Back when I was in my 20s I didnt have the internet as it is today attitudes have changed over the years and we now know there are millions of men who crossdress not just us alone.

Katie is right definitely nothing to be ashamed of, I’m far from a freak and it has become part of who I am and forms a hidden part of my character and life only hidden as society makes a grand assumption about Crossdrrssing.

Being made to suppress the need to crossdress does lead resentment it should be something you can talk about with a loved one, girlfriend or wife and not something we find too embarasing and setting boundaries is important and important given an inch you dont take a mile and cross the line without further negotiaiton.

What would the wives tell themselves ?

They may run the other way which would be sad or skip the years of fearing crossdressing and get quicker to the dawn of realisation that its not the norm but still me / him just something we do once in a while and enjoy no harm done the same as any other hobby…

What do you girls think?

Now onto the quesiton “What would you say to your younger selves that might help them avoid this situation?”

I would tell myself that the time my wife asked to dress me as a woman to then go with it let her dress me up and tell her I quite enjoyed it make it all her idea her thing her making me crossdress and completely lie to her about my crossdressing history and make it something she came up with.

Of course then I’m living the lie and have dressed all my life but did I really need to tell her i’d dressed all my life or could I have told her id never crossdressed before and wow I like it and see how she took it from there.

But I opted for the truth and have been trying to explain it for years with guilt angst frustration...

I’ve also now got 15 years of experience of her knowing and 10 of her accepting (tolerating) and seen how other’s i’ve chatted to have taken some advice based on those 15 years some into weeks and some into months to gain acceptance using my model of communication..

I’m glad I told her its best to be honest and open about your crossdressing if you can manage to do it.

Who chats about 'what color panties are you wearing?' he answer is always black and lacy right? But does anyone ask those questions?

We’ve all had the what if you could be “x” for the day in this example what if you could be zapped into a woman for the day and yes never really had a chat about this but for an occassional crossdresser this would be a wow day but happy to be zapped back into alpha man at the end of it.

Men living a precarious, often miserable life with women who either didn't know about the crossdressing, or didn't know what it entailed either need to carry on as they are or work out if they can and how they can tell someone they crossdress if thats what they want and need to do and explain just what they do when crossdressed.. me i’m usually working on my laptop when I get opportunity to dress as seems my only opportunity to dress is when working from home if I have time.

The single biggest issue for most crossdressing men isn’t the problems it causes/has caused in their personal relationships.

It’s the initial internal turmoil wondering why we do it, then its the guilt for doing it and hiding it and some shame until you can get your head around it all and realise its only society conditioning making it seem wrong, different, seedy and frowned upon.

Any problems it causes in a relationship has factors such as do you dress forever and not tell hoping she doesnt find out, do you tell and how do you tell and what’s the fall out.. how well can you explain this how will she take it and then when its out of the bag how does communication continue what rules are set up etc..

In real terms it’s dressing up and we’ve always discussed here we’re occasional crossdressers like some people occasionally dress up as Spock or a stormtrooper less socially aggrivating things to do more accepted but in real terms not a jot different from dressing as a woman.

So my biggest issue isnt problems crossdressing has caused in my relationship and i’m over the why the hell do I do this phase and onto when the hell can I get time to unwind as its all work work work family family family especially as we approach 6 weeks of the kids off school.

We’re still the same person maybe more rounded for being open to crossdressing and the sooner our type of crossdresser is understood for the positives the better.. what is or are the nagatives of an alpha male being a crossdresser? Now thats something I will post as a question to see how real the negatives are and if they cause any harm.

Compare this to the content wife situation where she’s content but the husband is now in turmoil as his wofes now no longer making the effort for him she used to make to snare him in the first place and ladies you have no idea what this does to our self esteem also as we dont show emotion and feelings as we’re alpha males..

Hi Sindy

Good you have you back.

I think that it would really depend if I was talking to my younger self now or then. I think that attitudes have changed over the years and that maybe the advice I'd give to myself would be different. Instead of myself, maybe I should answer this as if it was one of my sons.

Firstly I'd tell him not to be ashamed. He is not a freak and that lots of men and boys feel exactly the same as he does. It's just part of who he is and forms part of his character. It's not going to go away so he needs to be able to control his feelings. Although the desire will wax and wane over time it will always be with him.

I'd tell him to be careful who he told as not everyone will accept someone they don't understand. People can still be prejudiced if you do not fit into their narrow view of the world. They will jump to conclusions without actually knowing the real you. Society is changing but not fast enough so if you want to express yourself in public be careful, as there are still dangers out there. When you're trying to fit in with the crowd wanting to be different can sometimes lead to exclusion so pick and chose your friends.

I'd tell him to look for a partner who was open minded. Somebody he could trust with his feelings and somebody he knew would not want to hurt or belittle him for his slight 'kink'. They should respect him and not try to change him. Being made to suppress the need to crossdress will only lead resentment. Instead look for someone who will grow and develop with you. After all marriage is about supporting and growing together and not about conflict. It will be hard but if it's not worth putting in the effort then is it really that valuable?

If you find the right person then try to be as honest and open as possible. Neither of you should be embarrassed to talk about the situation and the more 'natural' it becomes the less of an issue it will be for both of you. You may both need some boundaries and make sure that they are respected. You have a right to crossdress but equally your partner doesn't have a duty to like it or participate. Respect each others opinions but do not force your own on each other. Just because you do something your partner may not like it doesn't make you incompatible. I'm sure they'll do things that you have not interest in either but if they enjoy it then don't make them change. Compromise and work together.

Above all be compassionate, don't judge those around you especially if you don't know the full facts. Love those close to you and respect other peoples right to be different. If you work hard and always try to improve your knowledge you'll be fine.

Katie