Agreed we do talk a load of twaddle for me mainly work and sport and less about relationships.

We hide our feelings as thats what men do lol why because were conditioned that way from young.

Crossdressing is a form of stress relief for me.. partly with many more aspects and reasons also for crossdressing .

Sometimes however when I'm stressed and hyper busy in work I wouldnt say crossdressing is the last thing I want to do more like the stress has got too great even for crossdressing to resolve and a chance to crossdress is foregone to get the work done.

Is it selfish I dont think its a selfish hobby or habbit its very occasional and does no harm and in terms of stress helps, but im talking in terms of my dressing some others may be more selfish as Sindy eludes to ,

My friendships also tend to be more based around activities such as sport and work.

In many ways I am a bit of a loner happy with my wife and kids company, prefer to go out with my wife or with couples than a bunch of men I have lots of friends but not many close friends and always been that way.

I was popular in school, college and University across the board and friends with everyone not in a clique or kids who thought they were elite although I could have been but preferred to get on with everyone and look after everyone and im the same now still and dont have airs and graces but will speak to a chief exec the same as i speak to a man on a shovel and have responsibility for a large workforce and my family all miles before crossdressing.

In terms of my job I lose a lot of family time which im trying to address but its hard to balance work and life at the moment which is frustrating and stressful maintaining some sort of balance is hard.

I have struggled with crossdressing guilt for putting my wife through me being a crossdresser but talking about this with my wife and others has got me past this.

There is an urge to crossdress which can come and go and it is a part of 'me'.

It can be boring and rather lonely crossdressing alone at home whilst working from home or in a hotel room away with work so its nice my wife has planned a girls night in. It must be hard being in the closet and also having to dress away from home.

Sindy has rejected crossdressing and hoping the chat here helps her vent her frustratings and Katies wife knows but has buried her head in the sand all stops along the way my wifes been at herself only talking can resolve this however hard it may be to do

Crossdressing is just one part of all of us an insignificant significant part of us not in the top 10 important things to us but something we enjoy or I enjoy similar to enjoying sport etc.

Agreed all we can do is try not to be dicks about it haha

Great post I shall reply when I have more time.

In my experience men tend to be more comfortable being involved in - and discussing - activities and stuff (cars, fishing gear, model trains... doesn't really matter what it is) than relationships. Most men I know find navigating, let alone talking about, relationship issues (whether it's related to their SO or in the context of someone outside the family who's having a hard time) difficult to some degree or other.

I like to think I'm not typical in this respect, but I've learnt that I still have blind spots. It's often said that crossdressing is a form of stress relief for many. I can relate to that, although sometimes when I'm stressed it's the last thing I want to do. Like any absorbing hobby it can appear rather selfish, I suppose. I have - and have had - plenty of other ('normal') interests that get hoovered up by the obsessive and complusive parts of my personality. Many men I know are like that. My partner spends a lot of her free time being involved in her extended network of friendships, many of which go back decades. My friendships tend to be more based around activities and specific interests (no, I'm not talking about crossdressing!). It's different, is all.

I know people who, to take just one example, are accomplished in one particular sport. To achieve and maintain that level of competence and fitness they have to devote prodigious quantities of time to training (not to mention the money spent on gear, or the cost of travelling to events). Many of these people have wives and children. I have no idea how they reconcile one with the other, but they seem to manage.

LIke anything, I suppose it's a matter of trying to maintain some sort of balance. Many crossdressers struggle with guilt. I know I do. Partly with the help of my partner's relatively relaxed attitude to it, I've been working on accepting it - and the urge to do it - as just a part of 'me'. But it's not easy, and there are times when just making time to be entirely self-centred and spend a bit of time en femme, without really thinking about it, is the only way I can deal with the urge. Like, I suspect, a lot of crossdressers who spend most of their time dressing in secret, at home, it can be rather lonely.

I guess the point of all this is just to notice that we are all many things. Crossdressing is just one part of me, as it is for anyone who gets the same urge. All we can do is try not to be dicks about it ;)

Thanks for the post Katie.. and as Python say And now for something completely different

compulsion: irresistible desire to behave a certain way, especially against one's conscious wishes.

Its an urge to dress which I enjoy, put on makeup to look and feel different for a few hours which I also enjoy but its not against conscious wishes as I want to crossdress.

obsession: an idea or thought that continually preoccupies or intrudes on a person's mind.

Im not obsessed with crossdressing it isnt something always on my mind or somethng I obsess over I can go weeks without crossdressing the urge eventually grows and always nice when you finally get a chance to dress.

addicted: physically and mentally dependent on a particular substance [or behavior], and unable to stop taking [or doing] it without incurring adverse effects.

It may be an addiction but a mild one as done it all my life but its still an urge which comes and goes.

Crossdressing isnt getting in the way of living my life or affecting home life etc especially with the wife accepting my crossdressing. I dont dress often enough for it to affect relationships or finances.

Ive never once thought I wish i could stop but can't and it's ruining my life

Sindy there must be and will be something which sparks your husbands urge to dress and it more than likely comes and goes like the rest of us.

It would be good if he were on here so we could have his side of the story and also for him to read your thoughts and worries.

Im not bored with crossdressing after 30+ years since a kid doing it, in fact I find it more fun now transforming and relaxing for a few hours than I did when I was younger.

If I was a wife of a tgirl id be worried what he does when dressing away from home.

Ive chatted to lots of t girls especially ones forced out or rejected by wives having to dress away from home seem to end up meeting other tgirls and some get up to things together.

This isnt true of all this type of tgirl but its something id worry about if I were a wife wondering what he gets upto when dressed as a woman away from home.

Me I dress in my hotel room and chat on tvchix how boring.

He zones out and sits on his computer at night maybe chatting to other crossdressers / tgirls as its easier for him to chat with them than you. Been there done this when my wife wouldnt talk about my crossdressing you confide in other tgirls debate what to say how to say things for the best and even with wives and girlfriends much like were doing here in this forum.

Good that you are supporting friends with personal difficulties but dont do this at the expense of yourself and your own worries which in terms of problems isnt that big an issue in the grand scheme of things ie a husband crossdressing isnt a big deal.

Being selfish with crossdressing is something some tgirls fall into but how is he being selfish if hes taking it away from home and very occasionally?

Is crossdressing the only thing putting your relationship on eggshells or is there more to it?

As Katie said were not marriage councillors but seems you need to sit down and have a good talk about all that is on your mind with your husband and resolve it and come to agreements.

As I mentioned up above somewhere talk talk and talk and try being part of his dressing it may well change his outlook towards you it may be youre resenting something about eachother?

Davina

I'll post something more serious in a min Sindy but had to post this...

BARBER: I wanted to be... a lumberjack!

Leaping from tree to tree, as they float down the mighty rivers of British Columbia. The Giant Redwood. The Larch. The Fir! The mighty Scots Pine! The lofty flowering Cherry! The plucky little Apsen! The limping Roo tree of Nigeria. The towering Wattle of Aldershot! The Maidenhead Weeping Water Plant! The naughty Leicestershire Flashing Oak! The flatulent Elm of West Ruislip! The Quercus Maximus Bamber Gascoigni! The Epigillus! The Barter Hughius Greenus!

With my best buddy by my side, we'd sing! Sing! Sing!

[singing] I'm a lumberjack, and I'm okay. I sleep all night and I work all day.

MOUNTIES: He's a lumberjack, and he's okay. He sleeps all night and he works all day.

BARBER: I cut down trees. I eat my lunch. I go to the lavatory. On Wednesdays I go shoppin' And have buttered scones for tea.

MOUNTIES: He cuts down trees. He eats his lunch. He goes to the lavatory. On Wednesdays he goes shopping And has buttered scones for tea.

He's a lumberjack, and he's okay. He sleeps all night and he works all day.

BARBER: I cut down trees. I skip and jump. I like to press wild flowers. I put on women's clothing And hang around in bars.

MOUNTIES: He cuts down trees. He skips and jumps. He likes to press wild flowers. He puts on women's clothing And hangs around in bars?!

He's a lumberjack, and he's okay. He sleeps all night and he works all day.

BARBER: I cut down trees. I wear high heels, Suspendies, and a bra. I wish I'd been a girlie, Just like my dear Papa.

MOUNTIES: He cuts down trees. He wears high heels, Suspendies, and a bra?!

[talking] What's this? Wants to be a girlie?! Oh, My! And I thought you were so rugged! Poofter!...

[singing] He's a lumberjack, and he's okay. He sleeps all night and he works all day.

He's a lumberjack, and he's okaaaaay. He sleeps all night and he works all day.

And Sindy that perfect ex with the beautiful wife's probably a furry lol

I'm not compaiming about that lumberjack look ... Maybe lose the Axe.

We've been through difficult times also in our marriage but none of it to do with crossdressing.

I expect my wife has resented me crossdressing and even being on here she woukd still prefer to have a husband who doesn't crossdressi.

I dressed working from home yesterday triggered by a breakfast tv woman in black tights and heels which put me in the mood to dress and my wife was hone lunch time saw me dressed.

Not sure when my next opportunity will be.

Sindy would you consider trying to be part of his dressing again instead of fretting about it give it a go a girls night in May change things.

Davina

PS

Sindy if you want to go for the lumberjack look I'm not sure too many men would complain ;-)

Hi Sindy

I'm not a marriage guidance counsellor so not going to give you any advice but I can feel your pain and frustration. Dealing with other peoples problems can really drain you emotionally and frustrate the hell out of you. It can also magnify your own issues and make you want anything for an easy life. I remember when my sister was having her marriage problems it really took it's toll on my mum. She tried to help but whatever she said was never right. In the end she was just a listening post but it got very frustrating. I'd then get it from my mum venting her frustration so everyone starts getting involved!

My wife and I are really quite closed books when it comes to sharing our emotions with others. We had a difficult time when our boys were born. They were premature (29 weeks) and weighed just over 3 pound each. They were in hospital for 9 weeks and it was touch and go at times. My wife then had PTS and post natal depression as it's tough coping with twins. She'd had an emergency c section which led to the PTS. Together we did our best to cope with everything but never let on how difficult things were during that first yer or so. I don't think the rest of our family know how difficult it was. My wife finds it difficult to see happy mother coeing over babies as it brings back bad memories. First time I've really mentioned it too.

Through everything we've stuck together and would do anything for our kids. We're really want to give them a strong and stable home life. The crossdressing is kept secret but too be honest I don't think they'd be bothered. Maybe because of the way we've raised them to be tolerant individuals.

I get how you might despise your husband at the moment. You're dealing with all this outside stress and he's just sitting there in his own little world. I reckon that it'd be the same whatever he did, if he was in the garage fiddling with old cars you'd still despise him for it. People often think that life is always greener on the other side. I've seen 'prefect' couple fall a part as it was all a sham. The crossdressing is an easy target to vent your anger against but don't make it the only reason to get a divorce.

It sounds as if you need a break from everyday stress, Christmas does intensify feeling and dealing with your friends problems will only make it worse. Sit back take a deep breath and enjoy your Christmas with the kids.

Katie

And this might be too much personal information, but I've been randomly and suddenly having these weird dreams about an ex of mine, looooong before my husband. I don't whether this is just my brain trying to cope with crap, or some sort of sign that I made a mega mistake marrying my husband and I need to look both behind and ahead!

I'm probably just over thinking it haha. But still, it was so pleasant waking up from a dream with my fun, easy going ex boyfriend who DIDNT wear frocks and whose biggest obsession was fixing old cars. I can handle old cars! He's actually an amazing husband and father now and I went to school with his wife. She's beautiful and so nice! I sort of hate them both right now. My life could have been easier and sexier too.

I'm sort of feeling this week, like my husband has robbed me of something big.

My husband sparks the urge. He can't blame it on anything else because he's the one who's been feeding it for almost four decades! Christ, that takes some dedication. I honestly don't understand why he's not bored with it all yet.

But, of course, he's not. He continues to indulge when away (not very often I admit) or in his own head when he zones out and sits on his computer at night. I'm having one of those months, with friends having great personal difficulties of their own that I'm helping with and general emotional exhaustion, where I look at him and he just downright annoys the crap out of me. He is really quite controlled and yet still selfish with all this. The whole thing can be so narcissistic. Seriously, maybe I should come up with some all-consuming, vain hobby that means I fall in love with myself in some lumberjack costume and then get annoyed at my husband for not indulging it. Maybe I'll distance myself emotionally and spend time buying fake beards and planning trips away!

Crossdressing has made my husband into a bit of an asshole.

Of course, I think our relationship is on eggshells at the moment anyway. I'm reaching some kind of point where I wonder if it would be easier on my own. We have even had some heated discussions about this very topic lately and it always comes down to the kids. We don't want to screw them up. Yeah right, because self indulgent daddy in his frocks and heels won't do that to them. And no, they don't see him dressed but maybe it's only a matter of time. Who knows? At least with two living spaces they could run to me if he freaks them out! Sigh.

Hoping this is just the impending holiday season blues and usual squabbles but not so sure...not so sure what I want anymore. Have lots to think about. Thanks for listening. x

I don't really have any specific triggers, the need just arises but I thought that this answer on another forum was relevant as we may all have a mixture compulsive and obsessive behaviours about crossdressing. This doesn't need to be constant and so a trigger may set off the thought process. In Davina's case the black tights created the idea / desire. Davina may not have necessarily wanted to get dressed and so a complusion arose and will have continually preoccupied Davina's thoughts until that scratch was itched.

This what was written;

'i think it's useful to make the distinction between compulsion/obsession and addiction.

compulsion: irresistible desire to behave a certain way, especially against one's conscious wishes.

obsession: an idea or thought that continually preoccupies or intrudes on a person's mind.

addicted: physically and mentally dependent on a particular substance [or behavior], and unable to stop taking [or doing] it without incurring adverse effects.

those are just plain English definitions, btw, not necessarily the clinical definitions.

imo, if cd is getting in the way of you living your life, then it's an addiction or at least problematic, regardless of what you label it as. examples would be if it were getting in the way of your relationships, affecting your finances, keeping you from enjoying the things you used to enjoy doing. basically if you say to yourself "i wish i could stop but can't and it's ruining my life," then yes, it's probably an addiction. if you don't want to stop and it's not adversely affecting your life, it may still be a compulsion/obsession, but not an addiction.

compulsive behavior and obsessive thoughts can also be problematic though. i have found that when i have to hide anything, i tend to obsess more and feel more compelled to do it bc i am restricted. sometimes coming out to a confidante can be liberating in that way.

i am obsessive more than compulsive, but being aware of it and checking in with myself often helps keep me balanced. it's also nice to have an understanding wife that knows when to let me go off the deep end and when to rein me in.'

I think the poster is right in that we can obsess about something we are denied more than if it is freely avaliable. I remember reading in a post that Emma has told her husband to go and get dressed to calm himslef down after a stressful day. Had he not had the freedom to dress the need might have arisen but because he is not denied the opportunity when he wants to the desire isn't as strong. You can have too much of a good thing!

Katie

Yes enjoyed my transformation but it went way too fast

Davina

Hope you enjoyed your day as Davina

Emma (wife)