Another review by me of thoughts on crossdressing .. Davina

The Trans Umbrella is an umbrella term for people who don’t primarily identify with the gender and/or the sex they were assigned at birth which includes binary trans like trans man and woman; and non-binary trans such as gender-fluid, agender, gender-queer, non-binary and many more.

Davina - Way too many labels involved in all this.

 Although even after being categorised like that, some part of the LGBTQIA+ community are commonly intermixed and confused to be the same. 

Davina - As Crossdressers we’re in the T but the T is sometimes shunned in LGB …..T and Crossdressers are bottom of the pile in that T.

Today, we are going to discuss how trans people, drag artists and people who cross-dress are different and not similar as people seem to think. 

It is very important to share awareness about the differences between drag artists, crossdressers and trans people and only use the term preferred by the individual. 

The distinction between these really helps trans advocates and the future generation with the nuances of trans identity since not every trans person is the same.

Davina - as a starter in this article I’m glad the writer is including Crossdressers as part of the Trans Spectrum .. sliding scale … umbrella

Drag Artists

The term “drag” came to be commonly known in 1870 when theatre started to have more actors wear opposite gender’s clothes. 

Davina - I wrote in one article review that crossdressing doesn’t demean women but I really don’t like drag acts.. They’re crude and sexual and i find they do sometimes badly portray women.. Just my view. I’m sure my wife when picturing me as Davina before meeting Davina had this drag-queen like image in her head and found I wasn’t like that at all.

Dressing in drag is an over the top way to dress up either in clothes that are different from their gender identity or just an extravagant version of themselves with heavy makeup and eye-catching outfits with wigs and jewelry. 

Drag is considered a performance art and often linked to the gay community. 

Even though many drag artists are from the community, it is not a necessity and one can perform in drag just because they enjoy the aspect of the drag, regardless of their gender identity and sexual orientation.

“We’re all born naked and the rest is drag”, this quote is by the one and only RuPaul, the one who made drag mainstream. 

The quote doesn’t mean to invalidate the idea and the importance of gender identity but focuses on personal freedom on how to express your charisma, uniqueness and talent without fear of judgement. 

Drag is a vibrant way to present yourself and perform; it’s perfect for the people who live for the stage, glamour and the attention.

Myths about Drag Community

There are a lot of myths regarding the drag community that are debunked alongside here. –

• They are considered gay automatically just for performing in drag, even though being a drag artist has nothing to do with someone’s sexual orientation. 

• They secretly just want to be the opposite gender; some may be trans or trans-curious but drag is more about self-expression and exploring their personas.

• They are “lesser men” in case of drag queens, but it takes way more confidence to be able to express yourself despite the moral policing of the society. 

• Anyone can be a drag artist and they only do it for the money; it’s a challenging art to master and it’s not everyone’s cup of tea. It is still a rare thing to be able to live off only doing drag performances. Many have other jobs to make money and do drag for their passion towards it. 

Drag culture nowadays is more accepted and appreciated in the world and is all about personas, gender-crossing and characterising with the help of flamboyant dresses and makeup. 

Cross-Dressers

The phrase “cross-dresser” itself walks a blurred line as the term itself doesn’t really define the aspects of it and lifestyle of the people that do “cross-dress”. 

Davina - People would never 2nd guess a crossdresser as a man.. For example if your wife is shocked you’re a t-girl theres no way someone lese is going to guess you’re a crossdresser unless yu admit it or leave clear clues.

While drag is more about dressing up over the top for the public’s admiration, 

Davina - Admiration?

cross-dressing is a more private and personal lifestyle choice. 

Davina - very much so yet Crossdressers like a photo of themselves / ourselves and will show photos in crossdressing on line groups as profile photos and like the vanity of it.

Cross dressing has been practised for thousands of years in the Native American Tribes, Egyptians, Aztecs, Incas, South-East Asians and Indians. 

Transvestite is an old-fashioned term for crossdressers which is widely considered to be offensive.

Davina - I don’t think anyone feels offended by being called a Transvestite or a Tranny it’s just an old fashioned term where tgirl the most modern or just crossdresser.. Noting crossdresser is the word used more to take the mik out of someone or you hear the joke hes a crossdresser on the weekend.

 Gender identity is a big part of how we dress the way we do. 

We are going to talk about the feminine side of cross-dressing in this blog since it’s not as taboo anymore for afar people to cross-dress in their day to day life. 

Some cross-dress and go out in public so they can feel what it is like to be a woman and blend in the world..

Davina - I’ve done this a few times only if i think i look passable and can blend in and its definitely given me a buzz to be out dressed as a woman.

 whereas some cross-dress in private to be comfortable and in a safe space. 

Davina - chance would be a fine thing for a lot of us to get some quality time crossdressed.

Most cross-dressers do not live or want to live in feminine clothes full time

Davina - that would be a move further along the sliding scale of the Trans world but some may want to dress more or would love to wake up and present how they feel.. I’d dress a lot more if i could present how i like.

… or want to undergo any surgical intervention to change their body permanently 

Davina - I have no intention of doing any more than crossdressing no intention of any ops.

…or are just trying to discover parts of their gender identity. 

Davina - pure escapism from man life

They want to be themselves and express their femininity 

Davna - We suppress any signs of femininity so it is nice to let those barriers down and dress, try to look, even smell with perfume more feminine. Sounds crazy but we embrace a bit more femininity and try to look and act more feminine .. one minute we could be scoring a goal or putting in a big tackle playing rugby the next stockings heels makeup and mincing with red lipstick on and knickers and a dress it does sound bonkers doesn’t it. Who cares!

and blend in the world, feeling normal in their own skin which is a large part of the desire to want to cross-dress in the first place unlike drag which is all about wanting eyes on their glamorous selves while they are performing. 

Davina - It definitely feels normal nothing weird about it when you do it yourself and you’re in control in body and mind of why you crossdress and get over the early guilt of being a crossdresser.

Myths about Cross-Dressers

There are also countless myths regarding the cross-dressing community which are also debunked alongside here –

• They are basically homosexual people; it’s actually on the contrary and like before, sexual orientation has nothing to do with how you express yourself clothing-wise.

• It’s a mental illness and has a cure. It’s a very backward way of thinking and there’s no need to cure a person from their need to be themselves. 

• It’s a choice and they are just trying to trick people. The need to express your truest self can’t possibly be turned on and off and they have no intention to trick anyone. 

• They are perverts; this is the most damaging myth of them all and it is pretty clear that they are not. Although, we are going to talk about this furthermore as some people do dress up in the opposite gender’s clothes due to a fetish they may have.

Davina - The writer sums this up quite well

Autogynephilia

Autogynephilia is defined as a person’s tendency to be sexually aroused by the thought of themselves as a woman.

Davina - I fit into this as have been aroused by myself when dressed many many times.

 It is also known as “Transvestic fetishism” which is a very common fetish,

Davina - I don’t think the writer is correct here Autogynephillia and Transvestic fetishism for me are not the same.

.. way more than people would think and they just confuse this with cross-dressing and put everything together even if it doesn’t make sense.

Some people who have this fetish might like dressing in entirely feminine clothes, whereas others might just wear feminine underwear beneath their standard masculine attire.

Davina - shows the sliding scale in crossdressing.. For me it’s all or nothing its rare for me now just to put on some tights or stockings and heels or just lingerie as i may have done in the past its all or nothing.

 They can also either get turned on by other people dressed in feminine clothes, or be turned on by themselves wearing feminine clothes.

Davina - I get turned on thinking of being able to dress let alone when i’m dressed it’s exciting and i love the feel of lingerie, hosiery, makeup, perfume stepping into high heels and seeing the final transformation in the mirror.

 Some are also turned on by the wrongness of the concept of gender crossing and chasing the thrill of it with the risk of being caught and face embarrassment.

Davina - There may be an element I’ve toyed with here leaving it to the last minute to change back before my wife knew or taking a risk to try something on in someones house. Long story.

 These are examples of the sexually driven side of cross dressing.

Davina - What the writer doesn’t say is we also look at some point for stolen moment or take opportunities to dress when they present themselves that can be exciting.

Cross-dressers and transgender people

Since we are talking about feminine cross-dressing done by people who identify and express themselves as men since it is rarely done by people who identify and express themselves as women possibly because they have far more social freedom when it comes to choosing masculine clothes, we are going to go deep into the emotional aspect of cross-dressing. 

Transwomen usually start their self-discovery journey with cross-dressing to feel more comfortable. 

The objective is to be treated as a woman, rather than merely appear as one. 

Trans curious cross-dressers may or may not be heterosexual. 

Davina - I’d say no more or less than in the general public.. But i can also say that curiosity about sexuality does happen within the trans community. 

They just wonder and want to discover how it feels to be treated like a woman. 

Davina - This is true which is why the bucket list is there.. Going out in public or to a  t girl event crossdressed, wanting sex with a wife dressed to be touched as a “woman”,, sex wearing lingerie we wish our wives would wear and some go further with same sex .. (men eww) or other t girls.. I’ve found tgirls who have been rejected by wives, or t girls with no sex life with a wife more likely to veer in sexuality and become curious and seek this sort of liaison to feel more feminine by acting the woman in sex.

Trans women’s experiences are very different because they can’t just put down their womanhood at the end of the day by taking off their feminine clothes and makeup like some cross-dressers can. Gender Dysphoria i.e, clinical diagnosis for being trans is an experience of constant distress about one’s internal identity that conflicts with their body. 

All crossdressers do not feel this way since not all of them are trans people.

Davina - I believe there are times when we need to crossdress, the urge is strong, we miss being dressed and we do have a certain level of gender dysphoria from that. I’ver certainly experienced dysphoria when ive needed and wanted to dress and cant.. The escape into my form of femininity denied by circumstances and life.

 It is a fairly extensive process to live their lives as the woman that they are in this society which includes HRT, legal name changes, ID changes, psychiatric counselling, social transition and sometimes surgery. 

Davina - beyond what most of us in this forum want..

Myths about Transgender people

There are a lot of myths regarding transgender people as well which need to be debunked –

• Their sexual orientation is linked to gender identity as in gay men turn into transwoman in order to be straight, but the thing is that the transwoman can be gay, straight, bisexual, asexual regardless of that since they are not linked to each other.

• Children aren’t old enough to know about transness; though kids know about their gender ever since they can remember and they would definitely know if something didn’t feel right about their bodies, it’s our job to listen, educate and understand these kids.

• All trans people medically transition and it is as simple as getting one surgery, not all do for various reasons like the surgeries being not as accessible, financial issues, not suitable for it, just not interested, etc. One can have many gender-affirming surgeries which have extremely long recovery periods to feel comfortable in their own skin and fit in the society better.

• They make up for the third gender, trans is an umbrella term that includes people who do not identify with binary genders and those who do identify with it, do not need a separate gender category for them since transwomen are women and transmen are men.

Since the label of cross-dresser is vague and confusing and not everyone wants to identify with it in general because of the stigma around it, 

Davina - Agreed it has a stigma around it but we are crossdressers / t girls no escaping it and we have to put up with the myths until we can somehow educate the world we’re not strange at all.

we decided to ask Selina Fantasy (they/she/he) who necessarily doesn’t relate to the term “cross dresser” because they think it’s pointless to assign clothing gender but do understand that they fit the general definition of cross-dresser about their opinion on how cross-dressing affects people’s lifestyle, from a seasoned perspective. 

Q. I wanted to know your opinion on whether you think cross-dressing helps people find their identities more? For example, can it be a gateway to figuring out how cross dressing helps or affects their lifestyle, like some people may find that they are trans, or they might want to do drag performances or if it’s a fetish or they simply feel comfortable being in clothes that are different from their gender expression?

Selina : Oh yeah absolutely. 

So part of it is the taboo feeling right? Like even completely cis het people get a kick out of it when it’s an occasion.

Davina - Yes I get a kick out of being Davina.

 And for trans people it’s pretty much a rite of passage. 

People are afraid to try it for fear of what they might find. I know I was afraid to even attempt it for a very long time because it would mean having to answer questions about myself. 

Once I realised how damaging that fear of self was, I was quickly able to access a sense of peace and contentment that I’d never known. 

Davina - So true once you realise you're trans / you’re a crossdresser and get over the guilt etc it’s definitely a sense of peace.

It took me a year to stop having panic attacks and another year to feel comfortable around friends and not to worry about people finding out. 

Davina - Hmmm people finding out that is a quandary.. How would people react some shrug so what, some break a friendship, where kids involved all of a sudden other kids arent allowed a sleepover, your wife is talked about, you can no longer lead some community group etc.. fear of the unknown consequences.

Today I’m pretty open about being nonbinary anywhere outside my hometown and I’ve put to rest all the feelings of anxiety and depression that pretty much crippled me my entire life. 

Davina - I’ve crossdressed in london and when away from home in public but wouldn't chance beng spotted / recognised locally.

Here’s the weird part. 

Once I went through that whole process, the desire to dress up has actually disappeared. 

Davina - my desire to crossdress has grown as i’ve got older but then so has my stress levels with work and other things.

Like now if I envision my ideal self or if I want to look really good for an occasion, that vision is absolutely female. 

Davina - I’d like to think I look better as Davina and I love a wedding or an event where women get their heels on a nice dress make more effort with makeup and nails and hair.. I’m jealous of women being able to do that.

But on a day to day basis, I present male, and am quite comfortable doing so.

Davina - Me too but wouldn’t it be nice to have the choice on how you want to present which men don’t have but women do. Where’s the equality in that? Its another topic of conversation for another time.

 A large part of that is just the effort that goes into dressing up and having to gird yourself for what the unknown might throw at you.

Davina - unless you have some quality time it can seem a huge task to sort clothing lingerie put on makeup etc only to have zero time to chill in your fem presentation and have to change back.

 But the process of figuring myself out – who I am and what I want – absolutely required putting on that first dress.

Moral Policing Norms

Since we talked a lot about people not being able to express themselves as their truest self because of society, we are going to talk about the moral policing that is prevalent in this world. 

Moral policing is a blanket term for vigilante groups that act to enforce a code of morality set by religious belief, cultural and law practices. 

It prevents and discourages people from having the independence to actively live their lives according to what they identify with, rather than the restricted norm of gender norms and expectations. 

Due to this moral policing, the LGBTQIA+ community faces extreme consequences and their basic right to life and liberty has been threatened and continues to be the case. 

Conclusion

Whether you choose to keep to yourself when dressing up or get on a stage to let everyone see the Queen/King you are, we should all take pride in following our hearts and letting our true selves be who they need to be. 

Whether you are trying cross-dressing to satisfy your curiosity or start a self-discovery journey, either way it is a brave step to take because even with acceptance from a support system, some might still find it hard to look past the prejudice and stereotypes regarding gender roles and sexuality in general. 

Although the social stigma is typically not many people being accepting of transgender people or cross-dressers, the media is starting to portray them in a more positive light. 

It definitely can be an eye opening experience to label yourself or not label yourself and live your life the way you want. 

It helps to have a more open and understanding mindset to what others may have to deal with when supporting someone who is going through this dilemma. 

Davinas conclusion - Not a bad article something we can work with and debate further.