By: Sindy
Subject: Common Behavioral Traits
1) A high degree of empathy for women and stated belief that they are the superior sex.
2) An unusual degree of interest in female fashion/makeup/lifestyle.
3) A preference for female company.
4) Unusual care and attention to personal grooming.
These were in an article to help women figure out if their husbands were 'secret transvestites' - along with ways to spy on y'all from the computer lol. Anyway, I found it rather eye-opening as I would honestly say my husband has all four traits and I would also suggest, from what has been written here, that so do Davina and Katie and some others here.
Which got me thinking about this reluctance to acknowledge that who you are as a man, and some of what you do in your 'male' lives, is directly affected by your need to crossdress. Davina is utterly convinced that his body shaving is a purely cosmetic need like other non crossdressing men. This article, however, shows that crossdressers in general have a thing for personal grooming. I honestly don't know that many other men who are as obsessively well groomed as my husband! And most, even the young ones, tend to leave their body hair alone if they're not super hairy.
My husband is also definitely happier around women, he has always been a little envious of the freedom for expression we girls apparently have (though I have male friends who are equally expressive) and has alway insisted on how awesome the female members of his family are compared to some key male members. So I found this article extra fascinating as it made me realize that crossdressing might actually be a 'type' of man, rather than the random occurrence we assume it is. Or, does crossdressing make a man into a certain type of person, who otherwise might have joined the ranks of all the other men and not given a shit about his grooming?
What do you guys think? Did crossdressing lead to these behavioral traits? Or do these behavioral traits lead to crossdressing?
Also, I'll note here that the other male group equally obsessed with personal grooming are gay males. Hmmm...so while you're not gay (in so far as you don't like men, though you do have a penchant for pseudo lesbian scenarios!) this does make me wonder whether you don't have more in common with the brain wiring of gay men than you do with straight men and women. Let's face it - most men give up the grooming after the marriage vows are said, and the average female usually lasts until the first kid arrives and then we can't wait to wear our comfy pants and let it all hang out lol. (Emma, enjoy these kidfree glam days - it's a lot harder once the rugrats arrive lol.)
Anyway, thought it was interesting.
By: Davina
Subject: Re: Common Behavioral Traits
1) A high degree of empathy for women and stated belief that they are the superior sex.
I have empathy for women, respect and I’d call myself a well brought up gentleman in regard to women and sometimes bravado requires that I act sexist but only I jest nothing serious just a little healthy wind up and a bit of fun until I come across a rank feminist when my equality hat comes out to remind people we’re all equal and should be treated so neither sex is superior.
2) An unusual degree of interest in female fashion/makeup/lifestyle.
Agree I love certain womens clothing and a certain type of image. I like to see a woman in a dress, nice makeup, looking like shes made an effort, tights / stockings and heels, equally I like to see a woman in lycra lol gym wear though don’t go for this look myself when I crossdress.
3) A preference for female company.
I prefer to be out with couples but as my wifes also my best friend I suppose you could say a preference for female company but as stated if I had option of a lads night out, a girls night out or couples id go for couples.
4) Unusual care and attention to personal grooming.
This has nothing to do with crossdressing and all to do with making an effort to look good.
SO I SAY “poppycock” the article is incorrect and could equally be describing any modern man.
My body shaving is purely cosmetic and a feeling of being clean and less sweaty as opposed to hairy and sweaty and has nothing to do with crossdressing although it helps to shave to be a crossdresser but if I wasnt a crossdresser id still shave my body hair is minging on your body.
Maybe crossdressing does make a man into a certain type of person who knows but I’m too much of a free thinking individual to think it has that much of an aspect on my character.
Did crossdressing lead to these behavioral traits? NO
Or do these behavioral traits lead to crossdressing? NO
I have nothing in common with a Gay man and a Gay man would say the same about me or about crossdressers. You may find Gay men hairier than straight men these days?
If men give up the grooming after the marriage vows are said then they are lazy and and that goes for women who give up the grooming too even more so if the man continues to groom and try to look his best and his wife doesnt bother as can lead to resentment ie why doesnt she make an effort for me or for herself or why does she make the effort for a night out with her friends but not with me.
By: Katie
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Common Behavioral Traits
I try to ensure that Mrs Katie sees no difference between me pre and post confession.
I think I'm the same person. I still care about my kids. I still believe in equal rights. I don't show any interest in women's fashion etc unless asked (do you think that this suits me? or she looks nice). I don't have a preference for female company and my personal grooming hasn't changed.
I try to keep my crossdressing out of view in public and to Mrs Katie. I'm the same man that she married. She hasn't wanted to be involved and so I've kept it out the marriage. The less reminders I'm a crossdresser the better and that will be the case until she says any different.
I've tried communication but it doesn't work so until she says otherwise crossdressing is off the agenda.
By: Katie
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Common Behavioral Traits
I just think that when you're looking for something you can find it.
Is you husband having an affair? The eleven tell tale signs
http://www.womansday.com/relationships/dating-marriage/advice/a1586/11-signs-that-he-might-be-having-an-affair-107288/ .
Don't panic! He's no, he's a crossdresser!
By: Sindy
Subject: Re: Re: Common Behavioral Traits
Oh don't get me wrong - no one else would notice these traits in my husband like I do. He's actually quite difficult to get to know and definitely not warm and effeminate around others lol. And yep, he was also a typical football obsessed boy etc.
BUT, the traits that are noticed on a more personal level ARE there and I would actually love to ask this question of Mrs Katie now she knows you're a crossdresser. I wonder if she'd read the list in a sort of 'aha' way.
But I do also believe and agree that crossdressing is a masculine driven behavior (hence the comparison to the gay male brain) and so I'm not even vaguely surprised if many are found in über masculine lifestyles. Despite how much the minority love to insist this is all about the 'girl within', I'm more in the camp that this is the 'boy within' finding a convenient way to get the 'girl'. Very convenient lol.
By: Katie
Subject: Re: Common Behavioral Traits
I'm not convinced that you can spot a crossdresser by the way he behaves. From reading on other forums it appears that a high percentage of crossdressers actually follow 'macho' careers such as the armed forces or participate in male sports. Whether this is a means to repress their 'feminine' side or an actual choice I don't know. I played football because I enjoyed it- still do. It wasn't meant as a shield to hide my crossdressing.
We do become very good at hiding any signs of our crossdressing. Years of repression. My wife said that I was the last person she thought would be a crossdressers!
I don't believe either sex is superior. I want us all to be equal. There are many 'feminine' traits that I admire but equally men and women can display these traits.
What's an unusual interest in female fashion/makeup/lifestyle? I appreciate women who are dressed well but then don't all men? Yes I understand about different styles, cuts, deniers etc but that is more to do with finding out what suits me and so is a result of my crossdressing. I'm not cutting edge lol.
I don't think I have a preference for female company. Happily go down the pub with my mates. I think that I have a preference for a certain the of company (male or female) that more closely aligns to my beliefs and interests. I think they'd be other male and female company that would be purgatory!
Grooming. I like to be clean. I hate dirty nails, mucky hand, greasy hair but that's normal isn't it? I don't like bodily hair. It seems dirty or at least looks dirty especially when wet, the way it clings to the body- yuck. I'd sooner be smooth than have odd hair sprouting up in the wrong places. Youthful men tend to be less hairy than older men. I never had hair on my back when I was younger but nowI I hate it. Is that wrong?
So I don't think that there are tell tale signs by behaviour. As I said we hide it well. The best way to find out is check you own wardrobe (clothes out of place or look to have been worn or stretched), the loft and any other private places for his 'stash'. Failing that ask. He'd probably come clean.