By: Katie

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Normal?

I think their definition of sexuality is different from yours which causes confusion.

My guess is that what most wives fear is that their husband is gay or wants to become a woman. This is really to do with sexual orientation and not sexuality.

I think that crossdressing can be sexual, especially as a teenage boy when most things are sexual! You said yourself that you get 'horny' sometimes when crossdressing which the psychologist say falls within the normal male spectrum.

By: Davina

Subject: Re: Re: Normal?

Thanks Katie,

Good answers and feedback.

I'm always sceptical about anything from the US concering crossdressing especially the statement

"In the USA psychologists have decided that crossdressing comes within the normal range of male sexuality and it is believed that up to 8% of the population are into crossdressing"

It's not a sexuality or anything to do with sexuality but in the US they tend to link it with the word sexuality more which then worries Wives..

By: Davina

Subject: Re: Normal?

More good questions..

I wonder if my wife has thought of these questions but never dared to or thought of asking them.. maybe if she's reading all this she will tell me..

I bet you find it easier to ask me these questions than you do asking your husband?

As usual I've added a reply in my Blog.. seeing other wives feeding back here looks like a few people are getting something out of our correspondence... Go see my reply in the Blog x

Keep asking questions and for that matter Crossdressers or other wives and girlfriends feel free to chip in with questions and points of views as I can only answer for myself and for my experience and mind.

By: Katie

Subject: Re: Re: Normal?

The cat is out the bag so whatever he does you will still have this mental image of him which is ingrained. Your perception of masculine is social conditioning from a very early age ( sugar and spice and all things nice v slugs and snails and puppy dogs tails) and is very hard to change. Why is body hair masculine and no hair feminine? There are plenty of men who can hardly grow a wisp of hair - does that make them any less macho than someone who resembles a shag pile carpet?

People generally don't like change and probably only time and knowledge will help change this position

I think that you are doing the right thing in trying to find out as much as possible about crossdressers and hopefully we've alleviated some of your fears and answered your questions.

Your husband is still the same person as you married and still has all those same qualities that you fell in love with. He will still need to treat you as the most important woman in his life and be your husband by doing all those 'macho' things you love.

You may want to put in place certain boundaries that you find acceptable. You've already mentioned about not going out dressed. Some partners also want only a man in the bedroom and will refuse any femininity. It may even be that a DADT (Don't Ask Don't Tell) arrangement is what best works for you so that you are not constantly reminded of the situation.

I know the discussion is tough. My wife and I find it difficult to talk which does seem to be a common thread. She's known about my dressing about 3 years now and knows that she should be more tolerant but finds it hard. She doesn't understand why I need to dress but knows that I do need to dress. I keep everything out of sight and the ball is really in her court if she wants to find out more. Again it's a time thing and I heard of wives whose acceptance swings from participation to being barely tolerant.

Every situation is unique and there's no silver bullet. You'll have to find your own way of coping and accepting. I think that once you do you won't find it such a big deal and be able to carry on enjoying your life together.

One thing to watch out for is the 'Pink fog'. Once our crossdressing is out the bag is can sometimes run aways with us so make sure he puts a cap on his spending and doesn't push any of boundaries that you put in place.

By: Sindy

Subject: Re: Re: Normal?

It's true that men are 'manscaping' far more than they used to. That said, I think it's the motive behind the scaping that bothers many wives. A male swimmer shaving for speed is sort of hot. A male swimmer shaving because he likes smooth legs in a pencil skirt is so much less so. One is masculine and sexy, the other is feminine and a turn off. Same activity but the reason behind it changes how we see it.

That article really explains this well. I didn't realize most women felt the same way.

I would even go so far as to say the wife of a crossdresser will likely prefer hair on her husband more than the average woman, and more even than she usually tolerates, because the alternative is a constant reminder that he crossdresses. I don't like being reminded. It annoys me and causes resentment. I don't know why.

Only, now I do know. It kills the male image. I can't change what I like about men as this seems sort of innate, so how can wives retain a positive male image of their spouse when he keeps doing little annoying feminine things like body shaving?

By: Katie

Subject: Re: Normal?

Hi

I think ‘normal’ depends on your definition of normal. If you consider crossdressing as abnormal then I’m not normal. Personally I think I’m pretty normal and unremarkable.

In the USA psychologists have decided that crossdressing comes within the normal range of male sexuality and it is believed that up to 8% of the population are into crossdressing. The chances are you’ll probably know another crossdresser who isn’t your husband.

I don’t think you’re the way you view your husband is unique. Generally women tend to look at the whole package as opposed to men who compartmentalise. I think this article may help you to understand http://www.sisterhouse.net/familyroom/2013/11/10/how-your-crossdressing-changes-your-wifes-opinion-of-you/.

When he says you look nice he probably means you look nice. I know when I compliment my wife it’s not that I want to wear her clothes it’s just that in my opinion she looks nice. IShe always takes it as a compliment. It doesn’t annoy me that she is attractive, it just makes me think how lucky I am.

Personally I don’t feel I have separate personalities. I look in the mirror and see me in different clothes that I like. I don’t think of myself as male or female, it’s just me. Some crossdressers will take on a different personality and mannerism more associated with women. Sometimes I think this is to make them feel more feminine and help them passing as a woman in public. Sometimes the restrictions of the clothing will also alter mannerisms. It’s hard to pick up something off the floor like a bloke in heels and tight skirt!

Is body hair a sign of masculinity? I’ve noticed that more men are into grooming and will shave / wax their bodies. You only have to walk into Boots to find male waxing kits showing hairless bodies and most beauty saloons will do a male waxing service so I don’t think wanting no body hair is only to do with crossdressing. Many ancient cultures removed body hair as they felt it was unhygienic.

Personally I don’t like body hair and there is nothing worse than a pair of hairy legs sticking out from a nice skirt – male or female.