By: Sindy
Subject: More great answers
I haven't felt this at peace with my husband's cross dressing in...well, ever. It's amazing how talking back and forth like this is helping. Emma, too, by the sound of it. I'll never really understand why he does it either, and I know there will always be a part of me that finds the whole thing a little exasperating (think Ground Hog Day, lol) but I can make sense of a lot of it now which is a big relief. Thanks Katie and Davina for sharing your viewpoint and experience with us.
And to the question from Davina - why do I think crossdressing is so taboo? I believe Madonna can answer that best:
Girls can wear jeans
And cut their hair short
Wear shirts and boots
'Cause it's OK to be a boy
But for a boy to look like a girl is degrading
'Cause you think that being a girl is degrading
But secretly you'd love to know what it's like
Wouldn't you
What it feels like for a girl
That sums it up. To be a boy raises a persons status. A girl lowers it. Everyone laughs at the crossdresser because he's degrading himself by feminising himself. It's completely unfair and very offensive to us women, but that's the society we live in and I can't see it changing any time soon.
Of men who crossdress want more acceptance, they need to encourage all the other non crossdressers, and plenty of those who do who are equally misogynisitc, to raise up how we see women. As soon as we're seen as something to aspire to and not just to lust after, you'll have an easier time.
Though, again, a big part of me suspects most crossdressers are in it for the sexual kick and I doubt acceptance is really their desire. Half the fun is the taboo. And most of the websites for crossdressing are kink sites. I know my experience has shown me that this is usually an erotic behavior rather than anything else.
Here's my question - what exactly is so wrong with crossdressing being about sex? There's an awful lot of denial and even propaganda distancing the behavior from sex. I think this is silly, and equally offensive, as though kink is something horrible. Especially given the last research I read shows that almost 90% dress for a turn on. It often dulls with age and time but this was the main motivator. Why then, with so many dressing for sexual kicks, is there such reluctance to admit it? Shouldn't we also empower men to embrace their sexuality rather than pretend it doesn't exist in order to placate a prudish society?
Women need to be raised up. But so do men. Your sexuality is so often different and stronger than ours and I don't think it's fair we pretend it doesn't exist. Even though you dint dress for sex, Davina and Katie, why do the others deny they do?
Thanks again for the pep talks here. :)
By: Katie
Subject: Re: More great answers
H Sindy
I agree with you on the status side. I do believe that women are considered inferior by many men. A woman is some pretty object that somehow enhances his reputation (trophy wife). Dresses by their nature make you feel more vulnerable and in need of 'protection' which panders to the macho male ego. You only need to look at Oscar's night to see all the men identically dress in tuxedos from head to foot. The women on the other hand are expected to wear figure hugging dresses that show plenty of flesh making them more vulnerable and in need of protection from their knight in a shining tuxedo.
Women do, however, have have a secret weapon. Those dresses are extremely sexy and it can cause men to do stupid things. I don't believe all women understand the power that a sexy woman can have over men. Men are conditioned to see women in dresses and heels as sexy and as we know sex is a huge driver for men, especially when young. I know it shouldn't be the case but if you want a man to do something for you dress sexy!
I do think that some of the taboo, as you say, its about a man in a dress somehow being inferior to 'normal' men because it shows him as being weak (in need of protection). I also believe that it is the fear that a straight man may find another man in a dress attractive calling into doubt his own sexuality. Macho men will try and distance themselves as far away from being 'gay' as possible. Who knows this behaviour maybe hiding a latent homosexuality. Quite often men who crossdress will appear to be 'macho' and do things to distance themselves from their own femininity. On one of the forums I belong to there seems to be an inordinate amount of ex-military personnel on their which many people will consider the ultimate 'macho' occupation. I also believe that women finding a man attractive in a dress will also call into question their own sexuality. I've always had the impression that women are more relaxed about finding other women attractive. It's hard for some men to even acknowledge that another man maybe attractive to women!
As both Davina and I have said sex was an important part of our early crossdressing lives. I think teenage boys will find lots of things sexually stimulating but in both our cases crossdressing started before we became sexually aware. Again this seems to be a constant amongst many early onset crossdressers.
I guess that when a woman wear certain clothes it can make her feel sexy. I'm sure that many of the young girls who go out dressed in short skirts and heels showing plenty of cleavage feel sexy. They know the effect that it will have on the men in clubs that they are trying to attract. It doesn't mean 'she's asking for it' as she will be dressing to enhance her own mood and feelings. Feeling attractive and receiving compliments, as Emma said, it's a huge boost to self-confidence.
Going back to the sex side. I found dressing a real turn on when I was younger but now I'm older it's not such an important part of dressing. As Davina says I can dress for a few hours now and may eventually get bored and change back to drab. When I was younger I'd just about get myself dressed before things happened - even the thought of it was enough sometimes. I think the sex thing wanes and gets substituted feelings of being sexy which in itself is mood enhancing. That's not to say I don't have the same fantasy as Davina but again it's never going to happen - how many fantasies actually do?
As I said before there are many types of crossdresser. From guys who will underdress, guys who dress as maids or victorian ladies, full drag or those just wanting to look presentable. They all have their various reasons. I think most are just 'Davina' type dressers but there will also be outliers who will have all sorts of kinks.
I think that some crossdressers will deny that there is a sexual aspect to there dressing because they are embarrassed by that fact. In other cases it maybe that the crossdresser is actually transgender and that dressing is just part of their female identity. I think as a group we all have different takes on who we are and how we feel. It's a matter sometimes of trying to justify our actions to ourselves that makes us say the things we do. I hope that makes sense as reading it back it does seem a bit woolly.
By: Davina
Subject: Re: More great answers
Hi Sindy
I've added a follow up in my Blog page
Another cool post from you and nice to see some positives from Emma below too
Hope you're having a good bank holiday weekend so far