By: Sindy

Subject: Switching places...

First, hi Johan! The more the merrier. :-)

I thought I'd ask a hypothetical question and get your personal thoughts on it. It's a thought I'm often curious about.

Have you ever tried hard, and I mean really hard, to see how it is on the other side? I mean tossing away as much of the subjective baggage we carry around and really ponder what it would be like if your wife was the crossdresser and not you?

To set the scene, your wife is now the same type of crossdresser as you are so she doesn't change much in every day life other than never shaving legs or underarms. (She wears stockings to hide hairy legs if she ever wears a dress). She's feminine in every day life and looks after herself and likes to look nice. She's a private dresser.

But, every month or so she dresses fully as a man. This means hiding all remnants of her femininity by binding breasts, wearing a wig, hairpiece, fake penis, all of it. The one time you've dared to see her, you didn't recognise her at all as she looked like a smaller, slightly odd version of a man. Not your wife. You can tell she's doing her best but she will obviously never pass but she looks happy anyway.

She would love it if you were intimate with her like this, but she's fine if you just watch sport on telly and drink a few beers, like a boys night in. She's been doing this since she was 8 years old and wore her brother's clothes.

So, forget as much as you can that you crossdress and imagine instead that you're the husband who has discovered this about his feminine wife. What is your reaction?

I've tried myself to mentally swap places as I think it's really useful. But my personal bias does cloud things. I came up with feeling like I might feel sad and resentful that I'm a crossdresser and everyone thinks I'm weird. And I wasn't sure I'd enjoy the 'urges' - I wondered if I might feel like a prisoner to them. But thinking about the young boy who started out and how innocent he was, how he didn't do it to hurt anyone just a bit of fun, and how this young boy might still be there inside the man hoping for a piece of understanding, well that helped me a little. How can I blame the boy for experimenting? He didn't know he was setting himself up for a life of crossdressing.

I also felt, when I imagined telling a partner that I was a crossdresser, a bit sick. I wonder if I'd have bothered being in a relationship or whether the crossdressing would have held me back. So it is brave when you tell a partner. I can see that.

I look forward to reading your thoughts. x