Dressing at home working from home or away in a hotel room can be pretty boring but you have to take what you can get as a crossdresser when you can get it.. hence going out was a rush for the first time and will be for a 2nd time some time in the future no doubt.

3.5 hours lol thats all i get sometimes

I'm changed and made up in 25-30 mins including shaving lol well practised in stealing time to dress and changing back,

I probably should point out that I don't really dress at home. Well, very occasionally, but only when everyone is out (so telling my wife was never about gaining that freedom).

Also we still have children living at home (even though they know about Debs and have seen photos, which they are totally cool about - as I say, I hate secrets). For me, dressing at home seems pointless. I have dressed at home (when no-one is in) just to try on new outfits or take photos, but otherwise I'd just sit there and think - "ok, after all that effort, am I really just going to sit here - I should be out and about!". I ought to point out it takes me (minimum) 3.5 hours to get transformed, so that may be a factor.

.

It was partly selfish.

Made it easier for me to dress Esme knowing and saved the torment and embarasment of a please explain if I ever got caught dressed.

Also hoped she'd be mature enough to see it for what it is fun escapism and eventually she did.

Yes Davina some truth you tell us as you're partly selfish as it makes dressing easier for you.

That is the real truth of it isn't it?

Then the guilt for being crossdressers wanting to reassure wives? You're not gay or going to transition.

Lucky tgirls are those whose wives take it all on board and OK the habit.

Emma (wife)

"So it's not a lie but may be a secret ". Mmm, that's a very fine distinction. They do say secrets are just lies by omission.

There are many wives who have found out and been no less devatated just because its a secret not a lie. Also, it is very difficult over the years to not tell lies in order to cover up the secret. For my part, telling my wife was simply because secrets do not lie well with me. At all. Sure, I'd been tinkering for years. Since about the age of ten. It was a very shameful secret throughout my teens whos discovery and associated shame would have meant the direst of self-inflicted consequences. But after the epiphany of finally understanding it, the penny dropping, I told my wife about a week later. (I only delayed it a week in order to absorb it properly myself first, but even felt a little guilty for that week long secret). I wanted a makeover, that's all I said. She asked if I wanted a wig. Or to get out. I genuinely didn't tell her for the selfish reason of wanting to be able to dress (been doing that in part for ages in the bedroom, lingerie etc - my wife had bought me a dress twenty years ago, but I never really wore it), it was just to ensure that no secret came between us, Secrets have a habit of breeding resentments and suspicions etc. that grow into bigger issues. OK, it was selfish in the sense that I did not wish the relationship to be compromised, but not as a means to be able to dress. (But that is at least partially a similar argument to saying that all altruism is ultimately selfish as it makes the altruistic person feel good).

Ita complicated especially this imporrant u important part of us.

It's important to us where we find it fun or relaxing but in the grand scheme of the main part of our lives it's unimportant like a hobby.

So it's not a lie but may be a secret.

For the most part telling our wives is a selfish act as we hope she will accommodate us dressing as women which makes it easier for us which I think is the reality for most.

Because secrets can be the thin end of a wedge; lies begat lies and who needs a complicated life. Secrets from one another are just crap, especially if you are supposed to love and trust one another.

Hi Davina

I think the discussion we had before still rings true.

https://cdtra007.wixsite.com/whydomencrossdress/forum/why-do-men-crossdress/confessing-that-we-crossdress

Katie x

Thanks Davina, yeah I'm going to sit down and start to compile a letter, putting down what you've suggested, i won't rush it, and we go away in three weeks so i won't give it to her until after that so as not to spoil her holiday, it will also give me plenty of time to think what I'm going to write and make any adjustments.

Catriona.

My wife was coy on the idea of talking

"Idobt know whst you want me to say "

Was her response when I said can we talk at first

Write it down how you started, what you like about it, what you do when dressed bullet point it don't write a book and satisfy yourself with what youve written and think what she May ask.

Then say can't we talk about our taboo subject to get it off your chests and to explain things and hopefully alay any fears .

Let her read the notes and ask questions and be ready to answer questions you didn't think of like are you Gay? which is what Esme threw at me.. what gay no never thought she'd ask that does she really know me? Lol

Yes i think that is probably the the way it will go as i know how my wife thinks, if i don't bring it up then i won't have to deal with it & maybe it'll just go away.

I think with her it's more of being shy and embarrassed about anything like that.

But she knows i would take the lead in starting a discussion about crossdressing, and i want to explain to her how it all works and why i feel i need to do it and how it makes me feel so that she can try to understand.

But as Stan Laurel said "you can take a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead" lol

I've just got to see how things pan out, and this is why I'm here on the forum to get advice from other poeple who have been through the same thing I'm having to go through, hoping i can get it right and avoid mistakes others have made.

Speach over! 😆

Experience says she won't bring it up if you dont.

I'm sure the wives will back this up there may be a hope it goes away and the conversation didn t happen Burris head in the same syndrome.

My wife did that and it was hard each time to reopen the subject to talk about it.

Hi emrg, it has been 4 months now since i told my wife, and things seem to be returning to some normality, by that i mean we are laughing together again and acting what I'd term "silly".

It had been a big shock to her as you might expect.

But as for talking openly thats not really happened since our initial discussion, i have sort of left the ball in my wifes court so to speak by telling her i wouldn't mention crossdressing until she was ready, i think more than anything she finds it hard to talk about it,

I don't want to pressure her in any way, so I've got to be patient.

Better to.tell and talk openly than to.hide it as finding out like i did was not

Yes the fact that i had to tell her gives her the problem.

You are caught between a rock and a hard place, do you unload onto her and feel better or say nothing, bottle it all up and torture yourself!

I'm supprised you didn't have an iron shaped mark were the sun don't shine after those remarks! 🤣

With that it's off your plate and less stress for you and she may have picked up the stress batton.

My wife said to me you dress t o destress what have I got?

I said ironing and apparently that was the wrong answer joke

I said don't you find it fun to get dressed and made up nice dumb me just as bad as the ironing joke as she could openly and freely get started up any time she likes.

We have to remember we unload this on them.and provide them.with a worry which they didn't realise that had and that's when we feel a great need to.reassure them but find it hard to talk

I decided to tell my wife because of a sudden increased need to crossdress more, after 26 years of virtually not needing to dress and for a few years not even thinking about it, it all just seemed like a deluge coming over me and it all got too much and so just came out and told her.

I also told her this when she asked why had i told her now.

I've found since I've told her i am more relaxed less stressed, i think if i had kept it bottled up i may have, well, i dread to think what my have happened to me...

I don't regret telling her even though it was a big risk, not knowing how it may have or may still turn out.

Hi Em hope to hear more too

Thanks Jean, I'm more of an all or nothing kinda gal i cant just do garments has to be fully made up and dressed or i dont bother making it a rare event these days.

Decreasing testosterone is one we need to debate.

Davina

For myself being older than the rest of you, it was not a tolerated thing until recently, we were made to feel ashamed to crossdress so it was very easy to keep it a secret. As I have gotten older and with decreasing testosterone the need to be more feminine has increased and so has the want to be more open and not continue keeping this secret.

To answer Davina’s questions:

Tell her before I got caught? I started to take risks washing my lingerie when the wife was home and this was eventually how I got caught.

To be honest with her? That would have been the plan

A hope she's ok with it and will join in? Yes, that was a want but has not really happened.

A hope she's not freaked out by it and I can openly.crossdress? Yes, but she still wants it to be hidden from others

A want to have no secrets about this important unimportant part of me? Totally agree with this.

A need to enable my stress busting crisscrossing to happen with her knowledge and a want to satisfy her it's harmless? I don’t use dressing as a stress reliever, but I do feel less stressed and calmer when I do and prefer that she sees when I dress, although she says I dress to much, but I rarely fully dress with wig and makeup. When I get home I like to have a shower and just put on a blouse and skirt and some lippy.

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I thought it would be a busy thread