You're in a relationship and your boyfriend/husband tells you he likes to wear dresses. Where do you go from here....
Note: I wrote this post because when this happened to me 6 months ago I wish there was one. This is what I've learnt. If you have something to add.. please don't hesitate. I know everyone's experience is different & some people need professional help (which you absolutely should seek if you need it). I hope this is a good starting point and may offer some perspective for those of you thinking about fessing up too.
Questions to ask:-
why does he do it - there are different reasons.
what are his limits, likes and ambitions for dressing. Does he want to leave the house? How often does he want to dress? Does he have fantasies about penis or anal and does he want to make them a reality? Or can you make some of those a reality in your relationship through sex toys & pegging?
self awareness of where your line in the sand is. Do you want to ignore it? Do you want to participate? Is she welcome in the bedroom or do you just want to do make up and clothes? Does he expect you to dress up too?
reflection about how you feel about it - Are you hurt from deception? Can you let that go? Do you understand why?Are you worried that people will think or how it would impact your life if it was revealed? Are you jealous of her or concerned about how attractive she is? Is she more attractive than you? Are you worried about her attention or intentions from others? Are you worried he is gay and/or not attracted to you?
online content. Where is it? What type is it? Are they sexy talking with others? Are you ok with that - or would you be if you could read it? Or is it enough that you get the real deal?
Things you can do to support him:-
reassurance about lifestyle, trust, support.
tiny gifts to reinforce. Nail polish, hair clips, jewelry, makeup are a good place to start if you dont know what size.
be patient - I knew about the NSFW pictures but waited for him to tell me.
communicate your limits. If you're having difficulty take sex quiz. Mojo upgrade is my fave but it takes 24 hours to send the link. Or use a messenger app.
if you are planning to enjoy it. Keep your vanilla & CD life balanced (unless he's planning on transitioning). You will have to work at this.
take it slow. Theres a lot to process for both of you - you need to be able to communicate as things shift.
if you're not planning to participate & you're leaving him to his devices. Organize a regular night out with your friends or go to the movies once a week or a sport to play- so he can be home alone. Give him a space to put his girl stuff (a spare cupboard, some drawers, a plastic tub, a section in the bathroom cupboard). If you don't live together give yourself a couple of nights apart. Keep in mind it can take a long time to do hair removal, apply makeup & get dressed.
Some things to think about:-
-You won't stop him from dressing. Repressing it will only bring back the desire stronger plus foster guilt & shame.
-She is part of who he is. If you love him that means technically you love her.
-It's his body he can do what he likes with it. You can choose your level of participation or limitations.
-If you're not happy, if he uses girl mode to be abusive (emotionally or physically or being reckless), if he doesn't respect your limits or if you want him to give it up/change - LEAVE. Leave peacefully without outing him.
why does he do it - there are different reasons. Fun sums it up
what are his limits, likes and ambitions for dressing. Does he want to leave the house? wev e done that
How often does he want to dress?
Once or twice per month
Does he have fantasies about penis or anal and does he want to make them a reality?
His answer eww no
Or can you make some of those a reality in your relationship through sex toys & pegging?
you want to participate?blush Is she welcome in the bedroom or do you just want to do make up and clothes? Does he expect you to dress up too?rap just sorta held it between us blush
you want to participate?blush Is she welcome in the bedroom or do you just want to do make up and clothes? Does he expect you to dress up too?rap just sorta held it between us blush
self awareness of where your line in the sand is. Do you want to ignore it? I
No it's something we enjoy to do together now wasn't at first
you want to participate?
I do
Is he welcome in the bedroom or do you just want to do make up and clothes?
Bedroom.has been fun
Does he expect you to dress up too?
Yes I enjoy dressing up for our girls nights in he appreciates it
reflection about how you feel about it - Are you hurt from deception? I
I was at first until I worked in acceptance research and find good blogs
Can you let that go?
Yes
Do you understand why?
I love him
Are you worried that people will think or how it would impact your life if it was revealed?
Yes but we're careful
Are you jealous of her or concerned about how attractive she is?
He she looks beautiful as a woman in Not jealous
Is she more attractive than you?
Maybe he just said no see so sweet
Are you worried about her attention or intentions from others?
No he's loyal attention minimised by no pics on line
Are you worried he is gay and/or not attracted to you?
No and no
online content. Where is it?
Here
What type is it?
Chat and forums
Are they sexy talking with others?
No
Are you ok with that - or would you be if you could read it? Or is it enough that you get the real deal?
He said not.interested in sex talk with others
Things you can do to support him:-
tiny gifts to reinforce. Nail polish, hair clips, jewelry, makeup are a good place to start if you dont know what size. I do this hosiery makeup lingerie every now and then or a dress in the sale i think.may suit him.or heels
be patient - I knew about the NSFW pictures but waited for him to tell me.
Nsfw? Wtf?
communicate your limits. If you're having difficulty take sex quiz. Mojo upgrade is my fave but it takes 24 hours to send the link. Or use a messenger app.
Some sex.quizzes and used WhatsApp to talk and just talked lol
if you are planning to enjoy it. Keep your vanilla & CD life balanced (unless he's planning on transitioning). You will have to work at this. Yes.we.have
take it slow. Theres a lot to process for both of you - you need to be able to communicate as things shift. It's separated in our.lives
if you're not planning to participate & you're leaving him to his devices. Organize a regular night out with your friends or go to the movies once a week or a sport to play- so he can be home alone. Give him a space to put his girl stuff (a spare cupboard, some drawers, a plastic tub, a section in the bathroom cupboard). If you don't live together give yourself a couple of nights apart. Keep in mind it can take a long time to do hair removal, apply makeup & get dressed
We enjoy a night in he has stayed in dressed when I've been out.and away with work dressed
Six site grrr frustrating to type in a tablet
Emma (wife)
All good questions and answers
We'll work through them.tonight and got down our answers
Emma
My answers:-
why does he do it - there are different reasons. Relaxation, love femininity and the female image, love a certain image, love lingerie, stockings and heels, I feel sexy dressed, I find it fun transforming, its escapism from male me and a stress reliever.
what are his limits, likes and ambitions for dressing. Does he want to leave the house? I’d like to try going out being outdoors I went to get my phone charger from the car last time I was away with work in a hotel dressed and it felt quite liberating.
How often does he want to dress? I like to dress to try to look convincing I like to show off my legs Esme wants me to dress classy not trashy lol but sometimes trashy is fun
Does he have fantasies about penis or anal and does he want to make them a reality? Noooooo
Or can you make some of those a reality in your relationship through sex toys & pegging? No way would Esme peg anything other than the washing on the washing line.. lol we are very sensitive down there and toys can be fun but personally I feel weird about being touched there although it feels so nice.. why are we so sensitive down there and why the hell do we have a g spot there..
self awareness of where your line in the sand is. Do you want to ignore it? Esme tried to ignore it at first and sometimes still does.
Do you want to participate? Esme didnt want to but one faitful day she wandered upstairs and met “Davina” and has been ok seeing me dressed from there on.
Is she welcome in the bedroom – an awkward one as we hope we are welcomed in the bedroom crossdressed but Esme has said shes not a lesbian I cant help it if I am lol … or do you just want to do make up and clothes? Makeup and clothes and chillaxing is cool its not all about sex
Does he expect you to dress up too? Well it is nice for a wife or gf to dress up too
reflection about how you feel about it - Are you hurt from deception? I suppose wives / gfs do feel hurt but its nothing to worry about
Can you let that go? Are you telling me theres no skeletons in wives and gfs closets ? This is probably our only secret and its harmless
Do you understand why? Dnag we dont understand why we just accept it and move on
Are you worried that people will think or how it would impact your life if it was revealed? Esmes number one worry
Are you jealous of her or concerned about how attractive she is? She called me a bitch because of my sexy long legs lol
Is she more attractive than you? No way
Are you worried about her attention or intentions from others? It is flattering to be told you look nice as a woman from a pic on tvchix etc Esmes never commented on people maybe fancying Davina I was offered £500 to meet an admirer which I politely turned down
Are you worried he is gay and/or not attracted to you? Esme has asked if im gay and no way hose am I gay and she knows im attracted to her but would love to see her in matching lingerie, tights / stockings and a dress and heels.. oh and red lips
online content. Where is it? TVChix and this forum plus Skype
What type is it? Chat
Are they sexy talking with others? We do tlk about sex and lots of other things
Are you ok with that - or would you be if you could read it? I wonder what Esme would think of some of the chats ive had with some t girls where ive been nosey and asked lots of questions in the quest for why we crossdress etc
Or is it enough that you get the real deal? Esme can have the real deal anytime with Davina lol
Things you can do to support him:-
reassurance about lifestyle, trust, support. WE all seek to reassure our wives around crossdressing and it being ok and harmless
tiny gifts to reinforce. Nail polish, hair clips, jewelry, makeup are a good place to start if you dont know what size. That would be great I need a new black body, some new stockings and some designer tights lol I dont like to spend too much money on Crossdressing but presents would be nice hint hint.
be patient - I knew about the NSFW pictures but waited for him to tell me. Whats NSFW pictures?
communicate your limits. This is something we’ve done in stages
If you're having difficulty take sex quiz. Ive done the sex quiz and shared it Esme wasnt keen to do it.
Mojo upgrade is my fave but it takes 24 hours to send the link. Or use a messenger app. We’ve text and also written letters.
if you are planning to enjoy it. Keep your vanilla & CD life balanced (unless he's planning on transitioning). You will have to work at this. No plans to transition happy being a bloke this is my escapism
take it slow. Theres a lot to process for both of you - you need to be able to communicate as things shift.8 years from telling Esem to her meeting Davina lol long enough?
if you're not planning to participate & you're leaving him to his devices. Organize a regular night out with your friends or go to the movies once a week or a sport to play- so he can be home alone. I’m hardly ever home alone we’ve got kids
Give him a space to put his girl stuff (a spare cupboard, some drawers, a plastic tub, a section in the bathroom cupboard). Done this
If you don't live together give yourself a couple of nights apart. Keep in mind it can take a long time to do hair removal, apply makeup & get dressed. Too late for us lol Some things to think about:-
-You won't stop him from dressing. Correct
- Repressing it will only bring back the desire stronger plus foster guilt & shame. Correct
-She is part of who he is. If you love him that means technically you love her. Correct although she isnt another person lol
-It's his body he can do what he likes with it. Correct
You can choose your level of participation or limitations. Correct
-If you're not happy, if he uses girl mode to be abusive (emotionally or physically or being reckless), if he doesn't respect your limits or if you want him to give it up/change - LEAVE. Leave peacefully without outing him. Wooooah dont just leave tell him he’s being a dick head and taking advantage and if he wont listen then maybe leave..
Fab post Kate
Lots for me to ponder on and hope Esme (my wife) will also read and maybe want similar answers we can talk through
I will have a look at replying with my thoughts on the questions tonight
I'm glad you joined you're most Welcome here along with other wives and girlfriends to help us learn and grow around this subject we find so hard to fathom and talk about
Davina
I hope you don't mind if i copy and paste the sections of "having questions and ways on how you can help him" into my letter as i think this would help my wife as she doesn't know what to say or ask.
This is exactly the type of help I've been looking for.
Thank you very much Kate.
Lots of love,
Catriona xx.
I would like my wife to see my tvChix account, if you look at my profile you will see that i quite clearly state that i only want to chat to poeple online, and i don't want to be unfaithful to my wife so if anyone is looking for a physical encounter or a cyber encounter that unfortunately they will have to look elsewhere.
I've got nothing to hide from her in that respect
But showing her the account i think would be too much all at once as I've got the photos and poeple who have admired Catriona.
She doesn't even know that my female side has a name and i don't think it's ever occurred to her that even happens.
Just to add that a couple of the guys/girls on here have advised that i put a letter together for my wife explaining all about my crossdressing what it all means, how i feel about her, that i hope we can have a life that includes my female side, I'm in the process of putting that letter together, and your bullet points are certainly of help. (Thankyou)
At the time i came out to her i did say to her that i wasn't gay or bi, and that anything she wanted to ask me i would answer but at that point she just said "I'm not sure i want to know" which hurt a little but i couldn't blame her for saying that.
Thank you for that Kate, and welcome to the forum.
I only just told my wife in April and now I'm trying to find a way that i hope she can come to accept, understand and ultimately be happy and comfortable with Catriona as well as my male side that she obviously married.
When i told her she was shocked, she didn't burst into tears or throw me out which i thought might happen but, when i said i suppose I've ruined everything she said not necessarily, a few days later she sent me a txt and said she still loved me and that given time she could come to terms with it.
We haven't spoken a word about it since and now i don't know how to go forward with things.
I love her very much and don't want to hurt her or make her feel uncomfortable but i want her to be part of my crossdressing if I'm honest.
I've told her i love her, to her face and in random txt, i would like her to be the first one to broach the subject again but, I'm scared she will just think, if i don't say anything it doesn't exist! But, it does doesn't it.
Thanks for the coment on "That Friday Feeling"
And myde I'll see you on tvChix.
Lots of love
Catriona