Well I realise I've only been a member for a couple of days but already finding this site to be a haven and I'm checking in as frequently as possible to explore and learn. I'm really grateful to Davina who established this site and for introducing me to it without a doubt.
Whilst in online chat with her in I touched on a subject that she suggested would be good for a forum post. To be honest there's a few things I'd like to write about but I'll stick to the principal reason for now.
As no doubt others will relate I began dressing up more often in lingerie after marriage given the access to a ready supply of skimpy things and like lots of men found such garments so appealing. Rather than just feeling them my when my wife wore them (rarely it should be said and many items I purchased for her were just used drawer liners) I eventually wondered what they would feel like to wear myself... leading to Davina being conceived.
Over a period of time I introduced them to our now less frequent love making (blame parenthood) and showed her how to tease me by rubbing them on me etc eventually leading to getting her to put me her knickers and hold up stockings on and later a lycra bodyshaper/teddy.
I should at this point state that she had told me about a weeks holiday she had when single with a g/friend of hers and the b&b only had a double bed. This led to them turning over into one and another leading to them holding hands, then kissing before playing and bringing each other to climax.
My dressing in her undies etc brought about an opportunity for me to tuck myself and 'create' a vagina of sorts. She went completely along with it and licked away acknowledging that it was kind of like licking a real woman. During another session she put me some lipstick on and some false nails and on another, after a bout of sexting while I was out doing some photography work, when I got home we raced to the bedroom and she pulled this satin dress over my head and we had the most amazing sex.
Fast forward to a year or two later and I took the chance knowing she was out one Friday evening for a drive, but unbeknown to me she came home very early. I had made the crazy error of thinking I'd get home first and returned in full femme mode at which she absolutely freaked! The next week or two were horrendous and she barely acknowledged my presence. Eventually time healed things and life returned to normal but the events of that evening have never been discussed.
Over the years either at home (along time ago) and more recently on holiday when in L/Vegas and when we went to Thailand she said she'd like to go to drag shows though the ones in Thailand are far from drag!
I try to rationalise this mixed outlook and what it is about my dressing (maybe it was just seeing me fully femme?) that she doesn't seem to accept. Since then we haven't explored using what little lingerie she still has though I'm slowly coming round to reintroducing it ......in hope.
Thanks for reading x
It was good to chat to you Davina
I was able to ask things and talk about things I didnt want to ask my husband direct and get your point of view on it.
Its hard on both sides and some times best to just write it all down
Its a pity some wives wont engage in this I feel sorry for some of you girls
Get your wives to join here and see there are others here they can message and chat to and read about
Emma (Wife)
Hi Davina
There never seems to be a right time. And when you think it is the chance just evaporates 🙁
I think you've just to grab the bull by the horns which is easy for me to say after so many year procrastination 😂
Katie x
Timing is everything and judging your wife's mood at the time. I used to fret over it for days / weeks looking for the right time and opportunity. I've mentioned before here I put it all in writing and said to her I please read this about my cross dressing I hope it explains things I'm struggling to talk about. Even then in held onto that letter for a long time but made sure once I gave it to her that I was there to answer any questions. I know other girls have done the same here and it hasn't been as effective where a wife's read the letter and said nothing or said she'll read it and there its stayed unread (as far as we know). Breaking the ice on it is hard. Times I've fretted on talking to her only for Esme within seconds to change the subject or dismiss talking about it not knowing I'd been working up to talking to her about dressing for days and 30 seconds in she's dismissed the conversation. I think what I should have then done was say please don't dismiss this I need to get some things off my chest about it I need to tell you a few things about why I dress and I need to know you'll be OK about it. There's the initial chat and then also theres the continuation of chats and negotiations of levels of acceptance. As your wife knows you dress yours is one of bringing the subject back up and that can be hard needs planning and some second guessing of what she may say. We'll all keep our fingers crossed for that opportunity and your wife to keep an open mind on cross dressing. Davina
Thx to those who’ve commented....I hope I’ll find the right time and courage to raise the subject with her asap. As to when that may be heaven only knows. I appreciate all the support but I have to get the timing right and do it in the right manner too which I’ve no doubt you'll appreciate. Thx all.
Any more thoughts Davina new one that is this could become confusing
Will you talk to your wife again?
Bring her here?
Hannah (Wife)
Agreed looking good new Davina and think having once accepted it maybe shes not happy you went out dressed up as a woman a bit of a shock.
She may come around.
Bring her on here.
Emma (Wife)
I think you should bring it up with your wife again.
It's about the timing isn't it when we're not in a mood or when we're not watching our fav program on TV.
Needs to be subtle and timed right maybe some humour i feel and as it seems shes had some sort of Bi experience and seems to have enjoyed fun early on maybe ask her how she feels about you crossdressing again.
Only you know how she'll take it or when to time it but better for you and your relationship i think if she's in on this crossdressing lark.
Fingers crossed for you. As a wife I'm glad I know and I'm involved with my husbands crossdressing its like said here better to be involved and in the know than not.
Hannah (Wife)
Oh Davinaukcd, I’m so sorry, what an absolute rollercoaster and then having the rug being pulled from beneath your feet - I truly feel for you 😩
Doesn't matter if you've been here minutes days or years we welcome posts and questions here 😁
Glad you find it a haven
Think we've all bought our wives and gfs lingerie which we've never seen on them and end up seeking it out reminding them then thinking sod it ill wear it myself and then it ends up in our draws 🤣
Interesting you introduced lingerie on you with your wife and she went for it I tried that to get a rejection like the Britains got talent button no take them off i don't like it from Esme.. Different after a girls night and and a few bottles of wine.. I'll get a slap for mentioning that..
Also interesting you're wife had that sexual experience semi bi or just a bit of fun or whatever something we men find a huge turn on but turn it round and ..... If it was us in bed with another guy when younger and we kissed and got each other off our wives would be like you did what oh my god NO!!!
As an aside, I remember finding out two friends of mine and seeing them do things to each other in my friends house and I took it it wasn't the first time they'd played with one another, which if I reminded them about they'd soon tell me to be quiet and deny it happened.. If Esme reads this she's gonna wanna know who it was.
I bet their wives would now be shocked with what i know and what they know i know "dirty boys".
We wouldn't mind at all our wives being Bisexual but doesn't work the other way round so stay straight 😂 Its a major plus point if your wife does enjoy your fem side sexually and that's maybe a question we can raise in here.. I've not found out how to make polls here on wix.
It sounds like things sexually with you dressing up in the bedroom were going well for some sexy fun and you lost the opportunity here to admit you wanted to dress fully and you are a t girl / crossdresser.
Has she ever seen pics of you dressed?
You maybe hit the mistrust button going out dressed but a shock to her to find you're out dressed.
I read the book "Something to confess" by Karen Adler and have chatted with Karen also about crossdressing and with her partner and the shock finding her husband was a t girl and the shock that he'd secretly been going out dressed as a woman.
I think best to confess and negotiate that aspect and dress with her knowing and the going out bit is another negotiation,
I've been out of the hotel when away with work as Davina once to the car as i left my phone charger there and wasnt taking off the fab job id done on my makeup and once for a quick walk near the hotel which was my last time staying there as was giving up the company car and to be honest i think they had me logged as a secret t girl and been out in London together but if i was to go to a trans event I'd ask Esme to go with me and if its a no but i wanted to go (I hear the BNO event, Sparkle and LFF is pretty good) I'd ask if she was ok me going alone but I'd want to assure her the people I'm meeting are Ok ie someone from here maybe who shes chatted to and vetted as there's a lot of trust needed to go out alone dressed and the sexuality and intention question will crop back up.. "Are you going out to meet others for sex".."No!"
I know Davina You're not as we've chatted about our dressing but will your wife have assumed that?
Esme said to me once "What you do as Davina when away with work i don't need to know what I don't know cant hurt me".. What does she think i get up to when away with work as Davina??
Davina I know the answer... Bring your wife here and let her read and chat with other wives and other t girls and let see if we can help with some reassurance and realisation its just crossdressing its not anything anywhere near as bad as some wives think.
I hope some of the wives comment on your post thanks for the honesty and openess
Davina