Good post Rebecca me and Esme are very similar with her acceptance and yes we share a private joke sometimea around crossdressing

Googled it and happy my husband doesnt display the type of things described and no its not a fetish its more a work was stressful this week crossdress and unwind which for whatever reason works for him and if hes happy i'm happy as rather have him chilled out than stressed out.

I really don't think We'll ever find one be all end all explaination why they crossdress they just do and I'm past looking for the why or any cure.

I think this is the best approach we cant stop it what harm are they really doing crossdressing at home with us part of it talking about it when we need to even laughing about it at times not saying ive cracked this as still get fears but I'm ok with it much thanks to people here reading, chatting like this and Understanding a bit more about this level of crossdressing this position on the trans spectrum.

Rebecca (wife)

I dont think hes on the aspergers spectrum but interesting reading Sindys fetish comments.

Hold our hands up its quite sexual and errotic when we have a girls night in and Hes always got a sexual thrill and got off when dressed up.

Well youve read the camming and other things ive owned up to us doing not too Graphic i hope so for us it can be put down as a large part fetish.

But as the girls have said above its not for them everyone is different.

Sindy give him a chance?

Hannah(wife)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sv5iEK-IEzw

I do wonder what they wear under the armor

I literally have no idea if crossdressers are more likely to be Aspergers than not. Hence the reason I posted the question. My husband shares some traits but clearly many here don't. I have no idea what that proves other than some do and some don't. There would need to be serious research done I'm guessing, but then what would be the point of that...seems like people with Aspergers have many quirks they could also research. No, I was just curious as I'd never heard the correlation before so it was intriguing to read, and I just wondered if there was a link.

Now I'm more intrigued with this storm trooper scene! What do they do? Gather together and chat about the dark side? Do stormtrooper wannabes have to come out to their wives and families and do they have purge cycles? Just when I think I've heard it all, along comes something else.

A lot of what Juliette typed we've typed here .. I could have typed it all myself

I don't know how we can better explain that we're no threat to society, to a relationship or anyone else we just get a level of enjoyment and relaxation out of crossdressing there's nothing much deeper than that no illness no cure.

But we shall continue to give our assurances and worry about our wives acceptance levels and satisfaction with our explanations.... There is no science behind why we crossdress unless we're from another planet .. I do have green eyes...

As Juliette said I think that the number of crossdressers suffering from Asperger's maybe slightly higher than the average population because it is one of the results of the condition, however, I think that it is a huge leap to expect Asperger's to be the cause of crossdressing in all of us.

If we exhibit one aspect of someone suffering from Asperger's but not the others then I think that it is unlikely that any medical professional would diagnose us with Asperger's.

I'm sitting here with a stonking headache but it doesn't mean I have a brain tumor although it is a symptom. Doctors waiting rooms are full of people who have self diagnosed via google!

Katie

Just to chip in on crossdressing as a fetish... it can be but you need to have the 'sexual desire' and 'gratification' part. On that basis, crossdressing clearly isn't a fetish for a great many people (including me). I don't dress to fulfill a sexual desire but then neither am I disgusted or ashamed of my appearance as Juliette. I clearly make more effort when I dress as Juliette but... I need to.

The problem with Crossdressing is that it can only be defined if you agree that there is a 'female' and 'male' way of dressing... When I crossdress I wear clothes that society deems to be 'female', I wear hair that is 'female' and makeup which is 'female'.

However, when a woman dresses in trousers, short hair and no makeup, she isn't crossdressing, she's slobbing out. A woman can go into any shop and buy 'boyfriend jeans', i.e. clothes that are specifically marketed to women as being the kind of clothes you would borrow or steal from your partner. There is no equivalent for men that I know of. Women have to dress in a tie or dinner jacket to raise an eyebrow these days.

What I'm working towards is a recognition that women have won the right to dress as they would like but retain the right to glam up when they want to. Men have (rightly) been expected to accept that a woman is not required to dress sexily or attractively just to please them. What is interesting is that the opposite behaviour in men is still seen by some as a fetish. I suspect it's because it requires effort, the kind of effort that a woman may only go to when she's trying to impress someone (often a current or potential partner).

As for the Asperger's thing... I read up a little on the research and the statistical correlation is still quite small. I could just as easily put it down to people with Asperger's being less likely to care what others think. An interesting question would be 'Would more men express a desire to crossdress if they had the same lack of social compliance that can come with Asperger's?'

The mere word Fetish also has negative connotations for us i think.. It's a fear word for wives "Oh my god he has a fetish"

As Katie says maybe it is for some but as we know we're a diverse bunch like any other bunch of people bracketed together .. People who dress as Stormtroopers don't have a fetish

OK maybe the one on the end does but assuming its a woman lol

Hi Sindy

Your husband denies his has Asperger's so how can he tell you about something he doesn't think he has? If he'd been medically diagnosed with it then I can understand you might hold it against him but as he's not ...... you're a tough woman to please lol.

The Oxford English Definition of a fetish is:

'A form of sexual desire in which gratification is linked to an abnormal degree to a particular object, item of clothing, part of the body, etc.'

This does fit some crossdressers but not all. I think that this is the context that it is used for Asperger's - paraphilia.

Your definition is a bit more broad and could be used in the following context ‘the western fetish for all things North African’ so I think it's unfair to try and use a broad version of fetish to pull all crossdressers into Asperger's.

Katie

Its far to ocassional for mr to me labelled excessive and its not irrational to dress as a woman or most women are irrational for dressing like men.

We know women are irrational lol so youre all into a fetish

Im going with Katie its a hobby not a fetish

Whats the definition of hobby i bet it would fit with crossdressing ie enjoyment is in there.

A hobby is an activity that you enjoy doing in your spare time.

Synonyms: pastime, relaxation, leisure pursuit, sideline

Its not as complicated as women think it literally is what it is dressing up.. for

"Is it easier to forgive your husband for his crossdressing suspecting he maybe a high functioning aspie?"

Good question, Katie. Truthful answer is probably not. I'd just be really annoyed he was Aspergers all this time and didn't tell me lol. He can't win can he!

No, I was just curious after stumbling on the info that many crossdress. And Davina, I think when these psychologists call it 'fetish' they're really talking about a behaviour that has heightened importance in a persons life. Collins dictionary writes it as:

'any object, activity, etc, to which one is excessively or irrationally devoted'

That really does sum up crossdressing, whether it's sexual or not. It's a devotion that y'all seem to have that the rest of us don't. Fairly simple when worded that way. Aspergers people seem to form these devotions more than others. Thing is, I'm interested more now in whether this will affect my child and what that will look like in the future. Guess time will tell.

I do suspect some women might find it easier to accept crossdressing if their partner was Aspergers. Just another quirk in a long list, sort of thing? Who knows. Maybe test the theory for us, Katie, and inform your wife you're a newly diagnosed aspie and will need to wear jeggings from now on. She's either going to tell you 'hell no!', or she'll start communication on the whole thing. Worth a shot? lol.

Crossdressing isn't a security blanket .. it can be relaxing in times of stress inexplicably but you can forego the urge ie theres a time and place and you can control it.. I don't sulk if i cant crossdress but when you do get to do it it feels all the better after a time away from it then the urge rescinds for a while.. ie I'd not really want to dress more than a few hours then could be days, weeks or months before i dress again.

I have bags of empathy.

Care about people to the extent I’ve stuck my neck out to keep people employed where other people in work see no more than a person and a number I see the family the bills the reliance on a job a person.

I can read people and emotions.. funny enough in the trans test (forgotten the name it may come back to me its on the forum somewhere) there are lots of questions about this .. would you know if someone was upset, how would you deal wit it etc.. COIGATI?

Don’t think I’m eccentric, Esme?

Is crossdressing classified as a high fetish behaviour?

Wearing different clothing putting on make up pretending to be someone or something else.. is a trekki a fetish or a star wars fan in a stormtrooper outfit (who knows what people wear under that white armour)...for us I think we feel we’re just dressing up .. Not a fetishes

For some maybe it is if there is a fetish for a particular item like for me lingerie may have been a fetish but now lingerie is something under the Jeggings lol

Do any of the crossdressers here think they might be on the Aspergers spectrum?

Now I’ve read up on it (and did a test) nope not on the Aspergers spectrum just the trans spectrum.

We don’t think of our Crossdressing as a fetish.

I’m very good at reading people and situations (sport played a big part in that .. a gap opened through it scored a try lol) and crossdressing is my only habitual occasional behaviour.. my only fault otherwise I’m pretty much perfect lol.

I am a perfectionist that’s just being professional and wanting to be the best do the best etc.

My Communication doesn’t suck and I can look someone in the eye especially if I fancy intimidating someone in my Alpha male prowess.

Not in the technology industry per say definitely smarter than the average bear to blow the trumpet of my own above aver age at everything I do.

Considered nice I hope but I’m not a nerd as an example in school (many years ago) there was the ones who thought they were “it” there were the “nerds” and I just got on with everyone and I’ve always been the same.

I fit your Sporty type but I never ever played with barbie dolls and creative crocheting as a kid kicking a ball and running about was far too important to me to play with dolls in fact football and rugby was the be all and end all for me growing up.

I’ve not got aspergers lol and no I haven’t got an extreme male brain but we do put up bravado and a fascade that is expected of us.. more modern compassionate caring man with a rock hard fascade of Alpha male and escapism as a crossdresser in private

Hi Sindy

Is it easier to forgive your husband for his crossdressing suspecting he maybe a high functioning aspie?

Katie

That article actually accounts for my husband though. If you remove the low functioning aspie (which I assume is represented in the article) and replace it with high functioning, I think 'socially isolated' would become 'shy' and the rest just mellows a bit. But same story in so many ways, and I think 'security blanket' might be the best description of my husbands dressing to date. He might deny all, but the way I've experienced it through him, he is like a little kid who has lost his pacifier when he can't crossdress. Or needs to dress. Or whatever. Despite what he calls if (fun, yeah right) it's absolutely a security blanket.

My husband has Aspergers elements, I'm sure of it. He'll never agree and he'll read articles about the worst cases, like this one you posted Katie, and not see himself in them. And that's fine. But I twigged a few years back that my husband wasn't neuro-typical as they call the rest of us, and that I was in for a bumpy ride. In that regard, I haven't been disappointed. Sigh.

Found this

Inside Aspie Fetishism

During the adolescent years, when sexual preferences and thoughts begin to develop for most young people, an Aspie is likely isolated and/or unable to make meaningful connections with other people, leaving plenty of time for fantasy. Since the young Aspie is unlikely to be very aware of what sexual behavior and thoughts are acceptable and are also unlikely to care, this leaves not only time but room for fantasy. In personal interviews, quite a few people with Asperger's and severe fetishism have spoken freely and disclosed pieces of their lives that the general public would not likely embrace or even tolerate. There is not one single fetish that is highly common in the Asperger's community, but it is very apparent that the fetishist mindset itself is common. From certain sock textures to inflatables to gender-bending, Aspies with fetishes know everything they can about their specific brand of sexual peculiarity and will often seek to inform those who are closest to them of their wonderful findings, if not to encourage them to also try the behavior. Their paraphilia can sometimes be a cross to bear, but more often than not, it is a strong security blanket that they keep close at all time.

One once severely socially rejected Aspie made a point of mentioning that their violent thoughts towards society died down during the experimentation and development of his on paraphilia, a combination of gender-bending with emphasis on childish undergarments (namely socks and tights) and a "golden showers" fetish - urinating on or with others, alone, in public, or just general loss of bladder control. The onset of the sexuality and the violent urges towards society - rather than colliding and creating a murderous or hateful individual - inverted and gives the Aspie in question a safe place in which he is a subconsciously infantile being in society, neither worthy of being hated nor concerned with the actions of others. The violent thoughts died as his sexuality grew. Since many Aspies have fetishes involving fabric and things deemed to be of an innocent or childish nature, it is not uncommon to come across Aspies who have a fetish and are unaware of it until it begins to interfere with what outward life they do have. Finding another person with a similar complex and intense paraphilia can be taxing or nearly impossible, leaving the fetishist Aspie isolated for much of the time, recreating the loneliness that helped the spawn the paraphilia to begin with. But one must wonder, what would have happened if this particular person never developed a safety-blanket of a paraphilia?

As i said Aspie may account for some crossdressers but not all.

Katie