A Morning Walk, A Quiet Secret, and a Conversation Waiting to Happen

This morning started early, crisp and quiet. Cold at first but nice to see the sun rise and it warm up and this time a few 100m jogged .. maybe as i feel fitter longer jogs quicker path to fitness and weight loss..

Trainers check, football leggings check, cap check, ear buds (Argg Apple ones left upstairs have to use the dodgy ones which cut out), cap check, t shirt check, walking socks check and hoodie check... Boxers?? Arghhh didnt pick a pair up and don't want to go up and wake my wife (who's not walking today) must be some in the clean washing basket arghhhh no.. But there is a pair of my black nylon / lace knickers.. They'll do.

The knickers felt "Comfy, snug, soft against my skin" you can't really feel them compared to boxers which sometimes when walking scrunch up or chaff noting boxers stitching is a lot harsher than nulon and lace knickers. 'Wonders how many distance runners try knickers as more comfy and less chaffing?'

No one would know. Why should they? And anyway they're not “women's knickers”—"They're mine".

Out I went into the morning chill, a crossdressing podcast humming in my ears.

The topic: was all around being a crossdresser in secret and coming out to your wife or not.

I’ve been there, but I had no intention of coming out to my wife to tell her a few times per year i try her things on .. before it escallated into something more trying to look like a woman and finding some weird inner peace and stress busting magic in crossdressing.

I feel a bit like I'm there again, in a way, struggling at the moment to talk to my wife about my crossdressing and a feeling she's avoiding chat about this also.. Maybe I just need to get us some alone time and get it offmy chest but you get that feeling off my chest onto hers but there's nothing to worry about just a chat and an ask that we can talk more about my crossdressing and keeping it light and with some humour.. It's going to be a struggle fighting the stress busting urge to present fully dressed knowing opportunity for the next 4 months is gong to be virtually nil.. Maybe that's why I need to talk to relate this angst to my wife, see if she has any ideas how I can find a few hours or even a night as "Davina" and if not what else can we do 'non dressing' to help me satisfy the urge.. Talking about it helps.

Listening to those podcast stories, walking in my quiet little secret, I felt the weight and wonder of the path I’ve taken. Out of my closet into my wife's literally sometimes borrowing dresses..

How different might life have been if I’d never told her?

Would "Davina" still exist as she does now?

If my Wife had never asked to dress me up and put makeup on me would I have ever explored makeup and wigs or just remained a basic Crossdresser trying things on?

I’ve messaged my wife that I want to talk again, but we haven’t.

I also emailed her about my chats with Chat GPT and she made some comment about Chat GPT yesterday which I didn't quite get when I told her it had made me a cool image of male me in a scene relating to something i was doing yesterday early evening..

Hmm so she read the email and didn't like it? if so say it email back saying something anything? I don't want to talk to you about Crossdressing even.. Why is this so awkward to navigate and why is there "Always something" more important on our minds.

Chatting to another T girl yesterday she said you say there's 'always something more important'.. 'you also say Crossdressing helps you de-stress'.. "so" 'what's more important than Your own Mental Health?' .. 'Think of yourself some times and what you're putting to one side banking your stress, your feelings, your depression it all adds up to a blow out if you're not careful'

She's right and back to the thing of I'm a man "suck it up" which I say to myself let alone what others may think a man should do.. Grrrrrrr

We've not had a walk or any alone time since I sent the email or since I text her I need to talk about crossdressing..

No walks together since then.

I may be paranoid but I think she’s maybe avoiding it.

It’s been easier to push Davina to the back of her mind again, I suspect.

We’ve done that before. And maybe she hoped that with enough time, I’d do the same, but this urge and relief when I can dress doesn't go away.

Back to the walking as maybe I'm overthinking.. 3.5 miles again today pre work—Walking for my Health, a slimmer figure in time for my birthday and our end of summer holiday and aim to keep fit and maintain a certain weight i'm comfortable with.

I get what women feel when they want to feel good in a dress, damn I want to feel good in a pair of shorts and a t-shirt / shift this summer as a man.. I don't think women equate when we put on a bit of weight that we're also body concious and it can hit our confidence and what we feel about ourselves.. Why are we so stupid to hide feelings and fears and these thoughts bottling everything up.

What I long for, quietly but deeply, is to break that silence with my wife. To talk. To really talk, nothing heavy just light things about my Crossdressing and the blockers I'm facing and the need to de-stress and unwind somehow.

And maybe, if we can cross that bridge again, to do something ordinary together—like scroll through Shein or Temu, picking out dresses and lingerie we both like, maybe order something cheap (I'm cheap I don't like spending much on Davina) just for fun. Just to connect. And also go through my dresses and things somehow in private and have another sort out of whats still in and out of fashion..

It would be nice to have a full Davina session soon—to go through my wardrobe, see what fits, what flatters, what doesn't

Have my wife help decide what suits and what doesn't what to keep and what to give to charity.. or set up a Vinted..

Maybe looking at Shien she may even say “That one would look good on you.”

Until then, I’ll keep walking and trying to work out in my head where her head is with all this at the moment.

Knickers in the wash and drier.. Must remember to retrieve them once he driers done its job..

Davina