I think anyone coming here reading all this will now know we wives ask are you gay and do you want to be a woman.

I think you're right in that No and No and here's a pie chart of why i dress and to what extent and what i do when dressed and where i want to go with this.

If a wife will listen and take it on board like Karen you can learn to put up and live with this and to an extent I'd say I put up and accept his crossdressing. I wouldnt say yes go find yourself a crossdresser to anyone and it's not something i wanted in my marriage but love my husband and crossdressing makes him happy and chilled and we now have fun with it and i tease him a lot about it.

The sexual side is something we discussed and pushed to one side it doesnt worry me although he does look good as a woman and im sure if we went to a muggle pub or club with him as a woman then he may get hit on by some drunk admiring guy lol and i'd probably find it hillarious.

I now he wouldnt get upto anything sexual.

I couldnt be like Hannah (no offence Hannah) I wouldnt want to see mine dressed with another t girl in that way also I'd want to know if he was or had bi thoughts when dressed and some assurance they're thoughts and nothing else.

I think Karen we are good at parking and burying certain things and pushing them deep down to forget them.

I hope you can have some fun with your husbands crossdressing and its not a chore or something that makes you cringe

Emma (Wife)

We've covered sexuality in here a few times, usually Hannah driving this topic.

It must be hard for a wife "I dress as a woman".. Why are you gay??

Why don't we prepare for this ? I hope some of the text on this forum and my blog can help with this.. ie what to expect her to say and think and the response for many of us will be "because i like it, i find it fun, it helps me somehow escape being macho all the time and relax, etc etc"

Maybe Hannah can help with questions of sexuality having dealt with it herself.

I expect most wives wouldn't want to know or wouldn't like it if their crossdressing husband was bi

My personal sexuality is also that I love women but also love femininity I can look at a t girl and say Wow and think a t girl looks passable and attractive and as Katie will no doubt add no one is 100% straight as she's added to other posts on this.

I wonder what my wife thinks of this? Does she still worry about my sexuality? Have I given her cause to doubt it as male me certainly not as Davina who knows? maybe she'll tell me and she I hope will be honest if she does have fears.

I have no intention of a sexual liaison with another t girl but can look at another t girl and think wow stunning figure, great makeup and sexy legs but I'm not about to jump into bed with him / her.

I think sexuality is the thing women worry about the most.

Davina

p.s. I think it's rare here the bi side

This is a good thread

My thoughts on the fears on sexuality is it is what it is.

I've read about this and talked to other t girls a lot about this and a voyage of discovery that my husband is bi when dressed for other t girls and I'm in fact bi myself so what a journey and thing to conclude in your old age.

You can be bi and not do anything about it or you can but need to be open about it.

I know some wont take it well but at least you know the truth which is harder for some to admit than dressing.

Sexuality is a spectrum too my husband finally admitted fancying other t girls but doesnt fancy men.

It's the elephant in the room after the shock of crossdressing.

For most its nothing to do with sexuality its the escapism they get from dressing.

Sorry to hear of your previous marriages Karen but think being married to a crossdresser isnt a bad thing there are advantages,

Thanks for sharing your thoughts and Katie good questions hon x

Hannah (wife)

Hi Karen

Thanks for being so candid in your reply.

Isn't it strange that your first thought is that your husband was going to leave and he thought you were going to kick him out. Both of you feared the end of your marriage when really it has shown that you both wanted to stay together.

I think we've all had this sleepless nights which just shows the importance of open communication. Discussing our hopes and fears.

I think the all wives and partners should know that the vast majority of crossdressers will have started when they were pre-teen. It just happens and then we hold this secret for the rest of our lives as it never entirely goes away. So 35 years is nothing new. Probably nearly as long as I've been dressing!

I don't think that crossdressing replaces our sex drive. I think that that waxes and wanes. Pressures and stress can have a negative impact and so anything that can relieve the stress can only help. If crossdressing helps then it can only be positive.

My own view is that sexuality is on a spectrum. It is not a binary choice and shouldn't matter.

It sounds as if you have had a very eventful and stressful life. 3 marriage and cancer - I do hope that you are now all clear. I can understand why crossdressing in trivial when put into context.

Do be careful on Chix. You can fall down a rabbit hole if you are not careful. I found it became a huge drain on my time. I guess that is the problem will all social media.

Stay safe

Katie x

Hi Karen

It's always difficult to open up your heart to anyone. I know that we're incognito here but it still takes a bit of courage to post how you feel /felt.

I read your post and wanted to ask a few of questions. You said early on that you 'tortured yourself about what it meant for your marriage'. What did you think it meant for your marriage? Did you fear that it would be the end of your marriage? Did you think that him being a crossdresser would mean it would have to end? Did you think he was gay or wanted to be a woman? Did you think that you finding out would mean he would leave you? Or was the reason you felt it might end was because of the secret he had kept and the loss of trust? Was that worse than the crossdressing?

I think it would help us crossdresser, especially those still in the closet to understand the emotions that our wives go through when they first find out, whether by accident or choice.

It was brave of you to confront him and I'm glad that you managed to communicate that his crossdressing wasn't a reason to end the marriage. If fact your acceptance, doing his washing after 3 days, is a remarkable turnaround.

I think that we all go through the 'pink fog' stage once we have a modicum of acceptance from our wives. suddenly the shackles are off and it can runaway uncontrolled. I always think that it is a good idea to have certain boundaries and rules about how much can be spent! It can be expensive being a t girl 😉

Having previously been a member of TVChix I see that it can sometimes give the wrong impression. Likewise when I was first discovered I went on a bit of a journey of discovery via google and I can honestly say that some of the posts on mumsnet made me really panic!

You seem now to be in a much better place. Do you still feel that crossdressing is still a big deal in your lives or is it just like another 'hobby' that you can both share? I can imagine that at first it consumed every waking hour but has that changed?

Stay safe

Katie x

Hi Karen you've stuck by TVchix? we left it was overly sexualised and not what we wanted.

We bumped into Davinas profile there too and chatted.

Good to see another wife in here sticking by their man and you've been out with him too which is a bold move.

I found it fun being out with him dressed i couldn't stop giggling to be honest as he was so nervous lol.

Hope to hear more in the future Karen on how you're getting on.

Maybe we can sort a night using chat here and have a wives natter

Emma (Wife)

Well done with sticking by him Karen.

Its hard at first but it does get easier and can be fun

Hannah (Wife)

That's good to know Emma I did wonder compared to Karen this few days / weeks in turmoil if your wife knew and buried her head "in turmoil" but if shes been more loving etc maybe she knew before finding the stash and is happy it being your "thing" and happy for it to continue and her not be a part of it.

Trying to get my wife Esme on here to explain how she felt when I confessed about my crossdressing and if she felt this turmoil for a few years given it was 8 years between telling her to her meeting me dressed did she go through turmoil worrying about our relationship.. Like i said i wish I'd found a forum like this back then which is why i set it up for both Wives / girlfriends and T girls.

A gold Star to Karen and other wives who have found such a rapid acceptance and moved on with this and a Gold star eventually to Esme who's been amazing understanding my crossdressing.

It can't be easy for wives to accept or turn a blind eye to it but I hope our ramblings on here show it's not always what they think it is and you can cope and set levels of acceptance with Crossdressing and can even have fun with it.

Davina

I don’t think my wife is in turmoil at all, it is about 9 months since her discovery and she has not acted any differently at all, if anything she has been more loving. Maybe the way we life our lives helps her to know there is nothing more to it than crossdressing.

Thank you for the compliment, you have become a great friend and I look forward to our nightly chats. Vikki is very lucky to have such an understanding wife, you go above and beyond anything Vikki could have expected.

Thanks for joining the Forum Karen xx I remember finding you I think in the girls only room and I'll usually say hi to the wives and girlfriends and see how they are and if they fancy a chat and if they're in need or a good forum as opposed to the Tvchix environment which can be harsh.

Also aware lots of on line material is very negative and highlights the negative aspects of crossdressing more out of lack of knowledge that there are some normal blokes who just like to crossdress for a bit of escapism and enjoyment and relaxation its not all about fetish or a perversion or sexuality.

It sound like you met Emma a t girl form here and myself and glad you ended up here x

It must be huge for a woman to discover the man shes been with and thinks she knows inside out is a secret crossdresser, moreso i think if she also discovers not only has he been crossdressing but hes been going out "as a woman"

I take my hat off was gonna say i take my wig off to you but that kinda spoils the look and take my hat off to other wives who have stuck by their men with this realisation.

I told Esme after she asked to dress me as a woman thinking she'd sussed me but i still want a fuller explanation why she really asked to dress me up. it kicked me off up a level crossdressing after she'd dressed me up and I confessed I was a t girl.

But Karen Adler in her book "Something to confess" and Karen and Emma discovered crossdressing ... Katie here's wife knows she crossdresses but doesn't want to seem to talk about it (Katie i wish she would come round as you're such a good person she needs to realise its a part of you a harmless part) , Emma tights wife we think has found her things but maybe has hidden that she knows and Cats wife doesnt want anything to do with it the same as New Davinas wife.. by Karen and Emma hats off to you the absolute shock of finding out not being sat down and told to accept it and to have gone out together is fantastic.

It must have eaten away at you Karen and maybe Emma tights wife has been going through this for months now if she has found a stash of clothing ..

Its not good letting it eat away if you're a t girl or a wife / girlfriend and although me and Esme found it difficult to discuss.. I wish i had this forum 15 + years ago for us to refer to as it was hard work bringing dressing up for it to be dismissed or being it up for us to both clam up then have to pluck up courage again.. wasted time.

So i'm glad you had the ‘talk’.

Sorry to hear the turmoil you ladies go through around what it means for your relationship.

I can't speak for all t girls but i think most are like me I think i'm a normal bloke its an escapism thing, yes i feel sexy, yes i sometimes get off on it (we're men we get off on things) its somehow relaxing and its a fun thing and a harmless thing and a vanity thing and can be a bit of a fetish thing.

The bad press on this subject i can sort of see why he made alternative living arrangements .. that was something I never considered and wish Esme would come back on and write abut when I told her I dressed and what she thought it meant for our marriage and did she consider slinging my fine ass out in my heels and red lipstick lol. I shouldn't joke but glad I can now laugh about me being a crossdresser with her.

Its inevitable you will go through all the usual questions that women ask with lots of tears as that's the sort of guidance you will find on line in most trans articles, Esme cried too asked if i was gay, did i want a sex change and was it her fault all Nos.. I hadn't done my research as wasn't expecting those questions.

Great to get it our in the open Karen but don't let the trail go cold there's no time like the present to talk about it ... take some time out but agree to continue the chat until you're both comfortable and agree some terms and conditions.

It took me and Esme years before she accepted me dressing as we let the trail go cold as others here have done and then it becomes harder and harder to broach the subject again.

Glad you moved "her" / him in with dresses etc and accepted him as her into your relationship .. had you been here earlier in this i would have said dont let him become a "kid in a sweet shop" as this does happen. I tried to restrain myself doing this having read about it give an inch us t girls take a yard when we find some acceptance.

The wife / girlfriend should take the reigns and pull them tight if the t girl goes off too fast woooo there girly you're taking this past what we've agreed or past what i'm comfortable with.

Glad you realised you may need to put the breaks on and thats where you hold all the negotiating cards to set the levels of acceptance. but beware he will be thinking wow this is great at the time but will also in time want to push the boundaries and renegotiate until he and you find the optimum position of acceptance on the trans spectrum.

Signing you up to TVChix I hope he told you to stay in the girls only as it can be a bit like Count Draculas castle don't leave the girls only room as admirers and horny people frequent the other rooms.

I usually stick to the lobby or girls only but have gone into the fantasy room and have used it for research which I've brought back here and used to broaden my horizons on why men crossdress. I've had some weird and wonderful chats in there so can see why you had a melt down if you came across the wrong people.

Esme went in twice once a wife i'd been chatting to there asking her advice on how i should talk to Esme offered to chat to Esme.

Innocently I thought great idea until on chatting i saw Esmes face drop and the women was telling Esme like it or lump it if you don't like him crossdressing leave.. that wasn't what i was looking for and not what i wanted and not the impression the woman gave me in our chats that she'd convey to Esme.

Second time about 3 or 4 wives were on line in chat and I got Esme to chat and she just couldn't keep up with the amount of messages from these women all of whom gave me a glowing report and tried to assure her what they thought of me from our chats.

The best thing i did in the end was write my blog and get Esme to read my thoughts and for others this forum.

So beware of tvchix and stick to girls only.

The Forums on tvchix can also be a vipers nest and can be nasty so i now steer clear of them. There's a Significant others forum there but not a patch on our forum here.

Amazing to read you went to a club together. I'd love to hear more about this as if we ever go anywhere again I think now maybe going out in public was quite dangerous especially where we went maybe a trans event would be a safer place and amazing if some from the forum could be there and we could meet one another.

I've chatted to a few here on Skype as Davina when working from home and when away with work bored in a hotel room and open to do that with anyone in my disguise as Davina but don't think Esme would do that with me and not something I'd do in male mode.. But would i be up for meeting some of you at some event sure I would.

I'm glad you enjoyed your time out and chatting to other t girls i think if wives would do that theres a 50-50 chance depending on the venue and what its all about as an event you could hate it or you could have a whale of a time and sounds like you enjoyed it.

The keeping a secret i think in my case my dressing was sporadic and for a time stopped and kick started with stress events and after Esme dressed me as a woman but bear in mind the guilt we feel for being a crossdresser the self hate for doing it at some points its something we find so hard to admit to ourselves "why do i crossdress?" a self battle let alone something we want to tell the woman we love through fear she will run for the hills and tell everyone we crossdress.. My wifes friend dumped my friend and then told us he liked to wear her clothes and ridiculed him.. not what i wanted Esme hearing from her best friend on crossdressing.

Never talked to him about it never will but know if I told Esmes friend and indeed showed her her opinion of me dressing as a woman would be different to her impression of her ex boyfriend crossdressing.. its ok your husband dressing but not mine.

I can see how you feel it abused trust but this is so hard for us to admit we think a lot about confessing and like a game of chess think a few moves ahead but never imagine that question "Are you Gay?".. That threw me,

Your case a little different if he was dressing and going ouot dressed.. "Something to confess" may be a book you could read.. Karen took it by the balls like you and accepted his dressing.

I see the thought therefore on the abuse of trust but you accepted it and worked on it and well done you but i know you still have frustrations and fears and no doubt Esme does also about me.

Sexuality is the elephant in the room and i don't think that goes away. I have no idea if Esme still has this in her head questioning my sexuality as Davina.

She did say as i posted to Davina "What you do when away with work as Davina I don't need to know" .. No idea what she thinks I do stuck in my hotel room..

See above I've chatted to some t girls from here and some wives on Skype about crossdressing for one.

I'm glad you've done a huge amount of talking. Are you like some of the other wives keeping this site to yourself or will you allow your husband on to contribute?

A few here keep this as their sound board.

Thanks for the Post Karen it's good to get things off your chest isn't it.

I found this with the blog and my ramblings here.. Just wish I could get Esme to buy into helping others with our experience with Crossdressing

Chat soon

Davina