A Casual ‘Them’

Last week, the radio was debating trans kids — how young is too young, who decides, what transition even means at different ages. It was loud, abstract, and very adult and beyond my pay grade as a Crossdresser / T Girl who's middle of the road or maybe centre right of the trans spectrum .. only just.

Lots of opinions spoken about young people, rarely with them in mind.

Then today, over a completely ordinary conversation with my youngest, something far more revealing happened.

We were talking about primary school. Who she still speaks to, who she doesn’t, how people drift apart.

She mentioned a girl she’d gone to school with who is now presenting as a boy and has a boys name.

She talked about how it makes things awkward sometimes — PE, changing rooms, the practical stuff schools still haven’t quite figured out.

And then, without pausing or making a point of it, she referred to him as “Them.”

Not dramatically. Not carefully. Not as if she was worried about getting it wrong. Just… naturally.

It stopped me in my tracks.

Not a Debate. Just Manners.

There was no lecture. No explanation of identity theory. No sense that this was controversial or strange. Wasn’t trying to prove anything or signal how enlightened she was.

She was simply talking about someone she knew, and she used the language that felt respectful having admitted she's referred to him as her once and they got offended but explained "I'm sorry but I've known you all my life as "female name" and forgot" and that was accepted and they moved on.

For her, pronouns weren’t a political statement. They were just politeness.

Like saying someone’s name correctly.

That, more than any radio phone-in or panel discussion, felt enlightening.

Adults argue endlessly about language, labels and pronouns — Whether it’s confusing, whether it’s being “forced,” whether it’s gone too far. But for younger people, it seems far simpler. Someone prefers he/him or they/them? Okay why is that an issue, it doesn't matter its just what they want to be referred as and it's no bother to the current generation like it is to ours.

Davina