By: Sindy
Subject: Reality check...
Sorry peeps, but we've descended into crossdressing La La Land again. The 'if I just have a wee chat with my wife she'll understand and we can start sharing it together'.
Yeah, except it ain't that simple. And even Emma and Sarah's wife won't yet comprehend what I'm talking about.
How about you add a decade or more to the equation. How does this look then? How do you feel 15 or 20 years later when hubby strolls into the bedroom, yet again, in that tarty blonde wig, stockings and heels? Yet again, he wants to watch 'girly' movies and paint each other's nails while you're eyeballing the book you'd rather read or the laundry you'd rather fold. From my end, it looks pretty damn dull. I'm thinking 'I can't believe my husband is still doing this. Hasn't he got bored yet?!' Seriously. A decade later, do I feel like going on a 'girls' night out? Having make over sessions? Discussing how much fun it is to buy clothes and dress up?
I want to roll my eyes and go sleep in another room. Sorry, but it's not so interesting a decade later. Not to mention, I have plenty of female friends to have girl nights out with and only ONE husband, so if he's expecting me to play 'girls night' with him then I'm going to need a spare husband.
But hey, find out for yourselves. Indulge the dressing for a decade. Better yet, chat to some other wives who aren't on forums buzzing about how wonderful it is to have a crossdressing husband. Ignore those few minority women and talk to the rest. Ask the ones who have been living with it for years and years whether they still find it fun or intimate. Look for the truth instead of finding what you want to see.
Sure, there are women out there who don't mind indulging the same thing over and over and OVER again. They're in the minority. For the rest of us, it eventually wears thin and we're much happier when we stop being involved. Some women will even start out like Emma and end up with less tolerance than a football player. So sure, live in La La Land and keep insisting your wives join in. But please, don't be a completely ignorant douche and forget who is actually the crossdressser here. Don't project your need and compulsion onto others so that you eventually believe they like it as much as you.
Because, I highly doubt it.
So be careful what you're asking for. You're in the early days when things are always rose-tinted. If I were a cross dressing man, I'd work on learning to be happy whether my wife is involved or not. Because once you start down the La La path, you might find you're walking it alone.
Anyway, two cents from Sindy who's keeping it real, as always. x
By: Sindy
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Reality check...
I got the analogy and you're right - men can obsess about anything lol. At least the cricket wife can tell friends and family why he's so preoccupied. Not so much the wife of a cross dresser.
But compromise is key so you're also right that couples must keep communicating. Though, why the dressing keeps changing is a bit of an enigma. If you're in control of it surely you can just make a decision not to allow it to progress? Otherwise you're admitting that you're powerless over it which makes it far more damaging than other hobbies. It's more in line with addiction, yes?
Anyway that's off topic, but I'm sure it's a large reason why it's easier to accept cricket. It's not only the taboo aspect but the way crossdressing slips into a mans psyche and alters who he is and even his behavior. The worry then becomes 'who is in control?'.
In the cases of the failed marriages, the behavior was allowed to lead. But there are plenty of still married women living unhappily with a crossdresser who keeps pushing the boundaries.
All this is a bubble and there are infinitely more important issues. So why does this consume your lives then? If we were living an existence like Syria, I'd be very disappointed in my husband if he was still having crossdressing thoughts. Yet, that's the difference between cricket and crossdressing. I have a feeling all of you would continue with the urges even in the middle of a war. Inappropriate, yes, but that's the nature of this thing. So new wives need to understand what they're getting into. Women can't make informed decisions about joining in etc, if they think it's just a hobby.
By: Katie
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Reality check...
I don't think that this is exclusive to crossdressing. Men can be pretty obsessive about plenty of other 'hobbies' that wives may tire of over time. Was the pornography or the crossdressing that was the problem? If he'd been doing the ironing dressed would it have been such an issue? There are plenty of men obsessed with pornography and so there will be crossdressers who are also obsessed with it. Watching pornography is not a prerequisite of being a crossdresser.
Getting it into perspective crossdressing of the scale of things probably isn't that bad. I'm sure that there are plenty of other forms of behaviour that would have ended my and plenty of other marriages long before now.
We exist in a bit of a crossdressing bubble. All of us pretty obsessed by the subject because it affects us all. I'm sure that out in the big wide world we'd be told not to be so self-obsesed.
I was talking to a lady this week who said that somebody in her road had complained to the council that the early recycling collection woke her children. Compared to a child in Syria being woken up to the sound of bombs going off it's really trivial. It sort of brings things into perspective.
We all exist in our own bubbles at times where the things affecting us are the most important in the world.
If you don't want your husband or partner dressing in front of you any longer tell him. If he's sensible and grown up enough to accept that then fine. If he asks again in the future tell him how you feel. I'm sure that most husbands are sympathetic to their wives needs - especially if she makes it clear.
If he ignores her and keeps on regardless then he's an arsehole and she has decisions to make.
We all know that we're not going stop crossdressing. It may increase or decrease in intensity but it's going to be with us for life. Every couple has to decide how to cope with this in their relationship. Some may embrace it, some ignore it and others will let it ruin their lives. It may change over time but then we all change over time and part of being in a relationship is that we grow and change together.
I'm no longer the fit, sports playing young man my wife married. I'm probably a stone overweight with grey hair but she still loves me because we've grown together. She's not the same but I'm not about to change her for a younger model!
You have to work at marriage or any relationship to make it succeed. There will be give and take by both sides to make it work - life is full of compromises.
Katie
PS I'm sure that cricket has ruined a few marriages, especially when he becomes obsessed! It was really just an analogy to make a point.
By: Sindy
Subject: Re: Re: Reality check...
Yes, but you can understand that your wife will tire of it one day and just appreciate what she does give because you have your head screwed on! Trust me, plenty don't. Plenty will harangue their wives for years and years to keep up the 'fun' they had at the very start. I witnessed this quite a lot. The worst result was when the husband eventually realised she wasn't interested and rather than take the mature road and take it elsewhere, they either continually sprang it on her, or ramped up the secretive separate behavior. One woman discovered her husband was spending half the night in the basement watching porn while dressed and her teen son eventually saw him.
Seriously, this isn't an issue to down play. It's not cricket and if the man doesn't have a healthy mindset then indulging him early on could have bad results.
I'll be honest and say I feel Sarah is expecting his wife to indulge the dressing in order to stay married to him. I think she'll get fed up playing the kink game eventually and I think he'll go play it elsewhere. Tell me I'm wrong here if you like, Sarah, but also be honest. Would you be back with your wife if she wasn't open to the crossdressing?
Anyway, were all adults here so everyone must figure this stuff out for themselves. I can only throw in warnings now and then and hope those who need them, see them.
By: Katie
Subject: Re: Reality check...
Any relationship needs to be worked at if it is going to survive. When partners are taken for granted then it will fail.
Sometimes having something new and exciting in a relationship can reinvigorate it. A common purpose. And yes new things do lose their lustre over time. A new TV is great for the first week or so but after that it's just something to watch TV programmes and films on. It doesn't mean you no longer want it, it just becomes part of the furniture.
Before we were married my wife would come and watch me play cricket. A nice afternoon in the sun reading a book. But slowly she stopped coming along - better things to do - sometimes mundane like cleaning the house (she loves a clean house). I didn't resent her for not coming. She'd shown me support and I new she was happy that I carried on playing, it's just that it just wasn't that interesting to her anymore. I'm sure that if they'd been an important game she'd have come long to support but every week no.
Crossdressing by it's nature will wax and wane but it is an urge that we are never going to fully itch. I agree that our wives and partners may well have periods where they'll roll their eyes but it shouldn't stop them being involved if they want too, even if it is during a honeymoon period. Maybe it'll continue or maybe it'll just become old hat but to a crossdressing husband it is important that we've had the validation.
I liked it that my wife watched me play cricket and I understood that she may not want to me along every week. When she stopped it didn't bother me because I could still enjoy the game and if one week she decided that it was nice day and she'd come along then great. I'd never have ever considered making her go to a match. I know that forcing someone to do something against their will will eventually lead to resentment. She was happy that I was happy and I was happy that she was happy.
So to crossdressers enjoy it whilst you can. To wives and partners don't feel that you have to keep up with your crossdresser. He'll be full on, but realise that by accepting him it will mean a hell of a lot.
As they say too much of a good thing is bad for you. I know that I enjoy going out for meals on holiday but by the end I'm bored and the first thing I want when I get home is something bland like beans on toast! We all enjoy going out for meal every now and then but it is the normal life in between that makes it special.
I'm sure that there is common ground to satisfy everyone, it's just finding that happy balance.