When a husband comes out as a crossdresser, it’s not only a personal revelation—it’s a relationship shift.  While he may be relieved to finally share this hidden part of himself, his wife is often left facing a whirlwind of emotions: confusion, grief, curiosity, even fear. It’s a lot to process. In another blog I explored what crossdressers need from their partners.  Now, it’s time to flip the lens and look at what wives may need when us husbands crossdress—because their journey is just as important. I’ve chatted to lots of wives including my own and formed the following opinions.. Any wives reading tell me if I’m right or wrong.. 1. Time and Space to ProcessMany wives don’t get the luxury of gradual self-discovery the way their husbands did.  For my wife it was a sudden chock one night. I.e. Often, they learn about crossdressing all at once—and are expected to instantly understand.  But they need time to reflect, to ask questions, and to sit with the emotional impact.  They may feel shocked, grieve the man they thought they knew, or wonder what this means for the future. Patience is key. Crossdressers need to allow their partners to move at their own pace. 2. Honesty and Transparency (Not Overload)Wives often say, “I just wish he’d told me sooner.” What they crave is honesty—not just about the crossdressing itself, but about how long it’s been going on, how often it happens, and what it means.  With this i’m glad i told my wife everything back to the 6 year old in tights being batman and the first feel of Nylon on my legs and didn't say you know you asked to dress me as a woman thats when it started which would have been a lie - but it did change the trajectory of Davina and my place on the Trans spectrum shifted as a result. That said, dumping years of pent-up emotion in one conversation was overwhelming for my wife. The key is gentle, ongoing honesty—opening the door without flooding the room. 3. Reassurance of Love and AttractionCrossdressing can shake a wife’s sense of being desired.  She might wonder: Am I still enough? Am I being replaced? Her husband might look and act differently when dressed—perhaps more feminine than she’s comfortable with.  I worried about this going out in public with my wife i had to be ultra fem acting etc would she freak at how i walked differently or just be glad i was trying to fit in and be unnoticed when out in London. I feel She needs to be reminded, again and again, that she is still loved, wanted, and me crossdressing isn’t a threat.. For many women, the deeper fear isn’t about the clothes—it’s about losing the emotional and romantic connection. 4. A Voice in the JourneyToo often, wives feel like they’ve been given a fait accompli. “This is who I am—deal with it.”  To an extent sometimes in frustration I’ve thought this when a chat hasn’t gone so well or if shes upset me about something in some way and i reflect on what I may be giving up or could have done or could have dressed to escape things.. I sometimes think deal with it so what I’m a crossdresser.. That however probably shuts down trust.  Instead, wives need to feel they have a voice: that their preferences, discomforts, and boundaries will be respected.  If she needs time before seeing her husband dressed, or wants to set limits around certain things, that deserves open discussion—not dismissal. It can always be renegotiated in the future as you talk more and become more comfortable. In a healthy relationship, crossdressing becomes something shared, not imposed. 5. Support From Others (Not Just You)Just as crossdressers need community, wives benefit from speaking to other women in similar situations.  I hope my wife will do this one day. Whether through forums, blogs, or personal friendships, being able to say “this is hard” to someone who gets it is invaluable.  If possible, help her find those spaces, or at least acknowledge that she has a right to her own support system—not every conversation needs to happen with you. 6. A Way to Reconnect With Her PartnerShe may feel like she’s sharing her husband with another woman—literally. It can help to carve out space for “just us” time, where she feels like she has her man back.  Whether that’s physical intimacy, shared activities, or small rituals that reaffirm the relationship, it’s not about erasing the feminine side—it’s about not losing the partnership that came before it. Wives of crossdressers are often asked to take huge emotional steps with little warning. They deserve compassion, patience, and space to voice their own needs.  Supporting them is not just about helping them tolerate crossdressing—it’s about helping them feel safe, seen, and secure in the relationship. I do hope I’m making sense Davina

Coming out as a crossdresser to your partner can feel like one of the scariest and most vulnerable steps you’ll ever take.  For many of us, crossdressing is not just about clothing—it’s about identity, expression, peace of mind, and emotional balance. But just as vital as expressing this side of ourselves is feeling understood and accepted by the people we love most. In this post, I try to explore and express what many crossdressers truly need from their partners—not just in words, but in emotional presence, openness, and curiosity. 1. A Safe Space to Be HonestOne of the most profound needs is to feel like we can be honest—without fear of ridicule or rejection.  Hiding this side of ourselves for years (even decades) often leads to shame or secrecy and it can be really lonely too.  2. Curiosity Instead of JudgmentNot every wife or partner will immediately understand what crossdressing means—or why it’s needed. That’s okay.  What matters is a willingness to ask questions, listen to answers, and stay curious.  I.e. “Help me help you to somehow understand what this means for me and for you”  3. Reassurance and AffirmationJust because we present as feminine at times doesn’t mean we stop loving our wives or partners. It doesn’t mean we change who we are. Many crossdressers fear that their partner will feel replaced or unwanted.  We need to actively give reassurance—and hope for some in return too. 4. Emotional Presence, Not PerfectionIt’s okay for a partner to be confused, even uncomfortable at times.  What we crave most is not instant acceptance, but emotional presence. “I’m not sure how I feel, but I’m still here” can mean the world. 5. Moments of Shared Joy (If They’re Open to It)If and when a partner is open to it, shared moments—watching a movie while dressed, helping with makeup, or shopping together—can build intimacy.  They don’t have to happen often, but even little steps like joking about shoes or sharing perfume choices help reduce the emotional distance. Being a crossdresser isn’t something we chose—it’s something we discovered, and for many of us, it’s become something we enjoy and fall back on to mentally escape.  Supportive partners don’t need to understand everything, but they do need to be open to walking the journey with us, even with a few wobbles. The main thing is when bot you or your wife need to talk don’t bottle it up talk - I’m a fine one giving this advice but sometimes find it hard myself to talk about I’ve not got it all sussed but hope in these blogs others think hmmm he’s onto something.. Stay tuned as I’m having brain waves .. Davina

Recently, I posted a link to my blog and forum in a Reddit group intended for wives and girlfriends of crossdressers. I did so with good intentions—hoping to offer support, insight, and maybe a little reassurance to women navigating something that can feel overwhelming, confusing, even heartbreaking at first. One of the responses I received was negative, pointing out that the subreddit wasn’t meant for crossdressers themselves, but for the partners. I understand that instinct. I know these spaces often serve as safe zones for people trying to process complex emotions, and I respect that completely. But I want to explain why I posted, and why I think voices like mine can be part of the healing process. My blog isn’t about defending crossdressing or pushing an agenda. It’s a personal story—my story. And in many ways, it’s our story: mine and my wife’s. It traces how I went from secretly wearing lingerie as a teenager, to becoming "Davina" (a name I use between me and my wife codeword and to the world my tgirl name or label) to opening up to my wife, and to eventually running a blog and a forum that have helped hundreds of crossdressers and their partners understand themselves and each other better. I’m not trying to speak over anyone. I’m trying to help. Because I know what it’s like to be the husband hiding this part of himself. I know the guilt, the fear, the shame. I also know what it feels like to finally be seen—and to be accepted. And I know what an emotional earthquake it can be for a wife or girlfriend who never expected the man she loves to tell her he crossdresses. That’s why I created my blog and the “Why Do Men Crossdress” forum: to shine some light on a subject that’s so often kept in the dark. To explain that this isn’t the end of the world. That it doesn’t mean your partner wants to become a woman. That it doesn’t mean your relationship is over. That it’s okay to feel angry, sad, or confused. And that many couples do find a way forward—often stronger and more open than before. If sharing a link to my writing can help even one woman better understand what her partner is going through, and what she’s going through too, then I think it’s worth it. Because this isn’t just about men in dresses. It’s about identity, communication, honesty, and love. And I promise—I wouldn’t be doing this if I thought it was harmful to wives, girlfriends, or relationships. Quite the opposite. I’m doing it because I want to help. Would you like to tweak or personalize this further before posting? Davina