By: Davina
Subject: Hmmmmm
Now, see back at cha Sindy (You Stripper lol)
I find the comment 'something as simple as us dressing like women' to be very ironic also as I could be sat here now in jeans, flip flops and a football jersey and say "hey look at me I'm dressed like a woman"
There is absolutely Everything simple about crossdressing its just something we like to do, some are compelled to do with may reasons behind it mainly being we love women and the fem image and maybe we dress initially as we're young and envy women to then it slowing down when we find a gf or get married then it comes on strong again for many reasons which I will elaborate on .. mainly stress and sometimes as our wives stop making effort for us and for themselves and fall into contentment and neglect then say things like well I'm bringing up the kids but this isn't Victorian times as men and women share all the housework and bringing up the kids responsibilities so this argument is ebbing away at a rate of knots..
WE get asked if we're gay as people associate crossdressing with femininity and sexuality and maybe femininity is in all of us and its our stress release but sexuality isn't anything to do with why we crossdress..
Some men are attracted to Crossdressers which I don't understand other than crossdressers tend to try to dress how we find women attractive so maybe some men like looking at crossdressers for the same reason they like looking at women as they see a woman made up and dressed how men like to see women.
I don't try to attract men or women as Davna but it is flattering to get a message saying I've seen your pic and wow you look hot.. I dress for myself and no one else and the stress release and probably endorphins it produces have a positive effect on me which is hard to understand.
Playing competitive sport used to have the same effect..
Is it simple that more and more women want to emulate men? women footballers, women soldiers on the front line women directors of companies oh my bad I'm being sexist?
So it is ok and accepted even thought of as a positive for a woman to want to and succeed in emulating a man but its not right for a straight man to want to emulate a woman once in a while even if he enjoys it and it helps him relax and unwind and escape his alpha male role for a few hours.. that's sexist that is or doesn't sexism work this way and sexism is only when a man says something society doesn't agree with but a woman can say what she wants about a man and get away with it as non sexist that's is confusing in this PC world we live in where a woman can emulate a man all she likes but if a man crossdresses he's a pervert and a weirdo "shun him ridicule him".
I've probably crossdressed 11-12 times in 2016 limited to when I have time to do it mainly when away with work sat in a hotel room doing no harm to anyone feeling the stress of work and life ebb away for those few hours.. Would it be better I bottle it up and have a heart attack, panic attack or suffer with stress to the point of exhaustion or find some other way to get rid of my stress like bungee jumping or drinking copious amounts of beer...
Why is it illogical for a man who is attracted to women and the way he likes a woman to look to crossdress? what is the illogical part? when conversely a woman can openly emulate and dress like a man...
I will ask my wife if she would prefer me to be gay to being a crossdresser and her fully functioning brain will say id prefer you to be a crossdresser now realising also that it has nothing to do with sexuality. She might even say id prefer you weren't a crossdresser but id have to find another stress relieving remedy which I'd enjoy to the same level as Crossdressing.
So any human with even half a brain will automatically connect the next dots which are- 'Man likes woman. Woman likes man. Man makes himself look like woman. Woman no longer likes man.' but someone with a fully functioning open mind will see he's a man 95% of the time and he crossdresses 5% of his time and it helps him unwind and relax and he enjoys it .. big deal.
We don't crossdress and try to attract straight women but in the same vane we can accuse straight women of crossdressing to attract us with a bit of leg red lips high heels nice dress then snare us marry us then throw all the nice stuff in a black bag along with the nice lingerie and get out the jeans and trousers and horrible flat shoes and plain underwear and forget makeup and stop making an effort for us as we continue to preene ourselves as men to try to look our best then missing that image of women dressed nice some men crossdress as compensation then women find out and go nuts and ask if he's gay? that's illogical.
I went through the young crossdressed fancying women loving lingerie trying it on thinking wow I cant wait to find a girlfriend to enjoy her wearing this type of stuff to met a gf she wore the stuff then got married and crossdressing died right down to nothing then stress entered my life and crossdressing helped me cope with this escapism and wife not wearing the sexy lingerie for me then exploring could I look like a woman then telling my wife i was a crossdresser and slowly gaining her acceptance over years to now enjoying the transformation and my few hours per year en fem. Nothing in that about my sexuality other than likening women.. nothing in any of that about wanting to attract people other than some comments that I look hot as a woman in a pic on a tgirl site which is flattering but I see nothing complicated in me being a crossdresser other than society making it complicated with a swayed view on what a man and woman can do or look like.
Crossdrressing is very simple its harmless, it can be fun if you let it and stop trying to understand it and just accept its something some men do as we've had to accept women emulating us so why cant women accept us emulating them "Unfair!"
By: Sindy
Subject: Re: Hmmmmm
Good post Davina. See, people have a thought provoking post to read. Most of this basic info is pages and pages back and now new wives can see it again. That's what I'm here for haha. Though as I said to Rebecca I may be on provoking hiatus over the holidays as it's always so busy this time of but I'll keep mulling over new thought provokers while cooking turkey!
And good lord I wouldn't prefer my husband were gay! But I knew women who would rather have had that over the dressing, but they were divorcing as it was too much for them and I guess being gay was easier for them to understand and tell everyone about. If hubs was gay we would not still be married. That really is very simple lol!
The only thing I'll say is the response to 'Man meets woman...'. If a crossdresser is upfront from the very first meeting with women I'd suggest most would move on. Remember, this is a biased group of people here and most people really don't understand he's a man 95% of the time. They're thinking 'oh no, he's going to behave like Ru Paul around me all the time.' lol. And truly, the crossdressers most people hear about tend to be on the extreme end.
And yes, Davina, dress and destress! One thing I want in life is a healthy hubby. I often ask him if he needs some 'me' time away and he knows what I mean. He's so busy like you though and it's been ages. This time of year is hard on everyone, even if it's also the fun, silly season.
So please, everyone take care of yourselves and your loved ones. We're not on planet earth very long and while we come here to chat and banter and give people an understanding on all this (it's nice most wives here don't care if they understand or not but there are many for whom these questions consume them that I have chatted to over the years and this will benefit them a lot), in the end this really is just a quirky behavior involving clothing and accessories and hopefully a considerate man who loves his partner. We have SO much more in our lives and it's not something I think about any more. Unless I'm here lol.
Anyway, happy festivities everyone! xx
By: Sindy
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Hmmmmm
Gosh I still haven't done the dressing better thing yet. It's so hard with young kids. When you guys (if, I should say) have kids it's great you've found a way to do this as it can disappear so quickly in Mom land. Some moms have sorted it out but I since realize they also have more help around like parents or a nanny or whatever. I'm mom/everything around here and my dress sense has taken a major hit. :(
Maybe I'll suggest hubby buy me some fun items to wear for Xmas? He does love to shop in that department haha.
By: Sindy
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Hmmmmm
:-D
By: Davina
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Hmmmmm
All dressed up!
By: Sindy
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Hmmmmm
Nah, just keeping Davina on his toes lol. But thanks for checking in. Very sweet. :)
I really only have these conversations now to voice the things people are thinking that don't get it. Then they can fumble through all this and do what Emma has now done, and you, and chat to hubs and make life simple.
It's also fun to banter about how everyone else feels too. Someone has to keep this lot on their toes and in reality or they'll spend the time here fluffing on that it's the best thing in the world and all men should do it lol. I'm fine with accepting it's something my husband needs and we've moved on from worries and found our balance, but no, I wouldn't prefer he crossdress. That's silly!
Back to normal life today. So busy this time of year I fear that may be my last chit chat for a while. Someone make sure they don't get all rose tinted and fluffy please! That would make me gag haha! x
By: Rebecca RG
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Hmmmmm
Sindy
Are you having a hard time about your husband crossdressing again?
Some angst in your last post.
I've come here but not commented for a while as not felt the need to but have been reading and I've also come to accept my husbands crossdressing as a simple thing I don't understand but accept he does it.
He doesn't want anything more than to crossdress so its as simple as that?
I've given up on hoping he will stop as he's been doing it for years and if it helps him get on with life and our relationship is stronger for the shared secret then I'm ok with it.
He's got nothing for Christmas this year but his alter ego has a stocking full off fem goodies which I know he'll appreciate more than a new drill.
And yes Davina If you haven't dressed for a long time I bet stress levels can build up and the guilt can return about crossdressing but you know your wife is ok you dressing up so make sure you do it tonight.
By: Emma RG
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Hmmmmm
P.s. Davina I hope you read this by this evening
Make sure you have that girly night in with your wife tonight it sounds like you've been working hard and deserve some escapism time so go for it.
and if she wants you to drive her to the take away and you're dressed wait for it to get dark and go for it lol and let us know if you do it.
Have a fab evening
By: Emma RG
Subject: Re: Re: Hmmmmm
Stop trying to understand Crossdressing and accept its something your husband does.
Accept he's trusted you and loves you enough to tell you about this embarrassing part of his life.
Accept knowing the truth of it that he's not cheating on you, he's not trying to attract anyone, he's just doing something he enjoys, for himself and it is harmlessly done behind closed doors and curtains.
No one knows apart from you and him and it also has positive effects on his happiness, stress levels, relaxation and that can rub off on you too and make your relationship better.
The alternative is a snappy grouchy stressed out husband.
Ok it can sometimes be a kink and a turn on but so can lots of other things like BDSM which is more accepted thanks to books and films like 50 shades of Grey.
There isn't film or documentary showing Crossdressing in a good light although White Chicks was fun.
I now see Crossdressing as simple
My husband can dress as a woman and can look like a woman and when he's dressed as a woman I'm ok being around him and I also enjoy his company when he's crossdressed.
He is different it's like having him as a husband and a good girlfriend as he is my best friend and our conversation range is huge now we have girly things to talk about as well as the mundane husband and wife conversations.
It has also challenged me to wake up and take more pride in my appearance which has been a positive for me in how people talk to me, smile at me and flatter me which in turn has made my other half happier and its another simple thing always trying to look my best for me and for him which he really appreciates.
Since I found out about his crossdressing and we came across this blog we've come a long way fast from my initial shock to commenting on here and Davinas wife writing back then reading more of Davinas Blog and the chat in here then reading about and agreeing that we stop making an effort I agreed and didn't like it so led to me making the effort I used to make with a new hairstyle, new makeup and clothes and shoes (it was an expensive few months thanks to his bonus) but we also bought him a better wig, better makeup, some lingerie, heels, dresses and hosiery and that was also a fun few weekends making him pay for his girly things and seeing him blush and teasing him.
Then our first time face to face with him crossdressed and the girls nights in we've had since have been nice.
So I would agree Crossdressing is a simple thing and for me easier to understand than any other form of trans which is far more complicated.
By: Sian Tgirl
Subject: Re: Hmmmmm
Here Here I agree Davina
Its simple
I wear womens clothes and makeup which someone along the line said they belong to women and this is how women look well I like how I look when I dress like this and put on makeup and I look silly with a dress and makeup with my hairstype so I finish it off by putting on a wig and crossdress for a few hours then return to being a man again even though i'm a man all the time I'm dressed too just look like a woman .. simple