By: Sindy

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Sisterhouse.net

Davina, you crack me up, lol.

And Katie, it does sound as though your wife has put it in the box and is moving life around it rather than opening it or contemplating something more serious as the article hinted. I'm sure you'll both be fine as you're clearly a considerate gentleman and she will know how lucky she is. As do you. :-)

And I agree about the 'authentic' comment. It's thrown around so much, isn't it. As soon as someone mentions anything identity related, whether it be career or sexuality or whatever, it's suddenly assumed that the person desires to fully identify as this and this is to be their whole self. Yet, as you rightly mentioned, none of us are fully authentic. Imagine that, an entire world of people living out every fantasy and whim and calling it their authentic life. Chaos would quickly take over lol. We all tow a line, and even men who desire more from their cross dressing must acknowledge they don't live in a bubble. We all affect those around us, and authenticity can only carry as far as it doesn't start hurting others, if that makes sense. That goes for ALL of us, not just those dealing with gender issues.

The young'uns will take all this in their stride. They'll look back at all our angst and think we were weird and a little nuts haha. That's a good thing. People might not be able to be fully authentic, but we should be allowed to experience as much of a real life as society allows. Men are very limited with personal expression at the moment, and that needs to change. x

By: Katie

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Sisterhouse.net

I can't help getting Doris Day singing 'Windy City' out my head now!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5MnUrhptPSo

PS Calamity Jane wore men's clothes!

By: Katie

Subject: Re: Re: Sisterhouse.net

Hi Windy Sindy!!!

I think that sometimes I'm trying to understand her suffering which is why I read these articles. She's a pretty pragmatic person and I think that her way of dealing is to put it away in the 'box'. Whether she'd ever be comfortable to let it out the 'box' I don't know but we can always jump that hurdle in the future.

I don't get the impressions she's making a quiet effort to leave. We are always planning for the future together, pensions, paying off the mortgage etc, future holidays etc that I can't see anyone making all the effort only to leave! She did say in the summer that she was scared of losing me and we're a pretty tight family unit.

I do think that attitudes are changing and it is probably a lot easier for young people to come to terms with their crossdressing and also for their partners to be more understanding. My kids know a lot more about sexual orientation and gender than I ever did at their age so there is always hope for the future as this all leads to greater tolerance.

I'm not always sure what 'authentic' means sometimes. I think that we all hide parts of ourselves and want to fit in with society so we all tow the line to a degree.

By: Windy Sindy

Subject: Re: Sisterhouse.net

I like my new pornstar name - Windy Sindy. Thanks Katie. I'm the baked beans eating stripper of the internet, lol.

And that's a confronting article. It shows the raw pain of the men revealing their cross dressing and the wives who now must live with it. Very confronting.

The part that hurts the most, I think, is the part where a wife feels she's now married to a stranger, yet he feels he's finally shown her his authentic self. What a mess. One person feels attacked and humiliated, while the other feels open and free.

It's no wonder marriages flounder. Thankfully, they will often surivive despite this reveal, but we're not a happy lot, are we. I know I'd still rather my husband didn't need this in his life, and I always will feel that. He will always feel slighted that his wife doesn't embrace this part of him.

I don't want to come outright and say that crossdressing men shouldn't have relationships. That's unfair. BUT, crossdressing men probably shouldn't have relationships until they know who they are. I hope the younger generation can accomplish this.

Katie, I hope your wife isn't just silent in a quiet effort to leave. I do know women who have done this (for other reasons obviously) but you have an understanding with her, don't you? I know you've said she doesn't have a problem with cross dressing. Does that mean in the broad sense? Because it's often different how we feel about our husbands versus other people. I could have a crossdressing best friend and not

care at all. I hate that my husband does it. How weird is that?

Anyway, rambling here, lol. I sense you're a man who would be in tune to his wife struggling . I think she's accepted you, but she would still rather you didn't dress, so she's put it in a 'box' and doesn't want to look in it as that would mean confronting the reality that maybe leaving you is the better option. I have one of these boxes too. I love my husband and don't want to leave, but if I'm to look in that damn box I won't like what I see there and all the doubts will come back. I almost feel obligated to consider divorce then, sad but true.

It's also true, that paragraph, about what's most important - being free to be who you are, or being who people think you are. I can't answer it, as I want my husband to be the guy I initially met. But I also want him to be authentic and I would rather he did that without me than stay with me as half a person. Thankfully, at this point, this is all just fun and kink and while it's a part of hm, it's an occasional part. If it became a bigger gender identity issue, we'd have far bigger problems.

Such a hard place to be, sometimes. I wish us all love and luck! xx

By: Katie

Subject: Sisterhouse.net

Sindy recently put a link through for an article on this site. I do find a lot of what is written there very informative and is quite often written from the wife / partners point of view.

It is really important that crossdressers hear the other side of the argument and as windy says she doesn't think it should alway be sugar coated.

I thought that this was an interesting article http://www.sisterhouse.net/familyroom/2015/04/22/unexpressed-anger-kills-marriages/#post-1125 that was worth talking about.

It does describe my path very well, the only difficult part for me is the final paragraph. As I've mentioned before 'm not sure what my wife's point of view is so it's difficult to know if any counselling would be of help.

By: Katie

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Article

Hi Sindy

It's very difficult to generalise as everyone is different but I think that you have hit the nail on the head as far as the average 'Davina' type crossdresser.

You are also right that some people are obviously born in the wrong body.

What is more confusing are people who are gender fluid mixing and matching and swopping around genders. I don't know if there is any sexual motivation (not talking sexual identity) to there crossdressing in the same way as a vanilla crossdresser. Maybe that a debate for another day!

By: Sindy

Subject: Re: Re: Article

Yes, David was a tragic case. It's very confusing, I'll admit.

Thing is, I honestly think we're talking about chalk and cheese, and that's why it's confusing. I would be willing to bet a limb that 99% of anonymous readers of crossdressing forums (of which there are many) are exactly like the person described in the article I posted and they daren't say anything to anyone, not even in the crossdressing community, because crossdressing has become tangled up with transgender issues and so they feel intimidated. That's because the two issues are VERY different. And I think most private crossdressers (the silent majority) don't relate to these transgender issues, at all.

I have mentioned my family acquaintance here before - a boy who has demanded he's a girl FOR AS LONG AS HE COULD BREATHE. I'm not kidding. Age one he pointed at a dress. Age two, he wants to not just dress like a girl but be a girl. He's now older and all we now see is a girl. This came from birth and was so innate and strong, it was undeniable. His parents are so ordinary its almost laughable - except for this wonderfully colourful child that has entered their lives. Do I see any link between this boy (girl) and my husband?

NO!! They are not even the same species!

Are some boys born with girl brains? Of course. Nature doesn't always get it right. Are the millions of men who indulge crossgender expression to fulfil a compulsion born with girl brains? Um, you know my answer, but as Katie says...make up your own minds! :-)

By: Katie

Subject: Re: Article

A good article Sindy and I too can relate to a lot of what was said.

What it doesn't discuss is why we feel the need to wear women's clothes in the first place. What actually makes us think that it's a good idea to try on a pair of knickers! On the basis most boys have access to women clothes (mothers, sisters etc) why then are most men not crossdressers if the compulsion once hooked is that strong? Why do most men not follow the same thought path?

I can definitely relate to all the feelings mentioned. Growing up as a child on the 70s meant there was no access to any information other than an encyclopaedia which obviously wasn't very helpful. You do feel very alone and confused with plenty of self-doubt. It isn't any wonder that we grow up to be super secretive and wanting to hide this part of ourselves. If we find it hard to come to terms with it then how can we ever expect anyone else too?

I also get the sexual side. It was a very sexual thing throughout my teens but when girlfriends come along the need diminishes. As I've said before I didn't really dress throughout my 20s and early 30s and it wasn't until my late 30s that it came back with a force.

It was different then. There was still a sexual element but I wanted to go the 'whole hog' if you like. Dress, lingerie, heels etc. Before that I was happy with a pair of knickers although given the opportunity (not often) I would wear my mum or sisters clothes. Maybe the need to push the boundary was something to do with opportunity but also to try and recapture that sexual element. Either way I have found the sexual element does diminish and is replaced by the feelings of wellbeing.

This maybe to do with a lose of libido as you grow older or it maybe to do with coming to terms with the crossdressing, I don't know but the article does cover a period of my crossdressing life.

The whole 'girly' brain is a huge debate in it's own right with arguments on both sides. What I do know is that during the early and teenage years the brain goes through huge period of plasticity and pruning when connection are made and lost. If an action or behaviour is learnt and repeated then the neural pathways can become so strong they are pretty well permanent which may explain that once the pleasure of crossdressing is learnt it is never going to go away unless these connections are severed.

I do believe that how our brains are wired will affect how we develop as adults. Whether this is nature or nurture is a different matter. The following is an interesting article https://www.theguardian.com/books/2017/jan/18/testosterone-rex-review-cordelia-fine. However, if you want a contradictory solution then look at the case of David Reimer. Due to a circumcision accident, David, born Bruce was changed into Brenda and raised as a girl. He never felt like a girl despite his social conditioning and changed back to being a man.

It really is all too confusing at times with strong arguments on both sides.

Make your own mind up!