By: Davina
Subject: Negative Post - Reality of it all what people think
Hi Sindy I hope you’re not still on a “Debbie-downer”
It can be worrying when you have kids thinking I hope they’ll be safe.
My kids have their half term this week and have been to sports clubs in a local leisure centre where I know the people showing them how to play hockey and netball are ok, have been checked etc but you still warn them not to go off with anyone, don’t wander away from the leisure centre and look after each other.
I ran kids clubs when younger and had to run through police checks and all that stuff and back then pedophillia etc was a less known and worried about thing but people are very aware of it these days including the kids.
You have to be careful about it too for example I was out with a friend last night in a pub and he mentioned someone I'd not heard about for a long time and I said didn't he do time something to do with his ex wifes 13 year old daughter and my friend said yes he did but she later admitted she made it up to hurt him for leaving her mum... now in my mind he'd messed about with her and went to prison for it but he was innocent however hearing his name and not knowing the full facts its the first thing that sprang to mind and it will probably stick to him all his life. I could mention his name in work and others would say the same as I said last night and without someone there who knows the full facts the rumour will continue.
My oldest is at an age where she wants to go out with friends to the park etc and I cant keep her in and under my supervision for ever. But you do worry about them crossing the road safely and also what evil people we know are out there they may bump into and we have to prepare them mentally to see a sign of danger and get from there.
Its hard but I’d never be suspicious of male teachers or male coaches etc and confident if someone did anything to my kids they would tell me and I would deal with it.. The thing is we’ve seen lately it’s not just men who have commited crimes with minors as there are some sick people about.
It is sad however that because we crossdress and you can read here it’s a fairly harmless and indeed sane thing that we do but it shows why men keep it secret if people associate crossdressing with perversion and link it into sick people.
I do get it though and would maybe worry myself even being a crossdresser if somehow one of my kids friends fathers was outed as a Crossdresser how would I feel my kids going over on a play date with this guys kids.. Ok He’s a crossdresser big deal but what sort of a crossdresser what motivates him to crossdress… I’m sure we’ve let our kids go to friends houses and for all we know parents are taking drugs, drink heavily and god knows what else so Crossdressng shouldn’t be the worst thing to worry about however I bet if people found out I was a crossdresser they’d probably be a bit wary of their kids coming round here and that’s a sad thing as unfortunately Crossdressing and perversion is a society linked thing which we’re not getting away from any time soon in how people picture us.
I agree its awful that us normal blokes who just enjoy the escapism of crossdressing get lumped in with such labels as pervert and sexual abuser.
All you have to do though is shut it out of your mind in the knowledge your husband isn’t a predator he’s probably just like me a normal alpha male, hard working father and husband who happens to enjoy crossdressing for all the good benefits it brings in stress relief and escapism for a bit.
It must be hard though as sometimes you must want to scream "Look you are over generalising my husband is a crossdresser and he’s not a pervert or any of the things you lot keep saying about men who crossdress!"
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Anyway I hope you’ve raised yourself above the gloom and doom and have a nice weekend planned.
I’m going to watch a rugby match.. how Alpha Male of me.
By: Katie
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Negative post week... :-(
Hi Sindy
Being a parent is tough gig. You want to shelter them against all the horrible things out there but you also want to make sure that they are well rounded individuals who can be thoughtful and accepting of others.
As I said our biggest fear is the internet. Both of my two are into xbox and play their games on-line against other gamers around the world. We've talked to them about the dangers and they appear to be sensible. They're very cautious about 'friending' anyone who they don't know personally. I know some of the friends have 'friends list' which go into hundreds, I'd been concerned that some of those might not be quite who they purport to be!
I know the schools are a lot better in educating their students about the dangers out there but equally they're also better at discussing issues such as LGBT so they don't grow up with some of the preconceptions of their paranoid parents!
I think my two are a lot more worldly wise than I ever was at their age but equally we've made sure that they don't grow up too quickly and enjoy their childhood - it's over too quick these days.
We're also finding this Brexit / Trump situation depressing. 'Populist' seems to be an excuse to become more insular and untrusting - something that I despise. Maybe I'm too soft and want to live in a Utopia that just doesn't exist but why can't people just be nice instead of having to split into 'tribes'?
Anyway, if you want to vent anything in private that you don't feel is appropriate here then Davina has my email address.
Chin up.
By: Sindy
Subject: Re: Re: Negative post week... :-(
Thank you. I needed to hear this as I did end up a blubbering mess in the bathroom and had to tell one of the munchkins that mommy was making dinner and the onion made her eyes hurt. I think he bought it, lol.
It is all this pedophile fear. Obviously it's a parents worst nightmare and I have fears too. But maybe I'm less scared than most because in my own history I remember being personally groomed by two adult men as an early teen and managed, amazingly, to come out unscathed. One was my music teachers husband and the other was the manager at the after school job I had. They said and tried some pretty disturbing stuff. But I was lucky and nothing happened to me. I guess my personal creep factor went off and I had friends who also noticed and stepped in.
I suppose what I'm saying is I know these people are out there but I'd rather teach my kids how to look after themselves than persecute an entire gender because of a few bad ones. I find it appalling that friends of mine won't allow male family members near their kids for fear of pedophilia. As someone who is raising both boys and girls, I find it infinitely sad that boys are considered the enemy purely because of their birth gender. I can't even imagine how a transwoman feels with the bathroom laws you mention. I feel emotionally exhausted when I consider the unfairness of it all, and lately I feel like humans are going backwards in their views.
But it's especially confronting to have close friends view your husband as a threat just because he has a harmless quirk such a crossdressing. And no, they don't view him personally this way because they don't know - but they feel this way about crossdressers im general and it's depressing to hear.
I will say that I did pull one friend up by reminding her that she was raising a son and that one day he would be viewed as the predator. She was quite stumped by that, and acknowledged that she would need to find a way to balance her fears and raising a happy, confident man. I still think she'll let her fears rule, but I did my best. Still feeling sad so will end it here and say I also needed that cyber hug, Katie. People can be so disappointing, x
By: Katie
Subject: Re: Negative post week... :-(
Hi Sindy
I totally get you being on a downer especially if you feel you can't hit back at ridiculous comments. Some people are just so ignorant that unless something affects them directly they are not willing to put in the time and effort in finding out the truth. Instead they'll jump to all sorts of conclusions normally perpetuated by the gutter press.
I'm a sports coach and my wife is the welfare officer for the club so we've had lots of discussions about safeguarding children. All of the other coaches in the club are male and most only start because they have a child in the team.
The main concern that all parent fear is their child falling pray to a pedophile. That is the fear that your friends seem to be expressing. I know that all of our coaches have up to date criminal record checks and will have attended a safeguarding children course.
I know that there has been quite a bit in the press about historical sexual abuse of children in football and this always raises concerns but I have to say that no parents have raised any concerns about our coaches or for that matter even wanted to check that they are 'safe'. Maybe parents make an assumption but I think it is more likely that their fears have moved into different areas.
I know that from a personal point of view our biggest worry is that they'll be groomed over the internet. It's much easier to pose as a pretty young teenage girl on-line than in real life and with the way games are played they can easily be suckered in. Really, men dressing as women to get access to children is a bit paranoid and I think you're friends need a reality check. I think most sexual abuse is carried out by a close member of the family so I think they'd soon realise if somebody was trying to use that ruse!
I think men are far more aware of their action towards children creating suspicion even if it is done in all innocence. I know one of our coaches froze on the spot when one of his players came up to him and hugged him. If it had been his own son then he'd have consoled him but he couldn't. Luckily the child's parent witnessed it and said it would be OK for him to console the child (who has incidentally been having a difficult time).
My biggest fear is being accused of being a pedophile by an upset player wanting to get his own back. I'm always careful to never be alone with any of the players and it is a shame that I have to feel that way. Some of our friends knew about a coach who have been accused by one of his player out of spite. That would be a complete nightmare so sometimes I wonder why anybody actually puts the time in in the first place!
There has also been a lot of debate in the press in the US about the 'bathroom bill'. It seems that one of the arguments for banning trans people is that male sexual predators will dress as women to get access to the ladies toilets. Really? Why do you need to dress as a woman to go into the female toilets? From experience most toilets are discreetly hidden so any man wanting to pray on a woman could easily slip in and hide in one of the cubicles until the right moment. Paranoia gone mad.
I really think there whole thought process is totally illogical and I think that you could challenge them without rousing suspicion.
All men are latent pedophiles and sexual predators! Really if women want equality then they also need to treat men with respect and not tar them all with the same brush. It seems were guilty until proven innocent!
Console yourself with the fact that you are an open minded woman who has spent time and effort in understanding her husband. If more women were like you and actually spent time understanding the risks then maybe the world would be a less paranoid place where people can live in harmony as opposed to suspicion.
By: Sindy
Subject: Negative post week... :-(
Seems I'm the Debbie-downer here at the moment. :-( Wish I could see the happy-joy in simple valentines gifts but have been confronted in the last few weeks with some depressing issues.
The big one is that many of the moms I know and spend my days with want their kids to have nothing to do with men. Seriously. No male teachers. They're suspicious of male coaches. And no play dates unless mom is also around in case Dad is a pervert. Very depressing, but while I find it paranoid behavior, I just move on and do my own thing as I can't handle the conflict right now.
Except, recently I've heard a couple of casual joke comments about sexual abusers pretending to be moms to reach kids, and some bizarre idea that crossdressing is connected to being a sexual deviant. It's not easy hearing these things, when your husband is a crossdresser AND a devoted, loving father. It makes me want to cry. Worst part is some of these comments have come from close friends. Open minded women. Yet they still fear men in dresses.
Anyway, I wanted to explain why I keep mentioning the more negative aspects here. These issues may very well occur for other women if they become involved with a crossdresser. These kinds of comments etc will hurt even if he's private and considerate, as other people may label his behavior a threat. It's not the truth as we here all know the truth, but it can happen and the wife will feel angry and sad.
.
I just feel sad. I wish my husband didn't have to be lumped in with such labels as pervert and sexual abuser. I find it depressing that any man with a sexual/behavior 'quirk' is immediately assumed a predator, yet I also don't have the strength to correct people as that would mean outing him to the world. Neither of us want that. :-(
So because of the tiny percentage of men who do actually abuse children and women, all other men are not treated fairly. I hate it. And sorry, but just needed to vent somewhere anonymous and safe today because even though I understand all this, today I I feel a bit beaten down.
By: Emma RG
Subject: Re: Negative Post - Reality of it all what people think
Its dreadful how men are labelled rapists and peados before proven innocent or guilty look at Cliff Richards and now did I read Rolf Harris having some cases against him thrown out but they are tarred with the brush.
I never even considered my other half was a weirdo or a pervert and glad that didn't cross my mind.