Crossdressing, for me, has never just been about putting on a dress or slipping into a pair of heels. It’s a part of who I am—quietly, privately, and over the years, more confidently. But the path of being a crossdresser while juggling life, relationships, family, and responsibilities… that’s a delicate balancing act.

For those of us lucky enough to be out to our partners—like I am—it’s still not always easy. There’s always that internal tightrope walk between self-expression and sensitivity to our partner’s comfort zone. Some days, I want to dress more, explore more, be Davina more often. But I also know my wife has her own boundaries, her own feelings, and her own fears—many of which we've talked through and continue to revisit as this journey unfolds.

I write blogs like this to keep that conversation alive, not just between us, but with others who might be walking a similar path. I know firsthand how valuable it is to have that line of communication, to hear "I see you, I get it" from someone else.

But I also see the other side—those who can’t be open, who aren't out to their partners. For many crossdressers, life is lived in secret. Hidden wardrobes. Stolen moments when the house is empty. Lingerie tucked away in boxes. Wigs and heels wrapped up and pushed to the back of cupboards. That sudden heart-racing moment when a car pulls up and you're mid-transformation. I’ve been there.

Some find ways to express themselves while away with work—packing that extra bag with their femme clothes and sneaking out to dress in hotels or attend events like Sparkle or other trans meetups. But even that comes with guilt, secrecy, and a constant worry of being found out. It’s exactly what was described in the book Something to Confess—a t-girl sneaking away, dressing up in secret, even going out fully transformed while their partner remained in the dark.

Then there's the added layer of having a family. Kids at home mean time and privacy are rare luxuries. That window of opportunity to dress gets smaller. You find yourself back in the closet, figuratively and literally, hiding things again, stealing slivers of time here and there. Not because you’re ashamed—but because life gets in the way.

The truth is, crossdressing doesn’t just go away. It ebbs and flows. Sometimes, it’s at the front of your mind. Other times, it takes a back seat. But the need, the desire, the identity—it’s always there.

So how do you balance it all?

For me, the answer lies in honesty—when possible. Patience. Respect. And communication, over and over. It’s knowing that my wife’s acceptance took time, and still takes effort. That every time I step into Davina’s shoes, I do so without stepping on her feelings. That I don’t push too far too fast. And that I listen—truly listen—when she expresses fears or needs reassurance.

And to those who aren’t out—I see you. I know the struggle. I know how lonely it can feel. That’s why I created my blog and forum in the first place—to help others feel less alone, to show that it’s possible to be a crossdresser and still be a loving partner, a parent, and a fully present human being.

This journey isn’t perfect. It’s messy. But it’s also real. And it’s ours.

Davina