A day planned but just an hour gained..

Wednesday, the house was finally mine.

Silence, space, time..rare commodities over the last 5-6 weeks..

On paper I had from 08:00 to 15:00 uninterrupted other than a few work meetings on TEAMS but probably no need to be on cam.

A full stretch, the kind of window I’ve been craving for a few weeks.

But that time had come at a cost.

My wife was at a family funeral 4 hours away from home with our oldest..

The house wasn’t empty because life had lined things up neatly for me, it was empty because something sad had taken everyone away.

There I was, about to take advantage of it. It didn't feel right.

That was the awkwardness.

Not guilt about being Davina, I'm wat past that.

Just the context of the opportunity home alone to Crossdress.

Borrowed time, taken from a day that wasn’t really mine.

Still… I needed it.

So I waited a few minutes after the youngest got the train to school, just to be sure.

Then I made the call, shower, shave, moisturise, makeup. The ritual.

And just like that, the shift happened.

Any awkwardness disappeared the moment I committed to my transforming routine and into Davina.

That familiar sense of euphoria kicked in seeing myself change, feeling myself align with how I wanted to present.

Black lingerie, stockings, the cold touch of the C cup forms warming against my skin until they felt like part of me.

A dress I really like, borrowed from my wife, but perfect.

Makeup done. Blonde wig styled.

Davina was there in the mirror that face staring back at me unrecognisable compared to the male one that stared back at me in the mirror earlier after my morning walk.

A quick selfie session to capture the moment, documenting it, something to look back at and also to remember when I last dressed, as I’ve started to do more and more when dressed and when I think .. how long has it been and then I sat down at my desk.

Working from home, answering emails, analysing data, completely in flow.

Calm. Relaxed. I felt a little bit sexy, if I’m honest in what I was wearing but still very much classy. Mentally escaped.

This was what I needed with another 5-6 hours ahead of me working from home to just remain like this and really chill out.

And then—reality knocked or rather pinged up on my screen.

A Teams message. Emergency call, we have a problem and need your expertise.

The meeting would require the "Camera on"..

No choice really.

Everything stopped.

I'd been dressed 45 minutes and the emergency conference call was in 15 minutes time.

Makeup off. Wig off. Dress off.

Back into work mode.

Back into being the reliable one, the expert, the one who takes control.

The “alpha” version of me that people expect when things go wrong.

From fully immersed… to completely switched.

The call dragged, I solved the issue and the call ended.. but then another call..

Then more. The phone and Teams didn't stop for the next what must have been over an hour

Momentum gone.

I told myself I’d go back after the emergency conference.. Reset. Start again. Bra, stockings, dress, makeup.

Oh the waste of makeup! I should bill them!!

Rrebuild Davina piece by piece.

But the calls kept coming.

And to make it worse, one meeting I’d planned for, one I’d already decided I needed to show up to as that no-nonsense version of myself, barely had the key people on it.

The very people I thought I needed to face head-on as Alpha me didn’t even join.

I'd put off changing back to Davina for this mid day meeting.

That’s the part that sticks.

Not just that I lost the time, but that some of it didn’t even need to be lost.

The Emergency conference.. when I was in their shoes, their job I had the knowledge and experience to solve it myself without calling an expert.. the planned meeting where I knew mid day I might need to appear on cam to "intimidate" to get my way on a project with the whites of my eyes.. key people didn't dial in..

In the end, I got 45 mins as Davina

It was nice, I looked good, got my makeup spot on although I need a lighter shade of foundation and my red lipsticks gone missing so need to replace it next time I'm in town.

But it wasn’t enough really.

Because what I’m really craving isn’t just moments like this, it’s quality time.

Proper time. The kind I had before, the kind I've not had since November 25.

A half day (more really) where there’s no pressure, no interruption, no clock ticking in the background ticking down to time to be the man again and remove all trace of femininity.

Time to play with different looks.

Try outfits.

Do makeup properly, change it, experiment.

Take photos.

Capture it all.

Just exist as Davina without having to constantly be ready to disappear again.

Those days are oddly tiring, physically, mentally, but in the best way.

Fully immersed. Fully present. Fully escaped. Doing something no one would expect I'd do.

And right now, those opportunities are rare as my recent blogs have show also frustrating in times of life and work stress.

This weekend, for example.

My wife’s out.

In theory, another chance.

But the kids are home.

They don’t know.

So that version of me stays packed away again.

Instead, I’ll write. And here I am writing.

I’ll document. And put my thoughts down one thumb tap on my phone at a time.

I’ve even started pulling all these blogs together, seeing how they read as one continuous story.

Maybe it becomes something bigger.

I've written a book for my wife that I've still not presented to her but I'm thinking something bigger. All about Alpha males like me and how we discover this escape and how .. it's nothing to be afraid of!

Maybe that’s another way of giving Davina space when the physical time isn’t there.

But one thing is clear.

An hour isn’t enough anymore.

Not when you’ve felt what it’s like to have a full day.

Not when you know how it feels to truly settle into it.

So now it’s about finding that next window.

Not borrowed time.

Proper planned and delivered time.

Davina