To cut a long story short I was watching an episode of 'Hero's' and the (save the) Cheerleader is in hiding. She going to get married but can't tell her husband to be about her secret powers because it would not only endanger her but him as well. She just couldn't tell him because she wanted a 'normal life'.
That got me thinking about other superheros who need to hide their identity. Superman can't tell Lois Lane even though he desparately wants to, Spiderman can't tell Mary Jane, Batman can't tell .... well whoever. They do have confidents who know their secrets but they can't let their secrets out to everyone.
As a little boy you grow up with these superheros who all keep their secrets from everyone else to stop them getting hurt. Maybe it's a large leap but if you grow up knowing it's right to keep secrets, even from those you love, to protect them then surely that can become ingrained and acceptable.
So a little boys grows up to be a crossdresser. He wants to keep it a secret because he doesn't want to hurt anyone he loves. He may want to desparately tell but if he wants to lead a 'normal' life then he can't for fear of hurtng them and all those around him. He may confide his secret with only those he can trust implicity to look after him and his secret.
So maybe us crossdressers are subconsioulsy taught not to tell. If society says it the right thing by endorsing the actions of all those superheros then why not a mere crossdresser looking to protect the ones he loves?
It's not an excuse but we do learn how we should act from a young age. If people put on a pedistal are willing to lie to protect their loved ones then why shouldn't we? After all they all want a 'normal' life.
Katie
The point I was trying to make was that people of a certain age will have had role models who kept secrets to protect themselves and those they loved.
Yes, the times they are a changing and hopefully in the future crossdressing will not be some 'dirty little secret'. When I was at school I didn't even know that transgender existed whereas today most schools seem to have a trans child attending which is a positive move if it gives that child the opportunity to live a happy life. It must still be difficult to come out as trans but at least there is now a support network in place.
I'm sure a trans child in the 60s and 70s would have been bullied remorselessly and not just by the kids!
Given the opportunity would more boys wear dresses? Maybe. Children don't often get the chance to choose what they wear when they are young and by the time they are older it is already ingrained in them. I'm sure that there are plenty of little boys who'd like to dress up as a Disney princess but they're just not allowed to by parents who fear it may make the gay or trans!
Maybe given children the opportunity to express themselves when they are young would mean an end to crossdressing.
Katie
Past society definitely preferred people, including kids, to keep unusual proclivities to themselves. I'm not so sure it's as strict these days with all this social media 'over-sharing', but there are still things we all know not to discuss in polite company. Occasional crossdressing is likely one.
That said, those who dress because they're transgender seem to tell people quite easily despite the subconscious 'superhero' message. We know a boy who dresses as a girl and he's been this way since he was a toddler. He never thought to keep it secret. Perhaps, occasional crossdressers who are not trans have an underlying motive for the behavior that makes it difficult to share? I only say this because no one here, including my husband, can really explain why an otherwise ordinary young boy with no gender identity issues starts wearing his mother's or sisters clothing. The transgender child knows why (because he has a female identity). So I suspect there's an element of forgotten fear and shame going on with occasional crossdressers that causes all the secrecy. In my husbands case, if I were to play sofa therapist, I'd say he was embarrassed that he put his mother's clothing on because he missed her when she went to work, and he was jealous of his sister being close with his mother and that motivated him to dress like her. I think he wanted to feel included in their world and so he played 'dress up' as little kids do when they want to explore another role.
How many young boys would freely admit this to their friends or family?!
So I think yes, the young boy is taught by society not to tell anyone, but I don't think it's the act of crossdressing that he's ashamed of as the transgender child has no problem with this. It's the reasons behind the dressing that he believes are shameful.
That's what I think anyway. But then, I've never thought young boys without a female identity just randomly start wearing girl clothing. I'd bet there's always a reason, perhaps a long forgotten reason, and whatever that reason is, it's the big motivator behind all the shame and secrecy in adulthood.
Sindy's two cents. :-)
A good analogy
Women will say we shouldn't have kept it a secret as we lied or denied them the opportunity to decide if they would stay with us or not.
Would you marry a cross dresser? No probably not.
But what if he's the love of your life his only downside if you can even call it that is he crossdresses.
I like the annology about protecting those you love from it but also protect ourselves and for doing that we get called selfish... like those women who stop wearing dresses and high heels 🤣