Hi

I was chatting to another t girl on messenger about wanting to go out as Katie. It's been something I've been planning for a while but I've always said that I won't go out without my wife permission. As many of you know my communication with my wife about crossdressing is very limited and I find just approaching the subject very difficult and there always seems to be a barrier in the way.

My friend was trying to work out why there is a problem. I know that my wife is a very tolerant person, full of love and empathy. I think her concerns would probably be for my wellbeing and nothing personal so why do I find it so difficult to talk? Then she asked if I was ashamed of being a crossdresser.

My immediate answer was no. I've met people and chatted online and have really come to terms with the fact that I am a crossdresser. I'm not ashamed to admit to them that I'm a crossdresser. But thinking about it more deeply maybe I am ashamed to admit it to the one person who means so much to me. If I talk to her about it am I admitting a weakness? Am I flawed in someway and unworthy of her love and attention? Do I measure up to other guys who don't crossdress? These thought are probably rushing through my subconscious which is why that initial conversation is so difficult. I'm the one putting up the barriers because I don't want to be seen less of a man in her eyes.

I guess I've got along history of being ashamed of crossdressing. When I was a kid first facing the realisation that I was a transvestite (long before the term crossdresser) I was told that boys shouldn't dress as girls. So I hid this shame in secrecy. I guess that 35 years of feeling this shame means that it was inbuilt. Not telling my wife that I crossdress and keeping it hidden was to do with this shame, as I'm sure it is with most crossdressers.

The last 5 years of coming to understand my crossdressing has really helped and making connections with other crossdressers has been part of this process.

So how do I get over these fears about telling my wife? Do I talk to her about these feelings of shame? Empathy is a great cure for shame. I'm I being stupid?

Katie x