A new blog.. couldn't think of a title..

This summer has been beautiful.

Blue skies, long evenings and temperatures that remind us why we spend so much of the year complaining about rain.

Like many people, I've spent most weekdays behind a laptop, in Teams meetings or answering emails. Working from home sounds ideal, but with the children home from university and college, there has been very little privacy.

That means Davina has had to wait.

Could I have squeezed in an hour or two? Perhaps. But anyone who wears makeup knows it's rarely that simple.

By the time I'd moisturised, colour corrected, applied foundation, contour, blush, eyes, mascara, lipstick and finally reached for the setting spray, half of it might have melted away in the summer heat.

Crossdressing, for me, isn't about rushing. It's about taking time, looking in the mirror and seeing Davina looking back.

So, realistically, Davina probably won't appear again until September, perhaps even October. That's life. Family comes first, holidays come first, work comes first.

And strangely... I'm okay with that in one way and not in another.. I think I've reached an age now where some worries are starting to subside.

Being Davina isn't something I need every day. It's something I look forward to.

The anticipation is almost part of the experience.

But how would I present every day if I could get out of bed and decide.. hmm a good question.. wife's fear aside as that can't influence this question I'd probably most days decide to present as Davina wearing the things I love, presenting the image I like and being more chilled out than I am as male me.. but I'd always change back.. but a good quality few hours or even a weekend is something I sometimes crave a lot.

Autumn will arrive, the evenings will become darker, the weather cooler, and out will come the black tights, boots, jumpers and dresses.

If the makeup hasn't survived this heatwave, well... that's a perfectly good excuse to visit Primark or Superdrug for a fresh collection.

I need to replace the red lippy the kids took.

Crossdressing has never been about trying to fool anyone or wanting to become someone else overnight.

For me, it's about expressing another side of who I am.

Davina is calm, creative, thoughtful and gives me a chance to step away from the responsibilities of work, engineering, deadlines and being "Dad" for a little while.

It's escapism.

It's balance.

There is something almost therapeutic about sitting down with a mirror, taking time to carefully apply makeup, choosing an outfit and simply enjoying the transformation.

No pressure. No expectations. Just a quiet moment to be myself in a different way.

People often assume crossdressing must be linked to sexuality or something secretive.

For many of us, it isn't. It's simply another form of self-expression, no different to someone growing a beard, getting tattoos, wearing football shirts every weekend or dressing smart because it makes them feel confident.

I'm still building the confidence to share this part of me more openly with my wife.

I've written a book explaining Davina and what she means to me.

I still haven't handed it over, but after our holiday, I hope I finally will.

Whatever happens, honesty is always better than silence.

The weather will change soon enough.

The hosepipe bans will disappear, the leaves will turn brown, and the black tights season will return.

When it does, Davina will too.

She hasn't gone anywhere.

She's simply waiting patiently for the right moment to look back at me in the mirror once again.

Davina