By: Katie

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Katie

Hi Sindy

I'll try an answer your points from my own perspective. Really it's the only one I've got and at least you know I'm being honest.

Why wear false boobs and body shapers?

Ok. You're out shopping. You see a really nice dress, check they have the right size and head to the changing room. It looks awful on you. It too big on the top, tight round the waist and just doesn't look right. You're disappointed as the vision you had of you wearing the dress just doesn't fit the reality. You love the dress, everything else is right about, it's the perfect colour for the event you have in mind, so what can you do? Maybe if you could tuck your tummy in a bit more and enhance your breast! Well you have that shape wear at home and hey a couple of 'chicken fillets' will give you the extra oomph for the evening. You buy it, take it home and with a little womanly magic it looks fantastic.

If I put on a dress with my 'male body' it looks awful. It's tight around the waist and a baggy in the boob area. A couple of false boobs and shape wear can change the way I look and the way I feel about the dress. It's nothing that women haven't been doing for ages.

My boobs come from a site selling to women and my shape wear from M&S so no specialist tricks - just what a regular women would use.

It I wear a skirt I need the shape wear to redistribute my belly giving me a waist to sit the skirt on. Without it the skirt is too tight and uncomfortable. I thought that the purpose of shape wear was to redistribute the extra 'muffin top' into nice contours.

I know that it'll make Davina cringe but most days that I dress I do not wear a wig, make up or even shave. I don't need to and cannot justify the time as most of the time I'm meant to be working. So when I look in the mirror I look at the clothes and how they fit. I can ignore the head!

I sometimes think that when a crossdresser says 'comfortable' he means a different thing to how you'd consider using the word. Wearing heels, bra etc is fine to start off with but is does become uncomfortable after a while - so I'm with you ladies on that one. I think that when crossdresser says comfortable he means that he is not at odds with himself - the comfortable in his own body. A transsexual is not comfortable in their own body.

Dressing for sex or not?

Again I can't comment on other people but the whole dressing for sex thing is difficult. It definitely used to be a real turn on and to be honest when I was younger (teens) I was lucky to get a pair of knickers on! Now I can get fully dressed and sit around working for hours without feeling any need. Maybe the feelings it now creates are still to do with the with the endorphins it used to produce but instead of having to result in a sexual act they now produce the de-stress.

So wearing a dress used to give me a 'boner' but now it doesn't. Maybe it's to do with age and sex drive but I know that I don't suffer from erectile disfunction so it's got to be something else.

Slightly off thread but maybe the reason that we want to push the boundaries is to get the extra kick we used to do when we were younger. Too much of a good thing can lead to boredom. But dressing does at least calm the mind.

Gender expression.

If you're a sexist it doesn't matter if you're dressed as a woman or a man you're still going to be a sexist. I don't buy into the fact that dressing suddenly changes someones personality. You don't need to put on a dress to be in touch with your feminine side.

You might feel and look more feminine but it's just not going to suddenly change you from Donald Trump into Mother Theresa.

If somebody is not pulling their weight in the marriage then that's to with with them and not the fact that they are a crossdresser. It does annoy me that some crossdressers seem to use housework as some bargaining tool. 'If you let me dress up then I'll do the housework'. Hey, what's wrong with doing the housework as a man? It's not a 'feminine' thing it's just sharing the chores! I can't think of anything more ridiculous that wearing a shirt and heels to clean the toilet!

I hope in our household that I do my fair share. I cook, clean, look after the kids, do the decorating, fix things, unscrew tight lids and reach high things ;-)

Conclusion

Some crossdressers make up a narrative to justify their dressing to themselves. I don't get being 'in touch with my feminine side'. Things are only deemed 'feminine' because that is how society labels them.

About the only thing that differentiates the sexes is the ability to reproduce. We need to be plumbed the right way to enable that to happen. But I'm quite capable of rearing children - I looked after my two from birth for 2 days a week right through to them starting school., I can cook clean and do all the other things that society says are 'feminine'. I can even put on a pair of tights, strap on a bra, wear make up and walk in heels. It shouldn't make me some weirdo but a caring human being.

By: Sindy

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Katie

And thought I'd add that Davina and Katie, you actually speak the truth and are a rarity among the men who crossdress. If more could follow your lead I bet we'd see happier marriages. You're like cross dressing rebels refusing to follow the pack!! :-D

By: Sindy

Subject: Re: Re: Katie

Humans are very weird, I entirely agree! lol

And interesting thing - Davina, I think you mentioned these annoying questions of mine likely being on the tip of a new wife's tongue. Yep. They are. The support group I frequented for years often had these discussions and feeling insulted was actually a common thought. I get what Katie is saying and it makes sense in every logical way. But that doesn't remove the gut reaction many women have when confronted with a man they care about and his 'other side'. It often seems like the explanations given don't match the actions. If you're not trying to be women, then why wear fake boobs and body shapers? Men don't have boobs or curved hips so doing this is a contradiction, yes?

So doing these things DOES suggest crossdressers enjoy the binary gender roles far more than many women. Otherwise, why not just wear the clothes with a beard and your male body? (I'm sure we've beaten this horse to death, but hey, new people could be reading.)

Thing is, the key comments from the women I chatted to was these contradictions, often wrapped inside years and years of lies. 'I don't dress for sex' he would say while standing there in a dress with a erection. 'I'm not gay!' while his browser if exploding with transsexual oorn. 'It's an expression of my softer, more-nurturing feminine side' while he sits in a dress watching football as the wife does everything else, 'I understand women more' as he misunderstands everything his wife says and does.

All true stories!

There is a HUGE contradiction in what crossdressers say and what they do. And we feel it the most. And yet, all the wives I spoke to wanted was the truth and not some fake version that makes her husband feel better about himself. I swear, if any of these husbands had just been honest and said 'wearing frocks gives me a boner' I think there would have been less friction. Instead these women had to sit through strange stories about connecting with women and how it feels more comfortable to wear stockings and heels and a wig (yeah, right!) and these very baffled women just grew more resentful and uncomfortable.

Here's an excerpt from an article written by Amy Bloom who wrote 'Normal'. It sums up this contradiction perfectly. I'll post the link to the entire article after it.

'The cross-dressers of Tri-Ess insist that cross-dressing is not about sexuality, and therefore not about sex. They are right about the first, and we can all stop assuming that any man who wears a dress is gay. But they are not right about the second, and their assertion, their defense, that cross-dressing is their creative expression of both genders is unsetting, because it is at such odds with their behavior, their natures, and their marriages. These men are as far from being gender warriors and feminists as George W. himself. As one wife said to me, "For twenty years he couldn't help with the dishes because he was watching football. Now he can't help because he's doing his nails. Is that different?" For these men, the woman within is entirely the Maybelline version, not the Mother Teresa version, not the Liv Ullman version, and not even the Tracey Ullman version.'

http://aosoc.org/diane_frank_selections/conservative_men_in_conservative.htm

By: Davina

Subject: Re: Katie

Brill post Katie and I agree if I was a woman I'd find the comedic Drag acts more of an insult but I've been to a bar in Cardiff called Miskys which is a drag Bar £3 to get in and plenty of comedy by the Drag Queens and there were a few Crossdressers in there but Han do's more than Stag do's.

That's another thing Stag and Hen do's ... I don't do them I don't see the point in them.. I didnt have one but have been on one and men and women both see it as a last chance to cheat and i'm not just talking the ones getting married.

The things one girl in a bar in Cardiff asked me to do to her for a dare I wont print here and in the same vane I've seen men on stag do's acting like animals too.

Humans are a weird race of people I just don't get them.

By: Katie

Subject: Katie

If a feminist finds a 'genuine' crossdresser insulting then I don't think they can be classed as a feminist.

Feminism is not about holding onto 'female rights' and taking more 'male rights' it's about equal rights. If a woman only considers wearing a dress, heels, makeup etc as a female right then she cannot be a feminist.

Both sexes can be a feminist. The alternative is that you are a sexist. To me it's a binary choice, you either believe that everyone is equal or you believe that one sex is superior to the other.

I can understand that in a patriarchal society that women might feel insulted that men want to 'steal' there clothes. A case of having your cake and eat it but as a crossdresser I feel that there is nothing further from the truth.

I wear 'women's' clothes because I love them. I like their texture l and how they look. I love the colours and variety. I love the way they make me feel. I love to browse women's clothes online, walking into the women's department fills me with excitement about all the beautiful things. I'm sure that many women feel that same but equally there are plenty who that would do nothing for at all. To me crossdressing is nothing to do with being a woman. It is only society that classes us as 'women' if we decide to wear 'women's' clothes. I am not a woman, I just prefer feminine clothes.

But should society even allow our genitalia determine what we can wear? Should it determine what jobs we can do, how much we are paid, what toys we play with as children? Should it determine what games or sports we play?

A boy that wants to do ballet or play with dolls = gay, sissy, a fairy.

A girl who wants to play rugby or play with guns = lesbian, tom boy, unfeminine.

A man who wants to wear a dress = gay, sissy, fairy, transexual.

Society determines at birth what your sex and gender is and you have to conform throughout life to this strict code or you are an outsider. But how do you defines what being a woman is? Is it chromosomes, genitalia, the ability to have children? People are born with undetermined sex. Plenty of women can't have children. Does that make them less of a woman? Is it the whole package? In which case is a butch, rugby playing woman who can't have children less of a woman than a feminine, caring mother? Or is being a woman just a deep down feeling of belonging?

To me we are all individuals with individual needs. 99% of the time I fit into society's definition of a man. Whether I feel that same as the next man I don't know. I may even share more feelings with women than men - I don't know. I worry about my kids and love them deeply, I cry at sad or inspiring films, I dress to feel feminine at times and at others just to fit in to the male stereo type because it's practical and comfortable. Some of those are 'feminine' or 'womanly' qualities assigned by society but they probably apply to a great deal of men. Are they less of men for having them or are they just expressing how they feel?

Walking around Sainsbury's on Saturday I noticed that most people just dress to fit in. It's all pretty androgynous and bland. I'm sure that there were women there who love to dress up to the nines in dresses,heels, makeup and some that would hate it. In fact they'd feel uncomfortable doing it. Life is about being fluid and not being confined into one box.

Don't define and segregate on sex or gender. Treat everyone as individuals and allow them the freedom to express themselves in the way they want. Just because it doesn't fit into society's tight boundaries doesn't make them wrong or perverted. Live and let live an accept people for they way they are, as long as they are doing you no physical harm then what is the problem?

I will, however, add a proviso about men wearing dresses when I feel that it is not only insulting to women but to crossdressers. I'm talking about drag. More specifically about the stag nights when the groom is put in a dress to humiliate him. Why is it seen that wearing a dress should be humiliating unless you consider women to be inferior. The same goes for drag on TV. I watched a bit of a dance thing on BBC and I think that on 3 occasions one of them frocked up for laughs. Why do people laugh at a men in a dresses?

Maybe I'm a bit sensitive about it but drag just caricatures women and that is where feminists should target their anger and not against 'genuine' crossdressers who do it for the love.

By: Davina

Subject: Re: Insults

I understand this Sindy but feel the alpha male straight married man is very restricted and for most of us although we’d love the world to be more accepting of our crossdressing and to have rights and fair treatment we’ll never get it as far too many other “minorities” in the LGBT let alone vanilla world would want straight married men dressing for fun and escapism and seems that’s our lot in life.

Sindys question for this week - Do we think crossdressing is insulting to women?

Nooooo far from it is a massive appreciation of women and how much we admire women and womens look and fashion etc.. We’re massive admirers of women and I hope in how we look when we do crossdress is testament to that as we don’t dress all tarty and slutty we try to emulate how we like women to look when we crossdress and its no insult.

And how do we justify it when you probably wouldn't emulate a person of different culture or colour?

I don’t want to emulate a person of a different culture or colour as that would do nothing for my need of occasional escapism from alpha male life. Part of it is the love and attraction to women.

Do you see women as less deserving of respect?

No I see women as our equal.

Does a man deserve less respect for crossdressing?

Some maybe most will say "Yes be a man!"

But all we’re doing is dressing as a woman that is as society has decided women dress and man shan’t dress like it which one could call sexist if we wanted to be all politically correct in equality and all, but I would suggest the political correct brigade would vote against crossdressing being a right of men.

Or maybe you see women as just a part of men so you can 'wear' us whenever you like?

We don’t wear You – You or Women I should say aren’t just clothes so turning the table we aren’t wearing you we’re wearing clothes and makeup and high heels etc Society in general has declared these items and that specific look to belong to women denying it to men.

Is it ok for a drag queen to poorly portray a woman?

Is that more acceptable than a straight married man or any man for that matter occasionally crossdressing?

Either way, crossdressing, for this feminist, has always trod some murky waters – That because maybe feminists have come such a long way from Emily Pankhurst chaining herself the the rails for womens right to vote to now wanting more and more equality which is fine by me but please clothing and image is just that, you cant have the monopoly on fashion surely ¾ to ¼ in that clothes shop…isn't equality.

You’re not annoying anyone it’s all good stuff Sindy and many of these questions may be on the tip of the tongue of women coming in here to see what this blog is all about so my honest answers back at cha..

We don’t mean to cause any offence by emulating women or any other person so hard for us to understand how we would cause any offence by crossdressing privately and occasionally for the good inexplicable effects it provides us as men.

Anyone offended by men crossdressing needs to think about the more onerous problems in the world and will realise a man dressed as a woman occasionally is pretty meaningless even if it’s you husband if his motives are the same as mine meaning no offence, crossdressing being a private occassional fun thing I like to do to help me unwind.

There are also two sides to a marriage and we try our best to keep our wives happy and wives try their best to keep us men happy but sometimes give and take is required and sometimes either man or wife will take the other for granted at some point in time and we must not forget that us men are crap at showing our feelings and sometimes will let this spill over in frustration sometimes sexual frustration and stress especially when wives and gfs hit the contentment wall and don’t realise the effect certain small things like never wearing high heels or a dress can have on a man especially if its a case of a wife not making this effort for their husband but will dress to the nines for a girls night out with her friends which wives and gf’s have no idea the negative effect it has on our hidden feelings… how do we show these feelings without offending or sounding superficial .. that’s the question we find hard to get to grips with and how does one say to ones wife or Gf I have noticed you’re making less of an effort to look your best without getting your head bitten off and the silent treatment and a night sleeping o the couch so it’s easier to crossdress but that doesn’t cure the underlying resentment we can feel and the effect it has on our own self confidence which again we don’t show you.

So Why this isn't addressed more is frustrating to men who corssdress and men who don't crossdress?

Questions appreciated as usual

By: Sindy

Subject: Insults

So Sindy sure put her feminist ideas and insults on poor Megan, didn't I!! lol. Sorry Megan, Thing is, I can support all of you, and my husband, and feel hurt and sad for how you're all treated, and bloody hell I'd be first in the picket line for your rights to fair treatment, but in the end I also expect men who crossdress not to just emulate an entire gender without ever thinking about the ramifications or reasons why. Let's face it - if you were a white dude who had a compulsion to present as a black man you'd be pretty damn disliked by most. Yet for some reason, men presenting as women has been downplayed into the 'fun' zone. I don't think it's fun or frivolous to be female but hey, that's just me. I'm also raising daughters (and sons) so my sense of humour is short lived on most days anyway lol.

So I guess my thoughtful question for this week is - do you think crossdressing is insulting to women? And how do you justify it when you probably wouldn't emulate a person of different culture or colour? Do you see women as less deserving of respect? Or maybe you see women as just a part of men so you can 'wear' us whenever you like?

Either way, crossdressing, for this feminist, has always trod some murky waters. If I annoy anyone here, I'm okay with that. You can't emulate another person without causing some offence. Why this isn't addressed more is frustrating. I know in the past that if the wife had just had her thoughts validated, that the marriage might have been better. Crossdressers really shouldn't be at war with the very people they worship! Im a pain in the ass, but I might SAVE your ass with these questions.

Answers appreciated. x

By: Davina

Subject: Crossdressing theory Davinas answers

Hi Megan thanks for contributing… another Welsh T girl I do wonder how many more there are in Wales in the closet so to speak.

I’ve read this before and a lot of it can ring true. Is it Jung theory or something?

Sindy some responses to you keeping it real also but my point of view only, others may agree, disagree or have other answers all are welcome here.. this may be a long one lol.

I agree that every boy / man will have traits that society considers feminine but if we display them we’re met with disapproval and names like fairy etc and showing any fem traits is coached out of us from a young age as we’re taught to be macho, sporty and aggressive plus also trained to grow up to be Gentlemen..If brought up right.

I suppose this is the sort of thing women are attracted to not feminine men so we repress anything feminine including crying and showing emotions.

So yes I agree we are coached to develop a normal male persona (which you can call a mask to your true self which will have a mix of male and fem traits with the fem traits hidden).

It’s also true we go to school expected to get good grades then go onto College and University or before this get a job all the while being active in sports becoming well rounded Alpha male men then we chase a career and progress our life plans as Alpha males looking for the wife, house and kids

Its also true during this time being attracted to women and what they wear and how they look and feel but being shy or not having a girlfriend Crossdressing can kick in with exploration of how it might feel like some kind of compensation not looking to feel feminine in a mental sense but a physical sense manifesting itself in dreams and fantasy about women you’d want to do things with dressed in what you’re trying on.

At midlife with the wife, the kids, the house, the bills and now also the stress of the job and career we chased to give our family a good life we do experience a bit of unhappiness or maybe depression due to the unrealistic and limiting nature of our Aplha male masculine persona particularly as Sport has played a big part in our lives for most and now we’re at an age where we stop playing contact sport and need something to replace the adrenalin and outlet for stress.

It may also be as with myself some life event caused additional stress in early to mid 30s and its something we still bear a burden for now and a worry about weekly if not daily which has had a long lasting effect and worry which adds to our outside of work life stress and worry about the future and worry about a repeat event occurring.

We need and have something in Crossdressing we may have repressed for years and held at arms reach but we know it has this strange calming influence we cannot understand let alone explain to anyone else but come to accept eventually.

It comes to a point where we may get a strong urge to wear women’s clothes again or an event which triggers it sometimes after years of repressing it and sometimes its back to the dressing to feel how we like women to look and what we want them to wear etc when our wives reach a certain state of mind and stop making the effort they once used to and we’re back to compensating in our dressing.

(That sounds bad but we’ve discussed this in here before how women suddenly stop making the effort not realising the effect it has on us men because we don’t show our emotions and how hurt we can feel if it seems like our wives no longer see fit to make an effort to look their best for us its a kick in the teeth but we daren't say a word or we’ll get the silent treatment and the “you should love me however I am”)

So we may turn back to Crossdressing and to an extent this has happened to lots of Tgirls / crossdressers I regularly chat to – I own more dresses than my wife lol.

This crossdressing urge is natural and healthy as repressing feelings and especially stress is very unhealthy as I’m going through recently with work on top of me again along with other outside work stress but this has nothing to do with wanting to feel feminine – it’s fun, exciting, gives inexplicable stress release and its a turn on and I feel sexy when I’m crossdressed it’s escapism but Sindy we all realise dressing as we do doesn’t mean we do this to feel “Feminine” per say but it’d our interpretation of being feminine in image and it helps us dramatically so there's no need to state about us saying we feel feminine as we cant feel like a woman as we have no idea how women feel as they’re all weird lol…

There is a lot of self questioning of why do I do this and we do experience confusion and a bit of self loathing but we can get past this and feel relief in does it matter why I crossdress? I do it I enjoy it so so what … then we decide once we’ve got to this stage that maybe it’s fair and right to let our wives or girlfriends know that we are crossdressers and go through this all over again trying to comfort them, explain it and ease any obvious fears our wives or Gfs may have and guilt returns also self loathing and why am I now putting her through this and also why can't she see it for what it is escapism, image, a bit of fun serious but not serious and at the same time occasional, urges which help us and above all harmless if that’s all it is crossdressing.

Am I Gay never once crossed my mind and also do I want to be a woman never crossed my mind but formed the first two questions my wife asked putting me on the back foot in shock she asked those pretty obvious questions lol.

I believe we reach a stage of peace in our minds about crossdressing especially if our wives or Gfs can accept this part of us to a controlled extent (although we still worry about their feelings) and believe having my wifes blessing and understanding around me dressing at home behind closed doors and curtains or when away with work in a hotel room is my end point despite a recent thought of “how would it feel to be outside dressed away from people who know me but outside away from anyone who knows me as a man and just outside as opposed to hidden behind closed doors and curtains even if its in the back garden in the dark of winter for 5 mins or away from home at some arranged safe tgirl event a curiosity to see how it would feel in a safe social environment” - Maybe one day I’ll do this maybe I won’t but this thought is more about wanting the experience than something I’ve thought long and hard about doing frequently.

Its an adjustment of mine and my wifes current level of acceptance bending the rules so back comes the guilt for admitting this thought to her and how it may make her feel.

However what we do know is we recognize the positive, healing meaning of crossdressing in the escapism, fun and stress release we gain from it for those few hours “transformed” letting the alpha male mask drop for a time and with support from a wife or a gf crossdressing becomes supported, rather than rejected, by the ego and fears of the effect on ones wife or gf and we may then pursue crossdressing as a constructive activity free from previous moral constraints.

But I also agree by the same token, recognition of the positive meaning of the urges also brings an appreciation of sensible limits of crossdressing and awareness of overstepping the mark.

Emulating a woman physically in how we dress is all we do we cant and don't claim to feel totally feminine or understand women just because we crossdress but it allows us to unleash this fem side within us which we Alphas don't like admitting we have within.

It is an expression of femininity to the extent that we can achieve we never deem or claim it to be an expression of womanhood, it is an expression of the traits that we like to associate ourselves with in terms of the look and how it makes us feel when we crossdress.

So for us yes it means dresses, stockings, high heels, long hair, manicures, makeup, lingerie, shopping for girly things, girly chats and feeling pretty and sexy the things we’re not “allowed” to have or feel as Alpha male men.

Also the above things are activities I would say women are doing less and less so may find it fun to return to doing these things if not surreal with their husband or boyfriend to an extent.

Yes the association is simplistic and superficial – is there anything wrong with that as for some of us as above its a replacement or compensation for the things our wives / gfs have left behind not realising the effect it has on our hidden feelings.

I don't express any feminine traits let alone internal fem 'anima' so I occasionally behind closed doors crossdress because doing it openly is frowned upon and repressed.

There are far more concerning things in the world than people worrying about why men crossdress.

Going and helping the poor and sick instead of parading around in wigs and heels?? ... Is this what women do?

No then what's it got to do with crossdressing?

The anima in men isn't literally a big-boobed bimbo in skanky clothing as most men who crossdress don't dress this way which is why I think my wife was surprised when she first faced me as Davina probably expecting to find me dressed like a hooker when I was just dressed casual as a woman, makeup and wig with the aim more to try to look convincing than tarty or like a bimbo as believe it or not this isn't the look we generally fancy in women … neither is trousers and flat shoes lol but somewhere in between.. kinda like the way Yall dress to snare us in the first place lol

There isn't a single crossdresser who really knows what it is to be female and we don't even ponder this its just dressing up and escapism we don't try to be female we don't want to be female we just strive as part of the fun of it to look as female as possible.

Yes we are are MEN responding to an internal need and an escapism but why shouldn't it be connected to women or rather womens image in crossdressing as more and more women are encouraged to be strong and independent women showing more natural male traits… The shoes on the other foot and flat ones at that!.

Femininity but not women – so how do we show femininity without the emulation of crossdressing as I’m sure if I acted more feminine my wife would have just the same fears … hang on you’re acting more feminine are you gay?

WE do need balance so what’s at all wrong in finding refuge in crossdressing or “pretending to be women” To us this does help with the balance and its inexpiable why it does provided this release and balance which really helps us unwind we cant explain why but it works.

I’m not at all confused – I’m a man (an intelligent one), a thoughtful one, a man with my own mind and principals, a man not easily led by others or by what we're told in the media, I'm a husband and a father, an alpha male and a leader of men and women in a stressful job and I crossdress and no one would ever guess that I do it and enjoy doing it, I’m straight not at all gay and I never want to become or live as a woman or try to feel like a woman I just enjoy crossdressing and it comes in occasional urges or compulsions if you like and after being crossdressed it can help stress subside and the urge will go away until the next time we need to do it for want of some other replacement of relief but why look for the “other “relief when we have something which works in crossdressing.

Balance is found by swapping one costume for another as we’re doing it, living it occasionally and believe me it works.

You can say "Just try being a man who embraces all of his human emotions" but as we’ve already discussed some of the traits and emotions are frowned upon so stupidly as society doesn't accept as openly a man who may from time to time act feminine society also doesn't accept us crossdressing so we’re kicked either way.

Women wont understand as they'll never know what it;’s like to be a Man and we are very visually motivated and back to the feeling of rejection etc we feel when wives and gfs move to trousers and flat shoes which is just an example.

There is a lot more to men than what their eyes (and lower brains) see to make decisions but that's just what women think of us and for some men this explanation is true but some of us are more intelligent and can think outside the box and can even accept we crossdress so what.

Crossdressing does exist in all cultures and in past history, feminism and the balance of the sexes and the fact women these days have more equality and equal rights in the main as it should be as I believe in equality for all but in some cases women are overtaking men as we are afraid to cause any angst or offence for example mentioned before go into a clothes shop ¾ will be womens clothes of a great variety and ¼ will be for men … Women can shop in that ¼ shop also and wear mens things but men cannot go into the ¾ shop or wear womens things yet years ago women had to wear dressed and dress a certain way and go back further men wore dresses moving to the more practical shorts or trousers that’s not to say women should wear dresses but its what we prefer seeing women in even occasionally and its becoming a rare thing and I’d say crossdressing is on the rise.

Good debate may it continue onwards and upwards.

By: Sindy

Subject: Re: Crossdressing Theory

Ah, nice to read something that drags me from the pits of blahdom. How can a crossdresser be a sociallly perverted menace when he's busy pondering yin and yang? Thanks Megan, for reminding me how normal you all are!

Anyway, it's nice to hear your story (we need more personal information, of course, as we're/I'm a nosey bunch lol) and read your theories. I think everyone here does need to delve into this issue and reach their own personal answer rather than just take the answers of others. From what I've witnessed as a wife, the reasons for emulating a woman are as endless as the people who do it. I'm not sure one theory will ever fit two people, let alone everyone,

That said, I do have one issue with yours that I have with most explanations for crossdressing - and that is this being an expression of femininity/womanhood/anima? Whatever the name, it is apparently an expression of the traits associated most with women. For men who crossdress, this seems to be dresses, stockings, heels, long hair, manicures, shopping, girly chats and feeling pretty. As an actual female, I find this association simplistic and superficial. If you want to access your 'anima' then why not focus on internal feminine traits? Seriously, most of the rest of the world wonders this question also, when confronted with a crossdresser/transperson. If you're hell-bent on gender cliches, then why on earth don't you go help the poor and sick instead of parading around in wigs and heels?? Is the anima in men literally just a big-boobed bimbo in skanky clothing? Serious question that I think all crossdressers need to ponder.

Anyway, I think there's an awful lot of justifying done in the crossdressing community that makes people create theories as to why they do this so as to feel 'normal' in everyday society. Yet, trust me, a decade of reading what crossdressers think and feel, and I haven't YET experienced a single one who really knew what it is to be female. You can't know. Clothing and all the rest won't help. You are MEN responding to an internal need and it really shouldn't be connected to women. Femininty, yes, but not women. And I agree all humans need balance, but men finding refuge in pretending to be women is not balance. That's confusion or compulsion or whatever, but balance is not found by swapping one costume for another.

You want to find real human balance, try opening up your mind and heart without all the gender crap in the way. How about accessing the anima by being a man who embraces all of his human emotions? I'll never understand the need to crossdress because I don't associate who I am with the visual. Perhaps men will always be limited as to who they are as long as their eyes (and lower brains lol) make the decisions. Who knows. I do know it rarely exists in more primitive cultures which suggests a link to modern masculinity.

Anyway, thanks for joining in. :-) it's cool if we disagree on issues, because I might say it like it is, but I also like to learn and I will take your info away with me to ponder. I honestly think if an explanation works for you, then own it. We're not on this earth long enough to know all the answers so just find yours and make it work.

Yep, feeling a bit better for chatting here again...helps lift the yuck I've felt for a few days. x