses all feminine behaviors from that moment on. Or does he? Jung

Davina - We put on the front expected of us and show no emotions deemed feminine including the emotion of crying.

... sustained that it is impossible to thwart something that is intrinsic to our nature, such as our inherent masculine and feminine traits (in Jungian thought, those being the Animus and Anima, respectively).

The outward manifestation of the Anima will surface again, and often, when it does, it can be in traditionally unacceptable ways, such as crossdressing.

Davina - It may be there all along.. I'd play rugby in the afternoon as macho as you can get smashing into people and very aggressive then if i was home alone and my parents were out as a teen I'd be in stockings, french knickers, suspenders, bra with socks for boobs and high heels..

In Jungian psychology, however, the act of crossdressing is a path toward embracing one’s Anima, and a very pivotal part of the human experience and growth process.

However, crossdressing is but a stepping stone toward self-actualization.

The complete man, is one who may go through a period of embracing his feminine side by way of crossdressing, but who also eventually transforms into neither masculine nor feminine, but rather becomes a new being, a very healthy embodiment of both.

Davina - I think I'm a well rounded Human being .. the outside world sees the Bloke.. My wife see's sometimes Davina and a more vulnerable side and says Davina is nicer than male me.. go figure.

Jung contends that the man that allows himself to crossdress, as a healthy vehicle toward to the ultimate acceptance and integration of his feminine self, will eventually no longer need to crossdress, once those two facets of his being, the Anima and the Animus merge.

Davina - maybe and maybe not .. Whilst i live with certain stressful parts of my life crossdressing is a crutch and something i enjoy. As we've seen on our Forum we've read some t girls deciding to call it a day but thats nothing to do with this balance Jung is talking about.

Jung contends that the man who is stuck in the crossdressing phase of his life experiences arrested development.

Davina - Sorry Jung but that's nonsense.

CROSSDRESSING AND PURGING

Many crossdressers, for many reasons, decide at some time in their lives, that they want to stop crossdressing.

Davina - I've never purged, I've never stopped entirely apart from in my 20s with a wife in sexy lingerie and "at it like rabbits" before life became more stressful and crossdressing returned. Guilt can play a part in "wanting to stop" but it's hard to stop and why stop something you enjoy.

This very deliberate act involves eliminating all of the accoutrements of crossdressing through various means–burning, giving the items to charity, or throwing them away.

This is known in the crossdressing community as purging.

Often, once an individual purges, he feels good about the positive steps he has taken to control his desire to crossdress.

This era of good feelings can last a week, a month or years. However, it is far more common than not, that the crossdresser has not truly reformed, and that he finds himself replacing entire wardrobes of clothing and returning to his old behavior patterns.

Davina Reformed?? Like it was a huge problem like alcoholism or gambling or spending on credit cards running up debt.. That is something you can reform from but crossdressing doesnt need reforming you're either enjoying crossdressing or you arent. its a hobby not like the other things I've just mentioned.

Purging is a very expensive practice.

CROSSDRESSING RELAPSE

According to an abstract by Samantha Johnson (Eds), entitled, Crossdressing – The Crossdresser, Children and the Family (this article can be found on www.transgenderzone.com), there are usually three reasons for the cycle of crossdressing to begin again, once a person has purged himself of women’s clothing and accessories:

“The first is they have a deeper more fundamental gender identity issue.

Davina - do I have a deeper gender identity issue? One of Esmes fears that there is more to this than mere crossdressing as Davina and maybe there is.. If i could dress a lot more would I? Most definately yes.. If i could present male or female at choice would I.. Yes if the world was ready for that to be a thing I'd get up and present however i felt or what suited what i was doing on that day.. Today I took the kids shopping saw lots of nicely presented and made up women and I could have been shopping in a nice dress and makeup etc no different then being in a jersey and shorts with trainers.. what difference would it have made..

The second is when the individual purges they do not fill the space left adequately with another equally stimulating activity.

Davina - What could I do instead of Crossdressing that could possibly light those nerve endings to simulate or emulate the enjoyment I get from Crossdressing and the stress release i get from corssdressing. It's true when i played competitive sport I crossdressed less but this was getting rid of stress and agression by playing sport.. I no longer play competitive contact sport and even when i did I was crossdressing ..

The third is the individual enjoys crossdressing and identifies with the crossdressing community.

Davina - Here here I enjoy being Davina from transformation to chilling and enjoy chatting to others in the T girl community.

Therefore feels an outsider when not dressed!

Davina - No.. i'm not crossdressed now but typing this wishing i was and it's Davina you're reading more than male me.

Or misses the intensely sexually stimulation created the urge to dress.”

Davina - I did a sex survey a week or so ago and concluded my sex drive out of 10 in a normal day is around 8.. I don't need to be crossdressed for that and it doesnt change when I'm dressed..

Ms. Johnson believes that crossdressers experience an extremely refined form of what she calls “infantile sexuality.”

By that she means that crossdressing is intrinsically based on fantasy and is “extremely narcissistic.”

Davina - I've definately fantasiesed when crossdressed and got off on it. but like i said before its not the huge reason i dress.

It would not be preposterous to say that the purpose of erotic pleasure is to connect us in a loving and sexual way with another person.

However, the crossdresser, in an attempt to please himself sexually, does just the opposite, he drives others away and turns inwardly to himself for gratification.

Davina - The writer is not considering cyber sex, video call chats which can turn sexual and crossdressers meeting others for sex.. This happens.

She goes on to say that psychoanalysts distinguish between phallic love and genital love.

Phallic love is primarily narcissistic and selfishly consumed with fantasy and seeking personal, sexual fulfillment.

The more mature, genital love combines self-gratification with the commitment to and pleasuring of another.

Phallic love is based in fantasy and genital love is based in reality.

It would follow that crossdressing is more akin to phallic love.

CROSSDRESSING CONCLUSIONS

Should one be truly motivated to alter or cease their crossdressing behaviors, it will take a multi-faceted approach.

Davina - I think it can do a lot of harm to surpress soething you enjoy and find solace and escapism in.

Again, according to Ms. Johnson, EDS, the desire to overcome any habit, such as smoking, drinking or over-eating, can be daunting.

Davina - You CANNOT compare crossdressing to smoking and drinking etc. For gods sake its the act of wearing clothing society has deemed belongs to women and looking at the escapism of emulating a woman.

She contends that it is important to determine if crossdressing episodes escalate during times of stress, or, if there are certain triggers that cause one to dress.

Davina - Stress is one driver.. Triggers are another eg Holly willoughby in a nice dress legs out black tights and heels on this morning and i'm urging to dress and emulate her.

Those triggers may be different for every person, so one must examine and observe his own patterns in order to break them.

Once he has ascertained what those triggers are, they should be avoided.

Davina - Give yourself electric shocks then? poppycock don't heed this advice it will have an effect on our mental health to avoid the triggers and avoid crossdressing in my view. Sorry wives and girlfriends if you're reading this is a harmless activity.. we're not mad.. we just found a way to escape for a bit don't worry we'll be back in trainers, football jersey and shorts soon.

If stress is a cue, ensure that there are alternate ways of dealing with stressful periods in life. Regarding therapy,

Davina - But if it dissipates a mans stress its a pill free easy way of escaping it all for a bit and it bloomin works so shove the advice it's only presenting as the opposite sexy temporarily.

Ms. Johnson concludes:

“Find a counselor who is competent. It may take many meetings to find the right one. Find out about their experience with crossdressing.

Do not use therapists that are judgmental, or have their own gender issues that creep into the conversation, as they are likely to project them onto you.

Don’t look for a therapist to either tell you to stop crossdressing straight away, because it ‘wrong’ or “crossdress all you want; there’s nothing wrong with it.” You will need to work through what maybe difficult periods of your life and rebuild new neuro-pathways. You may have to learn coping strategies and stress management techniques.”

Choosing to walk down a new path can be very scary and challenging. Once a person ceases to dress, he will not only feel withdrawal symptoms from not dressing, he will also have to grieve the loss of that part of himself, his life, his coping mechanism and even, his sense of community, if he in fact forged friendships with other crossdressers.

Davina - This is food for thought a lot of this is true.. it can lead to depression where crssdressing is such an unimportant but important part of our lives.

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Addressing this sense of loss will add another layer of difficulty to quitting.

Davina - So dojn't do it.

It is very possible, that the drive to crossdress may lessen toward the end of therapy. The reformed crossdresser may even begin to see that women’s clothing was merely a way to express part of his personality that he once repressed.

Davina - The part that society frowns on in men showing feelings etc.. But the pie chart of why we crossdress has much more to it than this.

In light of this new knowledge, the women’s attire may lose its attraction and significance. However, as Ms. Johnson so succinctly summarizes:

“In the end, is all of this and its cost worth it? When simply getting dressed up now and again offers you so much comfort?”

Davina - Exactly

Unless crossdressing jeopardizes your family, relationships, mental or physical health, or livelihood, why not just celebrate your uniqueness and ability to embrace the feminine within you?

Davinas conclusion - A good article hits the spot in soe places but off on a tangent sometimes also.. I've yet to read a complete article that I can 100% relate to but will keep on seeking it.

Davina