A chance to be Davina on a Saturday - A rare event!!

Part One — The Alpha and the Femme

Most people who know me would never guess I’m a crossdresser, would never every think I spent today spending about 8 hours presenting as a woman.

Even the word crossdresser feels outdated now — I prefer the more modern T-girl.

It fits better.

It feels like it includes the emotional side, not just the clothes and dressing up, it hints at identity, at spirit, the extra layer many of us carry quietly within us a quiet and very secret feminine side which balances the soul and spirit or we've explode being Alpha 24/7.

Sometimes I wonder: Am I two-spirited?

Because some days, I feel like I’m made of two entirely different energies stitched together in one life - My wife even see's something in Davina when she says "You're nicer as Davina" and other Wives of T-Girls I've chatted to over Skype in a supporting role appearing as Davina and as Male me have all said they prefer me as Davina lol - the more relaxed chilled less arrogant and a lot less Alpha me.

The First Spirit: The Alpha Me

There’s the version everyone recognises — The Alpha, the competitor, the one who’s always right (or thinks he is and is 99% of the time) the problem solver, the procedural thinking man, Intelligent, sharp, direct. Not to be messed with.

I’m the husband and father.

The sporty one, the coach, the decision-maker.

The Jedi Master and Batman rolled into one — protector, problem-solver, reliable to a fault.

That me is strong, assertive, practical. He gets things done and he speaks his mind and sticks by what he says, always fact based, always analytical, loyal and wise.

The Second Spirit: Davina

And then there’s Davina, the other half of me — The half that finally got a full day of freedom today, the first in what feels like forever.

She is feminine, relaxed, chilled.

Sexy in her own quiet way.

She enjoys makeup, lingerie, hosiery, heels, boots, perfume…Not performative femininity —Not merely presenting as feminine as possible - More like an exhale and being Davina for the day or the few hours allowed.. Temporarily..

A different way of being.

I spent three glorious hours going through all my dresses, documenting each one with a photo. I only skipped the four or five that I’d worn recently and knew still fit perfectly.

The ritual of it — choosing, slipping in, smoothing down tights, adjusting a hem — felt like reconnecting with a part of myself I’ve been starving - It was a good day!!

The Day Begins

My day didn’t start feminine at all. It started with:

• A supermarket run for me and my parents

• An hour spent with them sorting a few things for them and planning future projects to help them out..

• Coming home to the familiar chaos of kids’ dishes dumped in the sink

• Clothes dumped in the utility room

• A house screaming out for order before I could even think of becoming Davina

It took nearly two hours of getting the house in order, before I could get all my things down from the attic — the clothes, the makeup, the wig.

We have to get the kids to show some prode about the house and do some housework without having to ask them!! - They're old enough to help out as me and Esme are exhausted sometimes after work and the last thing we want to have to do is the dishes, the washing, hoovering etc.

A long welcomed bubble bath, a full shave, and finally... Transformation.

When Davina looked back at me from the mirror, it felt fabulous.

Not thrilling in a sexual sense — Gone are the days .. long ago when younger where I'd crossdress for the cheap sexual thrill and get ff then change back - This is different in my "old" age it feels - Just right - Perfect timing the way work and other things in life have kicked me in the guts recently a chance for a few uninterupted hours to escape male me.

Like putting on the part of myself that feels weightless.

A Secret Rhythm to the Day

While Esme was away at her Christmas market escape, she messaged me updates — and I replied with my own coded updates, dropping little hints about how “nice” a time I was having as Davina.

We both knew what that meant and I'm forever grateful that she accepts Davina in our lives.

There’s a kind of intimacy in that secrecy, a shared nod via text - I wish we could discuss Daivna more openly, if she knows it or not she shuts it down sometimes still or ends our chats not going into any detail or discussion and i know it can be upsetting 'she has her fears' - they aren't unfounded as they are legitimate fears - But they are just fears there is nothing to worry about..

I did a bit more house work as Davina.

I watched sport as Davina.

I Made dinner as Davina.

I did he dishes as Davina.

I Had coffee as Davina.

I tried on over 30 dresses and took photos to document all - Some of these dresses Esme needs to borrow and wear herself - I can't believe 36 dresses she's put in black bags to go out and just one bought by myself in Peacocks..

Here's one of the photos I took today..

Davina you poser!!

Just living a Saturday presenting as a Woman.

No rushing.

No fear that someone would walk through the door early.

No glancing at the clock every ten minutes.

Freedom makes everything better - Freedom of expression is something we don't have 100% as men - in this women are so lucky to have makeup and different images they can be different people just be dressing differently and that's something I don't think they realise or embrace enough.

The Housewife Hour

Before I packed everything away, I did one last satisfying thing:I hoovered the house in high heels, tights, a dress, and full makeup.

And I enjoyed it.

I looked around afterwards — the house was calmer, cleaner, somehow matching the energy I was in. A little victory for both spirits.

Then, reluctantly, I undid it all:

• Makeup off

• Clothes packed

• Wig away

• Everything lifted back up to the attic

• One last bubble bath to remove all traces

  
  

The ritual of disappearing is almost as familiar as the ritual of becoming.

Hoping for More Days Like This

I hope there are more days like today — days where I’m not just snatching moments or anxiously working from home, worrying someone will come home early and interrupt Davina’s peace.

Days where my two spirits can exist without collision or fear.

Days where I can breathe and escape male me for a bit.

Because I’m not two different people.

I’m one person with two energies — the alpha and the femme — and on days like this, they finally feel balanced.

A Final Note — For Esme

And before I close this chapter of today, I need to say something important — something I don’t say enough.

I am forever grateful to my wife for accepting that this is a part of me.

Not all of me.

Not the whole picture.

Just one of the spirits I carry quietly through life.

Esme, this part is for you:

Although I thoroughly enjoyed being a woman for the day, please don’t think — or worry — that I want to present this way full-time.

It isn’t a hint or a direction I’m heading in.

It’s not a secret desire to transition.

It’s not me edging towards a new life.

It’s simply my great escape.

My way of de-stressing.

My pressure valve.

A place where the noise in my head finally fades.

I have zero plans to present as Davina full-time or to transition into a woman or anything close to that.

You’ve nothing to fear there — I promise you that with absolute clarity.

You once told me I’m “Nicer as Davina.”That actually made me stop and think — really think — about how much of a stress head I can be as a man. Family things, budget things, work things… always on my mind, always spinning. Maybe Davina is the softness I don’t let myself show any other time".

Today was a beautiful break from all that.

A reset.

I tried on over 30 dresses — thirty! — and even managed to put aside four for charity.

I genuinely don’t need to buy any more clothes; (Even though I peruse SHIEN and the site sends me absolute bargan dresses, lingerie and heels.. I must resist) everything in my bag still in fashion, still fits, and gives me everything from casual comfort to office elegance to full-on sexy glamour.

(Though I’m sure there are a few dresses you tried to discard that I hope you’ll regret giving up… some of them looked amazing on you too.)

You’re welcome to borrow any of them, of course — even if I pretend you have to ask permission. Only joking… as you always say, what’s mine is yours.

And, well…I might just quietly keep a little reminder with me for the rest of the evening — maybe a pair of knickers under my pyjamas when I slip into bed tonight.

A tiny flicker of Davina to carry into the night.

Here's looking forward to my next time to fully escape like I have today..

Davina