By: Sindy
Subject: Full time dressing
I've mentioned this before but I know it's a big concern of wives - progression. Most assume this means transition. And then I stumbled on a forum link to a podcast about an ordinary Davina type crossdresser who has decided at age 40 to dress full time. He still identifies as a dude!
I find this bizarre yet it begs the question - how many Davina crossdressers would dress full time if they wouldn't be labeled 'weirdo?' This guy (I'll post the link if that's allowed?) has lost a wife and girlfriend over his dressing. He's clearly not in control of it in the way you and Katie are. OR, has he just allowed himself not to care anymore?
He also says he wants to get back into dating and his friend doing the interview can't quite wrap his head around how he will manage this dressed as a girl. Remember, this guy is a straight dude like you. Yep, I think he'll find it impossible...I'm not sure how many women would find a man attractive in this permanent crossdressed state. But, he sounds nice and 'normal' enough so who knows.
Anyway, it makes for interesting listening (I seem to feel obligated now to find things to chat about here...like a civic duty haha) and maybe you can shed some light on why a guy who identifies as just a crossdresser might do this to his life. He even works presenting as a woman now, yet freely admits he's still a man. He even acknowledges that he's probably causing problems using the women's toilets yet he does it for safety reasons. Unusual situation, or is this the secret ideal of crossdressers everywhere? In a crossdressing utopia where men walked around in dresses and it was the norm, would you do this? I guess this guy just decided not to wait for utopia to become real.
Here's the link:
http://brian-parra.com/there-s-no-time-to-explain-podcast/102-there-s-no-time-to-explain-21-rich-klechner.html
By: Davina
Subject: Re: Full time dressing
Straight man attracted to women has an intense desire to wear womens clothes and express himself as a woman…
Dressing as a woman full time ergo not a “Davina Type crossdresser” more a full blown Transvestite?
Progression stops here as far as the Davina type Crossdresser is concerned .. I have no intention or thought of dressing full time, it remains a bit of fun, escapism, sexy, relaxation, stress buster, feels nice, looks nice, love women.. love my wife, love female fashion and how women look … when they make the effort to look their best which the weird women of the world seem to do less and less!!
Progression does not mean transition as there are bus stops on the way.. wearng lingerie, trying on a dress, trying makeup, a wig.. different stops on the way and most stop short of dressing full time and waaaay short of transition.. We’re crossdressers not transvestites or transexuals.
How many Davina type crossdressers would dress full time – None!!
if they wouldn't be labelled 'weirdo?' None!!
Its an occasional thing we can separate our male selves from the escapism of Crossdressing easily.. the non-Davina type crossdreser struggles to do this.
I think he will struggle to find a partner..
Keep up your civic duty Sindy.
If it was the norm that we could dress how we liked and no one thought it was weird .. not so sure as how I dress I try to look attractive and as convincing as possible so even if it was accepted would men be attracted to me as Davina.. I dont want that!!
By: Sindy
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Full time dressing
Yes, I think we would know, too. There are stories of transwomen who kept it so tightly hidden and then sprung it on their wives, who had zero idea, I think that is surely the exception. Most of the women I chatted to knew their husbands just had a fetish and quite a few had to tell him to stop lying when he'd try and excuse excessive dressing with female identity. The wives were always right as this excessive behavior often came with other unsavoury issues such as online chatting with other men and sharing x rated photos etc. Not cool. The wives whose husbands transitioned also sensed the truth and that went the other way. He (she) insisted it was a fetish but I know one wife who could see it was way more than that and ended up telling him to get therapy. He's now living as a woman.
Anyway, point is, people need to know themselves well before deciding who they are, as humans are more intuitive than we realise and I think we're especially good at reading other people. Not so good at reading ourselves it seems!
I just hope this podcast guy is truly happy to be remembered this way as he wont be able to unring this bell but some of what he said made me also think he could get bored with full time dressing one day. Not sure how you come back to your male life without moving away and changing your name haha. Oh well, I wish him luck. At least he's living his life.
And I sympathise with your wife. A bad haircut is horrible for the self esteem. Maybe encourage the temporary extensions as I also know we don't always get used to it and hair doesn't grow fast enough, dammit! Extensions could change a depressing haircut into a fun new image! My hair is long but I've always contemplated adding more to thicken it. Maybe treat her to some to cheer her up?
By: Katie
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Full time dressing
I think that he's just in a situation where he is free to dress 24/7 although it seems that he doesn't all the time. Maybe he'll get bored or reign it in if he can't find a partner.
When I joined another site there were a couple of other guys who joined shortly after me. They were late onset crossdressers (mid 40s early 50s) and hadn't gone through the child / pubescent dressing that many of us experience.
They went from crossdressing to living full time as a woman within the space of two years. It quite shocked me at the rate of their progress and it seems as if there was a sudden release of everything that had been buried for all those years. One was in the army and had fought to be allowed to dress as a woman at work. The other is now transitioning.
I think that that is the scenario that scares most wives and there maybe no outward sign until this explosion. I genuinely believe that when they first started dressing there was no intention to live full-time as a woman but as they discovered what dressing meant to them it changed and really they became trans. I guess it's part of a journey of discovery we all go on and understanding what it means to us is important.
It's taken a while but I now understand what dressing means to me and don't ever see my self progressing any further than the position I'm in now.
I chat on this site and the only pornography is the women's section at Wallis, Next and M&S lol. I dress for a couple of hours at a time. Never at the weekends (lol) or when the kids are around.
My wife is coming to terms with her hair cut now. She was really down for a while but is getting used to it. It was even too short for extensions! I did think about lending her a wig but thought it might not be too tactful bearing in mind her state of mind. She's been offered two free haircuts by the saloon as an apology but it maybe a while before she can take them up on the offer!
I guess it's a bit like discovering I'm a crossdresser. Upsetting at first and the only thing on her mind. Slowly she comes to terms with it and has now put it into perspective realising that there are far worse things that could have happened. Get's reminded of it every so often but most of the time it's not on her mind. Only thing is she doesn't get free haircuts!
By: Sindy
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Full time dressing
Yes, I think we would know, too. There are stories of transwomen who kept it so tightly hidden and then sprung it on their wives, who had zero idea, I think that is surely the exception. Most of the women I chatted to knew their husbands just had a fetish and quite a few had to tell him to stop lying when he'd try and excuse excessive dressing with female identity. The wives were always right as this excessive behavior often came with other unsavoury issues such as online chatting with other men and sharing x rated photos etc. Not cool. The wives whose husbands transitioned also sensed the truth and that went the other way. He (she) insisted it was a fetish but I know one wife who could see it was way more than that and ended up telling him to get therapy. He's now living as a woman.
Anyway, point is, people need to know themselves well before deciding who they are, as humans are more intuitive than we realise and I think we're especially good at reading other people. Not so good at reading ourselves it seems!
I just hope this podcast guy is truly happy to be remembered this way as he wont be able to unring this bell but some of what he said made me also think he could get bored with full time dressing one day. Not sure how you come back to your male life without moving away and changing your name haha. Oh well, I wish him luck. At least he's living his life.
And I sympathise with your wife. A bad haircut is horrible for the self esteem. Maybe encourage the temporary extensions as I also know we don't always get used to it and hair doesn't grow fast enough, dammit! Extensions could change a depressing haircut into a fun new image! My hair is long but I've always contemplated adding more to thicken it. Maybe treat her to some to cheer her up?
By: Katie
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Full time dressing
Maybe I'm a bit simple but I don't get gender identity. I don't understand the 75% male 25% female he describes. As I said before I just feel like me and I don't know if that's 100% male or any other combination. I can't compare how I feel to how anyone else feels.
As you say maybe this is a way of justifying dressing instead of just saying it's a fun compulsion!
I can, however, understand gender dysphoria. A transwoman will 'crossdress' because she is a woman and not because it's a fun compulsion.
My wife just had her haircut and she hates it. She's been really upset and down. She doesn't want to go out because she feels self conscious. She's thought of buying a wig or getting a hair extension. She know her hair will grow back in 6 months but it doesn't help at the moment.
If you feel that you are in the wrong body, as a transperson does, then I can't imagine how strong those feelings must be. If you're trying to hide those emotions and just pretending that you are a 'crossdresser' then I'm sure that eventually you will just 'explode' and have to transition. I'm sure that any wife would be able to sense these underlying emotions and just know.
I alway think of Sigourney Weaver in Alien. You'd never get away with heels on those steel grate floors!
By: Sindy
Subject: Re: Re: Full time dressing
True, if it was normal it wouldn't be crossdresisng. You'd just be wearing your clothes. I have a feeling the guy in this podcast wouldn't do it if it was common...I don't really know why but I think it's linked to how he describes how it all started (puberty panties obsession...so original, lol) and the feelings he dealt with. I know his therapist thinks he was genetically wired this way or something as what preschool boy likes girls. Sorry, he needs a new therapist! My own kids haven't been precocious but I happen to know quite a few that would fit the bill of the very early sexual starter. My neighbor's little boy has had a very visible crush on me since he was three! He also had a boob fascination haha. Now, as an older boy he's quite the charmer. I think it's such prudish nonsense to always disassociate kids from sex because it makes us feel better.
Anyway, with that in mind, I'd suggest he's more fetish based and it's just progressed with the pleasure seeking. I think it's still as valid a reason to dress full time if you feel the need, but I also think he needs to be real with himself and not fish for excuses. A person who really seeks to know themselves will let the truth define the behavior and not the other way around. This is not uncommon with crossdressers I've noticed and I expect it's because they're afraid if it's linked to pleasure and not some female identity that society will never accept it. But as you point out, society will probably never accept it anyway so screw them...admit it's a fun compulsion and get on with it!
We wives always sense the truth anyway. I can't tell you the difference in chatting to a transwoman versus my husband. Apples and oranges, and it's not helping anyone to mix the two together.
But that's a whole other tangent there isn't it. And I always envision Star Trek when I see our clothing future....everyone in matching Lycra onsies, lol. :-D
By: Katie
Subject: Re: Full time dressing
Hi Sindy
Thanks for posting the link to the podcast. It was very interesting to hear from another 'normal' crossdresser in such a frank interview. I can resonate with a lot of what he said but as we are all individuals there were some aspects that I didn't identify with.
I think his decisions to dress as a woman full-time is a choice that he has decided to take having considered his current situation. As you say for him to find a partner in his current situation will be difficult as he is fishing in a greatly diminished pond. There are women out there who will fully embrace a crossdressing partner and I suspect a few out there who will actually look for a crossdressing partner. For those who embrace a crossdressing partner I suspect that it is after the relationship is up and running and commitments made that they are willing to accept. Maybe less so if the found out from the start!
If crossdressing was the norm then would it be crossdressing?
I don't think that I would personally crossdress all the time if it was considered normal. I'd just wear clothes that were appropriate for the occasion and how I was feeling at the time. I guess that's how many women decide on what they are going to wear. If I'm cleaning the house or painting the walls an old t shirt and jeans will do! If it was a black tie do then maybe I'd go for it!
I don't, however, think crossdressing will become normal behaviour in my lifetime. And if it did I think the clothes would be pretty unisex and boring. Why is it in sci-fi film set in the future the women nearly always dress like men?