Part One
As child I messed around swapping clothes with my sister. It was just a bit of fun and two early to have really developed any understanding of gender or sexuality. I can remember being told it was wrong for boys to wear girls clothes. I can also remember having a fascination with the lingerie department at the store my Dad worked. But again this was really pre any awareness I had.
I was always a shy and quiet child at school. I had a group of friends but preferred to be in the background. I remember that I had my first crush on a girl in my first year at senior school. Her name was Tracy. I admired her from afar too scared to even talk to her. She had long blond hair. I remember writing a letter to my parents telling them about this wonderful girl (maybe the start of pattern lol). Tracy left the school.
As I progressed through senior school I developed another crush on a girl called Suzanne. She was in my class. She had dark hair and brown eyes. I used to talk with her in class but she had a boyfriend (she was always popular) and so it was very much fancying her from afar.
As I said I was always shy at school and didn't have any girl friends. About the age of 12 or 13 I tried on my first piece of lingerie. A pair of my mum's knicker which were on the airer. From then on I was hooked. Slowly I got bolder and tried on more clothes each time I dressed. I used to wear one of my sisters school skirts. It was a blue pencil skirt with buttons up the side. It was nearly identical to one that Suzanne had.
Gynephilia is the love of women which covers heterosexual men. Autogynephilia is the love of yourself as a woman which cover crossdressers, cross dreamers, transvestite etc. Most crossdressers will be both gynesexual and autogynesexual.
During my teenage years my crossdressing was really a substitute for a girl friend. Looking back now it was a way that I could be intimate with a girl without actually having a girl friend. Being dressed as a woman meant I could feel what it was like to be with a girl. In effect I was my own girl friend, the auto part of autogynesexual.
Katie x
Seems a pattern as mine was shy as a child too.
Interesting read both
I posed a question on crossdressers.com and this is the thread https://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?262754-What-were-you-like-as-a-teenage-crossdresser
Some interesting answers and maybe some pattern.
Katie x
As child I definitely didn't mess around swapping clothes with my sister she'd have called me a freak and told our parents.
What I do remember is wearing black tights and blue tights playing Batman or Superman and no one ever told me wearing rights was wrong in fact Esme will laugh at this as I remember seeing my Dad come home from working nights and taking a pair of tights off explaining they helped keep him warm working in all weathers.. we have skins we can wear nowadays for the same thing.. But like my kids think of me I was like wait a min he works nights, black tights omg he's Batman fighting crime by night.
The other thing I remember is a love of the feel of silly things say before my fascination with Lingerie which developed when looking at the female models in my mother's clothes catalogues when I was around 10.. Omg realisation that the lingerie pages were not lol.
I was also always a shy and quiet child at school.
I had a group of friends mainly boys I played sports with and kids of my parents friends and I suppose I also stayed in the background which is something my kids certainly Don t do and I'm glad of it nice to see theyre not shy like I was.
I had many crushes on girls at school and female teachers funny now one i used to play kiss chase with (and always let her catch me) has a daughter who goes to school with mine, another girl I eventually years later plucked up the courage to ask out tho sport in my teens came first and we didn't see much of one another and now when I see her she ignores me lol and Esme can't stand her maybe as when we met once she announced to Esme she was my ex girlfriend... What was i 15 or 16 I can't even remember.
I had many crushes but was also too busy with sport from the age of 10 up through to 19 things changed a bit when I met Esme and Uni and Work.
I guess I crossdressed no idea how often not really often from 10 upwards maybe 5 times in a year and I'd always be checking the latest clothes magazine.
I had crushes in secondary school but those 5 years i was out running, football, rugby or cricket training or playing matches or 5 a side football or tennis.. No time for a girlfriend and too shy to ask one out tho I had lots of friends in school who were girls who probably would have dated me.. I had a foot in the nerdy camp and the popular camp i guess it's a trait As I have a foot in the management camp and the coal face in work .. Nice to be mutually respected.
I was probably 10 or 11 when I decided to find out of my mother had any lingerie like those catalogue models and yep she did and that sparked my dressing in lingerie then stockings and high heels but not dressed or skirts.. I never wore anything of my sisters.
If Gynephilia is the love of women which covers heterosexual men then I have that.... Autogynephilia is the love of yourself as a woman ... If this means seeing myself as a woman when crisscrossed and thinking wow I look hot then I have this too lol when I get my look right I can fancy myself as Davina.. So vane.
I agree as during my teenage years my crossdressing was really a substitute for a girl friend to a certain extent too wearing things is love a gf to.wear to feel on them instead putting them on me gaining my first errection when crossdressed and first orgasm both of which scared me not knowing what was wrong.. But the orgasm felt nice tho made a mess and sparked masturbation when dressed.
I guess Katie we have some similarities and maybe lots of tgirl s who started young like this went through something similar.
Looking forward to part 2.
Davina