I think most relationships can become stronger because of mutual appreciation of fashion, performance, and makeup, some couples are put to the test when a partner admits they have a passion for cross-dressing.
I think sharing this secret and communicating well and reassuring you're not about to run off with a man or have a sex change... explaining the positive benefits and gaining some understanding can strengthen a relationship with the shared secret, the shared private joke knowing that you know but they dont know what you know... the They in this case is the unsuspecting Muggles... Non Crossdressing folk.
Dr. Karen Ruskin, a psychotherapist and relationship expert, has counseled numerous heterosexual couples in similar situations.
Ruskin told Insider that a common misconception about men cross-dressing is that it means they are questioning their sexuality or gender identity. For some it can be a case of questioning sexuality and or gender identity but the vast majority don't even consider sexuality or their gender identity until others point things out to them or suggest things.
Davina "I have always dressed since young and it never crossed my mind that my sexuality was in question for dressing like a woman... i love women I'm dressing as a woman for various reasons so Esme asking if i was gay was a WTF? no! moment i had never considered. It becomes a regular question among other t girls when chatting are you gay or bi ? no I'm straight and the other factor I'd never considered was my gender as I'm a man will always be a man I'm ok being a man never thought of wanting to be a woman ever. but others can cajole and question what if you could change for a day, what if you had a magic pill and you could change to a woman and back.. um well that doesn't exist and anyway if i changed to a woman for a day id waste all day feeling up my boobs lol.
Crossdressing can understandably put a strain on a relationship because women may feel inadequate or like there is something "wrong" with their partner for cross-dressing.
But motivations for men who cross-dress are complex as we've discussed on the forum - why do men crossdress? it differs greatly..
Whether a man is exploring femininity in a way societal expectations don't allow, dealing with loss, using it for escapism / stress release or simply expressing creativity, Ruskin said that every case is different.
"Cross-dressing allows them that moment to give themselves permission to feel emotions and softness and nurture and love in a soft way because it's deemed as something a woman would do," Ruskin said. "By putting on those clothes, they can tap into that."
Ruskin, who has 25 years of experience as a therapist, said that she has noticed a significant uptick in couples coming in with problems surrounding cross-dressing in the past 5 years.
Ruskin's biggest piece of advice for women who find out their male partners are interested in cross-dressing is to approach the situation with an open mind.
"Really discuss with your man in a non-judgmental [way], be an active listener, caring with curiosity, kindness and compassion, not fear that they're hurting you or that they're sick," Ruskin said.
While Ruskin said it's fine for a woman to acknowledge that the situation makes her uncomfortable or is incompatible with what she wants in a relationship, it is crucial to understand why a partner has a desire to cross-dress rather than jumping to conclusions.
"They should be able to uncover and discover, giving them a safe space to talk to find out why it might be the case, because it's different for different men."
Nice to see a Dr giving this advice to be open minded.
You're right Katie but I'm a Lady don't you know 🤣
I think Davina is less of a prude than she makes out 😂
Lol you cannot help where your gspot is go with the flow lol your wife knows you like being touched there if she didnt she does now if shes still reading this.
I'm with Hannah get a toy and let your wife use it on you.
Rebecca (Wife)
Thankyou Hannah sex ambassador for the forum 😜 It is embarrassing for us having our g spot up there.
Dont be a prude Davina you like being touched there and harping to another post i just commented in it makes you feel submissive being touched there i expect and vulnerable and embarrassed etc.
Get yourself a male gspot vibrator it will add to your fun being dressed or as a man with Esme or as a tgirl with Esme. She may want to explore a dom side even more knowing how squeemish this deep down makes you liking to be touched there.
Enjoy the intense orgasms you can have when being played with back and front lol
Hannah (Wife ) Sex ambassador lol
When touched there it does feel weird as the subconcious is trained that us straight guys arent supposed to like being touched and prodded there.. but will admit yes it feels nice.
Still feel weird about it feeling nice .. why the hell do we have an erogenous zone there lol
like things you come to accept i think ive accepted i like it and its with Esme so hardly gay or anything unless im in davina mode than im a lesbian lol
Mines happy doesnt want to be more than a crossdresser to answer your question.
Mines also bisexual after being quesitoning but i still think most are straight?
He is attracted to other t girls then again so am i some are really stunning and make a lot of effort.
It doesnt mean if a t girl says he likes how another t girls looks that hes bisexual as hes seeing a female image and some like ive said pull off the look genuinely and look very convincing.
We did have a good chat the other day and now know where we both are geographically and where our husbands are on the trans spectrum.
sex and sexuality does change with age and outlook on sex changes.
Sadly some women stop having sex and i think you'll find thats where men end up cheating and i dont understand this in other women who go off sex and showing affection. so how can men understand this?
Yes we can do things to our husbands and their other eroginous zones and excuse me Emma I thought i was the sex ambasador for the forum lol i bet you blushed typing the post above didnt you lol.
What Emma i think is saying is she plays with his prostate which is up his bottom and you can use fingers, a vibrator and even a strap on and using it is in no way gay im a woman with a falic object using it on my husband for pleasure its not two men and he cant help although was also initially weird about it having a very sensitive liking for things vibrating up there.
I dont think a wife doing this to her husband will make him want to be with a man using his thing up there at all. Why would a man whos wife accepts his crossdressing and who will have sex with him crossdressed or massage his prostate want to be with anyone other than his wife?
So dont worry about it lol i'd advise you try it they go nuts when you do it lol and can have intense orgasms
Hannah (Wife)
KAren how is your gandaughter doing? I've never come across someone looking to go the other way.
This forum keeps going back and forth on gender identity and i think we have established most here are happy crossdressers not wanting to go further?
Nod from my hubby here.
Sexuality I think most straight, some bisexual, none fully gay? and some curious or questioning?
I've just asked him if hes ever seen a photo of or chatted to another t girl and thought wow and been attracted visually by her and hes said yes.
That doesnt make him anything sexually other than liking how women look? thats how i look at it anyway.
I had a chat with Hannah here the other day as she was on line and shes accepted her and her husband are bi or have enjoyed things considered bi which is mad to think when she was on here worried he was bi and now both are.
I also think its something with age that changes not sexuality but how you view sex when young as fun then you get a bit bored and as weve seen here men still want it some women dont and that can be complicated and for some as i hope hannha will be ok me saying find enjoyment in it again.
As she put it we can do things for our husbands which they could do with other t girls or men and its complicated
do you do those things as the act between you and him isnt bisexual youre a woman hes a man no matter how hes dressed but you can use "things" to stimulate him which i wont go into lol and he may feel weird about it so may you but its getting him or you off in one way or another. This is complicated to explain.
On the other hand if you do things to or with him in that way will he want to try the real thing and thats where the trust comes into it.
Mine says hes a little embarased he likes me doing certain things but doesnt want me to stop but is certain he doesnt want a man doing it to him,
I'm too shy to go into the details maybe Hannah can elaborate more on our discussion lol.
I've now flustered myself and lost my trail of thought.
See my comments on the benefits of crossdressing and bringing you closer and dont worry so much about this and dont think too much about it.
Emma (Wife)
I think younger people know and think more about sexuality these days. Back in my day there was straight and gay and I've never fancied men and always drooled over women lol so knew I wasn't gay and the thought of being with a man ewww. I've had discussions with both my kids 10 and 14 and they know far more than I did at their age. I don't think I knew about bisexuality until I was in my 30s obvs sheltered life. When chatting in TV chix and I sometimes chat in a site called UK chat which is just a vanilla run of the mill chat site with regional chat and there's an LGBT room and it seems younger people are far more open minded and knowledgeable on the whole LGBT thing than us. I hear one daughter describe how a friend of hers in nursery would always wear a princess dress and he's being moulded the same as me a sporty kid .. Nice family nice kid but she's said other things also and his character on the Xbox is always a female avatar. Signs that he likes women or maybe likes to dress up who knows. My daughters not batted an eye lid when I've asked why his character is a woman all the time she said its just a cool character. Wonder how they'd be when older if a partner came out as a cross dresser.. Still wonder what they'd think if they found out I do it.. Very confused probably hence Esme keeping it between us and us not letting them know. Juliette Noir who features in videos from her YouTube channel on here told her daughter and that seems to have gone OK. The good news is I think kids are more open minded the bad news there are even more labels and terms and descriptions for them to have to worry and fret about.. Davina
I have a granddaughter who wants to transition to a male. She is just coming up to 16 and has been on this path for a good few years. From an early age I thought that she was going to be a lesbian so the transition path I was a little shocked at especially at such a young age. Whatever happened to being a child and not worrying about your gender and sexuality? I also have a grandson who I suspect is gay and time will tell on that one.
I'll let her reply ... if shes still reading
What does Esme think?
I get that .. Early indication with my two is they like boys.. Oldest has a BF 🤬 who follows her about like a lost sheep.. We talk about when older and like me oldest seems set on college, uni, career, husband, house and kids etc. Youngest says she'll always live with us.. We know she also had a boyfriend more of a boy who's a friend but in a text we saw him defending her when another girl was being nasty stating leave my girlfriend alone 🤣 She also likes another boy who we tease her about sometimes finding out his mum teases him about our little one too so early indications both mine on the straight and narrow.. Also chatting with Esme about how some kids "turn out to be" in general when they meet other kids in secondary school.. I remember one girl mentioning a BJ to me in school I was probably in the 3rd year.. Blow job she said.. I was none the wiser and she laughed at me and told other girls I didn't know what it was.. Thinking now did those other girls know what it was.. And why would you want to blow on it anyway.. My two are free to learn from life as they go along I just hope the com's remain open although there's me and Esme hiding my cross dressing from them.. So we're not 100% open with them. Only realised today with the two of them watching Friends on TV how sexualized it is in terms of sexual and sexuality reference. Seem a to me my two will form another nuclear family.. 2.4 kids and maybe a dog..
My wife always refers to bringing home 'a partner'. My two have a friend who is gay, another who reckons he's bi. kids are still exploring and understanding their sexuality. If you talk about bringing home the opposite sex then it could create and expectation that they do not feel comfortable delivering. The reason why people need to 'come out' is for fear of not pleasing parents. If you don't build in any expectation then there is no pressure and everyone can talk openly.
Katie x
True more people seem to indicate they're bisexual these days.. Like I've said I never knew the word existed till my 30s I must have led a sheltered life. If my kids said they were Bi? No idea what I'd think.. Esme said to my littlest the other day when I said about her brining a bf home in the future or a gf and my reaction was what you say that for? So there's the answer. My littlest said something like gross but I have girlfriends as in girls who are friends.
Question
What if you're children declared they were bisexual or gay?
More and more younger seem to be coming out as bi.
Hannah (wife)
A few people saw me had no idea it was me.. Why would they.. Knowing mad alpha male me in work no one would suspect I'd be crossdressed 😆
That must have been scary, did nobody notice?
Haha I'll have to tape over the can just in case I forget.. Been there worn the t ahirt on a national meeting as Davina on cam red lips long blonde hair smokey eye-shadow low cut dress cleavage lol Thumb quickly to camera lol
You are bound to forget and find yourself diving under the table lol
I'll just have to make excuses not to have the video on like my broadband is playing up and doesn't like video calls lol
It’s all about fitting in what I can, it’s by no means perfect, but it is the best I can do in the short term at least.
one day all calls you make to anybody will be video calls, there will be no hiding.
Aww I have to dress fully. Just slipping something on now does little for me. All about the full transformation which hinders and limits my dressing. Awkward now we've got video conferencing.
I have not been able to dress fully for years, it’s a big miss, my small wardrobe does not include shoes, what a miss they are, a pair of court shoes are fantastic
I like T-Girl all encompassing lol. I only dress fully makeup wig the lot and missing being able to do it 😔
Like you, I have always hated the transvestite label, i can’t really explain why, crossdresser sums me up perfectl.
if I remember correctly, when I started dressing when I was young the term transvestite referred to guys who wore make up and tried to look female, a crossdresser just liked to wear women’s clothes.
Times have changed now though, very confusing.
I'm happy with the term Cross dresser I hate for some reason and take Tranny as a derogatory term so I don't associate myself as a Tranny.. Even Cross dresser is something I caring a bit at being called as cross-dressing is just something I don't doesn't define me as in its just a little unimportant but important part of me as its something for whatever reason I enjoy and find fun to do and helps me unwind, relax and escape Alpha male me and the stress of work etc for a few hours. T-girl is the more modern slang I prefer although once in twice per month dressing I'm probably more the oart time t-girl \ cross dresser. I think once you go past merely wearing "women's clothes" and put on makeup and a wig and reach a stage where you have time dress fully to satisfy the urge and as it was in the beginning just putting on lingerie non longer satisfies the urge you border in being a transvestite.. Which sounds like a being from another planet. I don't want to be labelled a transcestite or a tranny.. Come to think of it I don't want to be labelled anything other than a decent human being who likes to occasionally present as a woman for the reasons above. In terms of sexuality I've chatted on tvchix and on UK chat which is just a regular chat and sexuality seems to come up a lot more than when I chatted years ago. One thing I've noticed is a you German generation far less judgemental about sexuality and people who openly admit they are bisexual. I've no idea how old I was when I realised there was more to it than straight which I've always aligned to and then there's Gay and women who are gay are lesbians.. Terms I knew but bisexual I can't recall that term maybe living a sheltered straight life until I was in my 30s in contrast to discussing sexuality one day with my daughter as they'd discussed it in school and we chatted about what age she thought this topic should be broached.. Definitely not in junior school was her answer as everyone merely giggled and was embarrassed but she reeled off all these different sexualities.. And said she was glad she was straight as its easier lol. Labels upon labels these days but seems people are more open minded and things like 50 shades of grey sensationalises sexual fetish and bdsm.. As mainstream entertainment and there is a media agenda to push the sexuality thing even by Disney who were hell bent on a gay partnership in the new Star wars franchise .. Poe and Finn being gay in what's a kids film really would have turned me off star wars to be honest but they got a woman on woman song in at the end of the Rise of Skywalker.. Why???
Maybe it’s easier for someone like me, I know I am just a crossdressing heterosexual male, it seems there are more and more terms coming out every year, maybe I am just old fashioned and ready for my pension
It's nuts that people can be offended by a label.
I'm a bloke and when crossdressed if out i'd not care how someone referred to me.
One would hope to fool people into thinking i'm a woman but if they called me sir i think i'd laugh it off.
I don't think you need to ask everyone how they want to be addressed. I think if they are more likely to make it clear how they want to be addressed if they feel it will make somebody feel uncomfortable.
Cricky Miss/Ms/Mrs can be a minefield.
Always found using someones name is an easy way out of the problem if you know them. Otherwise it's how they present. And as I say if they want to use 'they' then I'm sure they will tell you.
For many using the wrong name is offensive and used to demean or cause offence. The use of 'Dead names' is tactic used by transphobic people.
Katie x
You can’t go around asking everybody how they want to known as, somebody is always going to be offended
nothing wrong with the metro, although never been on for years and bloody expensive
Metro sexual something to do with loving the Metro system. I went on the Metro system in Newcastle once.. Didn't love it but it got me from where we were staying into Newcastle 🤣
its Crazy, and people get offended if you say the wrong term to them, how is anybody supposed to know?
Wow so its not just Straight, Bisexual and Gay... and some people move up and down the scale.
So much easier before the internet introduced all these links and new definitions dont you think?
Check out the list https://www.healthline.com/health/different-types-of-sexuality
I don't think Esme would call me Auto romantic 😂 What's Autosexual? Always turned on?.. She may agree with that 😂
Autosexual or Autoromantic 😀
Its definately the female image that does it for me .. Esme will be glad to know men do absolutely nothing for me ewwwww.
The female form is what I like and nice lingerie, nice dresses, an effort with hair and makeup, hosiery and heels.
I can appreciate how t girls look also as some pull off the fem image and make more of an effort than most women lol so maybe I'm a thingysexual too.. What does it mean when you fancy yourself dressed? Vanisexual?
You can say don't get hung up on sexuality but you can bet most wives and girlfriends are hung up on our sexuality.
Hard to say it's not about sexuality when lots of us do get a bit of a sexual kick out of dressing.. some do some don't.
Davina
Maybe it's because we are of an 'older' generation but I don't know why we get so hung up on sexuality. To say you're either gay, bi or straight is very limiting. I think that it is more fluid than that with all sorts of factors coming into play.
As I've said before I think I'm gynesexual https://www.bolde.com/gynesexual-what-how-tell/.
But there are plenty to choose from to suit your own personal emotions. Try looking through this list https://www.healthline.com/health/different-types-of-sexuality
So my point really is don't get hung up on sexuality. Just do what you feel is right, with the right person at the right time. No judgement necessary.
Katie x
I think the majority are bi curious or bisexual. Lots of tgirls seem to come to a crossroads where sexuality becomes a question and some turn right and its no issue and some turn left and dabble in exploring their sexuality. As mentioned previously some in sexless marriages, some want to feel more fem .. Lots of us don't dress for sexual things.
When I first researched crossdressers many years ago it showed most were heterosexual, does anyone think this has now changed? with the advent of social media and more general public acceptance are more now accepting they are bisexual?