Sorry I missed this Katie a pity you didnt talk to your wife about your dressing must be hard not being able to talk about it

Bring her onto the forum and say read away lots she can see here to see Crossdressing is no big deal really

Hannah (Wife)

Awww Katie I know its hard to talk about it but its worth it if she will accept it and be part of your Crossdressing

Emma (Wife)

Hi Sindy

You're quite right the chat never occurred.

It's never an easy subject for me to bring up in casual conversation and if the moment isn't right then it isn't right.

I sometimes wonder if having a conversation is really away of getting some reassurance that everything is OK in the marriage. As a crossdresser you always have this nagging doubt and maybe just the "Just checking we're okay about the dressing. Is there anything you'd like to discuss?" is enough.

I think to a degree it goes back to not wanting your wife to think of you as being less of a man for wanting to crossdress. It's the male ego which can be fragile at times. It's just that reassurance. I know she loves me, her actions and words say that it's just I hate this hiding aspect, or at least not being open or 'normal'.

I don't think she'd have any objection for me socialising with other trans people. I'm not sure she'd want to tag along and to be honest I'm not sure I'd want her too. I think her main concern would be my safety and the secret being discovered. If the boot was on the other foot I think that's how I would feel.

In the post about 'Another wife's perspective' you said about the dressing spiralling out of control if total freedom allowed. It can become all consuming if certain controls aren't in place but to be honest even though I have the chance to dress I don't always take it. Sometimes its too much hassle. I was told that makes me more of a woman because that's how they feel a lot of the time lol

I read a quote from a t girl that really resonated with me "To realise and enjoy Adelle to her fullest potential - within the constraints of, and without risking, my other real life." I think that maybe this is a good mantra to live by with regards to my crossdressing.

Katie

And Davina, why would you describe it as lonely? Seems it's something you've been doing alone since you were a kid, so why is it suddenly lonely now? I sense this is a common theme. My husband once said he desired my involvement because he see it as quite an intimate thing and he hated being alone. I almost choked on whatever I was drinking. Intimate? Maybe for him. For me, it's the complete opposite and about as intimate as taking out the garbage! The entire costume element makes it almost impossible for me to even relate to my husband, let alone feel close to him.

Weird thing is, I could happily see Katie dressed and we could easily hit the town and have a blast! Crossdressing friends are fun! Husbands? Not so much. Loneliness might be better fixed with likeminded friends rather than a reluctant spouse.

Missing in action here again, I know!!

Didn't get a chance to respond here before the big date and sounds like the topic never came up. Honestly, I'm wondering why Katie needs to talk about this with his wife anyway. My husband and I have had a few conversations lately about things, and it always comes back to him hoping for my involvement and me reminding him that it ruins everything. It's almost ridiculous how often we do this little circle. He gets upset that the crossdressing affects how I see him, he wants me to see him as I used to, and then he gets upset when I'm not involved even though he knows it affects how I see him. This driving force for acceptance and discussion is kinda annoying from this side of things!

If Katie's wife doesn't want to discuss it, then I'd suggest leaving it alone. And the surest way to figure out that she doesn't want to discuss it is to ask the simple question, "Just checking we're okay about the dressing. Is there anything you'd like to discuss?." If she says no, then that's that. Move on. Acceptance will have to come from within and not from her.

But I am starting to have suspicions that men who crossdress aren't very good at leaving it alone and continue on a path of acceptance seeking until they've either received it, or driven the other person away. I don't know why. Maybe you guys can answer me this?

Awww come on too late now no advice for Katie?

The weekend came and went for her and they didnt talk about crossdressing unfortunately its very hard to broach the subject .. Is there ever a right time to bring it up?

A bit of dutch courage for you both but not too much.

Get it off your chest something important to you but unimportant in the grand scheme of things but something you cant explain fully why but it help you unwind and its something you somehow find enjoyment in but worry that she worries about it and you dont want her to worry.

Tell her it helps although Awkward to discuss you need to talk about it underlining its harmless.

I guess best advice would come from another wife

Davina

Ps enjoying a girly night in with Esme