You're in a relationship and your boyfriend/husband tells you he likes to wear dresses. Where do you go from here....
Note: I wrote this post because when this happened to me 6 months ago I wish there was one. This is what I've learnt. If you have something to add.. please don't hesitate. I know everyone's experience is different & some people need professional help (which you absolutely should seek if you need it). I hope this is a good starting point and may offer some perspective for those of you thinking about fessing up too.
Questions to ask:-
why does he do it - there are different reasons.
what are his limits, likes and ambitions for dressing. Does he want to leave the house? How often does he want to dress? Does he have fantasies about penis or anal and does he want to make them a reality? Or can you make some of those a reality in your relationship through sex toys & pegging?
self awareness of where your line in the sand is. Do you want to ignore it? Do you want to participate? Is she welcome in the bedroom or do you just want to do make up and clothes? Does he expect you to dress up too?
reflection about how you feel about it - Are you hurt from deception? Can you let that go? Do you understand why?Are you worried that people will think or how it would impact your life if it was revealed? Are you jealous of her or concerned about how attractive she is? Is she more attractive than you? Are you worried about her attention or intentions from others? Are you worried he is gay and/or not attracted to you?
online content. Where is it? What type is it? Are they sexy talking with others? Are you ok with that - or would you be if you could read it? Or is it enough that you get the real deal?
Things you can do to support him:-
reassurance about lifestyle, trust, support.
tiny gifts to reinforce. Nail polish, hair clips, jewelry, makeup are a good place to start if you dont know what size.
be patient - I knew about the NSFW pictures but waited for him to tell me.
communicate your limits. If you're having difficulty take sex quiz. Mojo upgrade is my fave but it takes 24 hours to send the link. Or use a messenger app.
if you are planning to enjoy it. Keep your vanilla & CD life balanced (unless he's planning on transitioning). You will have to work at this.
take it slow. Theres a lot to process for both of you - you need to be able to communicate as things shift.
if you're not planning to participate & you're leaving him to his devices. Organize a regular night out with your friends or go to the movies once a week or a sport to play- so he can be home alone. Give him a space to put his girl stuff (a spare cupboard, some drawers, a plastic tub, a section in the bathroom cupboard). If you don't live together give yourself a couple of nights apart. Keep in mind it can take a long time to do hair removal, apply makeup & get dressed.
Some things to think about:-
-You won't stop him from dressing. Repressing it will only bring back the desire stronger plus foster guilt & shame.
-She is part of who he is. If you love him that means technically you love her.
-It's his body he can do what he likes with it. You can choose your level of participation or limitations.
-If you're not happy, if he uses girl mode to be abusive (emotionally or physically or being reckless), if he doesn't respect your limits or if you want him to give it up/change - LEAVE. Leave peacefully without outing him.
why does he do it - there are different reasons. Fun sums it up
what are his limits, likes and ambitions for dressing. Does he want to leave the house? wev e done that
How often does he want to dress?
Once or twice per month
Does he have fantasies about penis or anal and does he want to make them a reality?
His answer eww no
Or can you make some of those a reality in your relationship through sex toys & pegging?
you want to participate?blush Is she welcome in the bedroom or do you just want to do make up and clothes? Does he expect you to dress up too?rap just sorta held it between us blush
you want to participate?blush Is she welcome in the bedroom or do you just want to do make up and clothes? Does he expect you to dress up too?rap just sorta held it between us blush
self awareness of where your line in the sand is. Do you want to ignore it? I
No it's something we enjoy to do together now wasn't at first
you want to participate?
I do
Is he welcome in the bedroom or do you just want to do make up and clothes?
Bedroom.has been fun
Does he expect you to dress up too?
Yes I enjoy dressing up for our girls nights in he appreciates it
reflection about how you feel about it - Are you hurt from deception? I
I was at first until I worked in acceptance research and find good blogs
Can you let that go?
Yes
Do you understand why?
I love him
Are you worried that people will think or how it would impact your life if it was revealed?
Yes but we're careful
Are you jealous of her or concerned about how attractive she is?
He she looks beautiful as a woman in Not jealous
Is she more attractive than you?
Maybe he just said no see so sweet
Are you worried about her attention or intentions from others?
No he's loyal attention minimised by no pics on line
Are you worried he is gay and/or not attracted to you?
No and no
online content. Where is it?
Here
What type is it?
Chat and forums
Are they sexy talking with others?
No
Are you ok with that - or would you be if you could read it? Or is it enough that you get the real deal?
He said not.interested in sex talk with others
Things you can do to support him:-
tiny gifts to reinforce. Nail polish, hair clips, jewelry, makeup are a good place to start if you dont know what size. I do this hosiery makeup lingerie every now and then or a dress in the sale i think.may suit him.or heels
be patient - I knew about the NSFW pictures but waited for him to tell me.
Nsfw? Wtf?
communicate your limits. If you're having difficulty take sex quiz. Mojo upgrade is my fave but it takes 24 hours to send the link. Or use a messenger app.
Some sex.quizzes and used WhatsApp to talk and just talked lol
if you are planning to enjoy it. Keep your vanilla & CD life balanced (unless he's planning on transitioning). You will have to work at this. Yes.we.have
take it slow. Theres a lot to process for both of you - you need to be able to communicate as things shift. It's separated in our.lives
if you're not planning to participate & you're leaving him to his devices. Organize a regular night out with your friends or go to the movies once a week or a sport to play- so he can be home alone. Give him a space to put his girl stuff (a spare cupboard, some drawers, a plastic tub, a section in the bathroom cupboard). If you don't live together give yourself a couple of nights apart. Keep in mind it can take a long time to do hair removal, apply makeup & get dressed
We enjoy a night in he has stayed in dressed when I've been out.and away with work dressed
Six site grrr frustrating to type in a tablet
Emma (wife)