Hi Davina

appreciate your answers and you are right we do hit the contentment button as we get into our 30s and have been married a while and we dont even consider the effect it may have on our husbands.

Its one of the epiphanies crossdressing had on me to make more of an effort for myself and for him to always look my best and its cost us money in makeup and nails and hair dos and clothing but I do genuinely feel all the better for making this change in my life and hes a lot happier but his crossdressing remains (not that I thought it would go away)

Em (RG Wife)

There's clearly a distinct discomfort and feeling most women get from crossdressing that 'something else' is going on...and this seems the reason behind NIMBY.

Davina – Is the feeling around his sexuality do you think? A feeling he’s not 100% straight?

Is it a jealousy thing as in he’s got this escapism what have I got? Or is it an embarrassment feeling of how could I be married to someone who crossdresses what would other people think?

What is this thing we're so worried about? I can't say for sure, but I think it comes back to what you're saying,Davina, about women not dressing up for men and not putting in the effort.

Davina – This is something women admit, they admit they stop making so much effort to look their best, wear comfy flat shoes etc but as men you don’t realise what this does to our self esteem as it feels like “Shes stopped glamming up and looking her best for me”

Its the snare the man then “hahaha you thought i’d always wear high heels and sexy lingerie hahaha think again!” ….. “Ok So I’ll wear it myself”… “Don’t you dare i’m not being married to a Crossdresser!!”

It is the same 'something' that women complain about in non crossdressing marriages and I bet it's one of the top reasons women leave their marriages.

Davina – I would think most marriages end as the love’s not there any more or one or the other has cheated or mistreated the other? We constantly have to work on relationships as things change like kids come along, work, stress, berievances etc..

This vibe, if you will, that your husband is more interested in external trappings or whatever, than actual emotional intimacy.

Davina – Sindy I don’t get what you mean by this as Crossdressing is a small part of us pushed waaaaaay to the back of the queue in terms of our priorities which is why we only dress 10-12 times per year when we have the opportunity..

We’re more into the emotional intimacy but its a two way thing.. you hear the jokes about I had a sex life until I got married, the 7 year itch (which I think is linked to the sex drive change and the effort made where some mens attention is diverted to women “making the effort” and I know this sounds sexist and you may say why do I have to make the effort with makeup and clothing for him but at the same time women expect their men to remain the same then after all this we pluck up the courage and tell you we crossdress or something else and all of a sudden the women are up in arms as their man has changed but women change it affect us but we dont show it)

Crossdressing, porn, all of it can make a woman feel like we're coming second. I mean, we're visual too, but just not to the extent that it seems men are and what we are seeking from a partner seems so vastly different to what men seek.

Davina – I dont get all this men think this way and women think that way and I dont understand how a man doing a hobby is fine but if that hobby is crossdressing then the woman is coming second place. Most men I chat to who crossdress list as a reason for dressing that they wear things which their wives dont wear any more and short of finding a woman who does dress sexy or wear makeup or whatever floats their boat they crossdress.. which would you prefer he go off with a younger model or that woman who makes the effort who women scoff and bitch about or he goes away 10-12 times per year in private and dresses as a woman himself and gets some escapism and maybe some sexual release “alone” …. Of course some seek the sexual release with others and some have told me seeking sex was never on the cards but it has happened to some .. is this part of the NIMBY feeling? That he might when away dressed meet other tgirls and something sexual may happen?

Thing is, to some extent, most men are like this and most women do accept and accommodate it. But maybe the crossdresser just seems a bit more 'out there' with his attraction to all things stereotypically female and this can make women feel uncomfortable about risking him as a partner.

Davina – I’m just like any other man and I’d say better than most men as have a sense of humour, intelligence, compassion, thought and feelings and the bravado of being a rampant Alpha male to most peoples view of me externally but I crossdress as in I put on makeup, lingerie, high heels, a wig and a dress and chillax dressed as a woman 10-12 times per year and yes I dress steriotypically female.. it wouldnt be so much fun if I dressed like a drab woman in leggins a tshirt and flat shoes or flip flops with no makeup etc… Why does this make a woman feel uncomfortable risking him as a partner with all the good attributes are they wiped out by his very occasional behind closed doors crossdressing? Yes?

It's not just a sexual turn off (though there is that) but as you point out, he can dress away from her.

Davina – Yes he can dress away and this is probably a lonely thing and may lead to meeting others in the same boat and may lead to other things which I feel would be a bigger risk on a marriage than him dressing at home or in full knowledge of the wife.

So it's more than that, and I do think it's this gut feeling that you'll never really be number one to a crossdresser, that the crossdressing will always compete for his attention, and many women will struggle in a relationship where they feel this way.

Davina – Poppycock this is nonsense as i’ve mentioned we park Crossdressing at the back of the queue with all our male duties far ahead of the crossdressing such as being a husband, a father, the bread winner, the alpha male etc etc which overrules crossdressing forcing it to stolen moments behind closed doors when we can and sometimes the opportunity is not taken as the man things overule the chance to crossdress so its put further back in the queue. In terms of priority Crossdressing is something we enjoy and find escapism and relaxation in for whatever reason but we put other priorities in the way of it maybe to our own detriment sometimes if we’re stressed out and dont have this release or where we have opportunity to dress and unwind but circumstances change and we cannot do it.

But hey, if he's someone else's husband, no problem, lol.

Davina – There you go arrgghhhh really dont get this “It’s fine your husband crossdresses but not mine” lol

Response

I don’t really give a flying fig what any man I know or don’t know wants to wear until it came to a partner.

Because I have to agree with the poster upthread who said it isn’t so much about throwing on a dress and sticking on a bit of lippy Eddie Izzard like. That’s a style decision, which I’d be more than comfortable with. And proud of actually. I know a few guys who do the whole alternative dress and make-up thing and it is no more and no less than what is behind the reasons for women choosing the clothes they do.

But if it’s taken it to another level with the full uber-feminine get up that very few women themselves seem to wear of seamed stockings, red stilletoes etc and the resulting shift in identity I’d want to know about the driving force behind that.

Davina maybe its a substitution for women not dressing like this anymore? Women becoming more acceptibly masculine and because we find it fun and relaxing which seems hard for women to believe but try dressing as a man thats highly uncomfortable at times.

And actually, tbf, I’d be concerned for a close female friend if she felt she was having to display her gender identity so assertively with.

Davina are you one of the women who frown on women for making an effort to look their best or dressing a certain way as these women exist ive seen and heard women bitch about another woman for the dress shes wearing how shes done her makeup and the fact shes wearing high heels and that I dont get – why do women put other women down for making an effort to look their best? Why do women stop making an effort at a certain point in life?

That is a different kettle of fish to the everyday style decisions that everyone makes and I’d need to be comfortable with why it does go beyond them. And that need would be the offputting thing I think, not the result.

Davina Not all crossdressers dress the way presumed

Like I said only with a partner though, it’s none of my business with anyone else.

Davina a theme your husband can crossdress but not mine

Response

I thought it was because he was seeking validation from the peer group tbh.

I’d feel really uncomfortable if my dp wore any women’s clothes other than stupid fancy dress. Sorry

Davina its not validation its open debate to see views and thoughts and cant blame anyone feeling uncomfortable but you would have to see how it felt if he was a crossdresser as until faced directly with something you can only summise you feelings and response to a problem or scenario

Response

I literally have no opinion about what clothes you want to wear. I don’t know why you are posting either – for validation? Because if you are happy you don’t need the “rest of women” to be happy for you, this is the way to drive yourself mad.

I don’t know why we are being given so much detail about your life either, it is like your inner narrative is shouting “I am normal, I am normal, see how normal I am” I think you need to stay away from trying to get validation from Internet forums, this is likely to lead to insanity, validate your own feelings for yourself. I also think it is slightly weird to hide this from your children as though it is shameful, surely it is just what you like to do?

Davina seeing this all wrong I am normal but I crossdress I dont need validation as I have my head around why I dress but the question is seeking to see what women openly think of crossdressing and telling the children in todays society view of crossdressing isnt the right decade maybe 2030 it will be more accepted

Response

Im not saying it is wrong or that all cd should have counciling but i think it would be helpful in understanding why this is important to the indiviual.

Davina would a councillor really know what a crossdresser feels? We all do it for many different reasons so how can someone really councel on something this complex unimportant but important to the crossdresser

OP have you ever tried getting dressed up and going shopping and see what react you get?

Davina no as my wife would go nuts and if I ever did id dress and be sure no one would read me not react at all

I bet most people would not say anything. Maybe the barriers are only in your own head?

Davina maybe but think if I did this it would be miles away from home incase recognised making life in male mode difficult due to society views and predjudices and I dont think its in our heads.. maybe most would get away with it in a big city but not so much in a rural town shopping

If you want it to be acceptable in public then you need to start being public and challenge the status quo.

Davina easier said than done we all have different circumstances away from crossdressing

Response

Is the OP wearing womens clothes because he either can’t afford pure silk shirts, or because he is lazy about tracking down a source where he can order them.

Davina waaay off the mark why would I want to wear silk shirts crossdressing is crossdressing not wearing male clothing of different fabrics

I get the impression that it’s more because they are womens clothes, not mens.

Davina yes thats crossdressing

This thread has opened up more questions than answers tbh. For example, I would like to know where OP has met this prejudice in his life, other than supposedly reading lots of threads on mn

OP do you actually leave the house like this?

Davina no but have thought about it and the predjudice and society view on crossdressing is an obvious one .. ask anyones views on crossdressing and you will get nything from ridicule to the word pervert

What sort of thing do you wear.

Davina normal dresses lingerie heels stockings makeup trying to look convincing

Where do you go and what are the reactions that you’ve met?

Davina dress at home or in a hotel room when away from home with work reactions well ive chatted to a few people on skype and had good feedback on how I look and from my wife she was pleasantly surprised I didnt look like a hooker or a drag queen and she said I looked quite passable

Response

I would have zero issue if I met a man I was interested in and he was a cross dresser, I would accommodate it in our life as much as he wanted.

I would have an issue with someone who was dishonest about this, who lied and did not open up about it, keeping it hidden.

Davina but you must weigh up a man has no idea what goes through a womans mind so the not telling isnt through want of telling but through fear of losing the person you love with misunderstanding of crossdressing

Response

^Why should he or anyone else who crossdresses have to have counselling?

It’s only wrong because society says it is, not because it is.

If you’re really pedantic about it, nothing is right or wrong, it’s just individual and group opinions. That’s how it is.

But if it’s not hurting anyone else, then it should be allowed to be done,

Davina here here I do not need councelling im a very rational and intelligent human being (man)

Response

I really don’t think that in case of OP it’s about being a woman for a short while!

Davina I cant claim to know how a woman feels or that I become a woman for a short while im still me just presenting differently like I would if I dressed as Darth Vader I dont all of a sudden want to force choke someone

He says he’s manly but likes the clothes themselves, there could be lots of reasons apart from wanting to be a woman. I can think of one quickly

– being starved of affection as a child (from the mother)

Davina sorry to laugh but nope this suggestion always makes me laugh as I find it rediculous

and wanting to be ‘hugged/caressed’ by feminine clothes.

Davina I certainly loved the silky feel of womens clothes and lingerie but nothing to do with my mother

Or – he thinks he looks good in a skirt ,and is very artistic/imaginative by nature (which doesn’t get the outlet in his physical job).

Davina may be an element of this but reasons for dressing is multifaceted and we all have different reasons and facets for dressing

It really does depend OP on HOW you do it, then you can ask why would people mind.

Davina – I can explain its fun, it gives me stress release, its escapism from male life, its just something I do then I say its a turn on and they go ahhh a fetish nooooo not quite but its easier for people to think its perverse or weird than accept that we just find it a fun thing to do.

Response

I have a friend who cross dresses. I have no problem with it but most other people do.

If my partner was to do it, I’d find it a bit weird but I wouldn’t stop him from doing it.

It’s not that I dislike blokes who wear clothing associated with women, it’s because if I was to be intimate with my partner I would feel he was a woman in a sense, due to the clothes as it brings up so many associations we are taught to have.

Davina I would expect intimate time to be as a man but open to time as a crossdresser but thats entirely upto the female in the relationship… if you can see past how he looks it may be fun he may be extra turned on but I appreciate its him looking like a woman being a turn off that doesnt help the sexual side which is a pity lol

Not that I’m opposed to lesbianism either – quite on the contrary. But looking like a woman on the outside and then being a man underneath the clothes would confuse my brain. :O

Davina My wife says the same shes even said she cant do anything sexual with “Davina” and shes not a lesbian but sadly I am a lesbian lol

However my friend likes that I don’t judge him on it. His Mum has no problem with it, but it’s been a deal breaker in most of his past relationships. It’s a shame really because if it’s something he enjoys and feels very comfortable with, then it really shouldn’t matter.

But to society, it does.

Davina another nail on the head hit well he enjoys it so why stop why put barriers in the way of enjoyment harmless enjoyment and how do we get past the stigma surrounding men who crossdress?

Response

I really can’t see a difference between a man wearing a skirt from wearing a kilt or a wraparound towel – it can look great on athletic figures, like Beckam’s.

What I do find off putting aesthetically is men in high heels as they can’t walk in them like a woman (generalisation but largely so, unless he is a pro actor cd, and obviously some women can’t walk well in heels),

Davina ahem I can walk in heels and probably better than my wife lol in fact in 2017 i’ve probably been in heels more than she has lol

and it does look like a caricature, and makes the muscle really bulge.

Davina ahem I have nice legs in stockings and heels so ive been told, so I see in the mirror and my wife even calls me a bitch because of my nice legs so really?

If a man is barefoot or in loafers/whatever, a kilt or a straight skirt is absolutely fine.

Davina so we cant wear high heels? And should stick to male footwear.. invert this I dont like womens flat shoes I prefer to see women in high heels so please wear high heels and nothing else oops thats sexist now invert it back still sexist… you cannot say men cant wear high heels thats just as sexist as us saying you must wear high heels as one woman was told when temping at a company with it being policy women must wear high heels (not a bad policy I say lol) but you cant dictate what someone can wear or how they dress really

Also sheer fabrics like chiffon were invented for the soft woman’s body – it just looks wrong on hairy/athletic men, same as a colour can look wrong on someone.

Davina pink is for a girl blue is for a boy as society says so and who says we’re all hairy? Hair on my body repulses me im hairless above stocking tops apart from arms and head lol and im licuky being blonde hair isnt all that noticable and hidden under a dress with sleves.

If a man can find a balance between thickness of fabric and right cut, it could start a real new trend, I bet if a celebrity did it it would take off with some!

Davina nail head hit – the right celeb crossdressed and voilla everyone wants a crossdressing boyfriend

Response

I’ve Always had cd friends but never wanted to have a cd partner. I accepted that they are doing it for release and a sexual/sensual/comfort thing but there is a part of me that feels uncomfortable with the parody of mincing femininity, because that is not being a woman,

Davina exactly its not being a woman its the fun of trying to “look like a woman” hard to explain and the relaxation it strangely manifests and the stress release etc its all quite healthy in a way for us to escape the testosterone fueled alpha male we portray.

and it can feel like the piss is being taken out of woman-ness, if the cross dresser is simpering and being twee and girly.

Davina I dont think we take the Pi$$ at all we may relax slightly and some may act more feminine (I probably do in a way my wife says im different, nicer or whatever) but the majority I bet dont try to act like a woman per se.

One CD friend was more like Izzard and used to wear colourful wraparound skirts and Mexican jewellery with big jumpers and doc martins, he was Mexican and had a beard! For him it was about comfort and fun. The other was more into drag and used to pick up and have sex with men when dragged up in heels, frilly tight things. For him it was definitely sexual. Both had split from their female partners.

Davina neither example above fits me and forms the big misconception about crossdressers

A male having distorted image of women and portaying only one aspect of women in a sexual way and objectfying women

Davina we cant help liking a certain image and protraying it you may be surprised to find what we wear and how we present to try to look more convincing than tarty as I suspect most women think we try portraying.

But its funny you say we are portraying and objectifying women dressing a certain way when its this certain way most women dress to attract a man snare him then get married and out come the trousers, boring underwear as opposed to lingerie and the dreaded flat shoes… so we go looking to see if you still have the “nice stuff” find you do ask you to wear it you stick your nose up about it.. we get curious… we try it on… OMG you made us crossdressers lol.. so we dont have a distorted image and we dont put women down or portray you badly in how we dress like I said you’d be surprised.

Yes, I agree. I think that is what many people (men and women) would find strange or offensive. It’s not the clothes per se, it’s the intention.

Davina my intention is to have fun with it and try to look as convincing as possible .. too many assumptions from this response

Remember the big shoulder pads in the 80s. Women trying to look like men. It wasn’t necessary and it didn’t last long.

Davina is that what the big shoulder padding was about?

OP, when you dress as a woman, do you wear fake breasts?

Davina Yes as women have breasts to not have breasts in a dress wouldnt look or feel right

Do you pad a bra or something?

Davina no I have fake cilicone breasts if your gonna look the part you need the right kit lol

Response

Lots of men wore heels in the 70s – platforms were all the rage.

In fact, men wore sparkly, skin tight clothes, and brightly patterned flares for starters, so I suppose current fashion trends have a lot to do what is socially acceptable. But you could always start a new trend.

Davina - Hard to start a new trend where crossdressing as in looking like a woman as much as possible is accepted, it would take some celebs to start doing it openly in public for it to catch on and become socially accepted.

It wasn’t so long ago that it was considered outlandish for men to have long hair. Sometimes, especially with teenagers around 14 – 16 age, I do have to look twice to work out if they’re male or female. That’s all perfectly ordinary these days too. Boys are starting to wear a bit of mascara or eyeliner much more than they used to.

Davina – Maybe goths or heavy metal heads but its still frowned upon and people will ridicule such fashion.

I really don’t think society objects that much to what you wear, it’s more about the reasons behind it, why do you wear it, what message are you trying to send.

Davina – But this does not line up with societys views on crossdressing as being gay, perverse etc even if reasons are escapism and fun and relaxation.

The fact that it does seems to be sexual is what makes it distasteful to some members of society. And, as you yourself have stated OP, not suitable for children.

Davina its society who relate it to being sexual and its fashion that has sexualised some items of clothing such as stockings and heels which is something were attracted to and enjoy wearing and its not suitable for children only due to society deeming it so and making it so misunderstood.

Response

I think cross dressers are boring, but that also suspect they think I should find it shocking or special.

Davina Im not boring at all and why would I want someone to find it shocking or special?

To me it seems attention seeking, but maybe I don’t really understand WHY people do it.

Davina its not attention seeking as most stay in the closet we dress for ourselves not anyone else

Response

Yes, but it really isn’t as easy as ending the relationship when there are three children involved.

Davina children don't need to know

Good point SGB about different cultures. It’s perfecly normal and acceptable for men to wear what look like wraparound skirts or dresses.

I think the difference is whether the man is dressing as a man with a particular outfit on or whether he is dressing as a man who wants to look like a woman.

As has already been said, Eddie Izzard did not try to ‘look like a woman’ in the same way that Lily Savage did. David Beckham looked good in a skirt because he looked like a man in a skirt, not a man dressed as a woman.

Davina ah but Lilly Savage is a drag queen not a part time crossdresser

Response

Do you mean that you like the feel of certain fabrics?

Davina Yes satin, silk, lace and nylon

If you got a tailor to make some ‘publicly acceptable’ clothing that you could wear out, in the fabric of your choice, then you could quite easily enjoy the feel of sensual clothes wherever you go.

Davina not really cant see me in a satin tux with black lace sleves

Or if you mean, the feel of a skirt swishing around your legs, you could wear a kilt which is perfectly acceptable and you could go anywhere you liked dressed like that.

Davina a kilt isnt particularly sexy unless with tights / stockings and heels

Or if you mean dressing up in your finest clothes and making yourself feel pampered, all you need to do is take a lot of care over your personal grooming and dressing.

Davina I do this as a man try to look my best so dont get this point other than missing the point

Make sure your shoes are polished, your shirts are crisply clean and well ironed, your skin is well nourished and moisturised, etc. Plenty of men do that too, there are loads of products out there for men

Davina but thats not crossdressing thats just making an effort most of us make anyway

Responses

Have you ever seen a photo of yourself dressed up or a video?

Davina Yes

If so what did you think feel?

Davina I think I look ok quite convincing maybe.. gutted to have lost photos from dressin gin my 20s when I think I looked most convincing

Have you had counselling with regards to cross dressing?

Davina no im intelligent to get my head round crossdressing why would I need counselling im not going mad im perfectly rational

Are you intreseted in campaining to wear dresses to work shopping down the pub?

Davina Nope

Is there a certain type of style you wear?

Davina Yes I like a nice dress, stockings, high heels, nice makeup and nice lingerie

Would you be happy wearing bootleg jeams and a fitted pink t shirt?

Davina not as much as the above

Do you wear your wifes clothes?

Davina I have in the past but have my own now

Will.you share your clothes?

Davina yes my wifes more than welcome to wear my clothes

Do you see it could be selfish of you to make your children even as adults deal with this?

Davina the kids dont know and dont need to know but I hope they would be open minded about the topic of crossdressing

Could you stop if you wanted to?

Davina yes but id regret it would miss it and would have to find other ways to unwind

Do you go shopping with your wife and try dresses on in shops?

Davina No

Response

If my dh announced after all these years that he was a secret cross dresser and wanted to ‘come out’ I give no guarantee that I would stay with him.

Davina that is sad to hear over something which in real terms and in life is so unimportant and means society can overpower and over value love and self thought

He would not be the person I thought he was.

Davina im the same person this is some form or misguidedness surely because a man crossdresses doesnt mean you dont know it he may secretly pick his nose and eat it omg revoulting I dont know him he actually eats snot I cant ever find him attractive again its all relative

It’s a whole other part of his personality and that does change things in a relationship.

Davina it may be part of his personality you like and would continue to like if you never knew he was a crossdresser

Not saying it would be wrong of him, just that I reserve the right to not want a relationship with a cross dresser, if that’s how I felt about it.

Davina think about what crossdressing is wearing clothes of the opposite sex what is the real harm as in bygone days a dress was atire men wore but if you would want to end a relationship over crossdressing alone thats your choice just think what you’re losing a loyal man whos only secret is he crossdresses occasionally in secret which most men probably have tried in their lives some like it some dont but willing to bet most like it

Personally, I would like to know the reasons for it. It certainly isn’t comfort or practicality. I suspect there is some kind of sexual, what, thrill?

Davina a grand assumption there are many many reasons men give for crossdressing

It would be helpful if the OP came back to answer some of our questions tbh.

Davina I hope these women check the forum see my answers

Response

This is all well and good, being pro-tranny etc, but I stand by my post. If it happens to you with no heads up, you feel that the masculine side that you found sexy and attractive has gone…. Then trust me, its hard to wave the pro-cd flag.

Davina its not the case of being pro tranny its a lets think of this hes putting on a dress its a garment an item of clothing which society says belongs to a woman not a man ok he may wear makeup and try to look like a woman but so what? How can you then see him as not masculine if dressing is very occassional and escape from the macho before we expload of testosterone.

Two of us on here have testified that it stinks when it happens to you.

We both love our dhs, but the resentment is there. If they do it for mental health reasons, eg stress release, then what option does that leave us as their wives? Divorce? Hardly fair.

Davina it does somehow help with stress release but is someone presenting as a woman 10-12 times per year for stress release and something we find fun grounds for divorce really???

It’s great to proselytize tolerance. I agree, each to their own, peace out, etc etc… But just walk a mile in our shoes and then see how you feel. When part of the sexual essence that drew you to him is whipped away from under your feet, its not so easy. Trust me.

Davina please please please “walk a mile in our shoes” is so patonising we all have troubles and difficulties how often do you see your husband crossdressed why does that impact on the sexual essence? And why do women hit a certain wall of contentment and dress differently and not make as much effort to look their best for themselves let alone their husbands this is a bigger debate and one which even triggers crossdressing.

Response

If my dh wore the same as I did yesterday to our local shops, no-one would bat an eyelid. Because I wore a pair of shorts, a short sleeved shirt and a pair of sandals. I see plenty of men and women dressed like that.

Davina omg a crossdressing woman

Or is cross dressing just skirts, dresses, heels, tights? Because if that’s the case it is still putting women in a ‘compartment’.

Davina no no no its wearing what we like women to wear which women these days wear less and less

When women first started wearing trousers, it was considered unladylike and was shocking to some members of society. Did that stop them? No.

Davina because men didnt say im disgusted stop that its unacceptable to society and omg you in trousers is such a turn off im disgusted and turned off…

Women have fought and fought to have these choices accepted and now it is quite normal for women to wear what they like.

Davina indeed women have more rights than men when it comes to image and fashon grrrrr

If that is really what you want OP you may have to put yourself out there.

Davina just want some recognition and acceptance that its just clothes and image and not something women should worry about

Fight for your rights. Change does not happen quickly. You might never be accepted as a cross dresser but your grandson, or great grandson might.

Davina women fought for rights and were right to do so but they fought for equality and now men are fighting for equality in some instances where we have women only candidates for jobs where it should be the right person for the job etc but crossdressing is a certain dress type for most a certain look we’re attracted to we arent that bothered to fight for the right to crossdress but slowly people could care less about men crossdressing…..…..…………. Unless its your husband lol

Response

I used to frequent a hostelry popular with Army personnel such as Grenadier Guards and the like.

Every evening a gentleman could be found propping up the bar while he nursed his pint. Nowt unusual about that except he was 6′ tall, short back and sides, moustache, and invariably wearing a pearl necklace and earrings, twinset, pleated skirt, stockings (may have been tights) and court shoes.

No-one gave him a second glance

Davina I think lots of people in stressful jobs need an out and some of us choose crossdressing and it helps

Response

You don’t ‘help’ with housework. you do housework. Unless you see housework as her job?

I bloody HATE the ‘help with housework’, ‘help with the children’, ‘babysat my kids’ shit that some people come out with.

Davina careful dont become a rank feminist unless youre open to real equality which includes our right to wear a dress modern men muck in with what 20-40 years ago was deemed womens work there is no getting away from that.

Re the women’s clothes. It’s really very simple. It’s because society doesn’t find it acceptable.

Nothing more than that.

There is no ‘reason’ why a man shouldn’t wear a dress and heels. Women wear trousers and that’s ok. It’s just because most people think it’s weird.

People think it’s weird because it’s not the done thing, it’s not the done thing because people think it’s weird…

Davina – Exactly

It’s also because a man dressing in women’s clothes is seen as a sexual fetish and therefore to be seen out and about in women’s clothes is uncomfortable for people who think it is being done to get a sexual thrill.

Davina – society view perception but who put that perception there and why?

These are not my own opinions. I am speculating on the reasons why society at large frowns upon men in twinset and pearls. My own opinion is dress how you like, couldn’t give a shit

Davina unless its your husband?

Response

Wearing women’s clothes doesn’t appear to compromise Mr Izzard’s masculinity and, while he may express more than a passing interest in the latest trends in make-up, nail varnish etc, I don’t get the impression that he has a feminine alter ego named Edwina or some such or that he spends inordinate periods of time ‘mincing’.

Davina exactly but he doesnt really portray us occassional crossdressers who do have fem names but how else would I comment here I suppose I could use a big letter X

Response

Doesn’t bother me, FIL went through a long phase of cross dressing (I suspect he only stopped because his new partner insisted).

Although said if my Mark became Marsha it might be a deal breaker not because of what he wanted being wrong, but my own hang ups about what people think. Outside the home I think you’d need to be quite strong to cope with that. Maybe my love for DH would be enough, i’d have to find out.

Davina – would you really let other peoples opinions split a relationship over dressing up?

I have my own opinions and not so easily swayed by society and rarely let people sway my opinion without a reasoned argument or hard fact

Response

can anyone give me one valid reason why I shouldn’t? because I have never been able to think of one

we do not let the children know as they are still quite young

These two statements show that you obviously can think of a reason because otherwise, why hide it from your children?

Davina – to protect them from society prejudice around crossdressing

So I think if you can work out why you feel you need to hide it from your children, then you may find your answer.

Davina – yep society deems it weird

I like football and beer (but then so do many women!), i work in construction, I help with housework , I don’t mind ironing

Also, you yourself are assigning gender roles here as in ‘football, beer, construction, = manly – housework, ironing = woman’s role

Davina – No no no it is society again who has attributed these activities to men and or women and thats a fact

‘Helping’ with housework does not go down well here. Think about it. Is it mainly her responsibility and you ‘help out’. If so why? Because she is female? Because you work outside the home?

Davina – making this an issue where no issue exists – crossdressing or not helping round the house cooking cleaning ironing etc is something I do but go back 20 years and less men would have done this go back further 20 years and a man may point out thats womens work we’ve progressed in society to more of an equality based society apart from when it comes to men wanting to dress as women as then there seems equality isnt apparent we’re frowned upon for doing it but this response doesnt answer the main question more like a politician diverts to something else lol

Response

Your wife is fine with your cross-dressing, but you have to accept that it is outside the boundaries of the norm for a lot of people.

Davina agreed it’s not normal its not what women sign up for

I worked with a cross-dresser and although it did not particularly bother me in that it did not affect me, the fact it was all highly secretive lead me to believe it was a compulsion he was ashamed of, his wife was not happy with and the impact upon his children of this being discovered did not bear thinking about in the town we live in.

You are quite right, you can dress however you choose so long as you accept other people’s right to be uncomfortable with your way of expressing yourself and the possible impact upon the people you love.

Davina – Its societys problem to overcome as they have bracketed crossdressing in among perversion, sexuality and weirdness which it isnt not for me anyway but as I keep saying we all do it for various reasons and for some it is a perversion and linked to sexuality which makes it harder for us

Response

I have no problem with cd, both my dad and my 1st ex did it.

The problem I had, with my ex, was that it became part of his sex routine, the only way he could be turned on was to wear a dress, a huge turn off, its a wonder we had our son.

My dad wore underwear mostly and nighties, I knew about the undies, but found out about the nighties after he died.

Davina crossdressing isnt part of a sex routine for me or lots of other t girls we’re red blooded men and leave the crossdressing up the attic

Response

I find men in womens clothes repulsive, most of them look like Gollum in a dress and go out of their way to look like some revolting caricature of a woman. I couldn’t be attracted to my husband if he wanted to wear womens’ clothes.

Davina we cant expect wives to be attracted to us dressed up but thats a very blaze comment about Gollum as lots of crossdrssers look ok as women and most crossdressers try to look convincing

Response

Doesn’t bother me what you do. I wouldn’t fancy my oh in a frock. I would still love him but I wouldn’t find him attractive.

Davina thats fair enough

If I am honest I wonder about the apparent tendency (I don’t mix with a lot of cd) to be hyper feminine.

Davina I’m certainly not hyper feminine when dressed I dont think many are like this but then ive never met other tgirls / crossdressers

Most I have seen wear high heels, ‘sexy’ clothes, fishnets etc.

Davina we may wear things we would like women to wear for us occasionally but women would be surprised how un tarty we dress

Clothes most of the women I know wouldn’t be seen dead in. But I don’t know if my perception is just because they are the most noticeable rather than representative of cd generally.

Davina we dont expect our wives to find us attractive as women / crossdressed men and we’re not hyper feminine and you’d be surprised to find we dress normal trying to look convincing more than wear things women wouldnt be seen dead in

Response

When i think of a male cd i think drag queen or Larry the cable guy in a pink tutu and cant take it seriously.

Davina I think my wife thought this then met me dressed and she was like ok right you actually look like a woman not a drag queen or some tart

I never think of a 20 something watching football in a navy dress and court shoes!

I’ve watched my football team on TV in red lingerie stockings heels and a red dress and they won 6-0 maybe I should do that more often they may win the league lol

If it was my son or a relative or friend i would be fine with it. I think when you put it in a sexual context people are uncomfortable with it

Davina you dont have to put it in a sexual context as its not sexual its not a sexuality and you’d be surprised most occassional crossdressers are far from drag queens and some look quite passable

Response

I haven’t got anything against it, had several friends who were crossdressers and have a friend who is trans. I don’t know how id feel about it in a relationship.

One of my exes used to do it sometimes and it was never a problem, but I think id find it hard to think of a man as strong and dominant if he dressed in girls knickers. Great for a dominant woman, but not for me.

Davina believe me I am strong and dominant crossdressing does not change this in me even when ive got black lacy knickers on lol

Response

I do not know any cd but i would be fine with it. I would have a lot of questions for them.

If it was my husband then i would need reassurance that he was not gay not wanting to be a woman and that he still fancied me and set boundaries around it.

I would not be happy to be railroaded over it and I dont think I could fancy him in girly clothes as I’m attracted to maleness!

Davina Perfect response and the minimum of what we could expect

Response

I know somebody who cd. I’ve seen him wearing a bikini in the summer. I don’t ‘get’ it.

Davina neither do we lol

I would like to understand more as to why you would choose to wear feminine clothes,

Davina thats good

for a start the shoes are a bloody killer, save your perfect feet

Davina but the heels top off thelook make legs look so sexy

seriously though tbh if dp came downstairs wearing my clothes I’d be mortified, I would find it hard to feel desire for him.

Davina desire for him crossdressed or after hes returned to alpha man and put his alpha man cape back on? we’re the same men when dressed or not… Why does this effect a womans desire if hes back in man mode?

Response

I wear jeans, t shirt, baggy jumper and functional rather than titillating underwear (am female).

Davina OMG Why when you could be wearing a nice dress and nice lingerie and nice heels…

But cross-dressers (I’m very limited) wear frilly stuff, stilettos, plunging necklines, tights (the most uncomforable item of clothing invented) so are not cross-dressing but dressing in some parody of womanhood (a bit Edna Everage).

Davina OMG no women are becoming boring they fought for the frilly things and equality then became masculine how very boring

To have a need to do that seems v weird to me and I would ask about the relationship they had with their mother.

Davina – I have a great relationship with my mother why do people assume this?

Response

My dh does. Started after our marriage and to be honest, it has just about killed most desire in me for him.

Davina but he’s still him you dont have to have sex with him dressed just forget he dresses its still him and get that love life rekindled.

I don’t give a toss whether its my own intolerance, societal conditioning, whatever, but he said nothing about it before the marriage and I feel it changed the goalposts without my consent.

Davina and what didnt you tell him? You didnt tell him you’d change after you had kids and would become content and stop making so much effort to always look your hottest and you must consider how hard a subject it is to broach and realise he told you and the angst over telling you probably worried him and also think what else does he need or want and does he even need your consent to dress differently especially in private.. communication and an open mind think there are worse things he could be doing.

He is a depressive and it really helps him cope. If I were to ask him to stop it cold, I’d have a very depressed husband.

Davina Ive gone through depression and stress and get by but crossdressing I find does actually help inexplicable how maybe the escapism dropping the alpha male front

Often laugh when I read posters on here, saying oooh its only clothing, etc. I wonder how some might react if it was presented to them, with no real choice.

Davina but you have a choice not to see him dressed and not to have anything to do with it he’s stuck though if you dont make much effort for him and things may sour you both have to give and take in a relationship and make effort for one another

I love my dh and want to support him, but this has spoiled my marriage. I won’t divorce him, but the deep resentment is there.

Davina Think how you’d feel if he was into something else like living in the pub or taking drugs or gambling things that can cause real harm… it is only dressing up he is straight (probably), and he doesnt want to live as or be a woman its a bit of fun escapism and he’s still him sound like councelling may help thought im not one for that myself.. Need to talk and communicate better

Response

You should be allowed to wear whatever you choose,

Davina yes exactly its only clothes and image society says its womens not mens arghhh but I like it arghh but im an alpha male arghhh

but why do you want to wear women’s clothes? They’re shit!

Davina Oh no theyre not mens clothes are rubbish and bland and boring womens clothes are lush

They’re either too tight or falling off or too revealing, not warm enough, not hard wearing, have no functional pockets, restrict movement or are actually painful.

Davina agree on the pockets the rest I dissagree with though after 4-5 hours a bra does dig in lol.

The one exception I can think of is big floaty skirts – they are bloody comfy on a hot day and I think men are missing out by not wearing them.

Davina yay!

Response lol

Hi Davina

I'm a little confused. Did you post the original question on another forum?

Davina No i followed Sindys link amended the initial post so it represents me copied it here then taking the responses and responding to them with my thoughts

I guess it wasn't a CD forum from the repsonses. No sure of some of the abbreviations DH, DW, DP

Davina No idea where Sindy found it a main stream forum more than a tv one I think

No idea what the abbreviations are OH = other half

Response

Theoretically, absolutely no issue with it, no issue hanging out with people who was crossdressed or whatever, none of it.

Davina good to hear

Re my OH, wouldn’t mind at all if he was crossdressing for some fancy dress party, but I would struggle if it was a regular part of his (sexual) identity.

Davina It’s not a sexual identity its part time occasional thing

Something to do with how I fitted into that picture, maybe? And, to be honest, my sexual enjoyment of his maleness.

Davina fully understand womens attraction to maleness but I dont see it lol I prefer women 100%

I have to say, I would completely expect OH to have similar reservations were I to strap my breasts, chop my hair off and go out for a regular ‘male acting’ night out. I would expect that to potentially disrupt OH’s pleasurable sense of my ‘femaleness’.

Davina to be honest im my wife wanted to strap her boobs and go out as a bloke id have no problem with it but i’d prefer her in a nice dress stockings and high heels.

I am sure there are couples where that would be completely acceptable and even an important part of their lives, but I don’t think it is as straightforward as prejudice in cases where people DON’T like it.

All of this goes to show the importance of being upfront and honest like you have, so you can get together with the right woman for you

Davina true but many of us dont realise its a life thing this dressing up and even at stages stop doing it girlfriend with her all the time shes made up dressed sexy why do we need to dress then they stop or something changes which for me was stress of work and money worries and it started again then she asked to dress me up and it escalated to makeup and oh hell then a wig lol and now I need to be fully transformed or idont do it so no time to dress or to dress fully I dont bother

Hi Davina

I'm a little confused. Did you post the original question on another forum? I guess it wasn't a CD forum from the repsonses. No sure of some of the abbreviations DH, DW, DP?

Katie

I thought id post a bit at a time as there are loads of responses

I'll keep adding here but its bed time

Response

This thread has challenged me! i have always thought that i am fine with cd – individual’s right and all that. however, when i REALLY think about it, I think i WOULD struggle if my DP wanted to cd. i agree with the op who said that her man’s masculinity was one of the attractive features she liked in him. That said, it wouldn’t be a deal-breaker, I think. i would just need time to come to terms with it. And I don’t think i would be happy with him wearing my clothes, he would have to buy his own.

Davina fair enough but talk it through communicate and analyse it before you say its over

Response

I have a cd friend who takes on a female persona when he wears women’s clothing,

‘He’ becomes ‘she’; ‘she’ exhibits mannerisms atypical of female in that the way he walks and carries himself changes, whereas when I dress in what are traditionally men’s clothes, albeit now ‘unisex’, I stay resolutely ‘me’.

Davina my wife says im nicer when I dress but I think im me when im dressed male or female

Response

I used to be pretty good friends with someone (male) who crossed dressed. He used to join in on our girls nights out too and was good fun, and could still hold an interesting convo at 2 in the morning. The cross dressing part was neither here nor there, it was just another fact.

I wouldn’t have a problem if DH wanted to cross dress. I would not be happy if he wanted to borrow my clothes though, I’m a bit precious about other people wearing my clothes. I don’t know that I would still find him as attractive while dressed up though, his masculinity is part of what I find attractive about him.

Davina you have masculinity 99% of the time and 1% he likes to unwind in a dress big deal with or without you but the idea of a girls night out lol ive been on many girls nights out as the only man there and even joked about next time coming crossdresed told them I crossdress mortifying my wife for them to conclude “you’re so funny as if you’d crossdress”

Responses

Interesting subject. I wear my DH’s clothes occasionally, but if I ever saw him in one of my dresses for anything other than a joke I would be very put-off. I don’t know why that is, and I’m not proud of it.

On the other hand anyone else can wear whatever clothes they like, it doesn’t make a difference to me. Why shouldn’t you wear what you want?

I wonder why my opinions are so different for my DH. I guess it’s perfectly fine to do but not physically attractive to me.

Davina a nice open response but same end theme not my fella

Response

I am a supportive gg to my dp who is a cd ( sorry about abbreviations but you properly understand them if ur are on scence) i know sadly only a few women who are supportive for the stories that i hear alot of women are scared that there partner wants to be a women ie ts and also think its moraly wrong and that he is gay as you know being cd is different to being ts

Davina typical response are you gay do you want to be a woman ? Nope nope

Response

Its ok for a woman to be a ‘tomboy’ or watch footy or whatever because, ultimately, for a woman to want to be a man is a ‘step up.’

On the other hand, a man who likes to ‘feminine’ things – wear dresses, etc, is taking a ‘step down’ as men are above women in status according to society which is a social mindset which needs to be changed, but I have no idea how.

Maybe you should try the feminism section for an interesting discussion on this topic?

Davina times are moving on but go back 40 years we had womens jobs and mens jobs some houses still have this such as our priministers house lol

Response

I’d be fine with it, mind you, I’m a goth, & goth events have always tended to be very TV-friendly. I know several cross dressers, the majority of whom are usually out for the evening with their dws/female dps. If it were my dh (not that he’d be terribly convincing, he’s a 6’3 beardy type) then I might worry about it if it was a ‘hidden away’ thing & he felt uncomfortable about cross dressing openly. Not if he was open about it, though – that’d be fine.

Davina very open minded but maybe part of the scene being a goth slightly