By: Sindy
Subject: Weird days
I'm not sure if you have these days or not but I know we wives can have them. The 'can't I be married to a 'normal' guy' days. They come out of nowhere usually and usually when I'm tired or stressed about other things. I'm feeling it this week. He's not even dressing and I'm sitting here fuming because I imagine he's got all these weird crossdressing thoughts going around in his head while I'm busy with the important stuff, and he's probably hoarding a tonne of weird stuff on the computer and it's only a matter of time before one of the kids finds it etc etc. They're all technology geniuses! That's probably an entire other discussion, but anyway, you get the idea.
So I wondered if crossdressers also had these moments. Do you ever have days or weeks where you wish you didn't have the urge and it bothers you more than makes you happy? Or maybe that's a typical female way of viewing all this. I read once that men compartmentalize everything whereas women tangle it all together so we can't separate one act from another. Maybe that's why I'm finding it so annoying this week...I'm getting it all tangled up because other things are bothering me.
Sigh. I wonder if I'll ever be truly free of the negative thoughts with all this. I wish I could be like your wife, Davina, and not think about it again. I wonder how she manages to stop worrying about kids or neighbors finding out, or you leaving a crossdressing photo on a phone that you accidentally leave somewhere public (one of my worst-case scenarios!) or whatever. How does she tune it all out?
I'm trying to remember that none of this reflects on me or my life and any worst case scenarios will be for my husband to deal with. I guess I will always worry for the kids though as wives can leave husbands but kids can't leave their fathers, and it doesn't matter how open minded they are, the rest of society will be mercilessly cruel to them. Kids are just so mean. I sometimes feel I failed them by giving them a father who's a crossdresser. Isn't that a completely and utterly horrible thing for me to think!! :-(
Sorry for the downer post. I'll go drink something more substational than tea and see if that helps. Thanks again for this blog, and for listening. x
By: Katie
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Weird days
Kids are inquisitive. I remember finding a stash of 'girlie mags' in my Dads wardrobe when playing a game of hide and seek. I never mentioned it but he did get rid of them later!
I think our own desire not to be found out gives a certain amount of cover. There's the obvious alias, then there is private browsing so nothing ever shows up in searches. I don't take photos as everything just goes into our family folder and everyone can see it on their phones - god that would be a mistake!
My clothes are all kept in the loft. I can't see the kids venturing up their especially as they approach their teens. Hard enough to get them to move from in front of the Xbox!
As you say as they get older they are less interested in their parents and more interested in their friends. We're just old now!
So I as long as your husband is careful I'm sure that everything will be OK and if not, well kids are pretty tolerant these days unlike many of the older generation!
Be good if you can have a chuckle about it at times. It is pretty ridiculous when you look at it but just don't laugh in a horrible way just a nice way.