A question from Abi - Would I still get the same thrill if I could be Davina openly?

This is a question I’ve been asked more than once, usually with genuine curiosity:

“If you could crossdress openly… would you still enjoy it as much? Would the thrill disappear?”

It’s a fair question. After all, many people assume the excitement comes from secrecy — from the risk, the hiddenness, the taboo. And yes, when a lot of us start out, that adrenaline is absolutely part of it.

But would the enjoyment fade if I could be Davina openly?

For me, the honest answer is no.

If anything, the enjoyment would deepen.

Let me explain.

The Early Thrill Was About Secrecy… But That’s Not Why I Still Dress

Like most crossdressers, my earliest experiences were filled with nervous excitement. Borrowed lingerie, stockings under clothes, the fear of being caught, the rush of seeing a more feminine version of myself in the mirror and getting off on it— those moments were electric.

But as the years went on, something shifted.

Becoming Davina stopped being about “getting away with something” and started being about connection — to femininity, calm, balance, softness, identity.

The early secrecy lit the fuse, yes… but it isn’t what keeps the flame burning.

What I Love About Being Davina Has Nothing to Do With Hiding

When I finally get that precious time to dress, what I enjoy is:

• the mental shift

• the sense of peace

• the grounding

• the femininity

• the relief

• the emotional release

• the confidence

• the joy

• the fashon

• the makeup

• the clothing and how it feels

• how i look in the mirror

• how it makes me feel temporarily which can last a while afterwards

Those things don’t depend on secrecy.They come from inside.

Even if I could dress openly tomorrow — no hiding, no stress, no planning — those deeper feelings would still be exactly the same.

In fact, they’d probably be stronger and if I could get out of bed and openly present as Davina I'd be making even more effort to look flawless and as passable as possible as a woman.

Scarcity Creates Intensity — But Not Meaning

Being unable to dress for days, weeks, or months at a time adds intensity- And doesn't aid stress levels.

The build-up, the longing, the anticipation — all of that makes Davina time feel magical when it finally arrives.

But that’s not the meaning behind it.

It’s the difference between craving a meal because you’re starving, and loving the meal because it tastes amazing. Scarcity amplifies the desire, but the enjoyment is already there.

If I could dress more freely, the intensity might soften a little… but the meaning, the pleasure, the emotional lift — those would remain.

The Transformation Would Still Happen

This is the part I always come back to.

Every time I become Davina, something inside me shifts. The moment the wig settles into place, the makeup comes together, or the dress slides over my body, I slip into high heels.. I feel myself ease into a different version of me.

I breathe differently.My shoulders relax.I move differently.I feel feminine.. if that's how femininity feels?

That experience has nothing to do with secrecy.It’s identity, expression, release.

That transformation would still happen even if I could walk down the street as Davina without a single raised eyebrow.

What Would Change?

The adrenaline of “I hope no one finds out” would fade — and honestly, that’s no great loss. In its place, something far more genuine would take over:

• freedom

• acceptance

• authenticity

• confidence

• calm

Instead of the thrill of hiding… I’d get the thrill of being allowed to exist.

And that is a far more meaningful feeling.

So Would I Still Enjoy It? Absolutely.

If I could be Davina openly, I wouldn’t lose the enjoyment.I wouldn’t lose the connection.I wouldn’t lose the magic.

The secrecy is just seasoning.

Davina is the real flavour.

And the more I’ve learned about myself, the more I know this:I don’t dress for the thrill — I dress because of who I become when I do.

Davina