A chat between pubs

Sometimes the biggest conversations aren't the ones where you sit down for hours. Sometimes they're the two-minute chats you have while walking from one pub to another.

Tonight, my wife and I were talking about someone I work with who is gay.

I'd happened to see him on social media dressed head to toe in leather, enjoying himself, living authentically and confidently.

It sparked a conversation.

My wife smiled and said, "Imagine someone sees you on your forum and recognises you."

It wasn't said with judgement. It was simply a thought.

I replied that if someone did recognise me, they'd probably be part of the same community anyway, so it wouldn't exactly be a scandal. Besides, when I'm Davina I look so different that, sometimes, even I don't quite recognise myself.

Then came the moment that stayed with me.

She said, "We need some time home alone and you can do my makeup."

It was only one sentence, but it meant so much more than that.

She didn't change the subject.

She didn't make it awkward.

She brought it up herself.

Life got in the way tonight and we didn't have the privacy or the time to explore the conversation further, but that's okay. The important thing is that the door is open.

For me, Davina has never just been about clothes or makeup. She's a creative, expressive, escaped side of me that I've gradually become more comfortable understanding and accepting.

Sharing that with someone you love isn't always easy because you're never quite sure how they'll react.

Tonight reminded me that acceptance often comes in small moments rather than grand declarations.

The next step is one I'm looking forward to. I want to give my wife the book I've written about Davina. It explains what she means to me far better than I can in a quick conversation between pubs or over a drink. Then, when we've got some quiet time together, maybe she'll let me do her makeup, we'll talk about Davina and have a laugh about the difference between male me and when I'm Davina.

Whatever happens, tonight felt like progress or at least a reminder she does still think of me as Davina and my escape.

Sometimes relationships don't move forward with giant leaps.

Sometimes they move forward with a simple sentence spoken while walking down the street.

And sometimes that's enough to give you hope for the next chapter.

Davina