A year ago today I made the discovery that my husband had been hiding a big secret from me. He was a transvestite.

I didn’t confront him for three days with what I had discovered and I had to wait a further three days before we managed to have the ‘talk’. During this time I tortured myself with what it all meant for our marriage and made myself ill with worry. I am not good with confrontation and things like this generally end badly for me.

Once I had plucked up the courage to say I had discovered something that needed to be clarified I tried to reassure my husband that everything was ok but I think I failed on that point. When we managed to have a discussion about it he had made alternative living arrangements in case he was out on his ear.

Sad to say I went through all the usual questions that us women ask with lots of tears But at least it was out in the open and we could move forward.

I had previously asked for him to bring his stuff home and later that day we moved his stuff into the wardrobe and had a sort out and I did his washing. If this is who he is then his stuff should not be stuffed in bags in sheds etc. He was like a kid in a sweet shop and started a bit of a shopping spree. Word of warning keep the brakes on sometimes you can go too fast! Mind you I updated my wardrobe too as I couldn’t be out done.

To try and help with my understanding he signed me up to TVChix which in the early days was not a complete hit as I had a couple of meltdowns over the profiles and forum subjects. Resulting in now being very selective in what I choose to read. For the first time ever I ventured into the chat rooms and started to chat to mature_Emmatights who has become a very good friend. About six months later met Davina and ended up here too. Wish I had read this forum first it is way less scary. I then went on to reading her blog.

Before we had the first lockdown we managed to go to a club together which was the first time I had seen him dressed and I was impressed but not with the time it took! It was a good evening and I managed to speak to a few other girls which again made going out less scary.

So far so good I can hear you saying not quite I am afraid. I was extremely angry with him for keeping his secret from me. I felt that he had abused the trust that we had built up in our marriage and told lies to cover his tracks so he could be off dressing and going out. He had left me at home looking after his disabled son whilst he was off galavanting under the pretext of being at work. I had a bubble of anger in my chest for months although this has diminished over the last year.

The other issue was over sexuality and although there have been denials of any wrongdoing the fact that I was lied to over where he was and what he was doing you will understand I wasn’t being very trusting. Have I come to terms with that? Maybe. To put it straight in my head I have to a certain extent had to bury my head in the sand and ignore what might have happened. This was for my own sanity.

It has been a very eventful year with a large amount of talking even now and I think it will continue in the future.

Have I accepted it? Yes on a level. Not on some people’s level but more than others.

Right back at the beginning I had decided that I was not divorcing him just because he liked to wear a dress.