The question is should my marriage end because my husband is a crossdresser..

Wait a moment - Has this agony aunt been in a relationship where she is directly affected and has to make a decision about a partner who admits he is a crossdresser.

This isn't an attack on this agony aunt in particular but my view on most agony aunts on this topic who are behind the curve or out of their depth to give advice on crossdressing as they don't understand it, they don't understand us and base everything on a particular steriotype and think we need to seek help..

1. She does say it's not so much of an issue for women as women can basically wear what they like. She can crossdress herself if she chooses openly as women can wear mens clothing. Women can wear what they like, wear makeup or not, wear their hair any way they like and have the monopoly on fashon and clothing space in shops.

2. She mentions there is so much "societal pressure against it" but doesn't go into the why. Can anyone answer why there is so much societal pressure against it??????

3. She does mention the deep felt need but I doubt she really knows why? The urge grows and becomes a need and i think as we get older if its not a dysphoria it becomes a replacement for things we no longer do - for me thats competitive contact sport which in the past may have been an outlet for my aggression and stress now replaced with crossdressing.

4. He's seeking help and She asks - Where is he seeking help? Hang on he's crossdressing and it's probably benefitting his mental health and he doesn't need the seeds of doubt into his life telling him he needs help - OK I'm bias here as I've never thought I need to seek help but know some here have sought help and someone to talk to and talk through their crossdressing needs and want and guilt.. Is the Beaumont society the place to go to for mere crossdressers?. I've sought help and found it here, in my blog, chatting to others like me and to wives and to published authors of crossdressing books, through chatting regularly online to others on tvchix and even on video chats when dressed as Davina via skype with other tgirls and wives some of who are on this forum.. talking about why we crossdress is so theraputic for the guilt and best of all talking to emy wife Esme when we can about it. It's an act of wearing clothing and maybe taking it further for the fun of it putting on makeup and a wig trying to look convincing "fun of it" and it has some how wonderful healing powers of "Escapism" for the steriotyped stressed out man _ I can't explain it but the guilt of doing it aside placed there by a society that says crossdressing is "wrong and perverted" when I crossdress it allows a temporary dropping of my macho male socially required fascade and the stress of upkeep of that fascade .. it can melt away stress, allow me to relax when I'm made up and dressed, i find the whole transformation fun and a skill i could be proud of turning rugged man to a decentish passable fem persona and look of "Davina" - Fun - Relaxing - Stress busting - and it also makes me feel sexy.. I like the feel of the clothing, I like the flow of the clothing, how it makes me feel and look temporarily before I return to my male role in life and Esme sees in "Davina" a nicer version of me. So why should i seek help.. Its not help we seek its "UNDERSTANDING"

5. ACCEPTANCE - She touches on us longing for acceptance but doesnt go into any detail on this stating we struggle with the guilt for doing this and then we relive that guilt 10 fold when we impart our deep secret on our wives / partners and relive the guilt again.

6. Not what a wive is signing upto - let me be very cynical "in sickness and in health" lol ok im pushing here arent i but what harm does it do to a relationship by appearing differently.. in dressing as a woman .. not all the time just when the urge is there to crossdress, to have that stress busting pill free cure and escapism once a week, once per month a few times per year? Its hard to understand and we're all brought up and conditioned in societies do's and don'ts and a woman marries a man and wants that image of a man but this is something that is good for our health and wellbeing so can it have a free pass that once per week, once per month or a few times per year? and if nor "Why not?"

7. She doesnt mention online forums and blogs.. OK google search crossdressing on line and it can paint a sexualised image but find the right blogs and forums like this one, my blog and plenty others and find a man a real man no different to any other outpouring his guilt and feelings and telling the world "I'm not weird".. "this isnt perverted".. "this helps me cope"... "we're trapped and feel like we cannot show emotion as men"... "we bottle up stress".. "we struggle to express depression and self doubt".. "we struggle with our image concience".. Crossdressing somehow helps us and we're not about to run off with a man, we don't explicitly dress as women to attract men (we also can't help it if we do attract men "Admirers" who follow crossdressing sites and admire t-girls).. We're basically idiots who struggle to talk about our feelings and at times will not admit to depression and self doubt and no one notices this as we put on a bravado as a man that hides all this. Crossdressing for me has become a coping mechanism for my health and wellbeing. Esme can say to me honestly and shes right i feel all that too so what can I do to escape how i feel at times? I have no clue.. sorry but if i can help in any way i will even if that means my wife wanted to from time to time dress up like a man.. but am i saying that as thats something that she doesnt do how would i react if she did want to put on mens clothing once per week, per month a few times per year.. I know i can honestly say so what because i'm a crossdresser myself and understand that escapism. What I'm trying to say is we struggle as men to express our anxieties in life and we wont talk about it damn we wont even cry at a sad movie for fear of looking weak and instead it makes us look cold whats wrong with us that we left society make us behave like this? we intentionally let stress drive us and rule us as we're too scared to admit it affects us. i dont think agony aunts understand this and i dont think they realise how much for us crossdressers - crossdressing helps temporarily aleviate this pain and self doubt and stress - but only truly when we accept ourselves that we are crossdressers / t girls whatever the label, its harmless, its fun, it helps, it is now part of who we are and it benefits us in our mental wellbeing.

8. Beardy guy.. Ryland? throws in the question of Sexuality "ARGGGGHHHHHH!!!!" it's not about sexuality and I'm glad she says most tgirls are heterosexual or straight as we love women, we love the female image, we're all the type who love lacy sexy lingerie, hosiery and high heels, dresses and a woman who makes an effort with hair and makeup and femininity.. I would get a kicking from pure feminists who would tell me i'm steriotyping femininity so ok our version of femininity and how we like to see a woman, what attracts us to a woman.. and don't get me started on that unwritten rule in life where a women without discussing it with her boyfriend, husband or partner is settled and content having snared her man and fulfilled part of her dream, man, house , kids and security and consigns the high heels to the back of the wardrobe and doesnt see the need to wear flashy sexy lingerie etc etc oh my god ladies you have no idea the effect that has on us and we recall fondly the short skirts, the red lips, the hosiery and heels and the sexy lingerie and think what did i do that that stopped? One thing in common lots of us t girls discuss is at what point in the relationship did our wives stop wearing matching lingerie let alone sexy lingerie? why wont they wear stockings even for fun and titilation? how comes a girls night out they will put on a dress and spend hours getting ready but for a hubby and wife date its jeans and flat shoes? back to the psycological impact on men which we darent talk about .. so as we did as kids we sub in an alter ego and we crossdress, we put on the sexy lingerie, high heels, short dresses, hosiery and red lippy plus the dark eye shaddow and wig and we act a part and we escape reality for a bit.. Now dont get me wrong Ryland is right to an extent about sexuality as I've chatted to enough tgirls to realise we're not all straight and also chatted to enough t girls to know a pattern of rejection in crossdressing has pushed some to explore acceptance elsewhere and to find it in another t girl and some have "sexplored" with one another.. it happens I've talked to too many t girls who have openly admitted they have become bisexual tgirls so he is right but i think the majority of crossdressers are straight and part of the overall pie chart begins with loving women and femininity and a certain type of femininity .. the sexual side i think is something that can develop in crossdressers and is a crossroads in the spectrum many face.. I don't think the agony aunt realises this or is aiming to keep on the side of save the marriage "most tgirls are heterosexual". She says most are heterosexual and not Gay.. She doesnt touch on bisexuality which is becoming more common in younger people or is it? has it always been there but the internet has spread the word further as its a word i bet i was in my 30s before i learnt.. there was gay and straight... then swings both ways ? whats that bisexual really? Esmes first question to me was "are you gay".. well punch me in the face i never thought my wife would ever utter that question to me.. "Are you Bisexual?"... I Love Women, I love femininity I do not in the slightest fancy men!!

9. If otherwise your marriage has been happy it's a shame to throw it away because of Crossdressing - Yes this is so true.. people need to talk need to explain why we do this and as i've said before draw up a pie chart and give the reasons a percentage.. i enjoy it / its fun, stress relief, escapism, love of women, love of a feminine image, dropping the male persona, relaxing, dropping the pent up emotion, to help with mental wellbeing and anxiety, to help with occasional depression and anger, to feel sexy, to sometimes get myself off, liking the feel of the clothing and how it looks on me and how i look in the mirror, to wear things we wish our wives would wear more often or even from time to time, a psycological magic and mystisism? genes? biology?.. All these reasons add up to the 100% "This is why I crossdress"

10. It's not help we need psycologically to cure us its ACCEPTANCE and SUPPORT we need and Crossdressing is not a threat to a marriage if anything it is a deeply shared secret we've held close to our "man boobs" all our lives and we love you and trust you enough to share this societally labelled weird side of ourselves which if accepted and supported can enrich a relationship ...

11. But whats in it for a wife? how can a wife relax and unwwind? i know i know i know and i don't have the answer to this but believe me when i say acceptance and support of crossdressing and a warning note controlling it to a level you're comfortable with will see a less stressed husband, so a less stressed and more health marriage and / or relationship and a nicer, lighter different side to the man in your life.

Go on Forum friends whats your take.. lets debate agony aunts and again discuss all the above points..

I've ranted a bit and maybe got a lot off my chest there having not dressed for over 2 months and feeling highly stressed with the urge to become Davina unfulfilled over the last 18 months with no quality time whatsoever crossdressed realising my crossdressing is linked to my mental wellbeing and mental health and has become a coping mechanism, not wanting to admit any weakness in my psyce to myself let alone my wife and friends and family, work is making me ill, wanting to be the best all the time is making me ill and i don't have part of the prevention available apart from a few stolen hours crossdressed working from home when kids are in school avoiding video meetings.. I need to change my lifestyle my diet, fitness, work ethos, work life balance and i must make time for the things i enjoy and that includes Crossdressing and thats something i dont think agony aunts realise.

Davina