By: Katie

Subject: Re: wowzers

Hi Sarah

I'm glad you found our little community.

As Sindy says the vast majority of what you can find on the internet is written by the vocal minority. I hope that Davina's blog and the chat hear represents the silent majority!

I do consider myself a pretty 'vanilla' or 'Davina' type crossdresser. No pretensions about being some vanguard for closeted crossdressers. I think we all try and be honest with each other hear and although it might not suit everyones agenda it is how we feels.

I have found it therapeutic to write down some of my thoughts, test my ideas and answer questions raised.

Telling your wife will be a big one and you will definitely need to make sure the timing is right. I was once told to give any news like this away from the home in a place that isn't special. That way no bad thoughts are connected to somewhere that means something to you and there is no constant reminder.

Make sure you have everything clear in your own mind. Some of the advice given to Alex will also apply. It is important to know yourself before you can share properly.

I didn't really think about my crossdressing until I was discovered. I was lucky my wife didn't throw a wobbly and we are still together although I'm never quite sure how she is coping. I think communication is the buzz word but be prepared for there to be none after the initial disclosure. Your wife will need time to process everything and will ask when she's good and ready.

I'm sure that Sindy and the other wives here would offer support and answer any questions once the day arrive.

I look forward to your contributions.

By: Katie

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: wowzers

Sorry I'm a bit naive at times. I had to look up cyber sex on the internet!

I'm pretty sure my wife wouldn't be happy if I told her I dressed as a woman and then had cyber sex with complete strangers.

Dropping the bombshell of crossdressing maybe too much for some wives but with the added 'extras' I'm not to sure if you'd get the happy ending you were after! Again you know your wife better than anyone else so could probably judge her response.

If you only told her about the crossdressing and not the cyber sex then what would you be trying to achieve?

By: Davina

Subject: Re: Re: Re: wowzers

To tell or not to tell wasn't that Shakespeare?

I'm surprised Sindy didn't pick up on the cyber sex as yes a can of worms that may be and hard for a wife to accept her husband dressed as a woman having cyber sex?

Is it cheating? Is it pure fantasy?

Is there something deeper there?

Slightly off to the side of the blog but is probably one of the elephants in the room.. It's fun it's escapism but with cyber sex is it more fetisht and fantasist?

It is nice to be admired but what would wives think of their husbands admitting to cyber sex with others I'm assuming are tgirls also?

Intriguing post and opportunity to discuss this aspect of crossdressing habit?

Go ahead and discuss..

By: Katie

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: wowzers

I guess it goes back to one of Sindy's earlier posts about men wanting to press the self destruct button. Why?

I'm sure there are many men who go to their graves never having confessed. What to do about the stash is another matter, the loft is always sacrosanct to the man so I can't see many wives venturing up there - especially if she's getting on a bit lol. More likely to be one if the kids having a clear out. Would they tell?

Women are pretty intuitive but, as with Sindy, my wife thought the last thing I'd be was a crossdresser!

I think a lot depends on the strength of your marriage. I think the biggest shock for some wives is the fact that a secret has been kept for so long as opposed to the actual crossdressing itself.

It's got to be a personal decision that nobody here can make for you. Nobody knows your situation better than you. All we can do offer support whatever the outcome.

By: Sindy

Subject: Re: Re: Re: wowzers

Hmmm, interesting question. How long have you been married? If you've kept this from her for years then I don't know. I think people, even spouses, are allowed to have private activities they keep to themselves. It just depends what you're wanting from all this and whether her knowledge and even involvement is desired. My husband likes me knowing as he's forever optimistic I'll change my mind and decide I'm some latent lesbian who loves men in dresses. Not gonna happen but he lives in hope lol.

If you're happy keeping it all to yourself and very occasional dressing then why rock the boat? That said, on the side of wives everywhere, we're pretty damn intuitive and while you think you're being super covert she might have suspicions. I did. Not about crossdressing though as that never entered my mind...but something just seemed off. Is there any reason your wife might suspect you're not entirely 'there' in the marriage? Could she catch you dressed and start world war three? I guess answer these questions and then decide which is best. I'm sure many men take this to the grave. I wonder what they do with their stash when dead. I feel sorry for any wife discovering this when he's not even around to explain it.

Anyway, keep us posted.

By: Sarah Tgirl UK

Subject: Re: Re: wowzers

How I got I to it?

Like everyone else mums catalogue my first porn the lingerie pages and wondering if mum had this delishious stuff and she did have some so wonder how it feels on and it was nice.

Like Davina I had my first errection in lingerie and thought there was something up with me .

Then fancying girls but never gonna have them in sexy lingerie as a teenager would get off wearing it fantasising. As I've got older it's more relaxing and fun looking back on what I used to get upto to dress up.

Gone past guilt etc but want to tell my wife as do t want her to find out not to make it easier for me I want her to know I dress and to know it's nothing pervy.

I find it fun, I can look convincing, it helps me unwind now I've packed in football.

What do I think of it? I don't know really never considered I'm a pervert although I have had cyber sex when dressed and do get off on it but that's just a bit of fun make believe I'd never do anything for real.

That will be a sore point I bet. Women and men see cyber sex different.

What have I started?

Anyway thanks for the reply's.

Scared off writing my wife a letter by Katie's post I will see Gow that goes. Maybe I'm better off keeping it from my wife?

By: Sindy

Subject: Re: wowzers

Hi Sarah. I'm one of the wives this blog is definitely helping. Years of confusion and anger later and I really feel I'm moving somewhere else now, hopefully forward lol.

Anyway, glad you're finding all this helpful too. Before I stumbled here and read Davinas info I really thought most men who did this were one week away from transition or just arseholes. I thought many things and none of it right or pretty. I still find the whole thing a bit odd and I'll probably never say 'yay, I'm married to a crossdresser' but reading and chatting here has definitely lifted the heaviness of it all. The internet is a great resource if done right but when you're pouring through the pages in distress and anger it's very easy to only see the stuff written by the very loud minority. I realise now that most of what is online is spoken by the minority. I guess they have the most to gain by being heard. Private dressers are better off keeping quiet.

You mention you've not told your wife. Gulp. I don't envy you that position as we can react in so many different ways but if you're an alpha male, awesome husband/father type then the shock could be huge. So I'd start preparing for the questions she'll load on you and the tears and disappointment.

Of course, she could also shrug her shoulders and not care. Either way, telling her before she finds out is definitely the better option as the hurt that you didn't trust her and lied will be bigger than the act of crossdressing. Good luck.

I hope you write a bit more about yourself and how/why you got dressing, what you think of it all etc. I had no idea so many boys and men were doing this in private. It's also surreal to think many of you didn't even know or have a word for the behavior and didn't know that others did it, and yet there are millions of you...how is it so many boys will raid the laundry hamper like this? Is there something in the water?? lol

So yep, feel free to add anything here. We love a good chat session. :-)