Part One

As child I messed around swapping clothes with my sister. It was just a bit of fun and two early to have really developed any understanding of gender or sexuality. I can remember being told it was wrong for boys to wear girls clothes. I can also remember having a fascination with the lingerie department at the store my Dad worked. But again this was really pre any awareness I had.

I was always a shy and quiet child at school. I had a group of friends but preferred to be in the background. I remember that I had my first crush on a girl in my first year at senior school. Her name was Tracy. I admired her from afar too scared to even talk to her. She had long blond hair. I remember writing a letter to my parents telling them about this wonderful girl (maybe the start of pattern lol). Tracy left the school.

As I progressed through senior school I developed another crush on a girl called Suzanne. She was in my class. She had dark hair and brown eyes. I used to talk with her in class but she had a boyfriend (she was always popular) and so it was very much fancying her from afar.

As I said I was always shy at school and didn't have any girl friends. About the age of 12 or 13 I tried on my first piece of lingerie. A pair of my mum's knicker which were on the airer. From then on I was hooked. Slowly I got bolder and tried on more clothes each time I dressed. I used to wear one of my sisters school skirts. It was a blue pencil skirt with buttons up the side. It was nearly identical to one that Suzanne had.

Gynephilia is the love of women which covers heterosexual men. Autogynephilia is the love of yourself as a woman which cover crossdressers, cross dreamers, transvestite etc. Most crossdressers will be both gynesexual and autogynesexual.

During my teenage years my crossdressing was really a substitute for a girl friend. Looking back now it was a way that I could be intimate with a girl without actually having a girl friend. Being dressed as a woman meant I could feel what it was like to be with a girl. In effect I was my own girl friend, the auto part of autogynesexual.

Katie x