By: Sylvia

Subject: Re: Re: Trannying

Hi Sindy

I wrote a detailed reply to your post which went astray. In short, I didn't say I don't care if she finds out, simply that I am more at home in my skin these days.

By: Katie

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Trannying

I'd like to hear from her first ;-)

By: Rebecca RG

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Trannying

I'm still reading here too just don't get much opportunity to reply I will try to log in more and add some comments but yes would be nice to hear from Katie and Davinas wives

By: Katie

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Trannying

I think we all look for some justification about how we act.

It's human nature to create a narrative. If we don't have something to cling to then we can feel adrift and out of control.

It's easier to blame it on something or someone else than ourselves.

By: Simdy

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Trannying

And thought I'd better add that giant women are obviously not some universal experience from childhood lol. But fantasy is, as are superheroes and such, and seriously, look at a fetish list and you'll suddenly see the moments of chldhold flash before your eyes. Fascinating stuff.

By: Sindy

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Trannying

Hourses for courses - I like that. It fits for so many conversations we have here.

I wish Mrs Katie and Mrs Davina would come chat here sometimes. Their input would be priceless. My husband, less so. I swear, everything Davina and you say fits his thinking. That's why chatting here is so beneficial to me, and likely many other wives. But we need some more wife input because Emma and I can't be the only voices!

And the nature/nurture combination works for every aspect of human life, I'm sure. But crossdressing is oddly sex specific (male) so I think you're right that it must be a hormone issue combined with whatever is going on in the boys life/head at that time. Let's face it, balloon popping, urination, spanking, diaper wearing, plushy suits, giant women (yep, it's a thing) voyeurism, humiliation etc etc - all experiences from childhood. I have a young son at the moment who thinks spying on young girls at school with his friends is fascinating - maybe in some boys this leads to being an adult voyeur. Maybe my son will form such a fetish. Either way, you can't read the paraphila list without noticing that whatever a young boy encounters, has the potential to become a lifelong fixation. I don't think crossdressing is any different - it just becomes complicated when the adult male decides he needs a better reason.

But sometimes, things just happen. No deep reason needed.

Went off on a tangent but I know Katie won't mind my ramblings. I think (hope) we both still enjoy bantering here even with our often different perspectives. x

By: Katie

Subject: Re: Re: Trannying

I believe that it is a case of nature and nurture. There is obviously something deep within us that needs to be triggered to manifest itself.

It does seem to be a mainly male thing so I guess it's to do with our hormonal changes (crossdressing seems to start in a particular age range) which is the nature part. The nurture part is that we need that stimulant (women's clothes in our case). As Sindy says it doesn't have t be women's clothes it can be a huge array of other objects or desires.

My wife is a classy dresser and is an inspiration to me in many ways so the way she dresses has a completely different effect on me to the way Davina's wife dresses on him. Horses for courses.

By: Sindy

Subject: Re: Trannying

Hi Sylvia. :-)

Honestly, I've never thought the origins of crossdressing were linked to wives not dressing sexy. Y'all started doing this as kids so that doesn't even make sense - not unless you were reacting to your mother's or sisters not dressing up, which is a disturbing thought lol. No, I suspect it's one of the triggers when you're married but hardly the core reason. Is it DNA? I think, yes, there's a male predisposition to collecting compulsions such as crossdressing. It's not discussed often here, but ordinary, non transgender crossdressing actually falls under the 'paraphilia' bracket, and if you're bored one day and want to see the endless array of paraphilic and fetish compulsions men come up with, you'll realise it's just a male brain thing and you're not even that weird lol.

Your situation with your wife is worrying though. Seriously, you no longer care if she finds out, despite hiding this from her for decades? Wow. I don't know your wife, but I'd be prepared to lose her if she does. Especially if you literally don't care and she stumbles upon this secret one day and you act blasé about it. I know my husband would have had both himself and his stash of women's things tossed to the curb if he'd done that.

Personally, I suspect you're a little more worried about that outcome than you're letting on or you wouldn't have hidden this all these years. You must have a hunch that your 'feminine' wife isn't going to be very happy with a feminine husband. Yes? So I'd either go back to caring a bit more and keep this secret like you're a CIA agent, or come clean on better terms. Accidental discovery is the worst. But you know your marriage better than us and hopefully it will work out okay.

Gulp.

By: Davina

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Trannying

I hear you in some of this but not in all and again the Trans world and non Trans world is so diverse some of this will affect a yes I get that and some will affect a What?? Seriously?

- A big problem being attracted to my husband crossdressed, (I get this as my wifes said the same)

it must be easier having both sexes to choose from (Probably if your brain tells you that I'm personally not attracted to men at all)

I find all this confusing and fraught with incompatibility issues. ( I get the confusion but not the incompatibility as most of the time your husband is the macho straight man husband and father but occasionally he crossdresses its just dressing as a woman nothing more)

I sometimes feel like those women who married a gay man without knowing.(My wife asked if I was Gay due to crossdressing and that question never even crossed my mind I never expected her to ask that)

I sense the sexual incompatibility between myself and my husband. (Then you need to talk and work on this as you must have affectionate times and surely him in a dress doesn't pop into your mind?)

Crossdressing is a part of his sexuality, (Has he said this? I keep banging on about LGBT 3 sexualities and crossdressing in our world of this blog being the T Trans - There isn't an S for Straight and T isn't a sexuality)

I think you deny yourselves your deepest fantasies and sexuality mostly because we deny it. (agreed as my wife knows I'd love "sexy time" with her as Davina but know I won't ever have it)

Sarah's experience with a Tgirl is, in my mind, the perfect partner for a crossdresser. (Not so sure as Sarah is a man and I don't date men lol and I'm sure Sarah wrote done that worn the t shirt won't do it again)

I can't think of anyone else on planet earth who could be as compatible for y'all. (Maybe a woman who isn't turned off by Crossdressing they exist but a rare breed)

Straight women are a bad choice (But we're straight men so they are our main choice unless we can find a bisexual woman)

So why aren't most crossdressers in relationships with another crossdresser? (Which would make us Gay but we're straight)

Seems the most logical choice in every way (Most illogical lol even Spock would say "Captain this is illogical")

Yet you all end up married to straight women like me and living complicated, stifled, often stressful lives. (99% man 1% Crossdresser, its not complicated it can be stressful but can also hope other external stresses)

I don't get it! (Neither do we but we carry on and talking about it helps)

By: Sindy

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Trannying

I assumed I'd feel like you, Katie, but then I realised that I have a big problem being attracted to my husband crossdressed, so clearly what's under the bonnet doesn't matter so much for me in that situation, I don't care that he's all man under the feminine attire, I ain't going near him like that lol.

Would I date an uber masculine transman if he still had a vagina? Oh god no - I can't stand lady parts. I'm seriously so straight in the genitalia department that I would make a terrible bisexual. But damn, it must be easier having both sexes to choose from! After dating some total losers in my twenties I was seriously bummed I wasn't bisexual like my best friend. She just moved onto dating women. And look at me, I married a crossdresser! haha

Ah, I find all this confusing and fraught with incompatibility issues. If I'm completely honest here, I sometimes feel like those women who married a gay man without knowing. I sense the sexual incompatibility between myself and my husband. Crossdressing is a part of his sexuality, as I think it is for you all on some level, and while you don't need it for sex, I think you deny yourselves your deepest fantasies and sexuality mostly because we deny it. Sarah's experience with a Tgirl is, in my mind, the perfect partner for a crossdresser. I can't think of anyone else on planet earth who could be as compatible for y'all. Straight women are a bad choice. Gay women aren't interested. Bisexual women often still prefer the gender binary so could be as difficult as a straight woman. So who's left?

Each other. That's who.

So why aren't most crossdressers in relationships with another crossdresser? Seems the most logical choice in every way, yet you all end up married to straight women like me and living complicated, stifled, often stressful lives. I don't get it!

By: Katie

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Trannying

Hi Sarah

I think that you are in love with femininity which is why you don't find men attractive but you do find a man dressed as women attractive. Likewise Davina's wife is attracted to masculinity so doesn't find a man dressed as a woman attractive.

What's under the bonnet is irrelevant in your minds eye.

I watched a programme on 'ladyboys' and the men that went out with them. They didn't consider themselves gay because they saw their partners as a woman!

To me what's under the bonnet is important and I just couldn't ever consider getting jiggly with anyone with a penis. I might find a convincing crossdresser attractive as I would probably find a butch woman unattractive but I just couldn't see past the fact that the crossdresser was a man. Knowing this would be enough to stop men in my tracks.

So it really depends if you use abductive or deductive reasoning. As the saying goes 'If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, then it must be a duck'

You think using abductive reasoning in that 'If she looks like a woman, walks like a woman and talks like a woman, then she is a woman' whereas I'd use deductive reasoning 'If she looks like a woman, walks like a woman, talks like a woman but has a penis then she's a man'.

A bit simplistic and maybe not to PC but it's how I look at it. So I don't think that I could ever be bi-sexual, in the way you looks at it, no matter how convincing the crossdresser was if I knew she had a penis.

By: Sarah T girl

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Trannying

I think all Crossdressers / T Girls come to a point especially if their sex life is poor or non existent like mine was think about sex and what it would be like to have sex crossdressed.

I have read Davina has mentioned wanting to try sex with her wife and her wife said she's not a Lesbian which is an oxymoron? I think is the right word as Davina is a bloke admits to being a bloke and like most of us escapes into Crossdressing occasionally and also admits it is a turn on and she does feel sexy when crossdressed.

So this sexual frustration as a man then feeling sexy and getting off on being crossdressed leads to chatting to other t girls and you will come across a Bisexual T girl and they might instigate sexy chats in a chat room in private or even ask to chat on skype and you get to see one another crossdressed and actually talk and some will get off on that then like me wanting to get out as Sarah and being separated thinking we would divorce I booked a room with another t girl that I'd had cyber sex with and didn't expect anything to happen for real but she seduced me in the hotel room after a night of dancing and drinking and I don't regret it one bit as technically I was single but would I do it again?

It was fun and very sexy and sensuous and I guess I'm now Bisexual but would never have thought I was Bisexual before crossdressing or before sexual frustration.

I think there's a crossroads all Crossdressers will be tested with if they meet other T girls if the T girl you meet is Bisexual looks convincing and fancies you and tries it on you either have to stick to your principals and set sexuality or experiment but its harsh if you are in a relationship and a risk it is in fact cheating and quite promiscuous.

So it's interesting to see Sylvia was Bi pre Crossdressing so I wonder did being Bi lead to Crossdressing to attract men as that's some wives fears I've read in here and I know its not my intention to look as much like a woman as possible to attract a man as I'd never do anything with a man another oxymoron? as I had fun with a crossdresser which is a man.

So whats my point? I think acceptance helps a lot and I think some crossdressers in the closet and some which are rejected by wives or girlfriends are more likely to become Bisexual seeking friendship elsewhere and maybe sex.

There's a mind bomb to discuss

PS My wifes Met SArah and was ok about it and knows I went out dressed when we were apart and I've also told her I had sex which she wasn't happy about but she did also when we were apart (just mine was with another crossdresser)

By: Sylvia

Subject: Re: Re: Trannying

No Sarah, she doesn't know that I am bisexual, and as for your first question, I really don't think I'm a tv because I'm bisexual. The one manifested itself long before the other.

By: Sarah Tgirl

Subject: Re: Trannying

Hi Sylvia

You say you're bisexual quite casually would you say that has anything to do with you being Sylvia or are you Bisexual anyway.

I dabbled myself when my wife and I had a trial separation and must admit I enjoyed an experience as Sarah I hadn't planned on back at the hotel after a night out as Sarah at a tgirl event sharing a hotel room with another tgirl .. I had a bit to drink she looked sexy she tried it on and I let it happen and it was different and I enjoyed it but was a one off experience apart from my wife but now we are back together I've shut myself off from doing it again.

Does your wife know you're bisexual as she doesn't know you crossdress?

By the way Davina just caught up with your blog and some of the chat in here very deep babe since I was here last upsetting people haha.

By: Davina

Subject: Re: Trannying

Thanks for the post and the insight Sylvia I'm sure lots will appreciate your views in here which is great to see slightly different to others who comment in here proving we all have different drives, motivations and urges to crossdress.

Also interesting slant on the wife not knowing phenomenon and how you'd react to her finding out or announcing she knew all along :)

By: Sylvia

Subject: Trannying

As for the origins of my tv... It's 'in' me. I won't go as far as citing DNA, but it's been in my makeup for over 50 of my 60 years. It has never abated, though there have been times (RAF service for example) where it has had to be pushed into the background.

My wife elbows me when she sees me 'ogling' another woman- I'd love to tell her the truth, that I'm not interested in the woman, IT'S THE CLOTHES! She has no idea, though there have been some close calls. I would consider it absolutely devastating if she ever announced that she'd always known. The lost opportunities would be crushing.

I no longer stress over being found out- as I've said previously, I have done the self shame thing and won't any more. If she found out, I might ned to apologise for not trusting her, but not for being a tranny. Sylv x

By: Davina

Subject: Re: Thoughts about Crossdressing

Good post Sylvia and interesting to see one of my theories bombed out of the water as your wife does wear the heels and dresses and makeup etc but we're all different and I cant deny that I'd stop crossdressing if my wife suddenly wore stockings and heels and dresses etc but as I've blogged and discussed it is one of many driving factors for some tgirls / crossdressers, the compensation factor.

Early beginnings are similar for all of us thinking back and cringing that we wore our mothers lingerie and heels etc when younger. Its also weird how we know nothing at an early stage about others who may crossdress it just something we enjoy doing but we do instinctively hide it even when very young.... I was the same when I hit puberty id dress and "get off" remembering my first erection wearing lingerie thinking something was wrong with me especially when it wouldn't go down lol.