The fashion industry is worth $3 billion dollar per annum. If everyone just wore leggings and a t shirt it wouldn't exist. What drives the indusrty? Surely it's people wanting to look their best?

I think it's always sad when you see those old SciFi films where everyone is dressed in matching jump suits. How boring will the future be if that is the case?

Clothes allow people to express emotions and feelings. Whether that is comfort, contentment, power, authority, belonging, tradition or even sexiness. People need to be able to express themselves wearing different clothes.

Katie

Glad you get it Emma you are a rare breed of woman x

When a crossdresser asks about getting a 'buzz' from wearing all these 'sexy' clothes it doesn't really register. I guess crossdressers find it hard to understand why women don't get that 'feel good' factor and conversely why women wonder why crossdressers get any pleasure out of what are just clothes. Why would you want to wear uncomfortable heels, tight clothes and stockings?

Sorry Sindy but I get it having talked a lot to my other half and having transformed my look myself I feel a lot better for dressing nice. Wearing nice matching lingeire and occassionally stockings.

I feel naughty in work knowing im wearing stockings suspenders and heels especially texting him what im wearing lol.

We have the monopoly on clothing and fashon it must be boring being a man which is why some of them like to crossdress and escape it.

Yes a bra can hurt if worn all day and sometimes I dress down in leggings and minimal makeup etc but I much prefer to look my best and he appreciates this greatly.

Em

RG Wife

Well you know, this is healthy sharing for sure! It occurred to me reading your response that I literally had no clue that men felt this strongly about this. Seriously! And I'm guessing you probably never thought that women felt uncomfortable with the whole thing?

Talk about miscommunication. I don't really know what the answer it as I suspect there's an innate incompatibility happening here that women and men are struggling to overcome. Truth is, women these days likely feel empowered to dress more casually and with less sex appeal (despite the many media images that show the opposite) and perhaps this is all a throw back to escaping the 1940s and 50s when women couldn't leave the house if not constrained in slips and stockings and heels....oh I don't envy those women! Women sure don't feel they need to do that anymore. Not unless we want to. And plenty do! But plenty also change over time, as you've noticed.

Thing is, many men, conditioned by modern media, want something else. So it's quite shocking to realise it's such a big deal to you, but then, remember women's sex drive drops significantly in our late thirties and forties and that seems to be when these problems arise. I'm sure there's a link?

Anyway, it's good to read both sides. It's surprising, but good. Not sure what the answer is as even if my husband is desperately sad that I don't 'doll up' much anymore, my motivation to correct that is very low. I just don't enjoy it anymore unless I have to - like weddings or girls nights. That's not a slight on him at all. Maybe it's even a compliment to him that I don't feel like I need to keep up an act around him anymore yet I do when out. Why can't men see it's not about being cruel, but being content? What's so wrong with that?

Sigh. We really are from different planets aren't we, lol.

This is a 21st century issue nothing to do with crossdressing really and it cannot be ignored the angst this change can make to a relationship and resentment if the husband feels his wife no longer appreciates him and is probably more of a threat to a marriage than crossdressing.

Angst, resentment, anger and silent depression these are the path to some men looking elsewhere.

Passion plays as big a part as intimacy in a relationship. as does trust and understanding and taking both husbands and wifes feelings into consideration and give and take.

If it is just conditioning I dont care as I love that I am conditioned to be attracted to women in sexy matching lingerie, stockings, high heels and how they make a womens legs look and I am conditioned to love the feel of the clothing and I am conditioned to be attracted to women who make an effort to look nice with makeup and a nice dress it is a positive conditioning and an easy one for women to apply for us and as Emma has found for herself.

If we are conditioned in this way why is it women flat refuse to appeal to this conditioning even every now and then after all us men bend over backwards to please our women and we continue to look our best for our women so being exposed to women dolled up'throughout our lives via movies or media is not our fault and also not our fault we are turned on by a certain look but we are not just talking the dressing sexy we are talking the making an effort to look and dress nice for us and yourselves and the hurt and depression a man can feel if his wife stops making an effort.

I completely disagree with the answer and think the male pursuit of beauty and artificial trappings enhances emotional intimacy as there are two people in a relationship and one has changed the rules BIG TIME! And there is nothing the man can do about it plus there is no discussion about it or it seems a solution when a woman comes to the decision that I am done with make up and dresses and matching lingerie and high heels.

You cannot compare foot binding and neck stretching to something as simple as making a little effort with some makeup and wearing a nice dress and some high heels for a husband.

AS one guy on a video I watched said he would ask his wife for a date night he would get dressed up and make himself look presentable no matter where they were going but he would judge where they would go on a date by how much effort she made and 9 times out of 10 he took her to the local pub but that one time out of 10 she would come down in heels and makeup and a dress and hed take her to a swanky restaurant and wine and dine her which is one way to get a message across.

Why is it completely soul destroying on the other side to make a little effort for your husband to put on makeup a dress and high heels which you know we like but deny us given that we will do anything for you. I do not feel we are asking much and also I know women do not know how this mentally affects us.

WE DO see past all the lingerie, red lipstick and high heels and we do Love our wives as they are and yes you can shed what you deem the artificial trappings and yes we all grow a relationship and that love is pretty unconditional but it is not us changing the rules or boundaries in what we see so simple in terms of a change in appearance. It is not so much the change in appearance it is the fact women do not realise or it seems do not care how the change they have made has affected their husbands morale and self confidence

The guy in the article did mention his wife's beauty several times but what is wrong with that as if we did not tell you you were beautiful you would say you never tell me I look beautiful we cannot win.

He does not describe the person she is as he is flaberghasted by the change she has made herself to the relationship without any consultation or though for the mans feelings. When we make a change in a relationship the woman is very quick to talk about her feelings and tell us you have not considered my feelings but men are not allowed to have or show feelings which is another conditioning.

He is loyal and kind and a great father all things she wants him and needs him to be and all he asks is for a bit of a sex life and for her to make some effort to look how he likes her to look occasionally yet this is asking too much.

Maybe he should grow a zz top beard and a big beer belly and start wearing ripped dirty oil stained jeans cowboy boots and a string vest and not make an effort to look his best and see how long it takes for her to complain how he has changed him image.

So yes he STILL wants her to adorn herself in such a way so that he might look at her wearing things he likes to see her in but not like like he would an unknown girl in a magazine that is just nonsense.

How is this goodbye intimacy especially in the case of the guy writing to an agony aunt and the responses it sounds like me that intimacy got up and left long ago in that relationship as it is a two way thing.

Wives quitting wanting sex because at the age of 38 and 15 years of marriage, most women crave an intimacy that goes far beyond outfits and props and fantasies is again very one sided.

Are you saying a man gets married and we have a limited time of fun then have to live a life of celibacy like a monk and have a wife like a nun.

We are attracted to our wives souls but we are not asking for much and we did not ask or have any say in our wives making a big change in the relationship which it seems we are not allowed to talk about and just have to put up and shut up about.

I find it very saddening that you would say you don't have a single friend who craves getting 'dolled up' for a night of 'fun' with their husband. How do you think this makes us feel devalued is how it makes us feel for something we know is so simple as it is not like we expect matching lingerie and full make up daily but when it stops entirely it is a slap in the face and a punch to the gut followed by an upper cut to the chin..

It makes you feel used really but it makes us feel fooled and cheated and even depressed as again it is a change in a relationship not discussed it just seems to happen and we have no say and if we do say we have to put up with it and should love you as you are.

It has nothing to do with only being attractive to us if you fit some fantasy it has everything to do with feeling valued and feeling devalued it really does mess with our heads.

To me it does not feel at all like it is all about him as we are not the ones who have made this decision how we are going to dress and appear.

Going out for a night with our friends, however, is about US, and so dressing up has an entirely different vibe.

That devalues a husband or boyfriend even more as we see you go out on a night out dressed how we would like you to dress for us it can cause a lot of resentment a hell of a lot of resentment.

Men are not shallow we are not asking for much and we did not make a change in the relationship and we were not consulted in said change and are now the beneficiaries of resentment and as the guy who has written in says depression.

Crossdressing is not an extreme response to all this as this forms only one tangent of the reasons why men crossdress but if a man craves his wife to dress a certain way and she refuses without discussion just chooses a different lifestyle in a way I bet the urge to crossdress in things he wishes his wife would wear for him grows stronger and with the resentment may even come cheating with another woman or even cheating crossdressed.

The whole thing can make for an unhealthy relationship with resentment from both parties over something so simple but we are pigs we ask too much we are superficial as our feelings do not come into this only the feelings of the woman who shuns her husbands feelings but makes the effort for her friends and cannot see this from our side at all.

We are not screwed up by modern media we are screwed up by the masculination of women it is not the media who has taken away our sex life or taken away our wife wearing a dress etc that decision is square on the womans shoulders with no discussion around it thrust upon us in the relationship.

Sex robots and afairs it is the future to keep a man happy and out of monks robes

That is not what we want at all we want an open honest loving two way relationship and our wants are minimal in that relationship but we are not allowed to talk about it and have to put up with it which I find really saddening.

As I said there are no articles or videos on line to represent how a man feels about this change in a relationship and where there is something related the man is blamed and told just accept it and move on.

It's just conditioning, Davina. You've been exposed to women 'dolled up' throughout your life via movies or media or whatever, and now this is what you enjoy and expect. The guy in that agony aunt is the same. I actually agree with the answer and think the male pursuit of beauty and artificial trappings hinders emotional intimacy. BIG TIME! But it's been going on forever and you just need to google Chinese foot binding, where women would literally crush and deform their own feet because men were attracted to tiny feet, or those awful neck rings some tribes expect the women to wear because the men are attracted to long slender necks, to know that what men find attractive is entirely socially constructed and not based around what women want or who they are.

Thing is, I understand that the pain for men like yourself and that guy is real. But I don't think you or he considers how completely soul destroying it is on the other side. I have indulged my husbands love of certain female attire for years. I did it because I loved him. I might have worn these things by my own choice when I was younger and seeking a mate, but that was because men expect it. So we wear it. But deep down, at all times, we are desperately hoping he sees past all that and loves us AS WE ARE. We hope to shed the artificial trappings and grow with a man who will eventually not care so much what we look like, but rather, who we are. And then we realise we're wrong. The guy in that letter is case in point - how many times did he mention his wife's beauty, and nothing of the person she is? Sure, he loves her. He's loyal and kind and a great father. But yet he STILL wants her to adorn herself in such a way so that he might look at her like he would an unknown girl in a magazine. Men might think 'yeah, so what?'

Well, goodbye intimacy. That's what. This is when wives quit wanting sex because at the age of 38 and 15 years of marriage, most women crave an intimacy that goes far beyond outfits and props and fantasies. Books like 'Twilight' exist because even young girls fantasise about emotionally mature men who are attracted to their souls, not just their appearance (though, truly awful writing has no excuse, lol) . Honestly, I don't have a single friend who craves getting 'dolled up' for a night of 'fun' with their husband. It makes us feel used, like we're only attractive if we fit some fantasy, and it feels like it's all about him. Going out for a night with our friends, however, is about US, and so dressing up has an entirely different vibe. I actually just find the entire thing depressing, and yet, I don't see it changing any time soon. A long time family friend of ours, lovely man, left his cancer stricken wife because he couldn't handle the loss of her hair or breasts. Seriously. Another left his wife for a woman the same age as his daughter. I don't know whether social conditioning has made men shallow, or whether men are shallow and society is conditioned around it. Whatever the reason, it is not fun being on the receiving end.

Crossdressing, if you really look at it, is just an extreme response to all this. It's the worst case scenario for men who have been, what I consider, royally screwed up by modern media and how women are represented. And I'm not even a hardcore feminist and yet even I get furious at how many scantily dressed girls my boys are exposed to. How are they ever meant to understand the deep female need for emotional intimacy, when all they see are human vessels for their own pleasure? You have daughters, Davina. You should be very disturbed with where things are heading.

Anyway, that's my high horse rant for the week, lol. I used to think the sexes would maybe come together and be more intune with each other as time passed, but I don't think that anymore. I think online porn and this detached vibe the internet brings will only make life harder for everyone. I pity the young people trying to have relationships. Or maybe they won't. Maybe they'll just give up and utilise the sex robots that are sure to appear any day now.

Oh how I hope I'm dead by then, lol.

Google Why do women stop making an effort to dress sexy or Why do women stop making an effort for their husbands etc and you will get the grand sum of nothing in the way or videos or articles about this phenomenon.

So where do we get our research as men if google doesnt even know.. we could ask you and youll say "Why dont you try a day in our shoes you dress up as a woman and find how uncomfortable it is!" .. So we do and we like it and it makes us feel even more 'why the hell isnt she making an effort for me why wont she dress up in heels and a dress and nice lingerie even for a date night'.. does she not love me any more, does she not feel she has to make an effort for me am I that worthless.. you dont realise how much this change to the marriage / relationship situation affects us then we get a clip round the head for looking at other women who are in heels and a dress and making an effort and get told you should like me as I am¦ hey hey hey I crossdress you should like me as I am .. no that doesnt work as equality doesnt work both ways.

What I have found is an agony aunt query from a married guy which Ive posted below:

Ive been married for 15 years now. I love my wife and I think shes a stunning woman and our relationship in general is great, we have 2 kids and theyre great.

I often let her know how beautiful I think she is, but she thinks Im joking when I do and doesnt take it as flattery and honesty.

The main problem is that I have an attraction to women who dress not all out in a sexy way just a certain way lipstick, blush, eye shaddow, mascara, tights, heels and a nice dress like she used to dress when we dated, and like she used to dress up until recently. I dont ask for this to be an every day occurrence just that she makes an effort to look her best most days as opposed to little or no makeup, trousers, flat shoes or slingbacks.

During the first years, my wife would always dress nice like this then it became more that she would occasionally dress this way.

However, in the last couple of years, she changed her wardrobe and threw out all the nice dresses and the matching lingerie and even the heels and makeup and has eventually stopped doing it altogether, unless shes out with her girlfriends then out comes the makeup, the heels and a dress.

She is 38 so still young, still beautiful.

The fact that my wife wont dress in this way for me anymore makes me feel hurt and let down.

Im always making efforts to look my best, keep in shape, I work hard to provide for our family and work hard to please her, Ive never strayed with another woman or even considered it yet she now refuses to indulge me in that one way.

It seems like other women enjoy spending hours getting dolled up for their boyfriends or husbands. Whats changed in her?

We havent had sex for months. She blames me if I bring this up saying I put too much pressure on her even though its only through frustration I bring it up occasionally and our sexual relationship is virtually nil even down to hugging and kissing.

She says she should be enough for me, without the accessories and that sex and intimacy is only a small part of a relationship.

She is probably hurt by this and I understand that in a way, but how can she blame me for what appeals to me? How can she blame me for wanting to be intimate? How can she blame me for something she conciously changed in our relationship? Would it hurt her so much to wear something sexy once in a while for a date with me?

Instead of jeans and a blouse and little to no makeup would it really hurt her to look her best for me as she would if we were attending a wedding or other function or going out with her friends. I feel so devalued and down about this its turned into such a situation now and I even feel depressed about it.

Please help.

The Reply

Appreciating how a woman looks when she is dressed in a becoming manner is no problem at all.

Neither is it a problem to spice up romantic interludes from time to time with anything that is a turn-on. But you describe an attraction to provocatively-dressed females. Although its not possible to make a thorough and accurate assessment here, any interest that is so intense or uncontrollable is a fairly significant red flag for other issues.

You also indicate that your wife would like you to be able to gain sexual satisfaction with her without the accessories and you say you understand her feeling this way, even though you still want to be indulged.

This is again a significant red-flag for the possibility of a fetish or other unusual sexual interest that might actually be interfering with your ability to gain sexual satisfaction in other ways as well as interfering with your ability to achieve a deeper level of intimacy in your relationship.

You also suggest that your situation is different from most other relationships where the women like to get dolled-up. But while it is certainly normal for a woman to want to look good when she dresses, its also very normal for a woman to want to feel like she is desired for more reasons than the way she happens to look when sexily clad.

The fact that you say that without being indulged like you prefer, your sex life is now dead indicates that you and your wife are prime candidates for relationship intimacy counseling.

And even though you are correct to say that you are not to blame for the kinds of things that innately have always excited you, if you love your wife as you assert you do, it is your responsibility to do your part in taking your relationship to a level of intimacy and mutual desire that surpasses simply having primal urges or sexual fantasies gratified.

Who knows, if your relationship reaches such a level, your wife might feel much better about indulging your particular sexual interests from time to time.

Davina - So there we have it its all the Mans fault and from the above we can glean the agony aunt was a woman and that men are pigs to want our wives to carry on making an effort to look nice with makeup etc and to say otherwise is sexist and in deed a fetish!

The guys put his heart down on paper here and its really got him down to the point of depression and thats the answer its his fault? Hes more depressed than ever by this reponse!!

Were lost so sod it well just crossdress.. with that sort of demeaning answer form a man pleading for help not knowing why his wifes attitude and dress sense has changed this way its no wonder men look at other women who do make the effort and no wonder some cheat with other women...

Davina, it makes no sense to you that we don't appreciate dress-up as you do, because you're experiencing it as a man. If you were a woman, you might also be reluctant to spend your days worrying about appearance and wearing unpractical clothing that drives you nuts with restriction etc. I swear bras are the work of the devil! As a man, it's clearly different and female clothing has a big effect on you. It does for most men, which is why women's fashion is what it is. If men didn't react, we'd be wearing something else...or maybe nothing at all!

Thing is, over time, that male reaction becomes less important to many women. Even unwelcome. This is sad for husbands who still enjoy their wives all dolled up, and some wives like Emma get back into it. But I don't care much anymore whether I turn my husbands head. Sounds terrible to say that doesn't it? But I don't. We've been together for what seems like a lifetime and I'd sooner sit and enjoy his company than get him all hot and bothered with fishnets and heels! I just don't need that kind of response...though occasionally is nice. But every day? Oh lord no. Just let me sit and watch telly in peace please, in my comfy tracksuit and slippers lol.

Anyway, essentially you're viewing all this with male eyes. You feel the material of our clothing with male conditioning and senses and you react to it as a male. Crossdressers really do need to remove this idea that we have anything in common other than occasionally shopping in the same aisle. We don't. We're women, and you only feel this way because you're not.

Simple, really.

When a crossdresser tends to get dressed up it is full on feminine style – Same here If I dress its makeup not ott make up just enough to hide im a man foundation , powder an attempt at contouring, blush, lippy liner and gloss, eye shadow, mascara and liner always nice matching lingerie and stockings and tights and a dress n high heels as that’s the look I enjoy on women and the one I go for for myself.

Yes In reality women probably do think less about what they are going to wear than your average crossdresser …. Unless they have a wedding or some event to go to or a night out with the girls then its lots of effort and a dress and all of a sudden they go through the pain barrier in heels…

Make more effort than they would for a date night with the hubby…

I’ve never tried dressing as a woman in just jeans and a t shirt maybe i’ll give it a go see how it feels but would probably make me go meh.. and id get a dress and stockings and heels on..

It may be different for diferent types of t girl but for the occassional crossdresser I think we go all out to spend our few hours looking and feeling as fem as possible in a dress and dress how we wish our wives would dress more often than the girls night out or a wedding.

I guess to 'blend' in the real world if I were to ever try to do that I’d have to be less dressy as im finding most women are dressing down for comfort more than glamming up after acertain age (apart from the girls night out etc) leaving the short skirts and heels to 18-20somethings.

Its part of the escapism in the more feminine we can look then the further away from the masculine we get to give us this step away form Alpha man..

I’m away with work two nights and have packed Davina into a bag 4 dresses so I can change and lingerie, makeup, stockings and high heels packed for an evening or two in the hotel room chatting on the laptop dressed for want of something better to to other than spend the evening working on the laptop and a nice chance to kick back and be dressed not worrying about kids coming home etc.. the fire alarm may go off in the hotel lol mad dash for makeup removal and put something on quick..

I do get a 'buzz' from wearing all these 'sexy' clothes and always have, even thinking about crossdressing I get a buzz when I have the urge especially if i’ve not dressed for a few weeks like right now.

I really really really dont get that 'feel good' factor when dressed nice missing from a womans psyce but then they can dress how they like whenerver they like so its not going to give them such a buzz of excitement to do something different or away from the norm. .. Really dont get why they dont make as much effort as possible to look their best as we do as men and as crossdressed men.

Women also dont realise how it can affect our self esteem when they dont make an effort for us occasionally to wear heels, makeup, a nice dress etc but we dont make a fuss just get on with it but it does get us down and i’ll say it also pi$$es us off when women dont make the effort for us on a date night but then spend ages getting ready, doing makeup for a girls night out like competing with one another in a dress, heels, perfume, makeup and jewelery.. leaving us to look after the kids.

Davina

I should also add that it is about the feel of the fabric. Davina said about liking silk, satin and lace. Women's clothes have a whole different feel to men's clothes. Maybe I'm more aware of it but when I hang out the washing there is a definite difference. I reckon I could tell what are women's clothes v men's blindfolded.

If you're used to soft, gentle fabrics then you don't appreciate them in the same way as an occasional wearer!